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Tired of your role and partner?? - 3/19/2008 4:47:56 AM

chezzy52

Posts: 220
Joined: 6/26/2007
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I really don't know where to start with this as i will try not to point fingers.But after reading a few threads on similar subjects,i have come to the conclusion that Dominas and even some subs are growing tired of their role and consequently,the exhaustion over their partner is more veiled.And so the search begins for a new sub nine times out of ten and possibly a rare exception of a sub getting tossed due to sheer boredom.On the latter,i have read quotes like"well,we grew apart".Which leads me to this...my opinion is thus that a D/s dynamic takes on the character of a "married vanilla relationship"and once the salad days are over so to speak,then the parties drift.Now i am not by any means fostering the notion that a Domina must "play" with her subbie every single day.That is not the real world and quite frankly,that would become more overtly boring than growing apart.My question is..how do you keep it fresh for both??Is it a conscious decision on the Domina's part or does the Domina seek advice and use the subbie as her idea board if you will.I am aware that there are plenty that have stayed together for a very long time and my hat is off to you both.But increasingly,i am finding that others are wanted or being searched for.I am not judging anyone and to each their own..i am just a tad confused as to why anyone would jeopardize the dynamic.Peace to all.

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RE: Tired of your role and partner?? - 3/19/2008 5:02:55 AM

Lashra

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Well I can honestly say that I'm not tired of my role (I've been doing it since I was 19 and I'm 45 now) and I'm as dedicated to my partner as I was 5 years ago when we met. I will say this however, all relationships change over time, just as people do. So to expect them to stay the same is unrealistic.

My sub and I have future goals which we are still working on obtaining. One of the things we have discussed is playing with another couple. But neither of is us looking to replace the other, we just want to experience something different. In fact he has been in a MFM threesome in the past, I never have, so for me it would be something new and exciting. But I would not do it if he was not included.

I'm sure your correct about some couples. I think if one isn't content with their relationship then they just keep searching. Some people I have noted are never content and so I can imagine their lives are a endless search.

~Lashra

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“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

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RE: Tired of your role and partner?? - 3/19/2008 5:09:45 AM

hopelesslyInvo

Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
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some people i believe think they've found what they are looking for, without knowing what they were looking for in the first place. others take the first option that seems sound, only to later find out they basically just rushed into the wrong thing. other people seem to never be satisfied, and then some that can be are looking pretty literally for the "one" but have a hard time finding it. plenty are blind at first or simply not shown the whole picture in the beginning, and later their eyes are open and the truth is out. and people basically always put more effort into the initial part, but it wears a person out, and then they really show themselves later on. people also tend to assume stuff like "he's so sweet" means he'll never get into an argument with you, or that "he's always driven when we go out" means he won't like to lean his head on the passenger window and stare at the passing trees.

it is a difficult thing, you can't be sure what lies down the road without walking down it. so people are forced to take a road that seems ideal, but if it ends up not being, they'll need to pick another. most people are probably still looking not because they can't be satisfied with someone, but rather that they haven't found one that they'll be satisfied with yet.

< Message edited by hopelesslyInvo -- 3/19/2008 5:15:24 AM >

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RE: Tired of your role and partner?? - 3/19/2008 6:14:11 AM

LadyHathor

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Joined: 1/2/2008
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I think that sadly in this WIITWD, people tend to think the deviation will make the challenges of the real world go away, lesson, or cover them up---no matter what one says, I think the fantasy pervades adn fantasies shatter quickly----

"what do you mean, i won't be naked all day"---"what do you mean we can't play?"--"what do you mean you don't do toilets??"

at the end of the day, its reality--two people who need to co-exist within the confines of life ( bills, kids, work, taxes) and then they find themselves, --well this sucks because it is the same old day to day crap---and so because they used the WIITWD to get a partner and they see the disposability of D's and s's, they think pffttt--you aren't suited and out you go.

I find that our life has become, hmmm dangerous---because the rules are self defined, it is an area that allows less responsibility and encourages people to use, abuse and throw away---( I am not saying everyone here is like that, however it does seem in the last few years, there is more a preponderance of "disposables")

I think some serious questions or a serious question needs to be asked---" do you want to invest in a relationship--long term" or are you seeking to simply have fantasy moments? For Me that is why it has taken so long for Me to find someone--I don't want to start down a road and face that scenario--so if I see something early on that I know I cannot get beyond then I don't go any further, better to pass now then yto face what you have described--yet I intend to invest--that is where My head is, I do not see fantasy, I see the cold hard reality and it isn't sex based, it isn't movie based, it isn't fantasy based---

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RE: Tired of your role and partner?? - 3/19/2008 6:38:37 AM

MistressVnus

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From: Central Florida
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quote:

I find that our life has become, hmmm dangerous---because the rules are self defined, it is an area that allows less responsibility and encourages people to use, abuse and throw away---( I am not saying everyone here is like that, however it does seem in the last few years, there is more a preponderance of "disposables")

I believe that those who walked before us had very good reasons for "protocols" regarding mentoring, earning titles, earning collars, and all that goes with that. Perhaps everything we thought we knew we have to learn again....hmmmmmmmm?

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RE: Tired of your role and partner?? - 3/19/2008 7:08:22 AM

chezzy52

Posts: 220
Joined: 6/26/2007
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Of course the lifestyle Dominas on here..Lashra,Lady Hathor and MistressVnus have capsulized it way better than i could imagine.I thank the three of you for your enlightened input on this matter.

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RE: Tired of your role and partner?? - 3/19/2008 7:21:53 AM

thetammyjo

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I think it depends on why you do Ds in the first place.

If it is just part of you, if it is part of the foundation of your dynamic, it will simply be there.

If it is a role you play or feel you should play, all acting becomes tiring after a while.

I also think it depends on how you view human relationships.

If you realize that all human beings are individuals and that the best dynamics are those created to benefit everyone in them, then you are likely to realize it will take work and mutual commitment to keep things going.

If you think that two (or more) humans just fall in love or fall in lust and then it goes, you will be surprised by the mundane realities and the changes both of you will experience. If you are too surprised you will not be able to adapt and grow together.

Finally I think the success or length of a relationship reflects what you think the purpose of those relationships are.

If you see a relationship as a journey that should help the individual grow, you can grow together and you can also recognize when it is time to move on.

If you see a relationship as the end all of everything, then you may cling to a relationship, attempt to ignore changes, and ultimately see things explode when you are unable or unwilling to adapt.

I can be romantic but I do not allow romanticism to cloud reality. I don't imagine it will be fun, fun, fun all the time and thus I'm not disappointed when mundaneness becomes the norm. However, I also know that my Ds relationship(s) are based on something non-normative in the current culture so I invested time in creating daily rituals and routines for both of us to follow and ground us.

I don't need to do something to keep it fresh because I'm aware of the fact that change is constant and thus always fresh if I am open to that reality.

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RE: Tired of your role and partner?? - 3/19/2008 7:38:28 AM

SunNMoon

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The problem is that it’s real life. You have to deal with all of those issues too. D/s dynamic is not separated into some special realm where it’s protected from jobs, family and other life stress. It’s also a relationship and like all other relationships it has to deal with the same problems. Which does happen to include people growing apart or not being compatible over the long term. What it seems that you are asking chezzy is why do so many relationships end. D/s relationships are no different, it takes work and communication and sometimes that’s not enough.

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RE: Tired of your role and partner?? - 3/19/2008 7:51:32 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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D/s is, as sunnmoon said, a relationship. I have 2 boys I am involved with. Fox and Angel are both long term.
Angel and I are growing apart, because in the 2 years we have been together a lot has changed. HE has finished school, changed jobs, and is looking into the military. Things like that cause a relationship to conform to real life, and the 2 prticipants can grow a little more distant. It doesnt mean I am going to toss him to the wayside over it, it just means that out time together is more infrequent.
With Fox, the relationship is going to be more constant, since we are engaged to be married. There will not always be new playtime interests, but we have more to deal with in our relationship than just the D/s part of it.
Most of the relationships I have known that have gone the way of boredom have been rushed into because one or the other partner (or both) were more interested in the immediate physical gratification than they were building an actual base. Once the lust is gone, there is nothign to hold that together, since there was never anything else built up. They resume their searches since what they had is no longer fulfilling. Notmuch different than a vanilla relationship just different set of lusts.

DV

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