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Warnings... - 2/23/2004 1:32:12 PM   
moongrl


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/20/2004
Status: offline 		I am curious as to what other submissives consider their responsibility about warning others about a self-proclaimed Dominant who is actually a philanderer in disguise; a wannabee who is building a small harem?

Unfortunately, it was only after I caught him in his lies (TOO many to count) and was released for checking him out, that I began to learn how bad it really was. But once I began to recover from the hurt, I also was able to look at all I had discovered objectively. And I did feel as though I owed it to my "sister subbies" to warn them.

I hadn't quite decided how to do that when I was approached by a sister sub who asked me about him.....I told her the truth...she didn't believe me and connected with him. And I now see him places, still seeking and she hasn't a clue. I have given up trying to help her, as have others who know him well, but just wanted to hear the opinion of other submissives and/or Doms about the subject.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Warnings... - 2/23/2004 2:17:18 PM   
inyouagain


Posts: 418
Joined: 1/6/2004
Status: offline 		It would appear that you have accomplished your intended purpose, to inform. All you can do is tell your story and experiences, you cannot make decisions for other subs... they must make their own decisions. All you can do is enlighten/inform, which you have done.

I do not feel you are wrong in your stated objective, and hopefully the word will spread and other subs may take heed of your realizations, and not fall prey to the philanderer scheme you feel you've uncovered regarding this Dom/wannabe.

Good luck, and may others also be aware of your discovery.

(in reply to moongrl)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Warnings... - 2/23/2004 5:46:22 PM   
SherriA


Posts: 544
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I'm not a proponent of blacklisting, in general. From my perspective, the best thing to do is to be honest if asked, without necessarily being derogatory. Beyond that, what one person considers a "wannabe" may be the perfect match for someone else. As you've seen from your experience, even when people come seeking information they don't necessarily heed it. Bottom line, we all need to make our own assessments about what's right for ourselves, not for anyone else.

I think there's too much potential for "blacklists" to be abused. People are often hurt when relationships end. Some of them are vindictive and would happily smear their former partners if given a forum for such a thing. I also think that when you go around badmouthing a former partner, especially without a request for such information, the one who ends up looking the worst is the person doing the smearing.

It's simply enough to say "things didnt work out" or "we weren't a good match". If someone really wants more information, they'll ask for it. Generic warnings to the community at large, though, have too much potential for abuse, imx. It's very difficult to recapture a ruined reputation, even if the individual in question was innocent to begin with. There are always at least two sides to every story, and in relationships gone bad those perspectives tend to be polar opposites.

Just my nsho...

-- Sherri

_____________________________

-- Sherri

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

(in reply to moongrl)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Warnings... - 2/23/2004 7:30:50 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: moongrl

I am curious as to what other submissives consider their responsibility about warning others about a self-proclaimed Dominant who is actually a philanderer in disguise; a wannabee who is building a small harem?



I live in the So Cal area. Anyone involved in a group here knows there are many politics.
Many abusers..wannabees, and good people. As the years pass you meet a great many people of all kinds.
As a group we have discussed blacklisting Dominants and subs alike. The only real problem I see with that is, there are subs out there who don't communicate well enough. Have bad scenes. Or jealousy there are so many factors that could get in the way. Then all of the sudden the person has a bad name.
So how do you create a list that would be honest? Lets say you rely on my integrity. Well what if I am like so many others? I have none? Then I am blacklisting so many who don't deserve it.
Lately, there are a whole lot of people here in my area joining and stating things in their profile that I happen to know for a fact are total lies. Because I know them in person.
Yet, I won't give names. I don't expect others to feel the same way I do about people. People in general need to be cautious and make up their own minds. Just beware. Buyer beware works with the lifestyle to.

Gloria

(in reply to moongrl)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Warnings... - 2/23/2004 7:34:23 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		You told this other sub the truth and she didn't believe you. And now she is with this particular Dom. You said she doesn't have a clue. Of course she does. You told her all about him. She decided to be with him anyway. Forget about it. She made her choice. Move on.

(in reply to moongrl)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Warnings... - 2/24/2004 11:26:49 AM   
ShadowHwk


Posts: 158
Joined: 1/5/2004
From: New York
Status: offline 		I, in general, second SherriA's advice. If asked casually then state it didn't work out. If pressed then be honest, and as non-judgmental as you can. Often times when given advice of a warning nature the advisee will disregard the information anyway (as you found out).

People have to make their own mistakes, all you can do is inform when asked and then let it go. He and his methods were not right for you, and, possibly, you were not right for him.

Let it go and move on.

(in reply to moongrl)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Warnings... - 2/25/2004 12:11:39 PM   
moongrl


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/20/2004
Status: offline 		This is the third time I have to thank you all for your feedback! Your input is much appreciated. I, too, am not a proponent of blacklisting nor badmouthing, but I feel I have done what I thought was right and have done it openly and honestly. I can sleep at night knowing that. However, I do recognize that people make choices for themselves and I cannot serve as "crusader sub" running around trying to save everyone! I AM done with it..I have moved on and, although I do not consider it to be a pleasant learning experience, I have learned! Thank you again for your comments.
moongrl

(in reply to moongrl)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Warnings... - 7/13/2005 2:32:38 AM   
lonewolf05


Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline 		what about all those black-lists dominants have?

i have seen a couple of them.

are THOSE okay to you?

the wolf


_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"


(in reply to moongrl)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Warnings... - 7/13/2005 2:59:54 AM   
kc692


Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline 		lonewolf, no offense, but do you realize all these threads this evening you are answering are over a year old???? I know it doesn't matter, just wanted to know if you realized that....

(in reply to lonewolf05)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Warnings... - 7/18/2005 7:59:05 AM   
plantlady64


Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline 		Hello There,
I think to voice your concern is your duty to people you care about. You also have to remember we each are attracted or repelled by different things. Something you hate, someone else may understand or like. What they do to process your warning has nothing to do with the fact you were willing to be open and care. I say warn when you see fit, but don't meddle or feel like all have to agree with you.
Sincerely,
sub suzanne

(in reply to moongrl)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Warnings... - 7/18/2005 9:22:23 AM   
slavegarnet


Posts: 17
Joined: 5/21/2005
From: Nottingham
Status: offline
I felt it my duty to inform other subs of a man who frequented a forum I used to visit a lot... I had been collared to him, and I don't want to go into details here, but what he did to me at the end, I felt should be shared, and that other girls should know the cruelty he was capable of...
It was ugly - he felt the need to respond to it by dragging up mistakes of mine and dragging my name through the mud...
A lot of other doms felt I was only attention seeking, and as a result, I got slated a lot for daring to speak out...

But in the end, one girl's owner thanked me for the warning, and agreed with me that other girls should watch out.
It was worth it, just to know that maybe one other girl would be spared that.

The right thing isn't always the easiest... and if I were to come across another Dom I felt people needed "warning" about, I would do so. This scene is dangerous enough, without people sticking their heads into the sand and pretending they don't see. But it can be hard to accept that you can't "save" people - all you can do is warn them, and let them make informed decisions. If they get angry at you, doesn't mean you did the wrong thing by speaking out... and if they choose not to believe you, well, you did all that you could and can't do anymore. Some people just need to work stuff out on their own.

Anyways, just my two cents...

Garnet

(in reply to plantlady64)
Profile   Post #: 11
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