quote:

ORIGINAL: hissweetbella

i was thinking this morning about how would be a proper way for a submissive or slave to set boundaries in a D/s relationship.  i'm relatively new to the D/s dynamic.  i've played for a number of years, but only with friends or at play parties, not in a relationship.  i've been with my Sir for a year, but i'm still not sure i understand even a fraction of how a Dom and sub are supposed to interact when it comes to things the submissive may not feel comfortable with.  Sir is pretty laid back.  There aren't a lot of rules or protocols and so far i have simply come to him and talked to him if something was bothering me.  But what if, even after talking to him and explaining exactly how a certain thing makes me feel and being clear that i would like to find another way to handle the situation, it still continues.  Is there a proper way to communicate, "i can't handle this and it needs to stop now," without it sounding like i am trying to control the relationship, even when it is something that would end the relationship?  Where is the line between between standing up for your needs and topping from the bottom?  Many have told me in the past that there is no difference, but i just can't subscribe to the idea that a submissive must just blindly submit even though her personal boundaries are being crossed.  i hope this makes sense.

quote:

ORIGINAL: hissweetbella

i was thinking this morning about how would be a proper way for a submissive or slave to set boundaries in a D/s relationship.  i'm relatively new to the D/s dynamic.  i've played for a number of years, but only with friends or at play parties, not in a relationship.  i've been with my Sir for a year, but i'm still not sure i understand even a fraction of how a Dom and sub are supposed to interact when it comes to things the submissive may not feel comfortable with.  Sir is pretty laid back.  There aren't a lot of rules or protocols and so far i have simply come to him and talked to him if something was bothering me.  But what if, even after talking to him and explaining exactly how a certain thing makes me feel and being clear that i would like to find another way to handle the situation, it still continues.  Is there a proper way to communicate, "i can't handle this and it needs to stop now," without it sounding like i am trying to control the relationship, even when it is something that would end the relationship?  Where is the line between between standing up for your needs and topping from the bottom?  Many have told me in the past that there is no difference, but i just can't subscribe to the idea that a submissive must just blindly submit even though her personal boundaries are being crossed.  i hope this makes sense.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

And the problem with my way or the highway attitudes is just this-road rash on a doms ass from hitting the tarmac at sixty miles an hour. Ultimatums always carry the risk of refusal.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Celeste43
However, men have a tendency not to listen when women talk. Because men tend to do instead of talking, so to get through to him on an action level I suggested she act the way he would. Just to see if he needs that to understand.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

By no means L.A., but in general terms men prefer to do instead of talk and it only makes sense to speak to those men in a language they do understand, a language of action.

Bella, you already know that the more you talk about it, the more he ignores it. So stop talking and start doing. Maybe that will wake him up. Because either you decide you aren't taking this or you decide you are. If you don't want this, then stop letting him do it. It really is that simple.