What are your funniest film quotes?

What are your funniest film quotes? (Full Version)

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wankerforuse -> What are your funniest film quotes? (3/16/2008 7:59:21 AM)
Here are a couple of mine in the movie Timecop Ron Silver says "please don't interupt me when im talking to myself".And in the movie called Cromwell Alec Guiness plays the part of King Charles is playing war games trying to outwit Richard harris who is playing Cromwell.When one of his aides tells him "sire you have no army to speak of,all you are holding is a couple of wooden blocks in your hands".But how about you all now do any memorable films quotes spring to mind?If so please do kindly share them with us thanks very much indeed.

christine1 -> RE: What are your funniest film quotes? (3/16/2008 8:24:39 AM)
from Young Frankenstein [Frankenstein, Igor and Inga in front of HUGE castle doors] Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What knockers! Inga: Oh, thank you doctor.

GreedyTop -> RE: What are your funniest film quotes? (3/16/2008 8:36:10 AM)
anything from Holy Grail

christine1 -> RE: What are your funniest film quotes? (3/16/2008 9:10:08 AM)
from Airplane! Steve McCroskey: Johnny, what can you make out of this? [Hands him the weather briefing] Johnny: This? Why, I can make a hat or a brooch or a pterodactyl... Ted Striker: Surely you can't be serious. Rumack: I am serious... and don't call me Shirley.

SteelofUtah -> RE: What are your funniest film quotes? (3/16/2008 11:04:58 AM)
From Boondock Saints after The Brothers Kill the entire Meeting of the Russian Mafia ROCCO What did you do?! Fuckin'... what the fuckin' fuck! Who the fuck, fucked this fuckin'? fuck. How did you two fuckin', fucks?......... FUCK!!! CONNOR Certainly illustrates the diversity of the word.

Cougarandkitten -> RE: What are your funniest film quotes? (3/16/2008 11:17:06 AM)
"nonsense, i have not yet begun to defile myself" Val Kilmer as Doc Holiday in Tombstone

GreedyTop -> RE: What are your funniest film quotes? (3/16/2008 11:21:29 AM)
"I'm not a witch, I'm your WIFE!!" "Bye, bye! Have fun storming the castle!" "you think it'll work?" "It'd take a miracle" "Bye bye!!" Princess Bride

Level -> RE: What are your funniest film quotes? (3/16/2008 11:52:03 AM)
from Monty Python and the Holy Grail - King Arthur has just cut the Black Knight's last leg off] Black Knight: Okay, we'll call it a draw. -------------- Sir Bedevere: There are ways of telling whether she is a witch. Peasant 1: Are there? Oh well, tell us. Sir Bedevere: Tell me. What do you do with witches? Peasant 1: Burn them. Sir Bedevere: And what do you burn, apart from witches? Peasant 1: More witches. Peasant 2: Wood. Sir Bedevere: Good. Now, why do witches burn? Peasant 3: ...because they're made of... wood? Sir Bedevere: Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood? Peasant 1: Build a bridge out of her. Sir Bedevere: But can you not also build bridges out of stone? Peasant 1: Oh yeah. Sir Bedevere: Does wood sink in water? Peasant 1: No, no, it floats!... It floats! Throw her into the pond! Sir Bedevere: No, no. What else floats in water? Peasant 1: Bread. Peasant 2: Apples. Peasant 3: Very small rocks. Peasant 1: Cider. Peasant 2: Gravy. Peasant 3: Cherries. Peasant 1: Mud. Peasant 2: Churches. Peasant 3: Lead! Lead! King Arthur: A Duck. Sir Bedevere: ...Exactly. So, logically... Peasant 1: If she weighed the same as a duck... she's made of wood. Sir Bedevere: And therefore... Peasant 2: ...A witch! --------------------- Monty Python and the Life of Brian Brian: Have I got a big nose, Mum? Brian's mother: Stop thinking about sex! Brian: I wasn't! Brian's mother: You're always on about it. "Will the girls like this? Will the girls like that? Is it too big? Is it too small?" ---------------------

Belladonna30 -> RE: What are your funniest film quotes? (3/16/2008 4:42:05 PM)
From Dr. Strangelove You cant fight in here this is The War Room!

bamabbwsub -> RE: What are your funniest film quotes? (3/16/2008 4:49:37 PM)
~FR~ Another one from The Grail (paraphrasing, sorry): ------------------------- Judge: And what evidence do we have that this woman is a witch? Peasant (shouting out from the crowd): She turned me into a newt! Judge (disbelievingly): A newt? Peasant (looking around at the disbelieving crowd, murmurs): I got better. ------------------------- ROFL!!!

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: What are your funniest film quotes? (3/16/2008 4:55:08 PM)
ACE VENTURA Einhorn is Finkle. Finkle is Einhorn. Einhorn is a man! Oh, my god! Einhorn is a man?! [after discovering Einhorn's true identity and remembering being kissed by "her"]

hejira92 -> RE: What are your funniest film quotes? (3/16/2008 5:07:40 PM)
better to just ask which movies we constantly quote in this house. Most have been named: Anything from Holy Grail! Young Frankenstein- "Taffeta, darling, taffeta." and any other scene Yes, yes, yes to the Princess Bride. "As you wish" "Assume crash positions", "Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue" and, of course, "Do you like Gladiator movies?" - Airplane And if you know us at all (and have read Master's sig line), Blazing Saddles. This movie has at least one quote- worthy line from every scene. From "Son, you're on your own" to "That depends, are we... black?", and "Oh boooooys! Lookie what Ah have here!" to " Tell him that I said... OW!". Then there's "Bart! I heard you was hung!" "And they was right!" And how can we forget " Work, work, work! Hello boys, I missed you." And "The Sheriff is a <BONG>!" Ok, I could go on for days. And believe me, we do. And we crack up every time. So, in my opinion, Blazing Saddles is the most quote worthy movie of all time.

Level -> RE: What are your funniest film quotes? (3/16/2008 5:29:24 PM)
I love Blazing Saddles. Reverend Johnson: Now I don't have to tell you good folks what's been happening in our beloved little town. Sheriff murdered, crops burned, stores looted, people stampeded, and cattle raped. The time has come to act, and act fast. I'm leaving.

sunshinemiss -> RE: What are your funniest film quotes? (3/16/2008 5:30:45 PM)
Leave the gun take the canoli. The Godfather

hejira92 -> RE: What are your funniest film quotes? (3/16/2008 5:45:58 PM)
Level, Meet me in my dwessing woom.

Level -> RE: What are your funniest film quotes? (3/16/2008 5:51:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hejira92 Level, Meet me in my dwessing woom. [:D] There is not one unfunny moment in that movie.

Daddyslilpookie -> RE: What are your funniest film quotes? (3/16/2008 9:17:44 PM)
From Army of Darkness "Hardware aisle twelve, shop smart, shop S-Mart"[:D]

Cuffkinks -> RE: What are your funniest film quotes? (3/16/2008 9:20:23 PM)
"Oh Lord...Do we have the strength to undertake this mighty task...Or are we just jerking off." From (IMO) the funniest movie of all time...Blazing Saddles. (See My tag line.)

rubberpet -> RE: What are your funniest film quotes? (3/17/2008 2:52:26 AM)
Absolutely, positively NOTHING from any Monty Python movie nor Blazing Saddles! Ugh!!! [:'(] *sorry...couldn't resist since it seems like everyone loves Monty Python but me* How about something from My Cousin Vinny...the funniest movie of all time. Mona Lisa: Well, I hate to bring it up, because I know you have enough pressure on you already. BUT, we agreed to get married as soon as you won your first case. Meanwhile, ten years later, my niece! The daughter of my sister is getting married! My biological clock is tickin' like this, and with the way this case is goin', I ain't never gettin' married! Vinny: Lisa, I don't need this. I swear to God I don't need this right now. Okay? I've got a judge that's just achin' to throw me in jail! An idiot who wants to fight me for $200! Slaughtered pigs! Giant loud whistles! I ain't slept in five days! I've got no money! A dress code problem! And a little murder case, which in the balance holds the lives of two innocent kids. Not to mention....YOUR biological clock! My career! Your life! Our marriage! And let's see...what else can we pile on? Is there any more shit we can pile on to the top of the outcome of this case?! IS IT POSSIBLE? Mona Lisa: Maybe it was a bad time to bring it up. Mona Lisa: Imagine you're a deer. You're prancing around. You get thirsty. You spot a little brook. You put your little deer lips down to the clear water - BAM! A fuckin' bullet rips off part of your head! Your brains are lying on the ground in little bloody pieces. Now I ask you, do you give a fuck what kind of pants the son-of-a-bitch who shot you was wearing?! Vinny: I'm here to collect. J.T.: How 'bout I just kick your ass. Vinny: Oh a counter offer. That's what we lawyers, I'm a lawyer... we call that a counter offer. This is a tough decision you give me here. Get my ass kicked or collect two hundred dollars. I could use a good ass-kickin', I'll be perfectly honest with you... no I think I'll just go with the two hundred. J.T.: Over my dead body. Vinny: You like to renegotiate as you go along. Well here's my counter offer... do I have to kill you? What if I were just to kick the ever loving shit out of you? J.T.: In your dreams. Vinny: Oh no no... in reality. If I kick the shit out of you, do I get the money?

PrizedPosession -> RE: What are your funniest film quotes? (3/17/2008 3:45:41 AM)
woot favorite movies!! High Fidelity: Barry: Rob, I'm telling you this for your own good, that's the worst fuckin' sweater I've ever seen, that's a Cosby sweater. Rob: If you really wanted to screw me up, you should've gotten to me earlier. Dick: I guess it looks as if you're reorganizing your records. What is this though? Chronological? Rob: No... Dick: Not alphabetical... Rob: Nope... Dick: What? Rob: Autobiographical. Dick: No fucking way. Death To Smoochy: Sheldon: When my brothers and I played cowboys and Indians, I was always the Chinese railroad worker. [Smoochy holds up a penis-shaped Cookie made by Randolph] Randolph: What are you, blind? It's a cock! It's not a rocket, you sick fuck! It's a cock! Look. It's a cock and balls! A dick! Chorizo and the huevos! It's a big stiffy! It's a penis! Penis maximus! A willie! A weenie! Mr. Jiggle Daddy! The one-eyed wonder weasel! Don't you see that? It's Jimmy and the twins. Rumple Foreskin. He made this. It's made from dil-dough. Reporter: How does it feel to be voted the most hated man in America, Randolph? Randolph: In a country full of Neanderthals, I wear the fuckin' badge of honor. Randolph: What about Wally the Whale? Sheldon: Laura, how could you do it with Wally the Whale? Randolph: There she blows! Sheldon: I don't believe this is happening. I can't believe you didn't tell me about this. Nora: Listen, Sheldon, I'm not proud of it but, there was a time in my life when I was a bit of a kiddie host groupie. Sheldon: [singing] He slams the door He stomps his feet He sends me to bed with zilch to eat But my stepdad's not mean he's just adjusting. And Rocky Horror Picture Show: Janet: What have you done to Brad? Frank: Nothing. Why, do you think I should? Frank: Oh, I just love success! Riff Raff: He's a credit to your genius, Master. Frank: Yes! Magenta: A triumph of your will. Frank: Yes! Columbia: He's OK! Frank: OK? OK? I think we can do better than that! Well Brad and Janet, what do you think of him? Janet: Well, I don't like men with too many muscles. Frank: I didn't make him for you!... He carries the Charles Atlas seal of approval. Magenta: I ask for nothing! Frank: And you shall receive it, IN ABUNDANCE! Frank: I hope you're adaptable, Dr. Scott. I know Brad is. Dr. Frank-N-Furter: [singing] I'll tell you once, I won't tell you twice, you better wise up, Janet Weiss. Your apple pie don't taste too nice. You better wise up, Janet Weiss.

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