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Padriag -> RE: advice for a beginner (10/1/2005 11:09:59 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: subkirsten
Not to be a smart ass right back at you, but I guess what I was asking was for PERSONAL OPINIONS about where these different implements line up on a continuum. I must not have been clear enough in my original post.
Again, I apologize for not wording it correctly or expecting too much from online research and personal testimony from those who've gone before me.
Honestly, I'm more than a little put off by the "online is useless" attitude that comes across on this forum. I don't understand how it can't be a small piece, or the beginning piece for those who are ready and able to start there. We aren't all able to jump into our local communities and seek out everything in real life today, as much as we might want to. And now I'm worried that there's some kind of clique that I don't know the secret handshake for or some damn thing. I mean, who wants to think that they'll be shot down for using the wrong term, or not being exact enough in their line of questioning?
The problem is there isn't a continuum per se. I'll try to give you a few examples.
Take a flogger and strike lightly with just the ends... you get one sensation that is mildly tingly / stingy. Take the same flogger and let it fall using the middle of the tails rather than the ends, but hitting hard... you get more of a thudding sensation. Same thing with a whip, you can do anything from tickle with it, to leaving open bleeding welts and a lot in between. Clamps range from light tweezer clamps to clover clamps and adjustable screw clamps. How something feels and how intense it is depends as much on how you use it as what you are using.
When it comes to physical sensations, yes, the internet is largely useless... you will never really know how something feels until you experience it. That said, the best we can do is offer tips on how to go about experiencing things, things you can try yourself, safety precautious to take, things you should do when doing <insert activity>, things you should not do when <insert activity>, etc.
quote:
ORIGINAL: pradalady
I am a beginner too, and it is frustrating. I like spanking with the hand but I am afraid to try out anything else. Sometimes I do not trust the man I AM SEEING, HE IS KNEW TO ALL OF THIS TOO.
Since your both new and apparently wanting to be able to experience a few things on your own... here's some suggestions.
Clothespins can be a good simple toy to start with. Try putting a pair of wooden, spring loaded clothes pins on your nipples to see how that feels. If its too intense you can wrap a rubber band around the opposite end (the end you squeeze to open them) to reduce how tight they clamp on, adding more loops with the rubber band to control that. Try leaving them on for 5 min, then 10 min to see how that feels... its a whole new sensation when they come off. Try playing with your nipples after taking them off, see how that feels, how having them clamped affected the sensation even after the clothespins have been removed. Simple and basic, but a place to start and you can do this yourself alond. Word of caution, don't leave them on for more than 15 min for now for safety reasons... they can cut off the circulation in the nipple which is bad. It is possible to safely leave them on longer than that, but for now 15 min gives you a wide margin of safety.
You can put those clothes pins other places as well... virtually anywhere actually. I've seen them on ear lobes, the nose, lips, tongue, fingers, toes, labia, clit, in between fingers, arms, legs, breasts, backs, sides, stomachs... virtually anywhere you can get a fold of skin. You can even put them on in patterns... get the plastic colored kind and you can make colorful patterns. When you feel up to it, give it a try.
Floggers are something else you can try on yourself and they are relatively safe / low risk. When I shop for a flogger I'll try it on myself before I buy to get an idea what if feels like... there are MANY different kinds of floggers out there. I test them for three things. I lightly hit the inside of my forearm with the tips of the tails to see how tingly / stingy it is when used that way. Next I slap my forearm with the last third of the tails, letting them fall across my arm (but not hitting with the ends) to get an idea of the weight of the flogger. You'll often hear people refer to this as the thuddiness or thud factor. Last I strike harder with the ends to see what it feels like when I really want it to hurt... an that usually REALLY hurts. That works for me and my own style in how I use a flogger... but its been my observation that nobody uses a flogger in exactly the same way. Try using one on yourself, for a beginner its safe to hit your ass, your thighs, arms, breasts and the upper part of your back. One thing to be careful of is wrapping. Wrapping is where you are trying to hit with the "body" of the tails (that middle to last third of the tails) and accidentally let the ends wrap around and slap a body part. When it happens, those ends sting a LOT and can leave welts you didn't intend. As with anything, start slow and gradually build up.
Candle wax or hot wax. Another fairly low risk activity so long as you keep certain precautions in mind. Use plain parafin candles, avoid scented candles (can cause a rash on some folks). Hold the candle a good 24" above the skin to start with, this is how you control the temperature of the wax, the closer you hold the candle to the skin the hotter it will be when it hits. Try dripping it on the back of your hand at first and then later you can try your nipples. You can add a new sensation to that by following up a few drips of hot wax by rubbing an ice cube over the are (especially nipples). Word of caution, do not EVER use the kind of wax meant for wax seals, speaking from personal experience on that one. I use it in personal correspondence and one day accidentally dripped some on my finger, promptly got a second degree burn that took the upper layers of skin off, quite painful.
Another thing you can experiment with is doing those things while masturbating versus doing them "cold", that is without any arrousal being involved, that too changes the experience.
Some people use these kinds of things just to spice of their sex life without really being involved in the lifestyle, and that's fine. All of those things are really about various forms of masochism, not submission. They're about physical sensations and can add new dimensions to your sex life, nothing wrong with that either.
Finally, as a last bit of advice, take your time and explore as you become comfortable. There's no particular rush and nothing you need to "live up to" to be a "real submissive"... work on just being you an learning who that is and you'll do fine. May not make everyone happy but you know what they say about not being able to please everyone... its true. If you do have a partner and feel you can't trust them because of their inexperience, work on that. Again, take things slow, use some safewords, take time after every "scene" or session to give each other feedback on your experience, how you felt, what was good, what wasn't.
Wish you the best, now go have fun!
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