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RE: Needs some advice - 3/19/2008 12:56:39 PM

tsatske

Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline

my Master has told me He did not use names of that sort very often before He met me. how often 'not very often' is i can not say. But i know that i am His 'little slut', and i love it. it is, of course, not said in vanilla public. and when said in scene public, it makes me blush. but everytime He says it, i hear, 'I love you'. pet names are just that, pet names.
as to general domination, Master told me early on, 'I will never force you to do anything. I will seduce you, I will coerce you' and that is what He has done.
He treats me with respect, He treats me like a lady. that does not make Him any less Dominant. When He tells me what He wants, and i find myself wanting desperately to give it to Him, that is, to me, dominance.
Everyone has different needs. some subs do not feel dominated unless they are bullied and overpowered, they need to know that He TAKES it from them. find someone who is a good match for your dominance style, that will make things a lot easier.

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

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Post #: 21

RE: Needs some advice - 3/19/2008 1:04:14 PM

Cuffkinks

Posts: 1780
Joined: 5/5/2004
Status: offline

If you're a nice guy, then that's who and what you are. No need to change the person you are to assume some "Dominant persona." One of the key elements to a BDSM relationship is honesty. When I say honesty, it doesn't just mean with your partner. You have to be honest with yourself. If you're a nice guy...be one. But that doesn't mean you can't fulfill your partner's darkest needs. It's not like you're gonna be going around calling her a cunt or a whore anytime of the night or day, anyplace you are. Remember, there's a time and place for everything.
There's something referred to as the "Whore/Madonna" syndrome. You see this person one way, then when the time comes, you may have difficulty treating them another way because of the way you see them initially. I remember the first time I had to punish My little girl. (Mind you, I said "had to" as opposed to "wanted to." There is a difference.) I used the cane on her and she was crying and sobbing pretty badly afterwards. I felt a touch of remorse. I thought maybe I had been too harsh on her. Perhaps I'd overdone it. But I got over it by reminding Myself that this is what she needed, and that this is what she looks to Me for. By that I don't just mean punishment. I mean the wisdom to decide what's right for her, and if need be...the strength to correct her ways. Once I realized this I was able to put away the "Whore/Madonna" thing and get on with being the Dominant she needs.
I consider Myself a good man. I'm not necessarily a "nice guy," but I'm polite, I'm a gentleman and I treat people with the respect they deserve. I love, respect, admire, and cherish My little girl, but I can and do treat her like a total slut, a common whore, a victim, whatever I wish.
At the risk of sounding too corny...She is My princess, and she is My prey.
Keep in mind that your girl's needs are your second concern. Her safety and well being are your first. With that in mind...HAVE FUN! Enjoy reaching into the deepest darkest corners of her mind. What you find there may surprise both of you. But, that's just part of the journey.
Best of luck to you and yours.

_____________________________

Resident "11"

"I love you, Sir. You make my heart sing and my panties wet. What more could a girl ask for?" - hejira92

"And that's why it's good to be...Me." - Gene $immons

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Post #: 22

RE: Needs some advice - 3/19/2008 1:21:17 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Cuffkinks

If you're a nice guy, then that's who and what you are. No need to change the person you are to assume some "Dominant persona." One of the key elements to a BDSM relationship is honesty. When I say honesty, it doesn't just mean with your partner. You have to be honest with yourself. If you're a nice guy...be one. But that doesn't mean you can't fulfill your partner's darkest needs. It's not like you're gonna be going around calling her a cunt or a whore anytime of the night or day, anyplace you are. Remember, there's a time and place for everything.
There's something referred to as the "Whore/Madonna" syndrome. You see this person one way, then when the time comes, you may have difficulty treating them another way because of the way you see them initially. I remember the first time I had to punish My little girl. (Mind you, I said "had to" as opposed to "wanted to." There is a difference.) I used the cane on her and she was crying and sobbing pretty badly afterwards. I felt a touch of remorse. I thought maybe I had been too harsh on her. Perhaps I'd overdone it. But I got over it by reminding Myself that this is what she needed, and that this is what she looks to Me for. By that I don't just mean punishment. I mean the wisdom to decide what's right for her, and if need be...the strength to correct her ways. Once I realized this I was able to put away the "Whore/Madonna" thing and get on with being the Dominant she needs.
I consider Myself a good man. I'm not necessarily a "nice guy," but I'm polite, I'm a gentleman and I treat people with the respect they deserve. I love, respect, admire, and cherish My little girl, but I can and do treat her like a total slut, a common whore, a victim, whatever I wish.
At the risk of sounding too corny...She is My princess, and she is My prey.
Keep in mind that your girl's needs are your second concern. Her safety and well being are your first. With that in mind...HAVE FUN! Enjoy reaching into the deepest darkest corners of her mind. What you find there may surprise both of you. But, that's just part of the journey.
Best of luck to you and yours.

Its stuff like this that leads me to have a crush on you!

Hejira is very lucky to have a Master that has wisdom and integrity!

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
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Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

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Post #: 23

RE: Needs some advice - 3/19/2008 1:22:41 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Being nice and being able to engage in verbal humiliation are not necessarily linked. Keep in mind that the humiliation is not your everyday personality. It is scene based, and it starts and ends with the scene. You a re not turning yourself into a bad guy, you are not even being nasty about it. You are acting a role to play with your sub.
I verbally humiliate Angel. I can turn around, after a particularly intense scene, and stil be polite as hell, oke and love him to death. What happens in scene stays there for both of us.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

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Post #: 24

RE: Needs some advice - 3/19/2008 8:42:24 PM

Cuffkinks

Posts: 1780
Joined: 5/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
Its stuff like this that leads me to have a crush on you!
Hejira is very lucky to have a Master that has wisdom and integrity!

Awww...shucks.

And for the record...I'm the lucky one.

_____________________________

Resident "11"

"I love you, Sir. You make my heart sing and my panties wet. What more could a girl ask for?" - hejira92

"And that's why it's good to be...Me." - Gene $immons

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Post #: 25

RE: Needs some advice - 3/20/2008 7:30:32 AM

LadyLynx

Posts: 1098
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline

Verbal is where I have trouble too. So I just don't do it. I am more into physical humiliation.**smiles**
Maybe practice saying/shouting it when she isn't there?(that is if you don't live in an apt with thin walls.)
Some of the nicest Doms/Dommes in my community, are also some of the most sadistic! hehe.

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Our community maybe openminded as a whole, but it is still made up of individuals who bring in their own opinions,baggage and agendas!

Known as SwitchWitch in my local community,and on IRC Bondage.

I also go by the nic SwitchWitch on MDS.

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Post #: 26