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RE: a question on mentoring - 3/20/2008 5:09:16 AM

Justme696

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I can agree with that to soem degree. A mentor should, in my opinion, just give riough advise...not "tell how too". That is up to the person self.
More like; you can give some one bread..but it is better to show them how to make it.

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RE: a question on mentoring - 3/20/2008 6:36:25 AM

Archer

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The biggest thing a mentor can do as far as skills is know alot of folks with different styles that they can send you off to observe and listen to / learn from. They can serve as the more knowledgeable/ better connected point of contact. X may know 12 people good at flogging, and be able to narrow down that list to 3 or 4 who have different perspectives on the subject. (Something someone new likely doesn't have the knowledge to do for themselves.) So X sends you over to learn how person A flogs, person B flogs, Person C flogs and person D flogs. After or during that time they talk to you about what you have found with each that strikes a cord with you. What you saw that you liked didn't like didn't understand etc. That way you get 4 perspectives to start with and get to cherry pick the parts of each person that you want to emulate. Then with each new "skill" you get the same basic treatment 3-4 different folks the mentor knows and can get you face time with, and subsequently the review of what you have seen.

With D/s the matter is even more complicated but still the likelyhood is the mentor knows more people and can get you the face time with folks who have various perspectives on D/s.

Personally the idea of drawing out the right questions has always seemed to be the major thing a mentor does to speed up the learning process. Answering the questions is up to the protoge'. I'd hazard to guess that when asked a question the mentors I had were about 90% likely to answer with a question, and in then end lead me around to the answer I already knew, but hadn't made the mental connections to connect the dots until then.

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RE: a question on mentoring - 3/20/2008 2:11:16 PM

SimplyMichael

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Archer,

A follow on to the bit about different styles. I was never interested in canes or needles because I am sort of artsy in my play, I am not into brutality and ugliness (although I am a sadist) I like patterns, elegance, and beauty.

It wasn't until I saw needles used to create patterns that that I came to be interested although I have yet to do any of it.

Same goes with canes, it wasn't until I saw someone do it in a way that resonated for me that I became interested and I have seen some of the best in the bay area,pro-dommes who have done it for decades do it and none of them got me hooked...

It is all about finding the right one for you and being in a place where you know that you don't have to do it the way great dominants like myself do it....(that is sarcasm folks...)

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RE: a question on mentoring - 3/20/2008 3:03:37 PM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Archer,

A follow on to the bit about different styles.

That's a valid point. I take my sail boat racing very seriously. By that I mean I live to win. I had a mentor show me how to win races as there is only one way to trim to win. With kink there is not a right way so in this area of my life I didn't need a mentor

BadOne

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RE: a question on mentoring - 3/20/2008 3:08:59 PM

MasterWilliam55

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Micheal, my experience is similar to yours, except when I first entered the lifestyle. A Domme was kind enough to help me out. Through her I met a variety of domminants who helped me with various skills. She was not a sex partner nor did she directly train me. She was simply a guide and a good friend, a confidant and a role model.

From her I learned that a mentor was different than a trainer, but in either case, no sexual contact was ever allowed. I have to confess, that I was only 29 back then and a little sexual contact would have been more than welcome. Now that I mentor and occassionally train, I've come to understand the no sex policy she instilled in me, I've come to appreciate why.

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Post #: 25

RE: a question on mentoring - 3/20/2008 4:11:12 PM

Archer

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Archer,

A follow on to the bit about different styles. I was never interested in canes or needles because I am sort of artsy in my play, I am not into brutality and ugliness (although I am a sadist) I like patterns, elegance, and beauty.

I got here and I was all kinds of bent outta shape, LOL but I kept reading, LOL

It wasn't until I saw needles used to create patterns that that I came to be interested although I have yet to do any of it.

Same goes with canes, it wasn't until I saw someone do it in a way that resonated for me that I became interested and I have seen some of the best in the bay area,pro-dommes who have done it for decades do it and none of them got me hooked...

It is all about finding the right one for you and being in a place where you know that you don't have to do it the way great dominants like myself do it....(that is sarcasm folks...)

Yes that's what I'm talking about that a mentor can really help with if they are anything like connected to a broarder community of fellow practitioners. If you tell me you like patterns and elegance and beauty. I can connect you with people who do various things that would at first glance be brutal but after a moment or two the beauty , grace and elegance becomes apparent.
Needles can be done in artistic manners as you discovered eventually, how much better would it have been had you been exposed to people who met with your "style" and "asthetics" in needleplay from shortly after you started.
A mentor who takes the time to get to know what you are about and what you find value in, can stear you towards those others who share the style you prefer. Giving you a more directed search rather than a self determined course that can often depend on luck to connect you to those people who have what you are looking for.

For Sailing Bum I'm still not in agreement that just because there is not a single "right way" to do BDSM that a mentor can not be a valuable asset. I liken it to having a search engine available for the people who have been doing this longer than us. Enter search parameters Flogging, rythmic, florentine, moderate pain levels, elegant, dance, ENTER
Return Master Hines. That's who I think I'll put you in touch with to learn flogging.

Without a mentor you may well eventually find Master Hines, but after how long?

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RE: a question on mentoring - 3/20/2008 4:19:02 PM

KnightofMists

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Phin

Did you have a mentor when you were inexperienced?

Not on a formal level..... but everyone that I interact with is an opportunity to learn from... Dominant or Submissive persons.... it really doesn't matter to me.... it's about the learning and being better tomorrow than I am today.

quote:

How would you react to being asked to mentor someone?

I would discourage any formal idea of mentorship.... and instead look to build a friendship

quote:

What would you look for in the potential student that asks you?

I don't look for for student.... I am open to friendships.... people of admirable character!

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RE: a question on mentoring - 3/20/2008 6:31:49 PM

SirMIkeSD

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I think it's a great idea and would not mind someone asking me. I would recommend that you find them localy and that they are capable of this and in general have a valued opinion.

Mike

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Post #: 28

RE: a question on mentoring - 3/21/2008 3:22:52 AM

LordSinistR

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first off i would suggest finding a mentor that suite your style of Master/Dom. Not all will suite your particular style.

I have 2 Masters that mentor me that I can ask questions to and get advise on. 1 is a more loving caring dom and the other is a more strict discipline self gratifacation Dom. Each have a unique style and have taken me under their wing when I entered the online world and found out there were more people like me instead of few people like me as I have taught myself over the last 18 years.

It helps alot with questions from someone that is more experienced than you. I also have 2 slave mentors that help me understand a sub/slaves mind so I can make the right decisions. First thing they taught me was to have patience with my sub/slaves. 2nd thing they taught me was to remind my sub/slave that it is an "Honor to serve me" and remind my sub/slaves everyday.

With that being said I think it's great to have mentor's if not it's like trying to teach yourself a foreign language by just watching the foreign tv station with out having an actual tutor and will take longer to understand why it didn't work out or what you did wrong. I have lost a few subs in my life by doing the wrong thing still thinking vanilla and not understanding a sub/slaves mind better as I do now. It took me 17 years to realize what I was doing wrong because a Master/Dom talked to me about a problem I had with a former slave and she was the love of my life. I gave her and every other woman what they wanted and not what they needed. Give your sub/slave what she needs and she will strive harder to get what she wants. You can always reward her for a want but make sure she works damn hard to get that want. This was the HARDEST lesson for me to learn.

Good Luck, Be Patient, and Have Fun!

Sin

< Message edited by LordSinistR -- 3/21/2008 3:27:13 AM >

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