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Is it Easier to Display?? - 3/27/2008 1:39:42 AM   
chezzy52


Posts: 220
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline 		I guess this runs along the lines of the thread "notice to the rest of the world"but i started to think is it easier for a Domina to openly display she is truly dominant or easier for a submissive to show his submissiveness openly??For example making your sub wear a collar out in public at all times with perhaps even your name on it??I would imagine it would depend on the degree in which you wish to"out"yourself and yours.I remember attending a vanilla Haloween Party and a couple walked in..or should i say the woman was leading her partner in on a leash and he was wearing a straightjacket and a ball gag.Of course being the curious person i am,i asked if they did this often.The response was no..just a Haloween thing.Then about eight months later,i run into the same couple at a munch,so my intuition was correct...it was a way of announcing to all her vanilla friends that indeed she was the Domina in this relationship and her partners openness ro display his sub side.What do you think?
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RE: Is it Easier to Display?? - 3/27/2008 5:19:13 AM   
LadyHathor


Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
Status: offline 		well chezz, not sure what you mean here--I get wrapped around the phrase "truly dominant" versus an outward manifestation of the kink/life/belief--( this will get Me flamed I am sure but I don't know how to delineate it any other way)---My world, I'm in charge--end of story--there isn't anything to display. A male who is submissive to Me, doesn't really show outwardly much more than being a Southern gentleman---(opening doors, carrying groceries, etc)--
 
now as for the outward manifestations--I think it has always been very easy to display as many men wear neck chains and women as well---now the more overt signs, a lock---perhaps in some areas may be harder---Anchorage versus New Orleans---- though I remember about 4 years ago here in Raleigh , a lovely lady in the grocery store working at the check out--she had a neck chain, larger links with a heart lock---yep--I knew and one look and she knew I knew.
 
 
 
 
 
 

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to chezzy52)
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RE: Is it Easier to Display?? - 3/27/2008 6:21:22 AM   
WalterRego


Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline 		Chezzy, I like to open doors, carry the packages for,  put her coat on her, move the chair in a restaurant, offer to get things and stand when Mistress gets up. I will go shopping with or for Her or other places where She wants to go. She seems to naturally accept those things from me. As Lady Hathor says, that might be seen as an old fashioned gentleman. Although in this day and age and not living in the South, it might mark me in some eyes as more (or less?) than that. Usually in the street, She takes the initiative to link Her arm in mine but when we walk down the street that way, we probably only look happy and close. Perhaps it might be more of a give away when, as She's done a few times,  She takes me by the hand and leads me somewhere.

But those things just follow naturally from the relationship and how I view myself and my regard for Her. They are certainly not meant for display or to show anything, by either of us.

I'm hard pressed to think of what sorts of things, in your mind, a  woman could do in public that would mark her as Dominant but which would be acceptable and not offensive to strangers. And given what most of the women here say about the e-mails they get from potential subs even here on in CM, do you really think they'd want guys following them or hitting them in the street?

< Message edited by WalterRego -- 3/27/2008 6:22:41 AM >

(in reply to LadyHathor)
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RE: Is it Easier to Display?? - 3/27/2008 7:04:45 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I am a strong believer in not involving the nonconsensual public in scenes, no matter how trivial. 

There is a world of dominant personalities out there who are not kinky in the least.  Are you really asking if kinky folk can tag themselves?  I certainly wouldn't want to, I get enough unwanted attention!

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[page 23 girl]



(in reply to WalterRego)
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RE: Is it Easier to Display?? - 3/27/2008 7:09:23 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		Do you consider someone having their sub wear a collar in public as nonconsensual pushing of kink? From chezzy (I'm too lazy to do the quote thingie, plus I tend to mess it up lol)For example making your sub wear a collar out in public at all times with perhaps even your name on it??

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~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




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RE: Is it Easier to Display?? - 3/27/2008 9:25:03 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I make mine wear a stainless steel collar (unless he is at work then he has a less obvious bracelet on). He is a gentlemen at ALL times. I guess to the vanilla we look like a very happy couple with a few exceptions. If I'm having steak, he cuts it up for me, if we are eating wings he pulls the meat off the bones for me, he butters my bread and pours my drink for me. I have never noticed anyone staring at us well...maybe with the exception of the waitress when I order for HIM, but other than that no one seems to take notice.

As for me being dominant and showing it, well I think sometimes its something you can "sense". I definitely lead in our relationship. When we are out shopping he doesnt leave my side, he carries all the packages and I tell him "NO you cannot go into the damn gaming store and buy another game." (sometimes I let him, if he's been good and actually saved some money just for the game he wants) So I supposed in that some people may see me as dominant, or more to the vanilla as a bossy girlfriend.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to camille65)
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RE: Is it Easier to Display?? - 3/27/2008 9:48:35 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I have a feeling I'm going to be the odd one out here.

My sub wears his formal collar in just about all situations when he is with Me.  That includes places like the mall, a restaurant, and the grocery store.  It's just become the natural thing for him to do.  As times have changed, and a collar has become less of a shock factor for the general public, it hasn't mattered all that much.  It's one of those few places where I can say that a collar, or other symbols, having become a fashion statement in mainstream has been a benefit.  W/we've only had one instance of someone being uncomfortable, and due to the fact that was expressed by someone at the military base, it was respected.  There have been a couple of strange looks, but they are far less than the compliments he has received on it.

I'm not saying that this is done in an 'in your face' kind of way.  For example, I certainly wouldn't put his leash on him for an afternoon of shopping.  I'm not intentionally out to throw My lifestyle in the face of other people.  It's just that it's become so commonplace that I don't think of removing his formal collar should we need to run to the store to pick up a gallon of milk.

As for other overt examples of the dynamic in public, I've never noticed anyone raise an eye to My sub opening My car door or carrying packages for Me.  Then again, there can be some huge advantages to living in the south, where these things are the norm, even for vanilla couples.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to Lashra)
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RE: Is it Easier to Display?? - 3/27/2008 9:58:05 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Im from the Detroit area. There are places there where it is no big thing to walk around with a collar. Even in the casinos you can tell when a Dom or Domme has a submissive with them. I have been in other countries where you see submissives wear collars in public. It is not that odd any more.

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Is it Easier to Display?? - 3/27/2008 11:36:06 AM   
Shawn1066


Posts: 987
Joined: 10/7/2007
Status: offline 		My Owner and I are apparently very open in public.  No, we don't go around wearing fetish gear or anything...but our interactions make it pretty obvious that there's some sort of power dynamic to our relationship.  Some of my Owner's vanilla co-workers have asked her if we were into this sort of thing based entirely on a  handful of times they've seen us together.

I do wear my collar out in public, but you wouldn't realize it's a collar unless you knew it.

Nothing we do is "in your face" either.  I think it's just a combination of different factors.  We live in the south, a great deal of my things are percieved as me just being a proper gentleman(and I am, but there's still the subtext).  However, there's a lot more to our interactions than that.

I even get referred to as "The wife" by a few of her friends at work.  :-p

DV's Fox

(in reply to Dnomyar)
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RE: Is it Easier to Display?? - 3/27/2008 12:37:16 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Making a sub wear a collar shows the general public that he or she is taken asuming they know what the collar is. It doesnt necessarily indicate whom tey are taken BY, so making a sub wear a collar isnt me asserting my dominance for all to see. I see that along the same lines of a girl wearing her boyfriends name around her neck, or a guy wearing his girls name on a bracelet. Its a symbol of being taken, but not one that necessarily screams D/s to the uninformed public.
Fox defers to me, naturaly. My coworkers have met him, and many of them know how we act at home. He is  adomestic, he does the chores around the house and it has earned him the "Housewife" title. Some of them are joking, others have figured it out. His sisters kid him about being my "girlfriend" too, and have made mention of his collar not knowing really what it was or the heart attack they nearly gave him from it.
Both boys rush ahead to open doors, carry packages, and other things like that. AS Fox said, being southern, the majority of what we see as submissive everyone else sees as polite. That works fine for me, there are only 2 people I NEED to know that I am dominant, and they are both very well aware. The rest dont need to know what goes on behind my closed doors.

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Shawn1066)
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