handling those who are doing it for the first time

handling those who are doing it for the first time (Full Version)

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searchin4love -> handling those who are doing it for the first time (3/17/2008 5:13:51 PM)
how do you handle those who are submitting for the first time in their life.ill be scared if do that for the first time.idea of giving up control is indeed exciting but indeed scary for the first time..

chamberqueen -> RE: handling those who are doing it for the first time (3/17/2008 5:29:09 PM)
Good communication is always the first step. Know in advance what types of things to expect, let the person know your hard limits, have a safe word prepared, and then just enjoy. One session does not mean that you are turning yourself over for life.

Lashra -> RE: handling those who are doing it for the first time (3/17/2008 8:37:26 PM)
With my current sub I went slow, explained what I was doing and allowed him to progress at his own pace. Now after a few years, I don't have to explain what I'm doing nor do I have progress slowly (unless it is something new we are trying). His confidence and trust in me and his self has grown by leaps and bounds. I feel its very important to make a new sub feel comfortable with what you are doing so that they don't get frightened or turned off to the experience. ~Lashra

khem -> RE: handling those who are doing it for the first time (3/17/2008 10:05:43 PM)
I think lengthy negotiation is a very good idea. While some people want to just rush into playing, sitting down and talking about limits, desires, etc can do a lot to work those issues out. There are also those handy little worksheets floating around online that you can fill out if talking about some things is too intense or embarassing. If you think you might need a lot of aftercare, it's a good idea to bring that up during negotiations with a top so that she knows what to expect also.

hopelesslyInvo -> RE: handling those who are doing it for the first time (3/18/2008 12:19:23 AM)
i'd imagine it would be quite natural to someone submissive, even the first time around. the acts are what are possibly overbearing. it's always nice to break-in your things, but you don't want to actually break them~ trust and comfort come first, and they come at varying speeds.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: handling those who are doing it for the first time (3/18/2008 1:53:08 AM)
For those who are bottoming for the first time, I talk to them a lot. I ask questions about what they're interested in, what they hope might happen and what they fear will happen. I'll pick a thing or two (or four) from their list of interests that I'm interested in too and talk about those. I show toys, I let them ask questions and I make sure they know they can stop what's happening at any time if they get overwhelmed. For those who are submitting/serving for the first time, we talk about what they can and can't do as well as what they are and aren't willing to do. I lay out my expectations and we discuss them. Then, if it seems to be working, I make a list, sometimes ordering the tasks in a specific way, and let them work on it. Master Fire

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: handling those who are doing it for the first time (3/18/2008 5:40:05 AM)
Honestly, I just don't. I've been doing wiitwd long enough that I don't have the patience to coax a nervous doubtful newbie along - it's a great deal of investment and energy on my part for someone who is more than likely to flake no matter how I handle it. While "relatively new" is ok, I do look for someone who has been to a munch or three, played at least a little bit, and has started to get past the "fantasy of BDSM". How do you handle YOURSELF and your feelings to make sure you're not wasting a Domme's time?

LadyHathor -> RE: handling those who are doing it for the first time (3/18/2008 7:42:40 AM)
*I tie them to a tree and beat them senseless--for three days in a row--if they don't scream for Mama, they have potential--[8D]*

Dnomyar -> RE: handling those who are doing it for the first time (3/18/2008 11:38:19 AM)
Ask for a velcro collar just in case it dose'nt work out. You will be glad you did.

LaTigresse -> RE: handling those who are doing it for the first time (3/18/2008 12:53:41 PM)
Send them to LadyHathor

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