New to the lifestyle, suggestions? (Full Version)

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Labman1 -> New to the lifestyle, suggestions? (3/25/2008 8:22:30 PM)

I have been involved in several long term relationships.  I have a tendency to pick submissive women and was eager to please.  I have in those experiences learned a lot about myself and what I enjoy, and I consistently add things that I have done, and have enjoyed to my list of interests.

My last S/O was extremely submissive and consistently fantasized about 24/7 D/s. Since we were in a long distance relationship (due to school) we only got to do this over a few weekends and it really unleashed a lot within me.  So I find myself EXTREMELY interested into delving into this much deeper and I am looking up communities in the Dayton area to find out more about myself, my interests and the best ways to conduct myself.

Here's where I find my catch.  I also enjoy being a complete romantic and wooing women in the "traditional sense" (eg dating, talking getting to know each other, and in general being a sensitive person). I actually recently contacted a sub interested in 24/7 for learning and experience.  - something in the way I approached her inspired such a spiteful response I just don't know how to reply, or even begin to grow into the lifestyle.

Is there a way to be sweet and sensitive and compassionate, wanting nothing but your partners satisfaction in their own life, in and out of the household and bedroom, while still wanting to be fiercely dominant? Is there a way to convey this to someone?  Do any of you have a suggestion of who to seek out? (an experienced slave who can help a dom learn, or an inexperienced slave who can grow with the dom?)

I want to dive into this and really build on the things I have already discovered that I enjoy (and know cannot be commonly found in the mainstream), but I don't want to get in over my head.

HELP!!!



AquaticSub -> RE: New to the lifestyle, suggestions? (3/25/2008 8:36:22 PM)

Sure. You fucking want what you want and god damn it, YOU ARE GONNA GET IT!

You wanna woo 'em? Do it! Bring 'em roses? Do it! But make it clear that you are doing this because it pleases you. Valyraen enjoys racking up the counting of orgasms he can make me have and beating the old score.

One piece of advice: Sometimes it's hard for subs/slaves to accept that they can have nice things and have their owners be nice to them. In some ways, I think it's harder for many to wear ball gowns than it is for them to wear rags. Don't be discouraged, just know what you want and be assertive about it.



Maya2001 -> RE: New to the lifestyle, suggestions? (3/25/2008 8:58:58 PM)

Just like you have certain preferences with regards to lifestyles...  so do subs ...you just have to find the one that has similiar views as yours.  You may also want to include that info in your profile it will help to weed out those subs/slaves not interested in your style of domination.  Doms come in alll flavors ranging from sensual romantics to demanding sadists that wish  to micromanage and their are subs out their who will fit the range 



MissHarlet -> RE: New to the lifestyle, suggestions? (3/25/2008 9:14:37 PM)

 
For me my submissive is a Treasured Possession and if I chose to pamper them or be romantic it is just that MY CHOICE .. because it pleases me .. it doesnt make me less dominant... it is truly a matter of finding those that understand and want this also.

When I am well served and pleased I pamper and spoil my sub..... just the way I am



LadyPact -> RE: New to the lifestyle, suggestions? (3/25/2008 9:26:32 PM)

There is nothing wrong with being both a Dominant and a romantic at heart.

That being said, I would fully encourage you to explore the r/t time community.



Cuffkinks -> RE: New to the lifestyle, suggestions? (3/25/2008 9:46:27 PM)

   Absolutely nothing wrong with being a romantic, as long as you find the type of submissive who is looking for that type of Dominant. Otherwise, you will not fit, and that will just lead to frustration...For both of you. Be romantic, but remember that you are the Dominant. She will look to you for that. Best of luck to you. Enjoy the journey.



Labman1 -> RE: New to the lifestyle, suggestions? (3/25/2008 10:28:33 PM)

Thank you all for your advice, I have found a local community that hosts a weekly munch so I'm planning on heading out there to discuss and learn more about myself, my limits, and get suggestions on what I need to know/understand about the lifestyle.



DesFIP -> RE: New to the lifestyle, suggestions? (3/26/2008 4:50:59 AM)

Usually that's described as a sensual dominant. Go for it. I'm in a relationship with one like that and life is good.
But don't try to pretend to be someone different just because you think you ought to be. You won't be happy and neither will she. Seek out what you need.



epiphany -> RE: New to the lifestyle, suggestions? (3/26/2008 6:21:44 AM)

  Mine is not really a romantic, but our relationship is much more than just our M/s dynamic. He is my best bud, the person who I tell all my secrets to, and my sounding board. We do a great many things together , exploring in and out of the lifestyle....more just exploring life.

  Having said that, we know that whatever he wants, whenever he wants it, he gets...sex, play or service. He holds me to a very high standard of behavior and has some serious non-negotiables. He is the "brook no nonsense" type.

  It's well balanced...I can be playful and we have ton's of fun, he does things for me that I could never do for myself, helps me acheive my goals and dreams....but he also expects complete obedience. He is a fabulous, and for me, perfect blend of hard core Dominant male, and caring, patient, friend, lover and protector.

You can be everything you are, and the right girl will think you are perfect!

epiphany



OsideGirl -> RE: New to the lifestyle, suggestions? (3/26/2008 7:26:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

Sometimes it's hard for subs/slaves to accept that they can have nice things and have their owners be nice to them.
  I wouldn't have settled for anything less.

Master is romantic and he loves to spoil me in little ways. He's also one hard core, rat bastard of a sadist. My birthday was a full weekend of dinner, movie, drinking wine with friends, breakfast in bed and a spanking that left me sitting very tenderly.

I actually believe that kinky folks need to date. So few here bother to get to know each other outside of sex. It's like a constant Merry-go-round of relationships.

Honestly, if you're a novice you may want to find a Male Dom/female sub couple or Dom male to mentor you.



AquaticSub -> RE: New to the lifestyle, suggestions? (3/26/2008 8:38:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

Sometimes it's hard for subs/slaves to accept that they can have nice things and have their owners be nice to them.
  I wouldn't have settled for anything less.


It's way we do things as well but not everyone likes to do things that way. For those that feel fulfilled, I don't really see them as settling.



littlebitxxx -> RE: New to the lifestyle, suggestions? (3/26/2008 12:26:08 PM)

There's nothing wrong with being a Dominant and a romantic and a softie to your sub, if that's your choice.  From the other side of the coin, how long would she remain happy with you if you didn't treat her well and pamper her once in awhile?  You don't need to be an "all about me" type to get your own good treatment.



OsideGirl -> RE: New to the lifestyle, suggestions? (3/26/2008 6:07:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

Sometimes it's hard for subs/slaves to accept that they can have nice things and have their owners be nice to them.
  I wouldn't have settled for anything less.


It's way we do things as well but not everyone likes to do things that way. For those that feel fulfilled, I don't really see them as settling.
Yeah, but for me it would have been settling. It's all personal choice.



lusciouslips19 -> RE: New to the lifestyle, suggestions? (3/26/2008 6:14:39 PM)

I look for the sensuous courtly type. Just state on any profile that this is who you are and wont settle for less than what YOU want. I have a Dominant friend on CM that states that he is from the "Kingly Stance". You may think about a roll as a Daddy Dom. Little Daddy's girls LOVE romance.[:)]



nwcutie102 -> RE: New to the lifestyle, suggestions? (3/27/2008 9:41:10 AM)

i love it. you have the best of both wonderful characteristics! stay as your are... the lucky lady when you find her!



MisterStrongWill -> RE: New to the lifestyle, suggestions? (3/28/2008 12:22:10 PM)

Wow I say!There are many types of slaves find the one that fits..thats it!!!It may take a year or 2..but it will be worth having a good relationship!



SlaveSeekerGA -> RE: New to the lifestyle, suggestions? (3/28/2008 12:24:28 PM)

I have been searching for a slave for over four years since I had to release my last slave. If any one has any suggestions that may help me find what I seek then please let me know.





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