Litmus Test for Real Time play

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Litmus Test for Real Time play - 3/22/2008 9:02:54 AM

sissy2screw

Posts: 17
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So how does one determine if the Top is a Time waster or a RT person ?

So many just want to talk about it...

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RE: Litmus Test for Real Time play - 3/22/2008 9:08:16 AM

Aileen1968

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Set up a meet within a week or two in a public place for coffee. If they come up with a bunch of excuses as to why they can't or they don't show then you know.

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RE: Litmus Test for Real Time play - 3/22/2008 9:55:20 AM

domahpet

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From: Santa Rosa
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there ya go- that was easy huh?!

oh ps, whats litmus?

< Message edited by domahpet -- 3/22/2008 9:56:12 AM >

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RE: Litmus Test for Real Time play - 3/22/2008 10:03:18 AM

colouredin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: domahpet

oh ps, whats litmus?

Its a sheet of papaer that reacts to chemicals, you can use it to find out the PH if you put it in a substance

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RE: Litmus Test for Real Time play - 3/22/2008 10:05:10 AM

domahpet

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thank you, i was really stalled out there ;)

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RE: Litmus Test for Real Time play - 3/22/2008 11:52:17 AM

DesFIP

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You can't. The top may need more time than you, they may not feel comfortable with you yet. Everyone deserves to go at the pace they need.

Just decide you aren't compatible and move on.

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RE: Litmus Test for Real Time play - 3/22/2008 12:06:43 PM

sissy2screw

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Done the casual meeting, etc.... I am looking at a Male Dom btw. They act interested till you say lets play in real time- then they run off.

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RE: Litmus Test for Real Time play - 3/22/2008 1:04:59 PM

xxblushesxx

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Don't cyber, and don't talk about "I'd do this to you, and then you could do that to me" until you have made real life real time connection.

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RE: Litmus Test for Real Time play - 3/22/2008 6:27:01 PM

DesFIP

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Are you telling them what they have to do to you or are you letting them take the lead? Because if you're looking for play, and they're looking for a submissive, then there's a disconnect.

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RE: Litmus Test for Real Time play - 3/22/2008 7:22:34 PM

MasterFireMaam

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Meet someone who has shown up at a local event.

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RE: Litmus Test for Real Time play - 3/22/2008 7:23:42 PM

Leatherist

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I'll meet with someone that's worth it. But I do take some time to explore thier motives-too many nutcase stalkers out there-and it's not just Tops that can be predatory assholes.

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RE: Litmus Test for Real Time play - 3/22/2008 8:47:43 PM

SirMIkeSD

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From: San Diego, Ca
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In my mind and I am sure other will disagree with me. Cyber is not real and it is something I will not engage in why waste my time with cyber. If I have meet you and we are seeing each other and can not be together at that time then that is different. But I think most that just want cyber are using it as a jacking fantasy becasue they have a partner, are a tiem waster or something else.

Mike

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RE: Litmus Test for Real Time play - 3/22/2008 9:59:54 PM

peppermint

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I have to agree with Master Fire. If they aren't willing to show up for a munch or an event, then my experience has been that they #1. Are looking for cyber only. #2. Are married. #3. Believe they are BDSM because they have a simple fetish such as spanking. #4. Really haven't a clue as to what a D/s relationship is.

If they can't meet in a public venue, then they probably aren't worth the time. I finally made a rule that if they aren't a member of some sort of munch or group, i wouldn't talk to them online or meet them at all. Yes, i might have missed a good one, but i am sure i missed a lot of bad ones using that rule.

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RE: Litmus Test for Real Time play - 3/22/2008 11:32:00 PM

hopelessfool

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Peppermint, alot of people can not go to munches or events in the life for many reasons.

None are local and they can not fit time to make it, a 3 hour drive for few hours, with the price of gas lately might not seem worth it.

Age, most all events in the area that I've looked into are at least 21 and up, it makes it hard for us just under that line.

I agree if they dont wish to meet early on though, usually I take a few days online move to the phone, see if what they say online meshes with what they say when you can hear their tone. If they can talk about everything and anything under the sun online. But then on the phone when you mention something they kind of go Huh ??
Id be wary. But mostly its trial and error...

You have to kiss alot of frogs before you find a prince....

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RE: Litmus Test for Real Time play - 3/23/2008 3:31:02 AM

eyesopened

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quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint
I have to agree with Master Fire. If they aren't willing to show up for a munch or an event, then my experience has been that they #1. Are looking for cyber only. #2. Are married. #3. Believe they are BDSM because they have a simple fetish such as spanking. #4. Really haven't a clue as to what a D/s relationship is.

If they can't meet in a public venue, then they probably aren't worth the time. I finally made a rule that if they aren't a member of some sort of munch or group, i wouldn't talk to them online or meet them at all. Yes, i might have missed a good one, but i am sure i missed a lot of bad ones using that rule.

Where i live, people cannot just show up at the munch, they have to be members and have gone through an orientation. A lot of "real" Dominants do not belong to munch groups because of a variety of reasons. my Master hasn't been a part of a group in many years because of the drama that often plagues these groups. i haven't been to a munch in nearly a year myself.

However, meeting for coffee, should not be a problem. If you refuse to 'cyber' and insist on meeting in vanilla setting, no play, it will quickly weed out the wankers.

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RE: Litmus Test for Real Time play - 3/23/2008 12:16:25 PM

kiwisub12

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after talking on line to my Sir two or three times, he suggested we meet realtime at a place of my choosing. I was, I admit, startled at how fast he wanted to meet, but since I was brand new to the lifestyle, I didn't realise how unusual this was.

I have since realised what a great way this is of weeding out the posers and cyberonlys.

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RE: Litmus Test for Real Time play - 3/23/2008 8:09:53 PM

DesFIP

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OP's second post says they are meeting for real, but he's getting turned down for play. Profile suggests he's trying to run the scene to live out his fantasies, and what fun is that for the top unless they happen to share the fantasy?

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RE: Litmus Test for Real Time play - 3/23/2008 8:40:09 PM

Daddysredhead

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sissy2screw
Done the casual meeting, etc.... I am looking at a Male Dom btw. They act interested till you say lets play in real time- then they run off.

Probably not best to generalize and throw all Tops/Dom/mes in the same basket. I have found a few people (2 male subs and one TG) with whom I exchanged emails and calls and become really weird and I just decided to cut bait rather than waste my time.

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RE: Litmus Test for Real Time play - 3/23/2008 9:13:18 PM

BBWnNC72

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i think that after a few "missed" dates or excuses on why one needs to canceal, that should be a clue. Could be they are secure, scared; could be that things really do come up, but then if things come up all the time, would they have time for you? i would and do trust my instincs.
As for restricting meeting people who only belong to a group or such. It isn't for every one. i for one have yet to make it to any munches, demos, socials due to the fact that i work every Sat and Sun 7am to 11pm. Most things are help on the weekend

. i so wanted to see the demo on needle play and piercings! i so wanted to go to the halloween ball!

my Dom (R/T) who i met on CM, used to do the groups, munches and socials, but doesn't anymore because of the drama and BS of "i am far better, experienced, have a better sub/slave, not even attempting to take advice when it is offered because they of course know so much more then you because they are older/been in the "lifestyle" longer. Now i am not saying that every one is like this, but some have made it easy to just not go and have to deal with it.

*edited because it is late and i worked a 16 hour shift and can't spell worth sh*t!

< Message edited by BBWnNC72 -- 3/23/2008 9:16:47 PM >

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RE: Litmus Test for Real Time play - 3/23/2008 10:09:15 PM

Alacrity

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Set up a meet within a week or two in a public place for coffee. If they come up with a bunch of excuses as to why they can't or they don't show then you know.

If we've set up a meet and they don't show, I write them off UNLESS I get a quick email with an apology and a good excuse. Life does happen and unexpected things occur. Otherwise, I completely agree.

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