Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

I know what i want but how do i find it!?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> I know what i want but how do i find it!? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
I know what i want but how do i find it!? - 3/24/2008 4:23:24 AM   
crazyj68


Posts: 7
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline 		im pretty new to bdsm no experience but i know alot being a sub. i admit i know everything there is about being a sub, but i know what i want. i def want a Mistress and i know my limits and i know what i like. I want to finally live life instead of one so pointless and meaningless. im crazy open minded and know how to be a good sub, but how do i find a Mistress at 19? im at a loss because i have nothing to offer but myself. Anybody help me!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: I know what i want but how do i find it!? - 3/24/2008 4:37:04 AM   
petpete


Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline 		You should be thankful your still 19!!! You have a whole life time in front of you, and you start worrying from now???!!!!.. Hey kiddo, you are going to go nuts if you continue like this.. Take your time, meet people learn, respect and don't be pushy... Someone once told me, you have to find or be found by a person that understands you and you understand them. So patients participate, get to know people not just online but real life too and consider yourself lucky you are young!! Some of us are just waking up now and we call it midlife crisis... Good luck kiddo..

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!


(in reply to crazyj68)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: I know what i want but how do i find it!? - 3/24/2008 4:39:31 AM   
HalloweenWhite


Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline 		The only way to find what W/we want is to go out into the world and look for it, but it'll take time. Do you go to fetish fairs etc?.

(in reply to crazyj68)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: I know what i want but how do i find it!? - 3/24/2008 4:42:17 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		adjust your profile regular, post here and keep the journal up to date.
write...what is in your mind..and wait

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to HalloweenWhite)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: I know what i want but how do i find it!? - 3/24/2008 4:47:58 AM   
katie978


Posts: 352
Joined: 7/21/2007
Status: offline 		   First off- stop whining about being 19! These kinda threads come up weekly. Better to start as a complete newbie at 19 then as a complete newbie at 50. You've decided what you want early on and have a lot of time to get it. Think of your age as an oppurtunity.

 Also, it seems like you need to build up some confidence. "I have nothing to offer but myself" is a foolish, somewhat romantic notion. "Yourself" must have some good qualities, and although you've never been spanked and don't have enough money for "tributes", I imagine you could still find someone. If you're interested in being a service sub, well, you already know the basics! Can you clean? Give an alright foot rub? Be a devoted and caring sub?   Apart from professional dommes, who require someone who can afford them, thereare no set specifications on what is required to be a sub. At 19, no one is expecting you to be a millionaire with a big house, stunning dungeon, and 25 years of experience as a sub.

   A mature attitude and willingness to learn are a good start to being a great sub. Finding a mistress is hard, and it's going to take a while. "My life situation right now is pretty much dead " is probably the main thing you should work on. Get a job, go to college, do that sort of thing. If your life is a mess, finding a mistress won't fix that. Relationships are about sharing your life with someone, not getting a life because you're with someone. If your life has no meaning without a domme, it probably won't have meaning with one. You need to find that in yourself, not is someone else.
 
  Good luck!

~edited to make sense~

< Message edited by katie978 -- 3/24/2008 4:51:18 AM >

(in reply to petpete)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: I know what i want but how do i find it!? - 3/24/2008 5:52:41 AM   
MD1Master


Posts: 34
Joined: 3/7/2008
Status: offline


Nothing worth having comes quickly.  Just get out there and find what you want.  She is not going to knock on your door.  You need to seek her out!



(in reply to katie978)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: I know what i want but how do i find it!? - 3/24/2008 7:40:03 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

She is not going to knock on your door.


well  ..mine..actually did...lol
(but ..that was propably luck ;)  )

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to MD1Master)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: I know what i want but how do i find it!? - 3/24/2008 7:53:08 AM   
MistresssAria


Posts: 165
Joined: 6/17/2007
Status: offline 		Check yer grammar & punctuation.........I'm not trying to be mean!........but I take people much more seriously if it looks like they took at least a little time thinking about what they write.  

_____________________________

"It never got weird enough for me." -Hunter S. Thompson

~*~*~Mistress Aria~*~*~

(in reply to Justme696)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: I know what i want but how do i find it!? - 3/24/2008 8:27:53 AM   
mastervalentine


Posts: 157
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline 		You've plenty of time to find what you seek, and to learn all the more how (and more importantly; when) to kneel and submit yourself to one who has taken the title and the sacrifice that comes with it. 

Don't rush things, it's the worst possible decision you could make right now. Give it time, and spare yourself some measure of suffering.

_____________________________

"If philosophy has taught me any one thing, it is that a rushed action invites disaster." ~MasterValentine

Say not, 'I have found the truth,' but rather, 'I have found a truth.' Kahlil Gibran

(in reply to MistresssAria)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: I know what i want but how do i find it!? - 3/24/2008 8:41:58 AM   
insidioustoy


Posts: 13
Joined: 11/2/2007
Status: offline 		19 . . . I'm so glad you really know what you want and have figured that alllll out. I'm 32 and I'm still not entirely sure what I want, must be nice! Also, I've found that my tastes change over time. I started out as a firm sub only, to dabbling in Gorean for a while, left that  and now I am a happy as hell little slave/Switch. And being a Switch is something I would never had considered at 19. But, feelings, wants, tastes and needs changed. Life is mutable. What I thought I wanted ended up not working or was not quite what I expected. I wish I had known there were places like this in the world when I was 19 because the best thing you can do is what you are doing right now. Asking for advice from those who have been there. Read read read read everything you can get your hands on. Explore that which makes you all squishy inside. Ask others about things that pique your interest yet you feel squeamish about. Trust me, on this message board, someone has been there and will be happy to share.

And I know its hard when you are younger but try not to validate yourself through what you assume another person wants or needs. That leads to telling people what you assume they want to hear in order to make them happy. And when you are submissive making others happy is a huge source of joy but submissives tend to do it at the expensive of their own desires and needs. Been there, done that, learned and moved on.

Anyway, welcome and I know you will find friends and or mentors here. Free therapy, advice, laughs . . . make use of it!

nikki

(in reply to crazyj68)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: I know what i want but how do i find it!? - 3/24/2008 8:51:09 AM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyj68
how do i find a Mistress at 19?

Fox found me at 20.
Your age will only become a problem when you act like a child. Whining, using imporper english and the like are surefire ways to complicate your search.
Do not concentrate on how old you are, or how badly you need to be a submissive. Try explaining what you have to offer, what you want to learn and what it is you want. But do it in proper, well written english. Dont let your profile be all about you.
And most of all, remember that you are not necessarily going to find the perfect person on the first try. Sometimes it does happen, but more often than not it doesnt.  Do not be too eager to move in and change your life, dont let your depseration for the position get in the way of your common sense.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to crazyj68)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: I know what i want but how do i find it!? - 3/24/2008 8:56:14 AM   
DomMeinCT


Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Just my two cents (and it may be due to my age, not yours), but I don't know how many dommes are looking for someone who uses the term "crazy" in their username.

_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung

(in reply to crazyj68)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: I know what i want but how do i find it!? - 3/24/2008 8:59:19 AM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		if i was 19 id be at the bars and bringing home a new Mistress every night.

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.
I am flawed.
Imperfect.
MUST SPANK!!!
SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to DomMeinCT)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: I know what i want but how do i find it!? - 3/24/2008 9:01:11 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyj68

im pretty new to bdsm no experience but i know alot being a sub. i admit i know everything there is about being a sub, but i know what i want. i def want a Mistress and i know my limits and i know what i like. I want to finally live life instead of one so pointless and meaningless. im crazy open minded and know how to be a good sub, but how do i find a Mistress at 19? im at a loss because i have nothing to offer but myself. Anybody help me!


This is a different message than what you sent to the "Ask a Mistress" forum.....

If that message was more honest, then see my reply there.

If this one is more honest, well, I don't like being lied too so I have nothing more to offer you.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to crazyj68)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: I know what i want but how do i find it!? - 3/24/2008 9:19:08 AM   
chellekitty


Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline 		well, i am hoping you meant to say that you admit that you don't know everything there is about being a sub...but aside from that...the desperation kind of kills any chance at anyone taking you seriously...

just in case you hadn't figured it out - the bdsm lifestyle (and everything that falls under it) is not just another clever way to get a girlfriend...

still with me? rewrite your profile...READ the message boards...learn some shit...maybe even go out into the real world...check out a TNG group if your regular munch is 21+ as most are these days...socialize...meet and talk to people without thinking about "how can i get my jollies with this person"....

come back and tell us how it went....lol...

chelle


_____________________________

One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to crazyj68)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: I know what i want but how do i find it!? - 3/24/2008 10:11:03 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		Something occasionally difficult for submissives (male and female) who are new to the lifestyle, is the excitement to serve overwhelms good sense.

You sound like you're pretty unhappy with the way your life has been going, and this submission thing seems like the perfect; nay, the only possible escape.  What better way to ditch the boring nightshift job at 7-11 than to while those hours away locked in a cage, taken out only to be used when needed, paraded and objectified, to live a life of 'miserable' servitude.  Unfortunately, these fantasies are up there with other fantasies of being rock stars and movie gods; you could probably fit the number of full time, 24/7, non-working, non-paranting slaves on lawnchairs on a football field, and still have room for the kegs. 

Instead of declaring how much you know about what you want 'if only someone would give it to me' you would do well to take a good hard look at yourself, and determine what you could be doing, what direction you could be going, without the Mistress of your dreams.  Learn to be a whole, happy person with yourself, and you'll be leaps and bounds closer to meeting someone whom you would enjoy.  Your very words paint the picture: "all I have to give is myself."  If you're not happy with who that person is, without an owner, what possible healthy reason on earth would someone want to own you?  Work on making that submissive in the mirror a happy, healthy, interesting, vibrant person, and people really will start banging on your door to get to know you.

Oh yeah:  And read THIS.

Stephan

< Message edited by Stephann -- 3/24/2008 10:13:15 AM >

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to chellekitty)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: I know what i want but how do i find it!? - 3/24/2008 2:59:15 PM   
rook42


Posts: 110
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline 		*agrees with Stephan*

Being a store of value ain't bad.... Think too many worry about the being accepted, and less of what is getting accepted. Acceptance comes from value, not the other way around. (Logic: This does not imply that a lack of acceptance is a lack of value- it DOES imply that a lack of value--->lack of acceptance, though)

Trading for a life that is "pointless and meaningless" doesn't seem like good business. Increase your product value before you start thinking about a sweeping ad campaign... a disappointed consumer can be a kick to the balls. Potentially literally, in this case. Might want to start recognizing the value you have, and find ways of adding value- take a massage/accounting course,brush up on your cooking, get some humility, or improve in whatever the hell it is that your target is looking for.

If it doesn't work out, at least you're a humble accountant with magic hands and fresh brownies. Hell, I'd be happy masturbating and eating all day if I had some brownies and magic hands.

P.s.:
Think the general consensus is that happiness is hot, as well. Even if you are looking for a sadist- they can make their own misery anyway.

(in reply to Stephann)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: I know what i want but how do i find it!? - 3/24/2008 3:26:22 PM   
Phin


Posts: 1802
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline 		dont force yourself on dommes. nothing is more unattractive than a pushy sub...
attend social and munches. talk, be yourself, have fun,

_____________________________

"Isn't wonderful when our bruises show what we hide in the back of our heads?"Fayetteville band, Nephilym

"He is my angel, my devil, my naughty boy, but above anything else my Master"My girl sin

(in reply to rook42)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: I know what i want but how do i find it!? - 3/24/2008 6:15:14 PM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyj68

im pretty new to bdsm no experience but i know alot being a sub. i admit i know everything there is about being a sub, but i know what i want. i def want a Mistress and i know my limits and i know what i like. I want to finally live life instead of one so pointless and meaningless. 


(I'm going to guess this sub is about 21 or younger {I didn't cheat} because they write in text format).

To the OP / this sub / you....chill...relax....it'll be fine.

Learn to spell (and type) full and complete words.

Life will be good.

(in reply to crazyj68)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: I know what i want but how do i find it!? - 3/24/2008 6:19:21 PM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyj68

im pretty new to bdsm no experience but i know alot being a sub. i admit i know everything there is about being a sub, but i know what i want. i def want a Mistress and i know my limits and i know what i like. I want to finally live life instead of one so pointless and meaningless. im crazy open minded and know how to be a good sub, but how do i find a Mistress at 19? im at a loss because i have nothing to offer but myself. Anybody help me!


This is a different message than what you sent to the "Ask a Mistress" forum.....

If that message was more honest, then see my reply there.

If this one is more honest, well, I don't like being lied too so I have nothing more to offer you.


I read the original post too- so OP, which is it?  you know everything about being a sub and you are definitely a sub looking for a Mistress OR you don't know which end of the spectrum suits you and you are new to all of this??/

Do tell

Lady Jag

_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> I know what i want but how do i find it!? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109