RE: being ignored by your Master

RE: being ignored by your Master (Full Version)

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ownedgirlie -> RE: being ignored by your Master (3/21/2008 11:41:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally3 to have a go at your dominant for enjoying some of his recreational time on here rather than posting to her is, frankly, disrespectful. so, not only did she push him for a response, she also pushed at him for his lack of response. the message to me is abundantly clear. STFU - you do not dictate to me what responses i give or when i give them. i dont see where the confusion lies here. then to say, im only going to say yes master, no master is plain sulky brat mode, sorry OP but youre digging yourself deeper into the poo. I am in complete agreement with this.

Masterssj -> RE: being ignored by your Master (3/21/2008 11:44:02 AM)
I understand what your trying to say , however coming here was a way to try to find out what i was missing in the overall picture . I dont like to go to websites and read a laundry list of things , i wish to learn from real people who have real thoughts , opinions and answers . My coming here wasnt for attention from him or to keep pushing , maybe he will read it maybe not , it actually was and is for myself to try to understand what i may not understand or be missing . my comment of saying nothing wasnt of sulky brat mode , it was a comment of frustration , not everything said by people are said in brat mode . i also didnt say i didnt have a clue , i said i did and didnt at the same time , however my basis was in understanding using ignore as a training tool rather than communication . yes he is actually a very awesome Master , and many times he has patiently answered dozens of things when i have asked , he has given me permission to do things when i didnt expect it and explained and taught me alot among dozens of other things . i guess it is up to me to figure out why this time mattered so much to me and learn from it . i am still new and learning .

Leatherist -> RE: being ignored by your Master (3/21/2008 11:46:40 AM)
I've used it to break through passive agressive reactance. In other words, if a girl procrastinates in completing an assignment, or plays coy when I want to know something-I make it clear that she has lost my interest until she gets with the program and keeps up her end of the bargain. I've lost one or two attention sluts doing this-but it really wasn't that great of a loss.

lally3 -> RE: being ignored by your Master (3/21/2008 11:56:13 AM)
hmmm, ..... i rest my case [sm=banghead.gif]

Leatherist -> RE: being ignored by your Master (3/21/2008 11:57:59 AM)
The worst thing a girl can say to an owner is "anything you want sir" It pisses us off, because it's basically flipping us the bird when we want to KNOW something. It tells us that you have no regard for being transparent, and giving us a clue about how to interact with you in an effective manner. And if THIS is how you behave-you can expect a negative reaction that you WILL not like.

DesFIP -> RE: being ignored by your Master (3/21/2008 12:16:57 PM)
Abandonment is never a good thing to do to someone. Telling you that he was annoyed at pushing and therefore would not talk to you for 24 hours is one thing, but this open ended b.s. and without bothering to tell you what you did wrong shows him in a very bad light. You don't teach someone to communicate openly by slapping them down when they want communication. You do tell them when you're available to talk and when you probably can't respond. Have you even met this guy?

Madame4a -> RE: being ignored by your Master (3/21/2008 12:34:26 PM)
Actually... I personally can't begin to decide what he means.. I'm going by the party that is here telling how she feels... shrug just me.. I wouldn't presume to decide what he means by his silence

BitaTruble -> RE: being ignored by your Master (3/21/2008 12:36:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Masterssj i am new and still in training , and i am trying to understand the practice of ignoring a submissive as a way of teaching . i sort of understand what i did and dont at the same time , my Master asked me to accomplish something and i did so , i was happy i did accomplish this for him but then i heard nothing back from him and i pushed for a response , i also saw he had been on collarme and i made a comment about his being on here and not being able to respond to me , so now i am on ignore and phone messages and emails are not answered . i am trying to understand this practice and how it teaches us something . i really dont understand how ignoring teaches anything . i admit i have alot to learn and i am trying , so how do i get through these periods of being ignored ? There's not a single person on here who wasn't new at some point, so try not to beat yourself up (I'm going to re-address beating yourself up later) when you stumble over a pebble and this is a pebble. The boulders which block the path completely will come later on. [;)] Okay, down to business. First and foremost, recognize your own culpability. He had you perform a given task. You performed it. All good so far. Then, instead of realizing that he is the dominant, you took it upon yourself to try to do his job and dictate how his dominance should manifest in reaction to the task which you performed: seeking the pat on the head for the job well done or something along those lines. (Most of us go through that by the way. You know, "Damn it. You're not Mastering me the way I think you should!" (Been there done that, got the t-shirt. Took a long time to realize there is a reason they're on one side of the slash and I'm on the other. Those silly dominants don't think they have control, they actually do.) Seriously, not a big breech, (and to some not a breech at all) but a breech to your dominant none-the-less and very common among folks new to their submission. It's about the control (or the authority), who has it and who has to give it up. The rewards you get (if any) come from him. The punishments you garner (if any) come from him (which is why I stated earlier not to beat yourself up .. it's not your job to determine whether or not you deserve such .. it's his job). The time you spend in his presence (person, phone, computer time) is time which he allows you to spend. Okay, so what is the purpose of his ignoring you and what is it teaching you? Look inside yourself. What is silence doing to you? Well, it's keeping you completely focused on him for one thing. When will he contact me? What will he say? I'll write to him, I'll call him! Oh no! He's still ignoring me! When will it end?! When will this hell be over!? I'm an objective observer and it sure seems to me that ignoring you is working out pretty damn well. Then, there's this ... quote: i think i am learning to speak only when spoken to , only in short yes and no Master answers and just plain shut up so i dont get in this trouble again .... sort of like the heck with communication , if i want to keep my Master , i best say and type nothing to him unless he asks something ... because i really do not wish to lose him . Still dictating your own submission. Still doing what 'you' think instead of what he desires. Still submitting on your own terms instead of his. Hanging on feels safer. I know. It can be really hard to let go of your comfort zones, but, you know, you can try it. See how it works. See if you're ready to take the next step and actually let go of some of the power you have and embrace what you may become without fear. You need to get naked. Bare yourself, not wrap yourself up in a swaddling clothe and shut down. You don't have to do it all at once, but if you're going to do it at all, you have to start sometime. If I were you and I had learned the lesson in the silence, I would write one time, let him know what I had learned, then let it go. It's his path. You can choose to walk on it because you think it's compatible with you or not, but don't try to plow out new routes in his design. It's just not going to work. Good luck to you, Celeste

Leatherist -> RE: being ignored by your Master (3/21/2008 12:42:47 PM)
Brilliant Bita. I think one of the hardest things a sub has to learn, is that they don't get to control the reactions of the dom. And that what silence often says is this. The only direction you can push me in, is away. When you show yourself understanding of that-we will see what happens next. When you cease trying to BE the Dom, I 'll let you explore being the sub instead. [;)]

Maya2001 -> RE: being ignored by your Master (3/21/2008 1:03:01 PM)
Part of it sounds like you do not trust your Dom and suspect he may be on here fishing here for another sub and just maintaining a relationship with you until he finds another. If this is what you are thinking/feeling .... you may need to ask yourself whether he is making you a priority or an option in his life and decide from there...just because he calls himself a dom ...does not make him the right one for you.

Leatherist -> RE: being ignored by your Master (3/21/2008 1:11:19 PM)
So the sub fucks up and suffers consequences-and it'a always the dom's fault? How typically misleading.

MontrealPhoenix -> RE: being ignored by your Master (3/21/2008 1:18:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist So the sub fucks up and suffers consequences-and it'a always the dom's fault? How typically misleading. Geez, it's ALWAYS the dom's fault..didn't you read the handbook??? [;)] Phoenix

sweetwenchie -> RE: being ignored by your Master (3/21/2008 1:20:03 PM)
Honestly i would say read what Bita had to say... then read it again and again. you cannot dictate how your Master reacts or responds to you, and while i am not big on being ignored as a useful tool, in some situations i can see where a Master might see it as the best viable option for teaching a lesson. Perhaps if you had not continued pushing the period of silence would have ended... hard to say. If you want this man to continue to be your Master, you will have to learn to follow his rules. Try not to use passive aggresive behaviour to make him act a certain way, or expect a pat on the head after completing a task he set for you. While yes it is always gratifying to have things such as that acknowledged, there will be times when the only gratification you can expect comes from within yourself for having done something your Master wanted. good luck to you sj, i hope that the lesson he is trying to teach you has the effect he is hoping for. :)

hopelessfool -> RE: being ignored by your Master (3/21/2008 1:30:14 PM)
I would say when he regains talking to you If he does, ask him have a chat. As two people, not as a D/s relationship. Tell him he may not like what hes about to hear and request not to be punished for what it is you are going to say. Explain how this made you feel, how much it bothered you to not know what was going on and how hard it was to do his tasks with out his imput, ask him why he felt this was the nessicary path to take. Ask him if you need to tone it down or take a step back because of real life stress factors. You are a submissive in the relationship it means you will not always get what you want but you should ALWAYS get what you NEED. Never EVER, simply follow along because you want to stay in the relationship. If its not healthy and good for both of you, its not a good place to be in my opinion. I know being alone is hard and many stay with the wrong people simply to not be alone. But its not healthy to stay with someone who isnt respecting your needs. If hes as awsome as you say he is hes going to give a damn about you as you not as what he can get from you.. imo Good luck

LaTigresse -> RE: being ignored by your Master (3/21/2008 1:32:54 PM)
Celeste and Leatherist, your comments on this thread have been some of the best I have read in a long time. Thank you both.

abeke -> RE: being ignored by your Master (3/21/2008 1:45:39 PM)
If he did not respond to you how do you know he is intentionally ignorming you. Maybe he logged in read your message and wanted to think about it prior to responding or maybe he was busy and was not able respond at that point. I do not always get a prompt return call or email, from people, and I don't always promptly return calls and or emails. Just because I check my email or phone messages does not mean I am going to drop everything and respond right that second. For me, it's called having a life.

CalifChick -> RE: being ignored by your Master (3/21/2008 1:46:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Abandonment is never a good thing to do to someone. Telling you that he was annoyed at pushing and therefore would not talk to you for 24 hours is one thing, but this open ended b.s. and without bothering to tell you what you did wrong shows him in a very bad light. [sm=applause.gif] I don't do relationships where lack of communication is a communication tool. Just doesn't work for me. Been there, done that, won't go there again. Cali

LaTigresse -> RE: being ignored by your Master (3/21/2008 1:53:13 PM)
Call me crazy, but in my world, words are only a fraction of the ways to communicate. Yet another reason why I won't do online.

ownedgirlie -> RE: being ignored by your Master (3/21/2008 2:04:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse Call me crazy, ... Hi Crazy, I'm Creepy. Nice to meet you! [8D] (Sorry, couldn't resist)

Leatherist -> RE: being ignored by your Master (3/21/2008 2:34:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MontrealPhoenix quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist So the sub fucks up and suffers consequences-and it'a always the dom's fault? How typically misleading. Geez, it's ALWAYS the dom's fault..didn't you read the handbook??? [;)] Phoenix Oh, the domebottom's handbook.......I'm afraid I burned it. [;)]

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