Slang or casual talk, allowed?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

Slang or casual talk, allowed?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Slang or casual talk, allowed?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

Slang or casual talk, allowed? - 3/16/2008 11:53:11 AM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

I recently had a submissive take umbrage because I was offended at an email that started out:
" hhhhhhhheeeeyyyyyy babbbbbbyyyyyy"---yes I was offended, not because I am a D and he is an s--but because I find that type of communication offensive anytime when a relationship is not or has not been established and one of an intimate nature at that-----I found no humor in it whatsoever---if I won't allow it if approached at a bar, I am not going to allow it in email chats--and I simply cannot abide familiarity where non exists---do you tend to allow subs to be more casual, less casual or do you expect the standards not to deviate?

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

Post #: 1

RE: Slang or casual talk, allowed? - 3/16/2008 11:54:36 AM

MsSaskia

Posts: 415
Joined: 9/9/2004
From: Denver
Status: offline

I'm big on garbage in/garbage out. If someone doesn't care to make a good first impression on me, I'm not going to put out my time and energy for them.

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 2

RE: Slang or casual talk, allowed? - 3/16/2008 12:10:35 PM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

I hate slang and netspeak - in fact, it specifies in our profile that if they send a message using netspeak or various other ill-mannered speach it will be ignored. I don't blame you for being offended.

_____________________________

Miss Karen and Miss Holly

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

Friends are God's apology for relatives

(in reply to MsSaskia)

Post #: 3

RE: Slang or casual talk, allowed? - 3/16/2008 12:15:31 PM

MysticFireTopaz

Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline

I'd find that offensive, too, not just from a sub, but for an initial communication from anyone.

I have in the past had a profile on vanilla dating sites (before I realized the futility in doing that). Had I received a message like that even on a vanilla site, I would have deleted it without bothering to respond to the sender.

I have had never had anyone go as far as that one did on Collarme, but some subs have used "Honey", "Dear,", "Sweetie," etc. in an introductory letter, which I find totally unacceptable. Those terms may or may not be acceptable later in the relationship, depending on the Domme, but in an introductory letter? Depending on the rest of the message, I may delete it or firmly but politely tell the sender not to address me that way in the future.

Like you, I do not abide familiarity where none exists. I expect about the same standards from anyone writing to me, sub or not.

Lady Topaz

< Message edited by MysticFireTopaz -- 3/16/2008 12:19:02 PM >

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 4

RE: Slang or casual talk, allowed? - 3/16/2008 1:44:34 PM

Pyrrsefanie

Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline

Net-speak just makes the person using it look sloppy and unintelligent, in my opinion. Is it really so hard to take two extra keystrokes to turn "ur" into "your?"

As far as casual talk -- I've made it quite clear to my pet that he is to respond "yes" or "no" to questions, not "uh-huh" or "uh-uh." If I'm trying to scene with him and he's talking to me like one of his buddies (although he IS my best friend, there's a time and a place for us to be goofy with each other) I do get offended, because to me it seems like I'm taking the time and effort to dominate him, and yet he doesn't want to put any effort into his side of things.

It really is always his mouth that gets him into trouble... great reason to keep him gagged 24/7 if you ask me...

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)

Post #: 5

RE: Slang or casual talk, allowed? - 3/16/2008 2:07:03 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

It would mean the message would get an automatic rejections from Me. If I wouldn't let somebody call Me that in real life, I don't find it acceptable in an email either.

Funny story. My boy slipped up one time, and called Me "dude". I promptly told him that if he made the mistake again, he would immediately become acquainted with the term 'queening' so that he could be ever so certain that I was anything but a dude.

That was last summer. It's never happened again.

Cute little 'make the punishment fit the crime' story.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)

Post #: 6

RE: Slang or casual talk, allowed? - 3/16/2008 2:12:39 PM

SunNMoon

Posts: 1058
Joined: 3/18/2007
Status: offline

I don’t mind people being casual when they speak to me, nor do I mind slang. But I do mind the over use familiarity when there has not been any connection established. Calling me baby ect when we have never met I do find very offensive. And unfortunately I experience this on an almost daily basis at work.

Now in an established relationship, I do allow for my pet to be very casual and use slang. As well as call me names. The reason is that we are in a relationship and this is not something I would allow some random sub to just call me right away without having a relationship.

_____________________________

"We agreed to S&M only, sex and mockery." - Gray’s Anatomy.

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)

Post #: 7

RE: Slang or casual talk, allowed? - 3/16/2008 2:26:06 PM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Funny story. My boy slipped up one time, and called Me "dude". I promptly told him that if he made the mistake again, he would immediately become acquainted with the term 'queening' so that he could be ever so certain that I was anything but a dude.

A few months ago, I had two conversations going at once at work. My cell phone and private line at work rang. I answered both, having my bluetooth on, and it was my Thing 1 and also Daddy. While replying to Thing 1, I said, "Hey, Buddy!" Daddy didn't realize I was not talking to Him and got perturbed. I immediately told Him I didn't know who was on which phone and that I meant no disrespect. It was an innocent mistake, but it ruffled His feathers a little bit. He understood though.

When relaying the story to a Domme friend of ours, she laughed hysterically and called Him and said, "Hey, Buddy. What's up?" He was irked and said, "Be glad you aren't my sub because I don't deal with SAM's very well." She just laughed and told Him that He would always be Buddy to her. He just shook His head. (Me, on the other hand, I will never make that mistake again.) LOL...

With me being a switch, I cannot stand any familiarity when it has not been established. I am quick to correct it or just forego any further conversation if I feel the sub is being disrespectful or too "chummy."

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 8

RE: Slang or casual talk, allowed? - 3/16/2008 3:50:48 PM

aidan

Posts: 904
Joined: 5/28/2005
Status: offline

Yeah, in an introduction using language like "babe", "dude", yeah, not exactly a good foot to start off on.

How I talk around a Domme depends on who she is and my relationship with her. With some, my speech is very formal, no slang or anything. Some it's a little more relaxed, I'll talk normally, but I wouldn't think of calling them anything but Ms. (name) or Ma'am or Miss. Some I'll refer to as honey, darling, sweety, or playfully "babe" (very tongue-in-cheek, though).

I've never been in an actualy D/s relationship where I was collared, so I can't speak to that. I personally would want to be able to use an affectionate petname or "honey" or even the occasional "dude" (not in reference to her, maybe, but it is a regular part of my vocabulary). It wouldn't be a huge roadblock, though.

_____________________________

Do what now?

"I aim to misbehave."
-Mal Reynolds

(in reply to Daddysredhead)

Post #: 9

RE: Slang or casual talk, allowed? - 3/16/2008 4:26:53 PM

DelilahDeb

Posts: 429
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

It's been said well here already: when I don't know someone, that form of address in person, in email, on the phone is going to get the frigid clavicle from me. A zillion years ago I worked in financial broker back office operations which required me to call my opposite number at dozens of firms, mostly located in NYC, where I would introduce myself to someone as Deborah and instantly have them call me, in their very next breath, "Debby." Whereupon with the ones I didn't know, I would calmly correct them to say "no, Deborah; I don't answer to Debby." And the ones whom I did know well enough to chat with, I would correct with a little humor, or remind them that I got grumpy when addressed so...and did they really want to deal with a grumpy Deborah.

One of the letters to an employee newsletter that I wrote once spoke of the fact that it is not very many years since calling someone by their first name was a privilege and not a given, and until then, one called folks Mr. X, Mrs. Y, Dr. Z, or Rev. A. ...and not Father Ted, dude, baby, sweetings, pooky, bitch, snookums, broad, stud, or other forms of barroom or bedroom speak.

Err on the side of formality and you're likely to be regarded as having manners, and maybe being a little old-fashioned.
Err on the side of intimacy and you're apt to get the aforementioned cold-shoulder...in business as well as scene and romance.

Delilah Deb

_____________________________

"All acts of love & pleasure are My rituals."
--from the Charge of the Goddess, a Wiccan teaching

(in reply to aidan)

Post #: 10

RE: Slang or casual talk, allowed? - 3/16/2008 4:45:09 PM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline

I love that: the frigid clavicle--priceless!

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to DelilahDeb)

Post #: 11

RE: Slang or casual talk, allowed? - 3/16/2008 4:52:29 PM

Kitte9

Posts: 411
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline

I don't think it matter who you are, or how you view yourself (Domme/sub/switch), impolite is impolite no matter how many mirrors you look at it through. Can you say 'manners'?

_____________________________

I am stronger than yesterday

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 12

RE: Slang or casual talk, allowed? - 3/16/2008 4:59:12 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor
I simply cannot abide familiarity where non exists---do you tend to allow subs to be more casual, less casual or do you expect the standards not to deviate?

I dont react well to pet names when I dont know someone. Baby, sweetie, sexy.. any of those rub me the wrong way from a complete stranger. I live in the south, so things like Honey and Sugar and whatever are pretty common face to face, but I would never tolerate them in an email. Its tough to tell a little old lady who is a customer that I dont like the nicknames.
If someone emails me with a pet name, the only response they get back is "Try again, if the opening ca be properly respectful, maybe we can chat."

AS far as netspeak, I am not a fan. It comes off as very lazy to me. Abbreviating LONG words I can understand, but using U instead of you or R instead of are reeks for me of immaturity, unintelligence and abject disinterest in the conversation. If you are really that interested in talking to me, it will not kill you to take the extra 3 seconds out of your life for 2 more keystrokes for those words. Really. I do not abbreviate anything but state names, and long screennames. I am fine with that. But anything else and you arent going to get much of an answer.

I have no problem with my boys having silly pet names for me. Angel has a ton of them, and uses them fairly interchangably with my real name when we talk. I do the same with him. I dont mind that. It isnt disrespect, its just fun.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 13

RE: Slang or casual talk, allowed? - 3/16/2008 5:01:40 PM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

As mentioned, I also do not appreciate familiarity from anyone who has not yet established themselves. (I also do not accept "Public Friends" requests as a first contact, but that's another subject.) However, once a platform is in place, I often enjoy the difference between causal speak on a friendly basis when we are discussing 'normal' things such as how your day went and more formal speak during 'Scenarios' where a sub should type as he would speak should I be standing over him. It helps differentiate between the topics. Casually speaking as friends sitting at the table over a cup of coffee or in a Session. Two different mindsets for two different situations need to different writing styles. My favorite bulldog is very good at carrying on two separate conversations at the same time. I find that quite invigorating.

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 14

RE: Slang or casual talk, allowed? - 3/16/2008 5:04:31 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Dang, but I hate netspeak. HATE. Back when I would chat more freely, I always insisted on spelled-out words, and clicked that iggy key for those who weren't with the program.

Lots of folks call me baby......but not on the first meeting/conversation! I am not a fan of undue boldness or familiarity, especially from total strangers. I suspect anyone that considers "whasssup?" to be a greeting is going to be a trifle young for us anyway, Lady Hathor! <G>

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 15

RE: Slang or casual talk, allowed? - 3/16/2008 5:11:27 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Me too. I don't ever see myself being in a relationship with someone who was so uptight as to not be ok with pet names or ocasional slang once we were in a relationship. Or demanded nothing but "proper addressing"I'm not one for protocal horses, or relationships that are not laid back. I would tell any such dom to go be a blow hard tighty somewhere else, cause I aint interested.

quote:

ORIGINAL: aidan

I've never been in an actualy D/s relationship where I was collared, so I can't speak to that. I personally would want to be able to use an affectionate petname or "honey" or even the occasional "dude" (not in reference to her, maybe, but it is a regular part of my vocabulary). It wouldn't be a huge roadblock, though.

< Message edited by YourhandMyAss -- 3/16/2008 5:12:48 PM >

(in reply to aidan)

Post #: 16

RE: Slang or casual talk, allowed? - 3/16/2008 5:20:53 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

I'm thankful for people who do this. It helps separate them from the rest of us who wouldn't ever think of contacting someone in a really stupid way.

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 17

RE: Slang or casual talk, allowed? - 3/16/2008 5:26:09 PM

missfrillypants

Posts: 124
Joined: 4/27/2007
Status: offline

i tend to react to the person i'm speaking to as far as levels of formality and ways of saying things go, i don't think about it, i just do it automatically. so if someone calls me "dude" or "honey" or even some of my male friends who call me things when joking like "you bastard" will eventually hear it back from me, which is only fair. i don't like being called "baby" even when i know someone well... i've never heard a woman called baby in real life by anyone who wasn't kind of skeevy. and if someone sent me a message that was so mutilatedly misspelled in addition to calling me baby i'd probably keep talking to them, because that's what i do, but i'd either be mocking them for it publicly or in my head, because doing that is stupid and ridiculous.

wow, the person who sent you that message, if they're reading this, original poster... that person is most likely kicking themselves.

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 18

RE: Slang or casual talk, allowed? - 3/16/2008 5:57:41 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

I don't care for that type of speech either. Not from someone I barely know. I feel its condescending in a way. I truly dislike netspeech or worse, txtspeech UGH! So yes I would tell a sub that I dislike that sort of familiarity and to wait until I tell him its ok to speak to me like that (if at all).

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Post #: 19

RE: Slang or casual talk, allowed? - 3/16/2008 6:46:29 PM

MadameMarque

Posts: 1128
Joined: 3/19/2005
Status: offline

I don't mind mistakes in grammar and spelling, nor slang, as long as it seems to me that the person contacting me is sincere and trying their best. This is not a grammar test. This is two people seeing if they connect.

However (did you know there'd be a 'however?'), to the degree that a person seems passionate or casual in their interest, that is the degree to which I take them seriously. This is why I also don't mind brevity, as long as the feelings are sincere.

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Slang or casual talk, allowed?

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094