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What is wrong with being nilla? - 3/26/2008 8:08:09 PM

Missokyst

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I have to admit I don't get it. I don't see a thing wrong with being nilla if that is who you are. Traditional households where one party is in charge, is still the way things are in most of the world, and it has worked for centuries.
My own parents were very traditional, until the rebellion. It may have been submission in the most religious sense of a wife cleaving unto her husband. There wasn't kink to it, it was just the way things were.
Somewhere along the line rebellion became the norm, and living in that traditional way became a slap in the face of personal freedom and womens rights. But it is still normal to see people who believe that one person should be in charge, most often men over women. It works.
What does make domination and submission what it is, if it isn't nilla?
What is so wrong about being vanilla if you are happy without the kinky aspect?
Kyst

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 3/26/2008 8:10:07 PM >

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

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RE: What is wrong with being nilla? - 3/26/2008 8:09:27 PM

philosophy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I have to admit I don't get it. I don't see a thing wrong with being nilla if that is who you are. Traditional households where one party is in charge, is still the way things are in most of the world, and it has worked for centuries.
My own parents were very traditional, until the rebellion. It may have been submission in the most religious sense of a wife cleaving unto her husband. There wasn't kink to it, it was just the way things were.
Somewhere along the line rebellion became the norm, and living in that tradional way became a slap in the face of personal freedom and womens rights. But it is still normal to see people who believe that one person should be in charge, most often men over women. It works.
What does make domination and submission what it is, if it isn't nilla?
What is so wrong about being vanilla if you are happy without the kinky aspect?
Kyst

.....as the tapeworm said about Sir Robert, whatever gets you through the knight.......

(in reply to Missokyst)

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RE: What is wrong with being nilla? - 3/26/2008 8:10:24 PM

Level

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Nothing is wrong with it.

Snobbishness drives some to critique anything that doesn't reflect their likes.

edited to add: LOL phil

< Message edited by Level -- 3/26/2008 8:11:07 PM >

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RE: What is wrong with being nilla? - 3/26/2008 8:12:29 PM

MzMia

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I don't see anything wrong with vanilla.

IF, Female Domination WAS really considered vanilla, I probably would not be here.

Sadly, most aspects of Domination and submission {in a Female Led relationship},
is hardly vanilla.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 3/26/2008 8:13:03 PM >

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RE: What is wrong with being nilla? - 3/26/2008 8:12:29 PM

MissHarlet

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There is nothing wrong with being whatever you are ... the only thing I see as "wrong" is pretending to be what you are not ... even if it is only to yourself ......

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RE: What is wrong with being nilla? - 3/26/2008 8:13:35 PM

celticlord2112

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Not a damn thing wrong with being nilla...

Quite a bit wrong if that becomes expecting me to also be nilla....

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RE: What is wrong with being nilla? - 3/26/2008 8:15:49 PM

Missokyst

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It is unusual for a females to be in charge. Historically though, there have been a few countries where the women own the property, and keep it upon divorce. It is rare though, and often even in those situations where it was a matriarcal society, the men still mostly called the shots.
<g> so, you are a kinky lady.
YAY
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
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RE: What is wrong with being nilla? - 3/26/2008 8:19:44 PM

MzMia

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Thank you!
For some reason when I talk about ME, being in charge {joking with vanilla men},
they give me a blank look.

Especially when I say that a good man will OBEY his woman, cook for her, clean for her, etc.
But there have always been some vanilla men like that.

But again, there is NOTHING wrong with being vanilla.
In fact, in many ways "being vanilla" is probably "easier".

p.s.- I often wonder "WHAT" vanilla is, have you seen some of the things that
"vanilla" people DO?
The line is much closer than many of us want to believe.

lol
Especially those that feel being in this lifestyle makes them "superior".
Many "vanilla" people are total freaks and kinky as hell.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 3/26/2008 8:24:33 PM >

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Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

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RE: What is wrong with being nilla? - 3/26/2008 8:24:53 PM

angelbluewingsz

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actually in most societies the females did in fact lead, daughters inhereted from their mothers, shamens were women and very respected and revered. Only women were taught the sacred ways. One couldn't always prove who the father was but obviously if a child came from your body it was yours and there fore families were all traced by who their mothers were and kept the mothere name- complete opposite of now days- somewhere along the time men started cuckholdry so they could prove the child was theirs they parted from the old ways and started respecting women less--- that part I never did find out why---I guess we just started breeding smarter males- or ones less scared of breaking tradition. Navajo men for example join the wifes family upon marriage and move onto their land. The tricky part here is that it is taboo for them to be in the presence of their mother in laws , lest she curse him.

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RE: What is wrong with being nilla? - 3/26/2008 8:28:30 PM

philosophy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelbluewingsz

shamens were women

...while much of what you wrote is true, this part is not. Shamans were men or women, depending on the particular culture of which they were a part of. It does no good for feminism when untrue claims are presented as facts.

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RE: What is wrong with being nilla? - 3/26/2008 8:30:46 PM

MzMia

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Actually Miso, here is ANOTHER twist!

How hard is IT to find the "traditional submissive woman" of the 50's these days?

It is no longer easy!
If you want the little woman that will "obey" you and do as you order?
You might HAVE to be in this lifestyle!

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to Missokyst)

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RE: What is wrong with being nilla? - 3/26/2008 9:01:57 PM

faerytattoodgirl

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what is wrong with being nilla??? CHOCOLATE tastes BETTER!

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RE: What is wrong with being nilla? - 3/26/2008 9:03:00 PM

Phoenix2raven

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Because most nilla people would have us on a straight pepper diet with no other flavor for our fair. This is one of the reasons America has so many sex crimes. The more we repress the need to be open about sexual practice the more fucked up we seem to get.
Just one example is how in Canada the BDSM clubs are much more out in the open in residential neighborhoods. I think we should all do our part to piss off the religious right.
Thanks for reading/listening to my rant. Humbly steps down from soap box and says nilla folks are people to. Just bind and gag them and put them in a box lol.

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RE: What is wrong with being nilla? - 3/26/2008 9:03:58 PM

FangsNfeet

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As long as the couple is happy, I'm not going to judge. We all have are unique preferences that make it work for us as individuals. If you're vanilla and happy, good for you.

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RE: What is wrong with being nilla? - 3/26/2008 9:04:59 PM

Missokyst

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It is a tad more difficult here in the states. Though I know a lot of Christian conservatives that still live in the traditional way where men are in charge. In fact, my own marriage was based on that model until religion became the reason I escaped the life.
Depending on where you live it can be easier to find people who still choose this way, and yes... I have known more than a few that were sexually.. well.. Heh.. horny. LOL that was the only reason my marriage lasted those years.
Kyst

(in reply to MzMia)

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RE: What is wrong with being nilla? - 3/26/2008 9:07:34 PM

Missokyst

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Since you brought that up.. what is the difference to "you" which would make nilla not work? Is it kink or some other factor?
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

Quite a bit wrong if that becomes expecting me to also be nilla....

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to celticlord2112)

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RE: What is wrong with being nilla? - 3/26/2008 9:07:35 PM

AquaticSub

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~Fast Reply~

Nothing. Nothing at all. We aren't better, smarter or more interesting. I don't think we are more in touch with our sexuality either - I've got plenty of friends who have given BDSM a shot and said "Eh? What's the big deal?". Just some people have nothing else to feel good about so they like to pretend being "in the lifestyle" makes them special.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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RE: What is wrong with being nilla? - 3/26/2008 9:16:19 PM

Missokyst

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I lived quite a few happy horny years as a nilla woman who lived by my husbands rule. Kink wasn't part the deal, but sex was hot nevertheless. I lived that way because that was what he expected and I had been raised to find it normal.
For me it IS the kink which makes what I do ds, bdsm, twisted perversion (love that part). It is the thought of being used that gets me wet. It is the need to be a hole which makes me melt. It is the pleasure/pain dynamic, or threat of fear which makes me horny. It is the fact that it MAY happen which turns my mind into mush and demands I give into my bodies need for him, which makes it kinky.
I enjoyed sex with my ex husband. He was always horny. But it was just sex. There was nothing which made me want to crawl to him on my knees and beg to suck his cock. There was nothing that made me crave him like he was a drug.
And that is why I enjoy kinky ds bdsm. It is that need which will always make me think Nilla is great, but it doesn't give me the shakes. I could live it because I enjoy spoiling men. But the kink, the fear, the rush of being used would always be clamoring for an outlet in the back of my head.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

~Fast Reply~

Nothing. Nothing at all. We aren't better, smarter or more interesting. I don't think we are more in touch with our sexuality either - I've got plenty of friends who have given BDSM a shot and said "Eh? What's the big deal?". Just some people have nothing else to feel good about so they like to pretend being "in the lifestyle" makes them special.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

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RE: What is wrong with being nilla? - 3/26/2008 9:22:16 PM

AquaticSub

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Some people like it, others don't. Some like savory, others sweet.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Missokyst)

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RE: What is wrong with being nilla? - 3/26/2008 9:24:17 PM

Poetryinpain

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~fr~
Nothing wrong with being nilla. Some of my best friends are nilla [grin]

I had a nilla relationship, and we fucked like bunnies. The fact that something was missing for me was not the fault of the gentleman involved - he just had an aversion to hitting women [darn it - he was good]

I think the difference is largely in the non-sexual part of the relationship. In many nilla relationships, there is no power exchange, and the partners are either truly partners or else they are largely autonomous. I find the concept of power exchange, even if it is not a total power exchange, to be a framework for the relationship, but those nilla relationships that I see as true partnerships (like my brother's marriage) work just fine, too.

That was rather rambling and wishy-washy. The gist of it is that I think nilla is fine - for those who are content with it. Unfortunately, if I told my brother (who is fiercely protective of me) that I like being flogged, he'd come looking for the man who makes me sexually happy and fulfilled.

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