RE: What is wrong with being nilla? (Full Version)

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peraspera -> RE: What is wrong with being nilla? (3/26/2008 10:35:33 PM)

Seems to me, it is not a matter of choice, whether one is vanilla or deviant. So there is nothing wrong per se with being either way. In fact, I would claim every perversion has its echo in mainstream. Read any self-help book on sex, and there will be the references to blindfolds, restraints, etc.

Difference is, for vanilla people kink is a spice; they can choose to do without. For perverts it is their nature.

This is more than just a semantic finesse. Never felt more in harmony with myself, than while doing perverse things with another pervert 8-)
[sm=crop.gif]



Hippiekinkster -> RE: What is wrong with being nilla? (3/26/2008 10:51:09 PM)

Personally, I neither like nor use the term. There is a whole continuum of human sexuality, and what is kinky for one is "straight" for another. For me, anal, blindfolds, some bondage, spanking, are just "straight" as in not kinky.

I do what I do, is all. I don't need to label it, any more than I need to label myself a "Dom" to try and advertise what I've always been, or, in the case of certain traits, tried to be. Compassionate, empathetic, loving, helpful, and in control.




Usako -> RE: What is wrong with being nilla? (3/27/2008 12:02:39 AM)

Nothing wrong with it...just some people are stuck up.

What I've seen on a lot of these subculture sites (this one, goth ones, furry ones, and other stuff like that) the people in said subculture seem think they're better than the average man just because they're part of whatever subculture.

I think it's silly, people are people and no matter what you do in life or in the bed room or what you believe in everyone has the ability to be a good person or be an asshole.



MissMagnolia -> RE: What is wrong with being nilla? (3/27/2008 12:21:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: FangsNfeet

As long as the couple is happy, I'm not going to judge. We all have are unique preferences that make it work for us as individuals. If you're vanilla and happy, good for you.


Ditto. Thanks for typing my thoughts FnF[:)]



charmdpetKeira -> RE: What is wrong with being nilla? (3/27/2008 8:52:00 AM)

~fr~

Personally, I prefer saying; non-D/s.
 
k



marka72 -> RE: What is wrong with being nilla? (3/28/2008 4:49:41 PM)

theses are things thar are nrver understood by others only the partners involved.  it seems a little odd that this is in debate i would not think it wise to  determine every relationship based on the various society in various decades centuries or eras there were many strong men that wanted to be submissive in there personal relationship and vise vera.  The outside world excepted there realtionship as such not having a clue the world considered the relationship nilla or otherwise humdrum.  I would find it troubling if every relationship was built off society standards. Now that would be a nilla humdrum dull world to live in.  I guess the real question is what do you personally consider nilla or not.    Think about it to some cullingus, swearing, and kissing in public are all taboo. 




Lockit -> RE: What is wrong with being nilla? (3/28/2008 5:00:12 PM)

Vanilla is good... I just like topping.



SL4V3M4YB3 -> RE: What is wrong with being nilla? (3/28/2008 5:11:31 PM)

The term vanilla is better than the word manila due to beige being the colour of bureaucracy.

In short there is nothing wrong with being vanilla until someone calls you it in a derogatory fashion. At which point you must enter a duel with this person. In other words a talk to the death in ‘how many tears count as submission’ type discussions. Until you find out that BDSM can be described in a missing the bus type metaphor.

Don’t ask me what any of that means I only write it.[8|]



seeksfemslave -> RE: What is wrong with being nilla? (3/28/2008 5:16:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Poetryinpain

~fr~
Nothing wrong with being nilla. Some of my best friends are nilla [grin]

I had a nilla relationship, and we fucked like bunnies. The fact that something was missing for me was not the fault of the gentleman involved - he just had an aversion to hitting women [darn it - he was good]

I think the difference is largely in the non-sexual part of the relationship. In many nilla relationships, there is no power exchange, and the partners are either truly partners or else they are largely autonomous. I find the concept of power exchange, even if it is not a total power exchange, to be a framework for the relationship, but those nilla relationships that I see as true partnerships (like my brother's marriage) work just fine, too.

That was rather rambling and wishy-washy. The gist of it is that I think nilla is fine - for those who are content with it. Unfortunately, if I told my brother (who is fiercely protective of me) that I like being flogged, he'd come looking for the man who makes me sexually happy and fulfilled.
Neither rambling nor wishy washy....but accurate.



charmdpetKeira -> RE: What is wrong with being nilla? (3/28/2008 6:30:59 PM)

~fr~
 
The difference between my non-D/s and D/s relationships, is how the relationship achieves balance.
 
Non-D/s is based on measurements of equality; while, D/s is based on a pivot point.
 
I would say my maternal grandparents, and my parents have D/s relationships, and my paternal grandparents seemed to have non-D/s (probably all without kink), while I have been in kinky, non-D/s relationships, in the past.
 
The equal measurement thing didn’t work for me.
 
k



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