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RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 12:36:56 PM

Poetryinpain

Posts: 341
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline

I'm with littlebit on this one.

Uh - not literally - I meant I agree with littlebit.

However, having gone through periods of celibacy - no sex and no BDSM, I know it's possible. Not desirable, but possible.

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There is none so blind as he who will not see.

(in reply to littlebitxxx)

Post #: 41

RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 1:32:06 PM

subsezM

Posts: 6
Joined: 3/23/2008
Status: offline

Yes i would stay in the lifestyle. The actuall physical act of sex itself is important, but there are times when it just isn't possible, Master has many ways of giving sexual pleasure without the actual act itself as i have with Him. Yes Bdsm is basically sexual but it is also a mental attitude for me and i just love it when Master can bring me to orgasm without even touching me

(in reply to AMaster)

Post #: 42

RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 1:34:23 PM

daddyncherry

Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

I think I read the question differently. I read it more as "if you were physically incapable of having sex, would you still pursue a BDSM or D/s relationship?

Stephan

Ahhhh, in that case....

Yes i would if i were physically incapable of having sex....because i do get soooo much out of the many other facets of the relationship.

That being said, if i personally was incapable, then i wouldn't expect him to be monogamous, and though i would still love and want to serve him if he were incapable, i couldn't go without sexual activities of some sort with someone.

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 43

RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 1:38:22 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyncherry

Ahhhh, in that case....

Yes i would if i were physically incapable of having sex....because i do get soooo much out of the many other facets of the relationship.

That being said, if i personally was incapable, then i wouldn't expect him to be monogamous, and though i would still love and want to serve him if he were incapable, i couldn't go without sexual activities of some sort with someone.

You mean, as opposed to right now, where you don't expect him to be monogamous? . And hey! I thought you were supposed to be tanning right now!!

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to daddyncherry)

Post #: 44

RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 2:52:44 PM

sublibrarian

Posts: 96
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

BDSM is inherently sexual for me. I can't see me having a purely BDSM relationship without sex, although I can perhaps see a given scene without sex (but I'd be craving the sex). As others have pointed out, sex isn't just penis-in-vagina - there's a myriad of sexual acts one can engage in besides that. If my partner couldn't have intercourse, I would hope that we'd find other ways to be sexual with each other.

(in reply to camille65)

Post #: 45

RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 3:30:39 PM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

yes

(in reply to camille65)

Post #: 46

RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 3:37:13 PM

Real_Trouble

Posts: 471
Joined: 2/25/2008
Status: offline

For me, the two are inexorably intertwined. I'm not interested in one without the other, in either direction, in the same way I prefer my cars to have both engines and wheels.

Either on its own is necessary but not sufficient.

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Send lawyers, guns, and money.

(in reply to AMaster)

Post #: 47

RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 3:39:22 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I do, with Angel. Our realtionship is mostly nonsexual and always has been.

DV

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Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Real_Trouble)

Post #: 48

RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 3:44:20 PM

TheLookingGirl

Posts: 162
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: A city near you.
Status: offline

I don't know that I would have as much of an interest without sex.

Like I said in the other thread...it's a sexual thign for me...so taking out the sex...means its just a thing.

Nope. Probably wouldn't stay. I dont like these questions about getting rid of sex. Let's never do that.

_____________________________

The strongest & most effective force in assuring the long-term maintenance of power is not violence in all the forms deployed by the dominant to control the dominated,but consent in all the forms in which the dominated acquiesce in their own domination.

(in reply to AMaster)

Post #: 49

RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 5:06:48 PM

Gleegal67

Posts: 218
Joined: 6/18/2007
From: Phoenix
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: azropedntied

Aweee shark bait thats so sweet of you to post that ..

Sir, I always speak with truth and from the heart.

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~always the gleeful one~

(in reply to azropedntied)

Post #: 50

RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 5:18:58 PM

daddyncherry

Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyncherry

Ahhhh, in that case....

Yes i would if i were physically incapable of having sex....because i do get soooo much out of the many other facets of the relationship.

That being said, if i personally was incapable, then i wouldn't expect him to be monogamous, and though i would still love and want to serve him if he were incapable, i couldn't go without sexual activities of some sort with someone.

You mean, as opposed to right now, where you don't expect him to be monogamous? . And hey! I thought you were supposed to be tanning right now!!

Stephan

Well i was going with the example...i don't do monogamy, it's not my thang anyway and i don't expect him to be monogamous.......and i was tanning, i forgot to change my away message...OOPS.

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 51

RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 5:21:57 PM

beltainefaerie

Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline

For me there are two possible questions here. If you are asking could I give up sex entirely and just be satisfied by wiitwd, my answer is "not likely". I am WAY too happy being a slut. However, if the question is whether I find wiiwd satisfying in and of itself, without sex being a component, my answer is yes. For a few years I had BDSM experiences where no overtly sexual contact was allowed beyond breast play. I couldn't even be completely naked according to our contact. I only had sex with my husband, and my dominants only had sex with their respective partners. This stayed true for the first year of my relationship with my Master. In the second year, that has shifted, but it had everything to do with the evolving comfort of all people in our relationships. I could have been happy being his non-sexual slave forever as long as I was having sex with my husband. I am delighted at the shift and very, very happy being sexually useful too, but I could have served non-sexually forever as long as I was making him happy. I hope that answered your question, whichever was the original intent. (sorry to be so long-winded)

(in reply to AMaster)

Post #: 52

RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 5:34:57 PM

Arrrchibald

Posts: 350
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline

I would, and have been, in BDSM relationships with no sex.

With std prevalence increasing exponentially, I've yet to meet a woman who's worth the risk.

(in reply to beltainefaerie)

Post #: 53

RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 5:44:58 PM

MasterWilliam55

Posts: 361
Joined: 1/27/2006
Status: offline

We are all hard wired for sex, and the BDSM world tends to attract those more hard wired than others. God knows we have enough devices around to replace what's missing with the real thing. I know though, that nothing ever replaces the "real thing", and in this case I would support my partner in helping her achieve her needs. I know of too many sexless relationships both vanilla and D/s that have survived a difficulty such as this. I hope, I would care enough and understand enough, as others have, to allow my sub/partner to fully experience sexual fullfilment. I would only hope she returns to me for the rest.

LOL, I'm not there yet folks.

(in reply to AMaster)

Post #: 54

RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 6:11:51 PM

chellekitty

Posts: 3923
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

i am a sexual being - would i give up sex to enter a monogamous relationship with someone? no...that is part of compatibility for me... would i give up sex because someone with me became unable to have sex, for whatever reason? i don't know..i haven't come across that yet, i would hope that they would still want me to be sexually satisfied, however that would happen...

if i didn't get to make that choice and i was the one that became unable to have sex for whatever reason, would i leave the lifestyle or a relationship based on the D/s or M/s? no...for me this lifestyle is not about sexual intercourse, i get my satisfaction from authority and service, i get most of my lifestyle sexual gratification from sexual service and masochism...and i can do that few and far between - i know, i have been for quite a while now...(and plain ole masturbation lol)...so if you took the act of sex out of the picture for me, the only difference from that and the year 2007 would be the lack of masturbation...and that doesn't do much for me in the first place, just scratches an itch...lol...

chelle

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One thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who will have sought and found how to serve. ~Albert Schweitzer

(in reply to MasterWilliam55)

Post #: 55

RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 6:23:44 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: beltainefaerie

For me there are two possible questions here. If you are asking could I give up sex entirely and just be satisfied by wiitwd, my answer is "not likely". I am WAY too happy being a slut. However, if the question is whether I find wiiwd satisfying in and of itself, without sex being a component, my answer is yes. (sorry to be so long-winded)

Oh don't be sorry for being long winded, you're right I think I was asking two questions without really realising it. You hit on what I was asking. Right now I'm in the latter. It isn't by choice which is why I was thinking (yah maybe dwelling) about it and struggling with it. So much of the time I am content, WIITWD does fill me. The problem lies in that other small bit when I'm not happy, it becomes hard to deal with and I question everything. I'm really glad you posted.

_____________________________

~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).

(in reply to beltainefaerie)

Post #: 56

RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 6:24:10 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

For me a really good beating with a cane - thuddy - is better than vaginal penetration. My Sir has on occasion asked if I wanted an orgasm as a reward for enduring an intense session, and there are times when that would take away from the focus for me - the pain, the willingness to take the pain and the love involved. So, HELL yes I would stay- and fight for the privilege!

(in reply to chellekitty)

Post #: 57

RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 6:25:53 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

quote:

f you could not have physical sex would you remain in the same lifestyle

i am intersexed...as such the genitalia does not work. no chance of ever having sex. therefore i am just lugging around...cause there has been ZERO interest in me for the reason that i cant offer sex.

my profile is setup in a way that sex is not an issue. i get ZERO replies. gee i wonder why....its all about sex sex sex. so i'll never find a Mistress. 10 years and counting... maybe i should be a pro dom? hmmmmmmm

Sweetie, if you lived closer to me, I would be all over your skinny ass!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Post #: 58

RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 7:38:24 PM

ophelialocke

Posts: 127
Joined: 9/2/2007
Status: offline

I have had it for extended periods. No play even. Being owned with no play OR sex.

It was hard - but it forced me to think about what my essential nature is/was.

I would do it again if it came up. There is a sad but meditative quality to it that I found some clarity in at the time.

(in reply to AMaster)

Post #: 59

RE: BDSM w/o sex. Would you? - 3/26/2008 9:02:15 PM

CrazyC

Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

The question doesn't clarify enough (for me), the details of the situation.

If I were in a committed relationship and something occurred making ALL sexual activity impossible, I would not necessarily leave, but even then, there would have to be a great deal of discussion about how that new situation was going to impact us both.

I would not enter into a BDSM relationship that would not involve sexual contact. However, I am also one of those people who won't have BDSM contact without a relationship. I don't do "play". Given that, to me it goes hand in hand. I intend to be in a relationship, the relationship should be intimate.

If I were in a relationship with someone who decided that they no longer wanted to engage in sexual activity with me? First I would hope that there could be a discussion to find out why that was, and whether it could be fixed. Barring that, I would leave at the speed of sound, because to me, a huge part of the relationship would be destroyed for me.

I guess the best way to explain it would be that. She actually has gone a couple years without sex because he was in the military. She infact had no decire for it during that time. She love the adrinaline rush, sub space, and the power exchange that is happening in her marriage. No of this is sexual, and as long as she gets this she is happy.

_____________________________

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis

(in reply to LafayetteLady)

Post #: 60

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