Question for the younger ones

Question for the younger ones (Full Version)

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ChihirosCurse -> Question for the younger ones (3/25/2008 3:44:28 PM)
Hi there. So here's the deal. I'm 19 and at home and such...just getting into things here, and trying to reach out to the real world and actually network with people. So I was just wondering if there was anywhere here in the same boat. I'm the firstborn in my family, and as such, my parents are a little protective. Things are different obviously when I'm away at school, but here at home, problems are presenting themselves. It's frustrating! Its seeming impossible! Anyone out there feeling the same way?

colouredin -> RE: Question for the younger ones (3/25/2008 3:52:46 PM)
Im the first born, i also live with my family, luckily I have a fairly open minded family and also they dont ask a lot of questions, I wouldnt ever have someone over here of course which can cause some problems (to be fair logistically I have the worlds smallest room, which is totally unfair and I have the most stuff and im the oldest but im not gonna moan) Yeah I think it always feels a little isolated to begin with, but at the same time it gives you the opportunity to visit lots of places because they cant stay with you ;)

Stephann -> RE: Question for the younger ones (3/25/2008 4:35:18 PM)
My girl has a thing she says: "Long as I'm paying my bills, I can act as immature as I want to!" I know how hard it is to be dependent on your parents. I joined the Marines at 18, was married at 19, had a child at 20, and divorced with full custody at 22. I needed to stay with my father for a few months to get back on my feet. I had been on my own for four years, responsible for myself, and doing pretty well. I was reduced from being the breadwinner, father, and husband, to being 16 again and having to ask permission to leave the house for an hour to go to the supermarket. The only solution, really, is to try to cut the apron strings they've tied to you, or accept that you're just going to have to wait a little longer. Don't worry, those girls will still be waiting. Stephan

ChihirosCurse -> RE: Question for the younger ones (3/25/2008 4:57:34 PM)
Thanks for your responses. It just kills me that now that I'm getting the chances to go places, I'm so trapped. It's so funny that now that I think about it (though I've never tried), it would be so much less of a hassle for me to go places in LA when I'm at school in Santa Barbara just because the parent factor is removed...even though here at home, I'm about 1/2 an hour from the places I'd want to go! Haha. Oh well. :) I think a big problem is I've never been the rebellious (or social - "What? You are making friends?!") teen, so they look at me all funny when I ask if I can go out for the night. Maybe I should just start sneaking out and being ungrateful! Haha, just kidding. :P

Stephann -> RE: Question for the younger ones (3/25/2008 5:09:58 PM)
Actually, we hit the LA scene most weekends; we live in SB too. I'll hit you up on the other side, if you want a ride. Stephan

TheLookingGirl -> RE: Question for the younger ones (3/25/2008 6:09:54 PM)
Lived with the parents until about 7 monthes ago...I know you're pain. And giggle with the glee of not having to go through it anymore! (sorry, couldn't resist)

RipenReady -> RE: Question for the younger ones (3/26/2008 3:36:51 PM)
I'm 22 and still live at home. It's hell. It's great that I don't have to pay rent and stuff but everything else is hell. I still have a curfew of when I have to be at home, have a time when I can leave the house or I can't get out, always asked questions on where i'm going, can't drink in the house, can't have friends over, etc.

derfrewop -> RE: Question for the younger ones (3/26/2008 4:05:49 PM)
Just think of this time as practice because 30 years from now, they are going to come live with you. Imagine dealing with your mother-in-law when you know there is no way she didn't hear what you were doing to her daughter. The real advice is suck it up for now, work hard to cut the apron strings as fast as possible.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Question for the younger ones (3/26/2008 4:06:55 PM)
Well in some ways this is a universal problem of "returning home." You're a different person, they aren't. They see you as the same, you get stuck in the same old environment and everything tries to shove you back into who you used to be. It just so happens that who you are now is a bit more alternative than most. My advice tends to be- show them what a responsible person you are, show them maturity by treating them with respect, having a sit down about expectations and boundaries and be patient.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Question for the younger ones (3/26/2008 4:09:27 PM)
I oved back into my parents house at 29 after my divorce to get my feet back under me. You want difficult! Trymoving from complete independance and living essentialy alone to being back with a family that fully believes in the "my roof my rules" way of life. I was ready to pull my hair out in less than a year. Grin and bear it, you will be out on your own eventually, and anything lifestyle just make sure you go somewhere else, do not bring it home. It might be hard to find places to play, but it is a hell of a lot harder to try and explain what someone may walk in on. My mom accidentaly overheard plenty of phone calls when I was distance with Angel and thankfully her hearing is bad enough she didnt actually HEAR anything. That was bad enough, I couldnt imagine trying to play around them. DV

shysub0951 -> RE: Question for the younger ones (3/26/2008 4:19:38 PM)
i lived with my parents until i was 23, and yes i'm the only as well. i met my Dom a little over a year ago when i was still living with them, and pretty much all we did was talk online until i was able to move out. Maybe, not sure when you turn 20, but start asking your parents about moving out on your own with their help? Or you can always go out for lunch/dinner if you find someone who your attracted to. The only word of advice from my own personal experience is that if you tell someone that your still living under your parent's roof, it may be hard to actually connect with that person. i know i've had quite a few nos when i've told people about still living under my parent's roof. But my Dom was understanding and didn't push the issue, mainly it was online and phone that we would talk. Best of luck

ChihirosCurse -> RE: Question for the younger ones (3/26/2008 4:23:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Well in some ways this is a universal problem of "returning home." You're a different person, they aren't. They see you as the same, you get stuck in the same old environment and everything tries to shove you back into who you used to be. Thats a great way of explaining the frustration! And yeah, I know the solution for now is to just wait it out and establish a little more independence, but hearing everyone else's stories/ methods of dealing with it is nice. DiurnalVampire- There's pretty much no chance of bringing anyone back here anyways...we're a family of six (I'm the oldest of four sisters...why do I have to be the role model? :P!) with two to a room each. So that wasn't an option to begin with, hehehe. Not having a car doesn't help either. Ah well!

DesFIP -> RE: Question for the younger ones (3/26/2008 4:31:09 PM)
Do you know anyone else from your area, can you make plans to meet them there? Because then you can say something to the effect of "I've arranged to meet a friend in (insert name of town) on Friday night, can I have the car?". Just say that they don't know her, you met her through a friend. The more necessary info you give them, the less they'll need to ask. Tell them who you're meeting - first name, tell them you're thinking of the late movie after shopping and dinner, and give them the time you'll be back. Then come back on time not smelling of cigarettes or alcohol. It's important that you volunteer info as opposed to them dragging it out of you. Doing so shows you are approaching this from their point of view. You give them the info they need and by volunteering just that info, you're setting up healthy boundaries. Give them what's needed to protect you. If they still give you no privacy, tell them that next time you'll stay with your friend and try to squeeze in a visit to them if they would prefer that. But for you to be treated as an adult, you have to act like one. So if you say you'll be home by 1:00, then do so. Because if you don't get back till 3:00, don't expect them to view you as an adult because adults keep their word and do not needlessly cause others to worry about them.

Lynnxz -> RE: Question for the younger ones (3/26/2008 4:35:48 PM)
I don't think there's any way I could move back home. I moved out at 16 to my own place, ditched it and joined the army at 17... there's nooo way I could move back home. My whole relationship with my parents got much better after I left, actually. We get along great now. ^_^ Just keep your eye out for cheap places to rent. My first place was just a room in a familys house, like $300 a month.

MidMichCowboy -> RE: Question for the younger ones (3/26/2008 5:42:31 PM)
When I was 20, I got a great job in radio and so put college on hold for a while. I moved home for a few weeks until I could find a place to live. While there, I respected the fact that it was their house and worked hard at respecting their rules. I lasted almost a week. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m19.gif[/image] I've lived on my own ever since. Two weeks after I left, my dad stopped by and "caught" me with a young lady playing on the kitchen table. While it was a little embarrassing to be untying someone while talking to my dad, it did bring home the fact that this was my house. I still don't know if he ever told my mother. had to edit to add: I did learn to lock the door.

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