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Signs you're talking to a Dominant - 9/28/2005 9:00:56 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		No, this isn't a kinky e-mail forward.

I'm talking to this guy who gives me very strong Dominant vibes. He goes to school with me though so I think it's a bad idea to be like, "So do you like to dominate girls and do all sorts of naughty things to them?"

What are some signs that you're talking to a Dominant? Or even talking to a controlling person versus a Dominant?

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"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger
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RE: Signs you're talking to a Dominant - 9/28/2005 9:16:09 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

No, this isn't a kinky e-mail forward.

I'm talking to this guy who gives me very strong Dominant vibes. He goes to school with me though so I think it's a bad idea to be like, "So do you like to dominate girls and do all sorts of naughty things to them?"

What are some signs that you're talking to a Dominant? Or even talking to a controlling person versus a Dominant?

Other than good intuition there really isn't.

And frankly, I think it's a great idea to ask him that question straight out. It will let you know if he has ANY interest, and it's easy to laugh it off afterwards. You're young and in school, that's when you're SUPPOSED to take risks like that.

(in reply to junecleaver)
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RE: Signs you're talking to a Dominant - 9/28/2005 9:21:22 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver
What are some signs that you're talking to a Dominant? Or even talking to a controlling person versus a Dominant?


Weakness in the knees, a certain slickness on the upper thighs, the desire to say "Yes, master!" When he says "Nice day, isn't it?"

[puckish mode off]

There really isn't, but you can always ask about what he likes to do? Remember, even in these days, there are some inwardly kinky people who don't have the vocabulary, so don't expect "Well, I'm mainly a service top with a bit of sadist and I'm looking for TPE" but listen for indications he likes to be in control for mutual pleasure.

You can also start off on a vanilla basis and drop an occasional clue.



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RE: Signs you're talking to a Dominant - 9/28/2005 9:29:00 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Just ask him. What's the worst thing that can happen? He'll think you're a pervert. OK, then you'll never have to wonder.

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RE: Signs you're talking to a Dominant - 9/29/2005 5:34:49 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		If your looking for a method that's tried and true, I dont think there is one. Remember that line of "you may be a Master, but not my Master"? Only you are gonna know if they've got it for you. ... . For me, I'm kind of a straight forward, grab it and growl kind that most would never guess as Submissive. Yet I know when I first meet one that I cant keep eye contact with in fear I'll blush then the yes Sir is on the tip of my tongue. Yet are they even aware of this lifestyle? who knows......

Good Luck June!
Q

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RE: Signs you're talking to a Dominant - 9/29/2005 5:43:04 AM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		If they serve alcohol at the student union.....they did when I was in college, or you have a local bar to go to, discuss sex over a couple of beers. You'll both be relaxed and you can ask question that will give you a good feel as to how far to take it.
You can even do an end around and say something like, OMG, I got a pop-up on my computer showing a girl in ropes, how kinky is that? Then, wait, watch and listen. Like JohnWarren said, he may not know the terminology, but he may have the kink.

If all else fails...leave it to Beaver....your's that is! He'll either play nice and vanilla or hard and Dominant.

You'll know.

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Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

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RE: Signs you're talking to a Dominant - 9/29/2005 7:21:13 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

What are some signs that you're talking to a Dominant? Or even talking to a controlling person versus a Dominant?


I used to have a test I devised to weed people out. Essentially they are traits anyone can pass. Although they must have control of their emotions and temper no matter what is thrown their way.
Demeanor in all facets of life is a dead giveaway.

Beyond that as other's said it is up to you to decide..use your best judgement.

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RE: Signs you're talking to a Dominant - 9/29/2005 8:33:45 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		June, it sounds like you are already halfway weak in the knees....what have you got to lose?

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RE: Signs you're talking to a Dominant - 9/29/2005 8:57:51 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Well we know from what June has said about herself in past threads that she's painfully shy, worried that her lack of confidence will already interfere with her submission, and paranoid that people in her daily life will find out she's "a submissive."

I suggest June that you use this opportunity to take a little leap of faith in yourself and pop some blatant question to him. Opening the closet door usually shows a monster that's a lot smaller than we imagined it to be and will give you a lot more confidence for the next time.

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RE: Signs you're talking to a Dominant - 9/29/2005 2:54:29 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		What do you guys think about watching Secretary together and gauging his reaction to see if asking him about it would be a good idea?

Thanks for the input.

_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: Signs you're talking to a Dominant - 9/29/2005 3:02:15 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

What do you guys think about watching Secretary together and gauging his reaction to see if asking him about it would be a good idea?

Thanks for the input.


[grin] But, while it may be a true portrait of a novice dominant, does any guy want to admit he's as screwed up and indecisive as the Sadler character?

I can do it, but then I've got the ego the size of some small countries.


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RE: Signs you're talking to a Dominant - 9/29/2005 3:25:39 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

What do you guys think about watching Secretary together and gauging his reaction to see if asking him about it would be a good idea?

Thanks for the input.

I think it's a way to avoid being confident and taking a risk and end up just as confused and unsure as you were beforehand.

It's certainly not a BAD idea, but is it going to get you what you want? Are you going to be brave enough to really ASK him to watch it with you and afterwards talk about how it REALLY makes you feel?

(in reply to junecleaver)
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RE: Signs you're talking to a Dominant - 9/29/2005 3:40:09 PM   
nelbot


Posts: 95
Joined: 9/6/2005
Status: offline 		I'm all for taking the plunge so to speak... it has been my experience that guys don't take hints well even if the have the kink and the vocabulary if they on't have a context for it... what I mean is he might be a hard fantastic Dom and know exactly what he wants but since he met you at school he might be just as closeted as you are and not pick up on your subtle questions or else not be brave enough of being outted to answer honestly. I have also tried to get to know a person a little bit first in a vanilla context and then flat out ask "hey any chance you'd want to tie me up and spank me?" (while batting eye lashes with a big but sincere grin). From my experience they rarely are- but hey at least I don't have to wonder any more...

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In life there are no winners, only saints and sinners
of pleasure and pain both have their gain for
what is a devil but an angel in bondage?

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
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RE: Signs you're talking to a Dominant - 10/1/2005 1:11:00 AM   
Raphael


Posts: 263
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline 		Very good advice. Don't be subtle with guys. We're just not built for it, it's more likely to be confusing than enlightening.

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RE: Signs you're talking to a Dominant - 10/1/2005 5:54:40 AM   
gypsysoul


Posts: 70
Joined: 7/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

No, this isn't a kinky e-mail forward.

I'm talking to this guy who gives me very strong Dominant vibes. He goes to school with me though so I think it's a bad idea to be like, "So do you like to dominate girls and do all sorts of naughty things to them?"

What are some signs that you're talking to a Dominant? Or even talking to a controlling person versus a Dominant?


I, with all my years of NOT being with a Dominant, am probably the last person to give advice on this. However, even though I'm sure someone else has typed it before, I don't see it on this particular thread, so here goes:

If the person in question wants to be your best and only friend, that person is controlling, and may be a Dominant or just a controlling person. If the person doesn't begrudge you having other friends and spending time with them (all friendships require maintenance time), that person may be a Dominant -- or just a sweet girlfriend/boyfriend.

The definition is dependent on what you want in the relationship.


(in reply to junecleaver)
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RE: Signs you're talking to a Dominant - 10/1/2005 6:27:13 AM   
Manawyddan


Posts: 701
Joined: 1/2/2005
From: Petaluma (Northern California)
Status: offline 		Of course, there's also the cliche of the Captain of Industry who goes to the prodomme to be spanked.

I honestly believe there is almost no correlation between how someone presents themself on the street, and how they will behave intimately.

I suggest maneuvering yourself into being this guy's vanilla friend, and if he seems like the trustworthy sort, make some humorous, playful comments along the lines of ones mentioned above, and see how he responds.

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"She always had a terrific sense of humor"
(Valerie Solonas, as described by her mother)
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RE: Signs you're talking to a Dominant - 10/1/2005 3:20:12 PM   
Deliverance


Posts: 2
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline 		I think watching secretary would be a good start. Since I know you on a more personal level, let me use that expeirience to hopefully help you out a little. Be yourself first and formost. Don't try and hide anything. Get to know him on a personal level and just see how you react to that to begin with. If just being around him on a more personal level, you don't "feel" it.. then it won't matter how far anything else goes. If you feel that urge, begin with light comments and jokes.. gauge his reactions, and if in the positive for what you're looking for, grow on from that.

Deliverance

(in reply to junecleaver)
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RE: Signs you're talking to a Dominant - 10/1/2005 11:39:05 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		We went out tonight and I was -this- close to saying something. I'm such a pussy lol

You know when a Dominant kind of guides you around with his hand in the small of your back, he did that. He ordered for me, etc etc etc. Just little things like that

I'm going to say something this week. At least one joke or something along those lines.

Thanks again for all the tips. <3

_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to Deliverance)
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RE: Signs you're talking to a Dominant - 10/2/2005 7:45:57 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: junecleaver

We went out tonight and I was -this- close to saying something. I'm such a pussy lol

You know when a Dominant kind of guides you around with his hand in the small of your back, he did that. He ordered for me, etc etc etc. Just little things like that

I'm going to say something this week. At least one joke or something along those lines.

Thanks again for all the tips. <3

Or he could just be performing the manners he considers appropriate to a gentlemen...many male subs do this as well and consider it "taking care of and pampering" the woman they are with.

(in reply to junecleaver)
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RE: Signs you're talking to a Dominant - 10/2/2005 8:47:47 AM   
MsIncognito


Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

Weakness in the knees, a certain slickness on the upper thighs, the desire to say "Yes, master!" When he says "Nice day, isn't it?"

[puckish mode off]



Oh....you really were kidding, weren't you? *blush*

(in reply to JohnWarren)
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