RE: Jealousy

RE: Jealousy (Full Version)

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amuzingtoyou -> RE: Jealousy (3/25/2008 3:33:03 PM)
Not everyone has that type of D/s relationship. What you describe is more of a M/s relationship. Where a slave gives up all rights and has no say. Personally I negotiate things before I take a collar. Make sure he and i are on the same page on many areas. Find out what his kinks are and if they are things i feel i can follow. If not, then why would i bother? I am a person first and foremost. Just because I choose to submit to someone doesn't make my feelings or thoughts any less of value. Now that is how i choose to live my life. And believe me it is far from vanilla. Where does this idea come from..that just because we are submissive that we follow blindly? Submission comes in all levels..and it is not a black or white thing. I still advise this girl to talk to her Master and explain how she feels. Otherwise she will just continue to feel bad. She shouldn't be bashed because she has feelings.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Jealousy (3/25/2008 3:47:11 PM)
1st: you are going to feel what you feel regardless of who tells you to feel otherwise. 2nd: if you want to work through the feelings of jealousy, you need to look at the core reasons behind why you are jealous. Usually, it comes down to two thing: one, you are simply not wired to be poly or, two, you have self worth issues. 3rd: you need to decide if you need a Master who cares about your feelings in order to be fulfilled. Some can work with the, "It's this way because I say so," Master, some can't. 4th: talk to him about it. He might say, "Tough, deal with it," at which point you can decide about point number 3. Master Fire

Daddyslilpookie -> RE: Jealousy (3/25/2008 3:59:07 PM)
Nope no need for jealousy here happily monogomous to each other (did I spell that right lol?) Collared/Owned and married for almost six years now[:)]

ThunderRoad -> RE: Jealousy (3/25/2008 4:10:03 PM)
Jealousy is a symptom of something else. You can't "fix" jealousy, but instead have to find out the real reasons you are jealous and address them.

daddyncherry -> RE: Jealousy (3/25/2008 4:53:51 PM)
i just wanted to throw out a differnt perspective on the whole "He is doing it to make you jealous" concept.....well it could very well be that, there is another option (atleast one more)...and considering she swallows how she feels and goes running like a happy little puppy, he may be unaware. So another possibility.....He could be trying to make her face the situation head on, without "actually" facing it.......She IS being included,much more than some subs whose Masters do things elsewhere and they just have to deal with it...He is allowing her to be there, to take in the sounds, and the ideas of what is happening,.....he is sharing it WITH her instead of doing it without her knowledge................Maybe by doing this she will see that girl B or C or Q will end up leaving and he will still be WITH her.....they would've been involved in it together, and the other girls just passersby.....Maybe ultimately she will become more secure in the relationship and less jealous or envious. .....

hejira92 -> RE: Jealousy (3/25/2008 5:14:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: amuzingtoyou Not everyone has that type of D/s relationship. What you describe is more of a M/s relationship. Where a slave gives up all rights and has no say. Personally I negotiate things before I take a collar. Make sure he and i are on the same page on many areas. Find out what his kinks are and if they are things i feel i can follow. If not, then why would i bother? I am a person first and foremost. Just because I choose to submit to someone doesn't make my feelings or thoughts any less of value. Now that is how i choose to live my life. And believe me it is far from vanilla. Where does this idea come from..that just because we are submissive that we follow blindly? Submission comes in all levels..and it is not a black or white thing. I still advise this girl to talk to her Master and explain how she feels. Otherwise she will just continue to feel bad. She shouldn't be bashed because she has feelings. I quote the OP: I am very blessed, my MASTER is my ONE TRUE MASTER and will be my only MASTER. I am overwhelmed with love and desire to serve, please and obey him and ultimately make his pleasure my pleasure. I have to take this on face value and think that the OP and her master HAVE done all the work you describe. I based my comments on what she said of HER relationship- not mine or yours. And I did tell her to talk to her master- Actually, I described it as her obligation as property to bring him all her concerns and feelings. And when she does bring him all this- it may change nothing. We don't know his motivation for his actions. We can only hope, as a responsible owner, he is trying to teach her something that will contribute to her growth, rather than ignoring her emotional needs. But, and this is a big BUT, we cannot tell her that her needs come first and she must renegotiate after a collar has been given and she must see to her needs first because, if she doesn't, who will? That is, first, undermining and disrespecting her master and, second, refuting the whole concept of being owned. And if there is no trust between these two, why would she make the first statement? She needs to be reassured that her trust is not misplaced and that her master has a "master" plan. For that, yes, she needs to go to HIM- not a board of strangers that jump in and encourage her doubts and self-indulgence.

DesFIP -> RE: Jealousy (3/25/2008 5:15:35 PM)
About the was this negotiated question. You can't negotiate everything ahead of time. Moreover you can't predict what your reaction will be. Sometimes you think you'll be fine and discover otherwise, other times vice versa. Which is why relationships have to be flexible enough to deal with problems when they come up. Because if you can't discuss it when you need to, the relationship will go south due to resentment and anger eventually. Hell, she could have been fine with the other woman and found out she was claustrophobic and having panic attacks from being shut up. Shit happens.

kyraofMists -> RE: Jealousy (3/25/2008 5:32:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire You are being put in the closet in order to MAKE you jealous. Thats the only reason for putting someone in that sort of situation, trapping them somewhere they cannot avoid the reality that their Master , or in my case Owner, is enjoying someone else. No, I don't think making someone jealous is the only reason that would be done. Just reading what the OP described and my first thought was that it sounded pretty fucking hot. I think my Lord would get turned on and find pleasure in stuffing me in the closet while he had sex with someone else. One of my fantasies has been to be locked in his cage while he beats/fucks Alandra. Knight's Kyra

OsideGirl -> RE: Jealousy (3/25/2008 5:36:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP About the was this negotiated question. You can't negotiate everything ahead of time. Okay, but having someone else in your relationship is a big one and I think it's something that should always be addressed when it comes to collaring. It's something that's at the core of our beings and isn't something likely to change. I think it's one of the most important things that a submissive should ask before accepting a collar. quote: Moreover you can't predict what your reaction will be. Sometimes you think you'll be fine and discover otherwise, other times vice versa. Which is why relationships have to be flexible enough to deal with problems when they come up. Which means that Dominants should be flexible too. It means that sometimes, they may need to back off on something for the relationship to survive. In this case, she doesn't seem terribly upset by the what is going on even though she admits to jealousy. quote: Because if you can't discuss it when you need to, the relationship will go south due to resentment and anger eventually. This is dead on.

DesFIP -> RE: Jealousy (3/25/2008 6:02:32 PM)
Absolutely Oside. When they discussed opening the relationship, she might have assumed she would be there or he would only go elsewhere. But did he know then he wanted her caged while it was going on? I doubt it. And as it turns out, she's fine with that, she just doesn't know if he wants her to be jealous or not. I vote she comes out saying "Already, I was having a great nap in there", thus mindfucking the mindfucker. But I'm snarky like that [:D]

Frenzy -> RE: Jealousy (3/25/2008 6:13:26 PM)
Why not hide a vibrator in there ahead of time?! :) Or some knitting, a puzzle book, etc?

Hisgirlonly -> RE: Jealousy (3/25/2008 7:33:47 PM)
is it sad that i read the OP's first post and i'm turned on?

amuzingtoyou -> RE: Jealousy (3/25/2008 10:35:08 PM)
not at all Hisgirlonly....we all have different things that turn us on....I'm a voyer..i would want to watch...but i might be tempted to pull out those score cards like during the olympics. I give him an 8, the russian team gives him a 7.

littleone35 -> RE: Jealousy (3/26/2008 7:23:57 AM)
No need for jealousy here we are only with each other. We had discussed this ahead of time and he knew if i accepted his collar i would have to be the only one. He agreed, i just don't share well. Matt's littleone

lubegirl -> RE: Jealousy (3/26/2008 12:07:27 PM)
Thank You all very much for your responses! This is my first relationship with a DOM and I realize I am a very lucky bitch because he is my MASTER for eternity. Everytime I am in his presence I am on fire and I push myself to be a better slave because I am madly crazy inlove with HIM and the "POWER" he has over me. The jealousy is not often however, as a slave I did feel inadequate when he showed interest in others because, For example, I just gave him my heart and soul begged him to control me, degrade me, punish me basicalluy just amuse HIMSELF with me and now he is showing interest in her?!? I merely felt that she was not worthy in his attention. I clearly understand now that MASTER enjoys variety it is not that I am being disowned or that he is losing interest.He just has a high sex drive and wants me to be prepared for another slave sister. If my MASTER wants me to have a slave sister then I will do everything to train her to his likes and dislikes. [;)] I feel so much better than I did yesterday and I am actually excited about sharing and training other submissive women to please him, Only the very best will do for MASTER. Amazing how helpful this thread was, Thanks Again! Lubegirl

tsatske -> RE: Jealousy (3/26/2008 12:56:46 PM)
quote: Count me in on the people who shrug when the response to anything is "has this been negotiated?". It's not possible to negotiate every conceivable situation that may arise. I know, Katy. I am of the 'has this been negoated' crowd, but only because it is a valid consideration in figuring out your next move. It is not a , well, if you didn't think to negotiate it, too bad for you! Nor even an, well, it was negoated, you thought you'd be fine with it, your stuck now, sistah! renegotation is a constant in any relationship, as people grow and change.

OmegaG -> RE: Jealousy (3/26/2008 1:00:37 PM)
I agree that not everything can be negotiated, but I would certianly think that if a man wanted more then one partner, he'd know that. I know we talked about it from almost day one.

tsatske -> RE: Jealousy (3/26/2008 1:11:03 PM)
MasterFire, I am deeply wired to be poly. I have, in the past, had attitude problems with myself when I would feel some twinge of jealousy. But everyone feels jealousy sometimes. And I don't just mean in romantic relationships. I mean of your neighbors new car, what have you. I would get so mad at myself whenever I felt jealousy. My reaction to myself was like, 'what is this infantile emotion doing in ME?' slowly I have learned that jealousy is a symptom of something. perhaps some need is going unmet. perhaps I need to talk about something. perhaps I need some down time, some ME time. Whatever. when I feel that way, i need to figure out why, so I can address the why and fix it. Many times, in the past, it has been that I am ignoring what I sense, because a Dom is telling me to ignore it. Now, I know that I must listen to myself. jealousy is me trying to tell myself something important, and I need to listen and figure out what I am saying.

DesFIP -> RE: Jealousy (3/26/2008 5:36:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Frenzy Why not hide a vibrator in there ahead of time?! :) Or some knitting, a puzzle book, etc? I was envisioning a closet with the door shut, dark and airless. If it were me, I'd outfit it with some pillows, books, reading light and a fan!

xxblushesxx -> RE: Jealousy (3/27/2008 12:23:25 PM)
Did your forever master get an std test for the new girly? Or are std's not a hard limit for you? Personally, I'd take a book and a flashlight in there and read. If I didn't mind him being with someone else.

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