RE: Self-Sabotage & Learning to Tame Myself

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RE: Self-Sabotage & Learning to Tame Myself - 3/20/2008 6:58:53 PM

wordstoponder

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Joined: 2/3/2008
From: New Hampshire
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I've been crying a lot, too. I am glad (well, you know what I mean) that someone else has a similar experience. It takes a lot to pull me out of the downward spiral, but sometimes I can snap out of it just like that. It's been happening less often when I'm in His presence, and more so when I am away from Him. I know that I am very needy, but I still have not come to terms with this. I'm still struggling with my submissive nature. Perhaps that's the culprit! I know that submissives are strong, but I feel so weak...

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RE: Self-Sabotage & Learning to Tame Myself - 3/20/2008 7:39:55 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Plenty of subs are weak, and we all have weaknesses. Good grief it's only been a month, I think you get too worked up in general :) How often do you laugh at yourself?

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RE: Self-Sabotage & Learning to Tame Myself - 3/20/2008 7:48:16 PM

daddyncherry

Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
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First let me say, SimplyMichael, simply wonderful as usual.

To the OP...

i went through that kind of behavior with my Master/Daddy for about a year, and when i say i went through it, OMG...i pushed away and then stood cold and distant and then i would ultimately end up back where i belonged....it was such a horribly vicious cycle and it still has left its mark on us to this day, over 2 years after things calmed down..it has left it's mark on my Daddy even worse than on me....i caused him alot of pain. .

The reasons i ran away or pushed away were all based in fear..remember the little anagram for fear.... FalseEvidenceAppearingReal....my Daddy told me that and it rings very true....most of the stuff anyone is afraid of is simply in their mind, and not actual or factual....it may be something triggered from childhood (most likely cause damn childhood is a war zone!) but the real cause of fear is usually not based in current reality.

i still sometimes act up, but not being bratty perse, more like the occasional psycho bitch that happens with PMS and something that gets in the way of the PMS train....could be anything..During these times i do my very, absoulte best to not act out in my "Daddy's world", meaning not throwing my stuff at him (emotionally/mentally)..trying to keep all of my internal mess to myself, when he isn't home, or something.....or taking it into the other room to watch a tear jerker movie to have some release.....Other times i have asked him to spank me, to help me get an attitude adjustment.

Best of luck to you message me on the other side if you like.

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cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

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RE: Self-Sabotage & Learning to Tame Myself - 3/20/2008 11:11:28 PM

tmarie

Posts: 1
Joined: 12/22/2007
From: North Carolina
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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Journaling_is_a_good_tool...

i agree with this. ever since Sir has had me keep a journal i have progressed tremendously.

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RE: Self-Sabotage & Learning to Tame Myself - 4/23/2008 6:32:51 AM

porcelindoll72

Posts: 3
Joined: 2/14/2008
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i too find myself with the same issue i tend to self sabotage as if i feel undeserving therefor destroying anything good that may happen to me. my MASTER and QUEEN are the greatest people! Not only are they teaching me and showing me who i truely am but at the same time they have given me a second chance at life. So why do i constantly let my big mouth try to destroy this relationship ?

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RE: Self-Sabotage & Learning to Tame Myself - 4/23/2008 8:19:25 AM

Leatherist

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Confront the fear with reason.

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RE: Self-Sabotage & Learning to Tame Myself - 4/23/2008 8:36:42 AM

Daddyslilpookie

Posts: 498
Joined: 3/3/2008
From: OC, California
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Well to the OP you said it has only been a month, so just be yourself and don't try to be perfect, nobody is perfect. You have only know this Dom for a month, this should be the time where you two get to know each other and have fun and laugh, and not take it to serious right now. Good luck to you.

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RE: Self-Sabotage & Learning to Tame Myself - 4/23/2008 8:57:03 AM

OmegaG

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddyslilpookie

Well to the OP you said it has only been a month, so just be yourself and don't try to be perfect, nobody is perfect. You have only know this Dom for a month, this should be the time where you two get to know each other and have fun and laugh, and not take it to serious right now. Good luck to you.

I have a friend who can't enjoy the moment because she's too busy fashioning the future around her fantasies and fears. She gets freaked out by the what might happen and projects past failures on what she forsees. She rides a rollercoaster of highs and lows, if he's acting like the storybook hero in her mind she's uphorically high and if he doens't quite fit the fictional charecter she's constructed she's wracked with insecurity and the desire to flee. She cannot be content with allowing a relationship to develop, in fact she'd be much happier if she could see the future scripted out before her. It seems to me that she's loosing out on the joy that her life presents to her in her quest for the happily ever after that is probably elusive. Sadly, I don't think that she will ever get to a point where she can relax and take in life expereinces as they present themselves.

But I realize that I have a totally different philosophy then she does. I enjoy experiences, the good and the bad and I love each and every minute that I can savor to it's fullest (ok-- that might be an exageration, some expereinces I could probably be fine doing without). She'd be much happier living a safe and complacent life without the extreme joys and heartaches (for you can't have one without the other, I believe)

< Message edited by OmegaG -- 4/23/2008 8:59:23 AM >

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RE: Self-Sabotage & Learning to Tame Myself - 4/23/2008 10:13:18 AM

mzbehavin

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I'm kind of on the same wave length as Omega on this one. Not to be simplistic, but it sounds like you (the op) are running your stories in your head and not being present in the moment. Worried about the past, projecting negative energy into the future is a cycle worth breaking. Eckart Tolle has some books, the power of now. And a new earth.
Very transformational.
Good luck~

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RE: Self-Sabotage & Learning to Tame Myself - 4/23/2008 11:03:42 AM

DesFIP

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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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A little over a month is no time at all. This will take years to resolve.

However, it is when people act most unlovable that they need love the most.

Explain to him that you aren't doing this deliberately and would he in future, when he sees you separating yourself from him please drag you into his arms and not let you go. You will find it much more freeing and healing to do your crying inside of a pair of loving arms than alone in your pillow late at night. It's a lot more freeing and healing to confess fears while being held than by email a day later when your walls are built back up.

And therapy also helps. If you can't afford one on one or group, then go to ACOA meetings. Everyone can afford that.

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RE: Self-Sabotage & Learning to Tame Myself - 4/23/2008 5:36:32 PM

subdevon

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Joined: 3/20/2008
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i myself have struggled with these same issues and only just recently fully accepted who and what i am. When i felt fear or even embarrassment over what i was doing i would act out, complete defy my Mistress and then it would end and for a very brief time i was ok with it but after thinking things over i then felt shame for having acted the way i had. All i can say is, now that i have truly embraced my submissiveness , i am truly happy and while i will still make mistakes it isn't because of fear. I do agree that journaling helps and talking to others in the lifestyle will help you realize that you are not the only one who has been through this.

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