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stella41b -> RE: Sexual attraction and D/s (3/21/2008 1:25:48 PM)
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Looks to me are unimportant, and to me it has little to do with sexual attraction.
Here I differentiate between looks and appearance. Looks are what you have, they're genetic, what you were born with. Attractive to me is making the best of those looks.
Appearance is subjective, but can be influenced and changed by you. Much of it comes down to attitude and the way you project yourself, carry yourself, and come across to others. I need to be able to look into the eyes and to know that there is life inside the person. There's nothing which puts me off more than the 'dead behind the eyes' expression, the 'vacant possession' sign, that glazed expression as if the person has just emerged from the local taxidermist.
This leads onto another important factor, what that person finds attractive, both in themselves and in others. While I understand that for some people the clothes and the image are very much a part of BDSM what I don't understand is why some Dommes think it's attractive to do themselves up like glamorous transvestites complete with the make up, the ill-fitting clothing, the riding crop held at forty five degrees and the domly expression which makes you wonder whether the photo was taken at gunpoint. Such things as the corset which is three sizes too small and the bulging white flesh which overhangs rather like milk boiling over the side of a pan. But then again I went through a similar stage myself (sans riding crop) and maybe I'm being a bit hypocritical here.
It's all subjective anyway.. I'm not an expert and I'm well short of perfection myself. I've gone through stages where I've resembled someone or something out of a Stephen King novel, but then again I've also had my asshole phases and times when I haven't had as much self-confidence or a proper perspective on who I am as a person, I know I'm never going to win any beauty pageants and have no wish to be seen as a style or fashion guru. This is just my opinion.
I'm not that bothered really whether people see me as attractive or not, as some do and some don't, I much prefer honesty and openness as acceptance is a key issue for me, I'm very much WYSIYWG, what's on the profile matches who I am in reality. I'm open about my being transgendered, it filters out all the idiots from my life, and it's better to share my life with those who accept me as I really am as opposed to who I could be, will be or may be.
Therefore I understand and I can even sense and pick up on someone who also doesn't have a great amount of self-confidence and who has let themselves go. Sometimes you see it on a photo, which is nothing more than an image of someone captured in a split second in their life, you see the smile, the expression, but you also see the tears that they cry inside, the pain, the fear, the sadness, and there's something in the photo that just makes you want to reach out, to be there, just to take them in your arms and hug them. What if...? I know from my own experience just how much energy can come from a new relationship, or how you can bring a change into someone's life just from showing them that little bit of attention and being there for them.
You know sometimes I'm a people watcher. London is an excellent city, as are most cities for watching people. Sometimes there's nothing I like doing more than to go down and walk a walk by the Thames, I have my favourite spots beside various bridges, Chelsea Bridge at night with its lights, Vauxhall Bridge, Lambeth Bridge, on the one side I have the calming, soothing effect of the water, of watching the ripples and waves of the tide coming in or out, and on the other I stand or I sit and I watch people. One of the questions that goes through my mind is 'Just how sexually attractive do you think you are?'
I feel that it's subjective because that's the way it's meant to be. Anything and everything can be beautiful, it all depends on how you look at it. There's nothing to beat the openminded stare of someone in their 20's, that period when looks are still largely unaffected by experience, but let's face it, once you go past 30 the chances of encountering someone with a past and a certain amount of baggage increases. I like my rough edges, it's a part of me, and I like people who don't fight that weathering effect of their lives. Are there no women out there, for example who don't find Joe Cocker attractive? The best female example I can give is Agnieszka Chylinska, a Polish rock singer, six foot tall, Amazonian, strong facial features, who has a singing style not unlike Lemmy of Motorhead.
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