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LadyAngelika -> RE: Kinky People dating rituals (9/30/2005 12:16:44 PM)
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quote:
Femdoms should give their input after a few subs respond.
I'm going to answer this with a me/him dynamic of what I'd consider to be the ideal, for me. So the answers in italics are what an ideal guy for me would answer. Then I'll add my own explanation.
I'm also going to indicate that I would only go out for dinner with someone that I've taken time to get to know by phone. Also note that I’ve learned from experience that I will not go straight to dinner for a first date. Usually, what I suggest is that we meet somewhere for a drink and if it goes well, we can proceed to dinner. The worst thing is meeting up with someone, not feeling any chemistry and then realising you are locked in for at least an hour and a half. And of course, being the civil and polite person that I am, I’ll stay through the dinner and make the best of it unless there is something very wrong. But I have learned to take steps to avoid that kind of discomfort. There are a few cases where I have made an exception and agreed to meet for dinner right away, and that is when I get an extra good vibe from the phone conversation or if the person is coming from longer distance to meet me.
Where do you go for dinner?
b. You make a few suggestions but also add, “It’s up to you, of course.”
I like a guy who has a few suggestions ready for me. He should have a good idea, if he paid attention during our phone conversations, of what kind of restaurants I like. However, if there is a particular restaurant I want to go to, that will trump everything of course ;-) He can keep his suggestions for the second date. Oh and I’ll usually select where we meet for a drink first unless he comes up with an excellent suggestion.
How do you dress?
a. You dress casually, but if a restaurant is selected you find out appropriate attire and adjust if you need to.
I like a guy who dresses casual chic. Now I think there is a misunderstanding about casual. Here in Montreal, there are night clubs that have dress codes but a lot of people are in jeans. They are chic jeans of course, very fashionable, etc. I have no problems with a man showing up with a nice pair of clean jeans, a button down shirt and a sports jacket, fine shoes... in fact the first thing I will look at are his shoes. You'll see most men are dressed this way in the hippest restaurants in Montreal. These days they are sporting cowboy boots! What is this world coming to? ;-) But seriously, I like for him to dress for the occasion. I prefer situations/restaurant that calls for casual chic attire.
Who drives?
d. You ask if she would prefer you drive, meet her there or she drives.
I like a guy that doesn't presume anything but rather will ask what I want. I'll take a taxi to meet up with him. I never, ever let someone pick me up at home if we've never met in person before. If he wants to take his car there or not is up to him. In this city, you only need to step off the curb to hail a taxi.
Time to order! What do you do?
a. You allow the lady to order first, then you order
Though I would find this one charming - b. You ask the lady if she would like for you to order for her.
I like a gentleman. So if he offers B, I'll find the gesture sweet but I'll decline. Note that one of the worst faux pas a man can do is jump in and order first. The thing is I like to do my own ordering as I'd like to ask questions to ensure I'm getting my meal as I like it. Now the wine is an interesting thing. If the man is a wine aficionado and he'd like to impress me with a choice of wine and asks if he may have the honours of selecting it, I'll definitely give him the privilege and be very curious to see what he selects. However, if he isn't that knowledgeable, he better defer to me. I’m not very forgiving of men who try to bullshit their way to impress me.
The check comes. What do you do?
a. You immediately pick it up and offer to pay.
I expect a man to offer and I will let him pay, at least on the first date. The exception is that if we don’t make it past the drink… in that case, I’ll pay for my own drink. It usually sends a clear message.
It’s the end of the date and you are saying goodbye. The conversation went well and you feel there may be some chemistry. How do you end it?
None of the above, but if I had to choose one - d. You end it without being presumptuous unless she initiates affection first
I like a guy who will use his intuition. If I like him, he’ll know. There will be no ambiguity. If I’m not sure, he’ll know as well. I expect him to act appropriately. For example, he’ll know that the drink is a pre-test. If at the end of the drink I feel no chemistry, I’ll say “I’m glad I took the time to come out and get to meet you but I would prefer not to move on to dinner with you. Though I feel you are a good person, I don’t feel the required chemistry to pursue this.” I’ve had all sorts of reactions but in general, they understand.
If we’ve made it to dinner, it’s because I’m interested though I may not have figured out to which degree. I’m very good at sending signals as to the degree of interest. For example, if I’m really interested and I know for sure he is, I might look at him at some point and say “so what are you waiting for to kiss me?” and wink at him. That usually throws them off guard, then again, I like doing that kind of thing. I have to say, I’m not very fond of a guy waiting until the very end of a date to kiss me. If I’m not sure, I won’t make myself available for a kiss (my body language will indicate this and I expect him to be intuitive enough to figure that out) but I will let him know that I’d like to see him again. For the record, I never tell someone that I want to see them again unless I intend to.
After the date, what do you do?
None of the above, but if I had to choose one - b. Ask her out again giving a specific time, intent (ie dinner, a movie, whatever)
He’ll know whether I want to see him again. However, I do appreciate when a man finds an assertive way to confirm his interest.
- LA
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