Submission/Society and the REAL DEAL

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Submission/Society and the REAL DEAL - 10/1/2005 9:29:55 AM

SimplyWickedGRL

Posts: 6
Joined: 6/19/2005
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Although I have only in the life for a few years; I have learned and grown so much that it truly amazes and astounds me. From all the experiences I have encountered, I truly belief a proper training requires a Dom/me to work up to everything. Any Dom/me that value the submission that is given to them will realize this important tid bit of information and take that into account, especially with newbie’s. The lifestyle requires a trust, something the sub MUST give and without reservation.... and because it is a complete trust issue it needs to be earned. And this is the part that pisses me off, most Dom/mes think they are entitled to this trust, or some shit like that. In this world, you can barely trust your people you’ve known for years, yet there are some people out there that want submission and adherence without the thought of trust. It’s an important note most people in ANY lifestyle don’t take into account, trust is something that is earned.

I can’t imagine how hard the thought of giving total control is like, but this is the type of submission that is more encompassing than most people appreciate. I'm a Domme; I don’t like the thought of giving up control, not my bag...

As a sub, do you get off on the rush of it? Or is the thought beautiful to you? What’s your the thoughts behind that?

My submissives tell me “that is the allure of submission”.
I don’t get it personally, I could never do it. But then again, a COMPLETE submission is something most subs wouldn’t even consider. I could fake submission, like most do, hell I do it in my everyday life so I can function in the vanilla world. But be a true slave/sub, I just couldn’t do it. And because I know this, I truly feel this make me stand out over the rest.

I personally find submission to be so beautiful. It’s more than the kinky sessions that go on for hours and hours. For a man/woman to give of themselves without hesitation is something most people in this society can not understand. Submissives, you have to let go of all the rules society enriched in you. This is to submissive men especially, you NEED to let go of your pride and give of yourself without reservation. It is something that requires character and strength. Being a ‘bitch’ or your Master/Mistresses ‘bitch’ is not a bad thing, as your have been taught your whole life. It is gorgeous, and not to mention HOT, to lower yourself before a Dom/me and give. Your reward will be more than you will ever imagine.

Would you put your body and soul in the hands of another, trust that no matter what only good can come of it... even it times are not always prefect. I think it takes a very special kind of Dom/me to appreciate that... luckily enough for me... I am such a girl.

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RE: Submission/Society and the REAL DEAL - 10/1/2005 10:02:37 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyWickedGRL

Would you put your body and soul in the hands of another, trust that no matter what only good can come of it... even it times are not always prefect. I think it takes a very special kind of Dom/me to appreciate that... luckily enough for me... I am such a girl.

If anyone told me that they trusted me completely when we first started training, I'd send them out the door immediately. If someone told me that they believed only good would come of our training, I'd also send them out the door immediately. Only a fool trusts that much and in that way in the beginning; I don't have time for fools.

Part of starting any relationship is getting to know the other person and seeing how well you match. That initial trust need not be great but if it doesn't grow over time then it should be a big sign that the relationship will not work.

Trust grows because of continued contact and proof that the initial trust is respected and as it grows it continues to be respected. Trust goes both ways -- if a dominant or top doesn't trust the sub or bottom, they are setting him/herself up for big problems and self-doubt down the road.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to SimplyWickedGRL)

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RE: Submission/Society and the REAL DEAL - 10/1/2005 10:14:45 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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Aint that the trueth TammyJo aint that the trueth.

That's why I like the apprenticeship aspect of the relationship where you start the basic training and keep evaluating the person you are considering.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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RE: Submission/Society and the REAL DEAL - 10/1/2005 2:33:43 PM

Awakener

Posts: 88
Joined: 9/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyWickedGRL

The lifestyle requires a trust, something the sub MUST give and without reservation.... and because it is a complete trust issue it needs to be earned. And this is the part that pisses me off, most Dom/mes think they are entitled to this trust, or some shit like that. In this world, you can barely trust your people you’ve known for years, yet there are some people out there that want submission and adherence without the thought of trust. It’s an important note most people in ANY lifestyle don’t take into account, trust is something that is earned.

I really don't think it is most. Yes many think this way, but many others believe basically what you have stated here. All whom i have met and consider friends think along these lines.
I suppose i do expect a certain amount of submission and respect, but I get that in the vanilla world as well. This is just my nature. I lead not follow, and most people are happy enough to allow that, but i certainly do not expect trust from anyone. Because a person naturual tendencie is to submit to authority does not prerequisite they trust that authority. You have to prove to them that they can trust you.

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RE: Submission/Society and the REAL DEAL - 10/1/2005 3:09:55 PM

LordODiscipline

Posts: 995
Joined: 6/28/2004
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LOL... that was enjoyable...

Between the oft quoted analogies about BDSM from the web...

...and the indignation over the inference of 'fake' dominants...

....and, the stated indignation about submissives who fake their submission...

Hell... it really was a hoot of a self-agrandizing advertisement.

~J

(in reply to SimplyWickedGRL)

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RE: Submission/Society and the REAL DEAL - 10/1/2005 3:21:43 PM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
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Isn't it true that the only thing anyone "needs" to do is be themselves (it's impossible to be someone or something else for very long, as you well noted). Beyond that, the lifestyle is whatever any given individual wishes to make of it, and no one "needs" to make it what you want it to be. The best you can do is to find an individual(s) with which you are compatible (ie: their version of the lifestyle is compatible with your own).

It's a quaint notion that a Dominant may mold their submissive/slave into whatever it is they desire. But quaint notions play better in erotic novels than real life. No one can be "made" to like what they do not like, or to need what they do not need, or to accept what they will not accept, or to tolerate what they will not tolerate, etc.

Most (I suppose there's an exception to everything) power exchange relationships are not composed of submissives/slaves simply "enduring" whatever it is that is desired of them. In the end, they're either fulfilled and gratified by the relationship, or they're gone.

John

(in reply to SimplyWickedGRL)

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RE: Submission/Society and the REAL DEAL - 10/1/2005 6:06:24 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
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I tend to wonder when I see "Real." All too often it's "like me." However, it's equally spurious when it's "can't be accomplished."

We are better off talking about what works between us than trying to create some definition for perfection.

The shadows on the cave wall work perfectly well for me.

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www.lovingdominant.org

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RE: Submission/Society and the REAL DEAL - 10/1/2005 8:02:13 PM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LordODiscipline

LOL... that was enjoyable...

Between the oft quoted analogies about BDSM from the web...

...and the indignation over the inference of 'fake' dominants...

....and, the stated indignation about submissives who fake their submission...

Hell... it really was a hoot of a self-agrandizing advertisement.

~J

Dang. Why did I think of THAT?

Texas Maam

(in reply to LordODiscipline)

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RE: Submission/Society and the REAL DEAL - 10/1/2005 9:04:38 PM

domtimothy46176

Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

If anyone told me that they trusted me completely when we first started training, I'd send them out the door immediately. If someone told me that they believed only good would come of our training, I'd also send them out the door immediately. Only a fool trusts that much and in that way in the beginning; I don't have time for fools.

Part of starting any relationship is getting to know the other person and seeing how well you match. That initial trust need not be great but if it doesn't grow over time then it should be a big sign that the relationship will not work.

Trust grows because of continued contact and proof that the initial trust is respected and as it grows it continues to be respected. Trust goes both ways -- if a dominant or top doesn't trust the sub or bottom, they are setting him/herself up for big problems and self-doubt down the road.

As much as we tend to focus on the myriad issues where trust is involved, rarely do I see anyone acknowledge the courage it must take to make the initial leap of faith. Granted, there is a leap of faith for both parties and yet it never fails to impress me when a submissive puts her ass on the line for the first time with a particular dominant. For the novice, one might dismiss it as a course of action undertaken without a true understanding of possible consequences, but not so the submissive who's been around the block a time or two. I think it's intestinal fortitude in action, nothing less.
Timothy

(in reply to thetammyjo)

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RE: Submission/Society and the REAL DEAL - 10/2/2005 6:26:41 AM

Rover

Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
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I have seen several submissive/slaves who have been "around the block" a time or two who, every few months, make that leap of faith (only to find out that even faith is based upon something).

There is a difference between "faith" and "wishfulness".

John

(in reply to domtimothy46176)

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RE: Submission/Society and the REAL DEAL - 10/2/2005 7:06:47 AM

SimplyWickedGRL

Posts: 6
Joined: 6/19/2005
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Ok, so maybe it was rude for me to say 'most' Dominants feel/think that way.

Interesting responses though, I love to come across people who have their head on straight.