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Kirren -> RE: Crime and Punishment (3/22/2008 8:20:41 AM)
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My kitten isnt a live in, but she does come down regularly. I speak to her about 6 times a day on the phone. Recently we had an issue where she was feeling that she was in the way at My house, which wasnt the case, it was just an insane weekend, and she got upset....she wouldnt talk to Me about it...and I found that I needed to put some rules in place.
When I work with kitten, I make it clear to her what I am doing, why I am doing it, and how this particular thing is going to work for both of us. For example, when she wouldnt talk to Me, I explained to her that this life style is all about communication and trust. If she couldnt trust Me to communicate her feelings to Me, no matter how big or small, then it was a slap in the face, and she understood that. But still I felt that there were more underlying issues, and after some discussion I found that there were.
I think if you take the time to communicate with the sub...and tell them what it is you want from them, why and how you you plan to get it, they will open up a bit better for you. I tend to be gentle as well with kitten, often times acting more like a good friend than a Domme to her, and hold back the Dominant aspects until needed or when in session. Thats what works for us now, but then we are also at the consideration stage...where we are both learning each other and what works and what doesnt. So I talk to her alot....ALOT...about everything. Youd be surprised what will make a sub stray from the normal behavior that you have become used to seeing from them...
If you have to have a punishment....make sure it fits the bill.
When I found out what made kitten react in the way that she did...I had a session set up for that day anyway....but I used the things that had happened in the session...making her repeat lessons I had taught her while flogging/paddling her...for example...."Kitten, have I ever told you how much I hate the word no?" "Yes Ma'am" "and did you tell Me no when I was trying to comfort you?" "yes Ma'am" and then came a barrage of paddle slaps...."will you be telling Me no again kitten?" "No Ma'am" and so on and so forth. I used the session, something she loves as actual punishment...and did not allow her to fully reach sub space, by breaking what was norm for her...normally she is gagged, this time she was only blind folded and bound....this way she could reply to Me and repeat what was needed.
Since then she has made comments about how well this worked for her, even joked about it...which is great...and it seems to have stuck...Im very proud of her progress...
So in short what I am suggesting is...find what works for your sub...writing....paddling...what ever you need to do...but DONT cut communication...that could be a vital mistake.
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