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What do you think? - 3/24/2008 3:59:07 AM

crazyj68

Posts: 7
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline

Greetings Mistresses
and others,
Im 19 a male, and has a very basic understanding of BDSM and is willing to learn and submit and pretty much open-minded to anything. I have no i idea if i want to either be a sub a switch or Master, but i want to start off as a sub. Is there a Mistress out there that is even willing to deal witht he training and taking in a sub for training and all that? Im just curious if im gona be stuck cause im a male thats 19 and i def have nothing to offer but me myself. I really really really want learn everything i love it alot and im currently trying to be one in a virtual world just to try it out and im having issues just remembering shit but its annoying cause i want it in real life i can only learn so much from a sim. Is there really any Mistresses out there?what do you think of this?
-j-

Post #: 1

RE: What do you think? - 3/24/2008 4:58:12 AM

petpete

Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

Hey kid!! You'll need some self control before you hand it over to someone else.. Relax, learn and see what you can do to help yourself... You wont be any good use if you only focus on others. Your still a person and need to develop your own personal attributes to be something and become an accountable person that you may attract some recognition. Your personal career and establishment should be your goals and the rest will come with time. Rome wasn't built in a day, but it took Nero to burn it in a night....

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!

(in reply to crazyj68)

Post #: 2

RE: What do you think? - 3/24/2008 7:05:30 AM

Shawn1066

Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline

I'd suggest you do a bit of soul searching before you try to get into a lifestyle relationship. If you don't really have any idea of what you want, then perhaps you need to wait a little while longer. Yes, there are Mistresses out there who will train people new to the lifestyle. If there wasn't, then nobody would ever learn. If my Owner hadn't taken me seriously, I'd still have absolutely no experience myself.

DV's Fox

(in reply to petpete)

Post #: 3

RE: What do you think? - 3/24/2008 7:20:11 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

j,

I'm going to offer different advice from what you've gotten so far.

Get involved in a local or nearby community.

Be aware that many groups have age biases -- oh, they'll give you a lot of excuses for why they want you to be 21+ and sometimes even put their meetings in bars so you must be to get in, but frankly they are just excuses. You are old enough to consent to vanilla sex, get married and to go die for your country so you are bloody well old enough for kink.

So email the groups and find out if they have such age restrictions. If they don't, then start attending events. If they do, just write them off and keep searching. Don't limit yourself to things such as TNG groups either, age bias is not pretty either way but if a TNG group is all you can find that will let you attend, then you have to start somewhere.

Attend events.

Go to listen, to talk, to learn. Don't go to find a partner cause that's a pretty good way to not find one or to get discouraged fast. You need to go for information and some experience -- that will take time, probably a few years. Forget the fantasies and the sex drive that tells us all "you need this now" cause you don't, you need knowledge and experience and that will take time.

I'll say it again: It may take years.

Now you may find tops and bottoms to scene with casually and if you do, do that safely but do it! Get experience, get knowledge, always think critically and always ask questions but never demand more information than you are also willing to share. Be wary about the information you share with others until you know them better.

In a few years (I'd say 3-7 depending on you and the opportunities you have) I think you'll be much better as saying "I'm a top leaning switch" or "I"m a sensual submissive in the bedroom" or whatever you learn you are. It might even be, I'm vanilla with a kinky streak. It's all good if it is a reflection of the true you.

If you have money or access to a very big library or one with interlibrary loan, check out various threads on this website for books that have been recommended for beginners. I'd stick to non-fiction right now even though that means I'm not promoting my own books because I think that will help you learn more realistically at this point.

Good luck. This journey will be exciting, scary, frustrating, and sometimes frankly mundane but that how all of life's journeys are.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to crazyj68)

Post #: 4

RE: What do you think? - 3/24/2008 7:34:06 AM

MissLily

Posts: 146
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline

Oh là là! I think it's an invasion of "I'm new and is there someone to take me on" sort of thread...

Is it the new fashion?

Miss Lily

(in reply to crazyj68)

Post #: 5

RE: What do you think? - 3/24/2008 7:37:43 AM

MistresssAria

Posts: 165
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline

Are you playing Second Life? *giggles* I'm a dork & play that all the time at work...if I guessed it, what's your name there?

I don't charge for sessions in a land where you can fly...........

*falls over laughing*

_____________________________

"It never got weird enough for me." -Hunter S. Thompson

~*~*~Mistress Aria~*~*~

(in reply to MissLily)

Post #: 6

RE: What do you think? - 3/24/2008 8:16:58 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistresssAria

Are you playing Second Life? *giggles* I'm a dork & play that all the time at work...if I guessed it, what's your name there?

I don't charge for sessions in a land where you can fly...........

*falls over laughing*

I think quite a few people on CM play Second Life, in fact we have a collarme group over there

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to MistresssAria)

Post #: 7

RE: What do you think? - 3/24/2008 10:04:46 AM

Pyrrsefanie

Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissLily

Oh là là! I think it's an invasion of "I'm new and is there someone to take me on" sort of thread...

Is it the new fashion?

Miss Lily

Who are you wearing, darling?!

Nothing like the smell of Eau de Desparation in the morning...

< Message edited by Pyrrsefanie -- 3/24/2008 10:05:25 AM >

(in reply to MissLily)

Post #: 8

RE: What do you think? - 3/24/2008 12:36:08 PM

crazyj68

Posts: 7
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline

yes i do play sl and no im not desperate just eager to learn. why are people so daft to think that just because you are lost confused and really interested in anyone helping you means im depserate if i was desperate id walk outside and knock on people's doors and ask them if they where into bdsm i dont care i'll get stoned and do it.

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)

Post #: 9

RE: What do you think? - 3/24/2008 12:42:36 PM

Pyrrsefanie

Posts: 1222
Joined: 9/18/2007
From: NEW HAMPSHAAAAAAH!
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyj68
if i was desperate id walk outside and knock on people's doors and ask them if they where into bdsm i dont care i'll get stoned and do it.

Ladies, we've got ourselves a keeper!

(in reply to crazyj68)

Post #: 10

RE: What do you think? - 3/24/2008 2:35:14 PM

aidan

Posts: 904
Joined: 5/28/2005
Status: offline

You're a credit to the age-bracket, duder. Way to raise the bar!

_____________________________

Do what now?

"I aim to misbehave."
-Mal Reynolds

(in reply to Pyrrsefanie)

Post #: 11

RE: What do you think? - 3/24/2008 5:07:12 PM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

quote:

You are old enough to consent to vanilla sex, get married and to go die for your country so you are bloody well old enough for kink.

Oh yes. You're hormones are raging enough they HAVE to consent to vanilla sex or our already overloaded prison system would be the staple of private industry (which it is already close to). And, the Dept. of Children and Family services would be so overloaded it would be more catastrophic than it already is regarding children/families who need assistance. And, you can join the military because you're young and looking for the "benefits" they offer and "may" not have enough education or social status to understand that you're going to die for some greedy phuck's "capitalistic" ventures as opposed to your family's, and country's freedom.

However, IMNSHO, I think anyone under the age of 25 (give or take a few) is surely not clear of their own boundaries and power. So, HOW IN THE WORLD could they recognize the signs of a healthy endeavor of power exchange. I DO believe they are mentally capable of participating in a little topping/bottoming sensation play (NOTHING psychodynamic, only physical). HOWEVER, when it comes to a 1:1 POWER EXCHANGE of control/submission, I, personally, don't subscribe to it being mentally or psychologically healthy in this stage of human development.

You have to have something that already has a defined shape before you can mold it.

I won't even play with anyone under 28-30 y/o. And, that is VERY, VERY iffy.
Even though TNG might have access to more "information" at a younger age, there is JUST NO WAY you can fit 30-40 years of LIFE experience into 18-28 years. It just can't happen!! And, the evolution of human development is PROVEN that "introspect" doesn't even begin until somewhere around 30 y/o. Give or take a few.

I think younger people (18-25) should be encouraged to work on other areas of their life like school, career, personal vanilla realtionships (family, lovers, friends) before embarking on a journey of "alternative" reality. Remember, please, this is an ALTERNATIVE lifestyle. You have you understand what you are alternating FROM before you can understand what you are altnernating TO.

Just my take. Take it or leave it.

< Message edited by MistressVnus -- 3/24/2008 5:08:54 PM >

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 12

RE: What do you think? - 3/24/2008 5:50:03 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

I'm guessing, MistressVnus, that you didn't have any kink or BDSM or DS feelings before you were 30 then?

That's sad if true.

I think we are much healthier and happier the sooner we figure out ourselves and our sexuality.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MistressVnus)

Post #: 13

RE: What do you think? - 3/24/2008 10:33:40 PM

MistresssAria

Posts: 165
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyj68

yes i do play sl and no im not desperate just eager to learn. why are people so daft to think that just because you are lost confused and really interested in anyone helping you means im depserate if i was desperate id walk outside and knock on people's doors and ask them if they where into bdsm i dont care i'll get stoned and do it.

*falling over at the ganja part............*

_____________________________

"It never got weird enough for me." -Hunter S. Thompson

~*~*~Mistress Aria~*~*~

(in reply to crazyj68)

Post #: 14

RE: What do you think? - 3/24/2008 10:35:56 PM

MistresssAria

Posts: 165
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline

[/quote]
I think quite a few people on CM play Second Life, in fact we have a collarme group over there

~Lashra

[/quote]

Ahh...........I don't want to mix that up too much.......*looks into crystal ball*........I foresee drama.............. ;)

_____________________________

"It never got weird enough for me." -Hunter S. Thompson

~*~*~Mistress Aria~*~*~

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 15

RE: What do you think? - 3/25/2008 4:48:02 AM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

quote:

I'm guessing, MistressVnus, that you didn't have any kink or BDSM or DS feelings before you were 30 then

I think you missed the point. It didn't have anything to do with having the feelings. It had more to do with focusing on yourself and your goals in life so that you have something to bring to the table (in any relationship), besides "kink."

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 16

RE: What do you think? - 3/25/2008 6:38:26 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressVnus

quote:

I'm guessing, MistressVnus, that you didn't have any kink or BDSM or DS feelings before you were 30 then

I think you missed the point. It didn't have anything to do with having the feelings. It had more to do with focusing on yourself and your goals in life so that you have something to bring to the table (in any relationship), besides "kink."

I think you didn't understand my point.

Part of figuring out everything is figuring out if kink has a place in your life and if so how it does.

If you do all that vanilla only stuff you might end up married to someone and then later in life discover you are kinky. We've seen that scenario time and time again on this board, I've seen it in meatlife, it very rarely works out happily for everyone involved.

I think it is far better to start your exploring while you are a young adult.

For many of us, kink or Ds or whatever you want to call it is part of us, it isn't a separate thing. Learning about it all should happen at the same time.

No where in my reply to the OP did I tell him to settle into a 24/7 relationship, in fact I basically told him to learn and get lots of different experiences for at least 3-7 years. That's the perfect way for him to figure out what he wants and how it all might fit together as he's figuring out a career, firming up him life goals and philosophy, and developing as a mature adult biologically and mentally.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MistressVnus)

Post #: 17

RE: What do you think? - 3/25/2008 7:51:04 AM

MistressVnus

Posts: 1036
Joined: 1/4/2008
From: Central Florida
Status: offline

quote:

I think it is far better to start your exploring while you are a young adult.

I believe if you go back and read what I wrote that you will find where I state that sensation play and topping/bottoming
WITHOUT the Dominant/sub dynamics would be perfectly acceptable. In other words, "exploring."

I still stand in my conviction, however, that people that young are doing themselves a disservice by engaging in a Dominant/submissive dynamic, whether it be 24/7 or not, where one's control is given over. Which, you seem to agree with.

_____________________________

In the ties that bind,
Mistress Venus
http://www.mistressvenus.com

"I'm not IN the lifestyle. The lifestyle is in Me!"

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 18

RE: What do you think? - 3/25/2008 9:37:27 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressVnus

quote:

You are old enough to consent to vanilla sex, get married and to go die for your country so you are bloody well old enough for kink.

Oh yes. You're hormones are raging enough they HAVE to consent to vanilla sex or our already overloaded prison system would be the staple of private industry (which it is already close to). And, the Dept. of Children and Family services would be so overloaded it would be more catastrophic than it already is regarding children/families who need assistance. And, you can join the military because you're young and looking for the "benefits" they offer and "may" not have enough education or social status to understand that you're going to die for some greedy phuck's "capitalistic" ventures as opposed to your family's, and country's freedom.

However, IMNSHO, I think anyone under the age of 25 (give or take a few) is surely not clear of their own boundaries and power. So, HOW IN THE WORLD could they recognize the signs of a healthy endeavor of power exchange. I DO believe they are mentally capable of participating in a little topping/bottoming sensation play (NOTHING psychodynamic, only physical). HOWEVER, when it comes to a 1:1 POWER EXCHANGE of control/submission, I, personally, don't subscribe to it being mentally or psychologically healthy in this stage of human development.

You have to have something that already has a defined shape before you can mold it.

I won't even play with anyone under 28-30 y/o. And, that is VERY, VERY iffy.
Even though TNG might have access to more "information" at a younger age, there is JUST NO WAY you can fit 30-40 years of LIFE experience into 18-28 years. It just can't happen!! And, the evolution of human development is PROVEN that "introspect" doesn't even begin until somewhere around 30 y/o. Give or take a few.

I think younger people (18-25) should be encouraged to work on other areas of their life like school, career, personal vanilla realtionships (family, lovers, friends) before embarking on a journey of "alternative" reality. Remember, please, this is an ALTERNATIVE lifestyle. You have you understand what you are alternating FROM before you can understand what you are altnernating TO.

Just my take. Take it or leave it.

I started "playing" as soon as I was old enough to date. Domination is in my blood. But I spent many years just messing around with blindfolds, maybe a pair of handcuffs, still a virgin, necking in the backseat of a car while pulling hair, making my boyfriend "beg" and telling him to pretend he was kidnapped. I agree that trying to find the ultimate power exchange relationship at a young age is probably a bad idea, but experimenting while dating, courting, and learning about the world is a good idea.

Too many submissive men get so wrapped up in their fantasy that they just watch and read porn for years, waiting for "Ms. Femdom Right" to come into his world; he develops expectations based on fantasy and learns no dating, courting or relationship skills. His viewpoint is why bother dating a vanilla girl if he wants to be the slave, period. So he misses out learning things like how to be a great kisser, conflict resolution, understanding the mind of a woman, etc. Sometimes he ends up being a 35+ year old virgin, because he has waited so long for "Ms. Femdom Right" to appear in his life. As a result, he's not as socially comfortable as his peers.

I have to ask some subs, what good is a "pussy slave" if he has never had enough experience going down on women outside his fantasies? And how good can a fulltime 24/7 sub in a power exchange relationship be, if he's never worked through conflict resolution in casual dating situations? How can he know how to express total devotion if he's never experienced puppy love or a crush and let it ride out through the infatuation stage? Dating, relationships, and making love are all skill-based things. To stop doing them all and wait for a perfect femdom just results in a man who is not balanced.

I think curious, young subs should do their best to date, learn to flirt, learn how to order a bottle of wine, become great kissers, and unless they have some spiritual hangup, become great lovers. At the very least they should know what it's like to "go steady," even if most relationships kind of stall due to sexual incompatibility - what's the harm in trying? You may meet a surprisingly compatible open-minded "vanilla" girl who wants to experiment.

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to MistressVnus)

Post #: 19

RE: What do you think? - 3/25/2008 10:17:31 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressVnus

quote:

I think it is far better to start your exploring while you are a young adult.

I believe if you go back and read what I wrote that you will find where I state that sensation play and topping/bottoming
WITHOUT the Dominant/sub dynamics would be perfectly acceptable. In other words, "exploring."

I still stand in my conviction, however, that people that young are doing themselves a disservice by engaging in a Dominant/submissive dynamic, whether it be 24/7 or not, where one's control is given over. Which, you seem to agree with.

Actually I do not agree.

I was dominating when I was 23; I got Fox, my slave when he was 19. We've been together for over 8 years now. My family is perfectly fine both as a unit and as individuals.

I'm not saying that everyone is like us but I think there are far more people who are capable of doing DS than you might want to believe. Ds can be time limited or it can be long-term, I won't attempt to limit how people practice and exercise their Ds desires nor to judge someone who submits for an hour or two as less than Fox nor will I judge someone who has authority over a partner for a few hours as less than me. Just different, the world is built partly on differences so I think it's a good thing.

Plus I've seen a lot of 40+ people who frankly didn't understand Ds or how to make it work for any amount of time to know that the concept of an age you can do that it is silly.

I guess you've had radically different experiences than I.

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 3/25/2008 10:20:45 AM >

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MistressVnus)

Post #: 20

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