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a new POV - 3/27/2008 5:23:25 AM   
StrawberryDream


Posts: 1
Joined: 2/25/2008
Status: offline 		I have a new submissive who isn't opening up about his past... what  does anyone recomend...?

< Message edited by StrawberryDream -- 3/27/2008 5:26:41 AM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: a new POV - 3/27/2008 5:59:21 AM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		Strawberry,

YTou are the "D" here! correct?

CP

(in reply to StrawberryDream)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: a new POV - 3/27/2008 6:58:25 AM   
domahpet


Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline 		well, youre 18, how old is your sub?
does he/she really have that much of a history???

_____________________________

Zeedaddys
~DJ domahpet~
*Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to*

*crystal*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLI12uN6k5k

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: a new POV - 3/27/2008 7:07:59 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		Not sure how long you have known each other but maybe he doesn't feel comfortable opening up to you yet, or he doesn't have anything to open up about ...or he isn't sure what you will do with that information or why you want it.

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
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(in reply to StrawberryDream)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: a new POV - 3/27/2008 7:22:15 AM   
MamaDomme1


Posts: 377
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline 		It's quite possible that your submissive doesn't *have* a past yet.  Maybe this experience with you is the beginning of tomorrow's past for him.

Maybe what you are trying to get out of him is something he chooses not to share for any number of reasons.

My advice is to just work on the trust of one another and don't push the issue.  He'll come around when and if the time is right.

(in reply to StrawberryDream)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: a new POV - 3/27/2008 7:47:59 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You haven't earned her trust yet. When and if you do so, then she will feel safe enough to begin to open up. There aren't any short cuts to this. You have to think about your planned actions and about what the results will be for her before you do anything, you have to keep your word every time you give it, you have to learn not to promise things if you're not sure you can't do it.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to MamaDomme1)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: a new POV - 3/27/2008 8:21:06 AM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domahpet

well, youre 18, how old is your sub?
does he/she really have that much of a history???


O snap! The young'ns are here! GET OFF MY LAWN!

Jesus.  Is there a specific reason people are so rude to new/young people in the BDSM world, or is it just general bitchiness?  I don't even want to hear the "Omg, no experience" line either, it doesn't matter, everyone was new at one point. It's not just this post that I've noticed it either, I've seen it at munches, throughout collarme, and several other places...  It's especially bad when the new kid happens to be a Dominant guy.

(in reply to domahpet)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: a new POV - 3/27/2008 8:24:37 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		Maybe its none of your business...what kind of relationship do you have with this person?

There are a million factors that go into disclosure... I can't recommend anything as there is so little in your post.

(in reply to StrawberryDream)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: a new POV - 3/27/2008 8:39:49 AM   
domahpet


Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

quote:

ORIGINAL: domahpet

well, youre 18, how old is your sub?
does he/she really have that much of a history???


O snap! The young'ns are here! GET OFF MY LAWN!

Jesus.  Is there a specific reason people are so rude to new/young people in the BDSM world, or is it just general bitchiness?  I don't even want to hear the "Omg, no experience" line either, it doesn't matter, everyone was new at one point. It's not just this post that I've noticed it either, I've seen it at munches, throughout collarme, and several other places...  It's especially bad when the new kid happens to be a Dominant guy.



oh sheesh calm down   i wasnt dissin the young ones at all.
just asking a question. seriously do you know alot of teenagers
with bdsm history? i know mine dosent have nay. and if the op
meant somethings else, she shoudl have said it, so as to avoid any
confusion.
ps, you might want to check out the ops profile...
see how your says alot about you? the ops doesnt so much.

< Message edited by domahpet -- 3/27/2008 9:16:59 AM >

_____________________________

Zeedaddys
~DJ domahpet~
*Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to*

*crystal*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLI12uN6k5k

(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: a new POV - 3/27/2008 9:38:44 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		From reading other post I thought that young Dom/Dommes knew it all. Nice to see one asking for help.

(in reply to domahpet)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: a new POV - 3/27/2008 10:12:07 AM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		AGE has NOTHING to do with the question that was asked.

Why do we find it so HARD to answer the question.

Everyone jumped on the superiority High Horse because they have simply been Breathing longer, I was 16 when I got involved in this lifestyle by 18 I had experinece it was all BAD experience but I had things that I learned from. Why Question the Age at all? They are Happy with each other just answer the damn question not pick apart the poster, Pick apart the question.

My Question is what specifically about thier past are they unwilling to share and do you care about them? If you do care about them then give them time and build the trust factor, eventually they will tell you and you can be content in the time you took to get the answer you wanted HOWEVER if you don't care then keep pushing and I can assure you you will not have to deal with your submsissive anymore.

The Past often brings up irrational emotions, Respect the Irrational it can cause Hellfire Storms and leave you burned. The irrational is something that I take the MOST time on because the irrational part to YOU  is VERY VERY VERY REAL to them.

Give it time and ask yourself HOW Important is it that you know these things you want to know? Will it make you better able to be there for them NOW? Sure it is Important in how you deal with things in the future but will it help RIGHT NOW?

Steel

_____________________________

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Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
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(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: a new POV - 3/27/2008 10:40:04 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz
quote:

ORIGINAL: domahpet
well, youre 18, how old is your sub? does he/she really have that much of a history???

Jesus.  Is there a specific reason people are so rude to new/young people in the BDSM world, or is it just general bitchiness?  I don't even want to hear the "Omg, no experience" line either, it doesn't matter, everyone was new at one point. It's not just this post that I've noticed it either, I've seen it at munches, throughout collarme, and several other places...  It's especially bad when the new kid happens to be a Dominant guy.


Well, the new kid happens to be a Dominant GIRL.  Does it matter??? 

I didn't see that response as rude or bitchy AT ALL.  Hell, maybe that says something about ME.  But really, if the D-Chick is 18, then in all likelihood her sub is near her age... so how much PAST can the guy have??

Cali
(who has a colorful past herself and calls 'em as she sees 'em)


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: a new POV - 3/27/2008 10:48:22 AM   
mastervalentine


Posts: 157
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline 		There are shadows in my own past that I would not share with anyone. Not for a lack of trust, but just because I no longer wish those chains binding and present in my reality. They were painful, difficult times, and I've let them go. My "past" only goes back as far as sixteen, when I finally made decisions on my own, and stepped away from being an angry, resentful child.

What I'm getting at is, there may be a reason that has nothing to do with you. All you can really do is just give it time.

_____________________________

"If philosophy has taught me any one thing, it is that a rushed action invites disaster." ~MasterValentine

Say not, 'I have found the truth,' but rather, 'I have found a truth.' Kahlil Gibran

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: a new POV - 3/27/2008 10:50:10 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

quote:

ORIGINAL: domahpet

well, youre 18, how old is your sub?
does he/she really have that much of a history???


O snap! The young'ns are here! GET OFF MY LAWN!


"O Snap" ?!?!?!

I actually dont find that most people here get funny about your age unless you SHOW immaturity. What domah said in my opinion makes sense, when you are 18 you dont ness have lots to be open about, its unlikely you have a broken down marriage or kids or whatever, you still may have had issues, but you dont have as much time to have accumulated the baggage therefore it stands to reason you have less baggage

quote:


i wasnt dissin the young ones at all.
just asking a question. seriously do you know alot of teenagers
with bdsm history?


the Op didnt actually ask about BDSM history just their history though.

To the OP trust takes time, some people are more private than others, people will open up to you when they want to, you cant force it, just be yourself and wait it out.

< Message edited by colouredin -- 3/27/2008 10:53:27 AM >

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

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(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: a new POV - 3/27/2008 12:03:08 PM   
littlebitxxx


Posts: 732
Status: offline 		Have you asked?  Some people don't like to volunteer information figuring it's just so much baggage from before.  Some people don't like to hear information figuring it's just so much baggage from before.  But if you haven't asked, he probably won't tell you.

_____________________________

There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

(in reply to StrawberryDream)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: a new POV - 3/27/2008 1:25:52 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StrawberryDream

I have a new submissive who isn't opening up about his past... what  does anyone recomend...?


Lots of patience and showing your new submissive feel that he can feel safe about opening up to you? For a person who is naturally tight lipped and prefers not to be an "open book," it is very tough to unlearn that behavior. For some reasons, we need to feel very safe before we are able to open ourselves up and to step out of that comfort zone.


_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to StrawberryDream)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: a new POV - 3/27/2008 1:26:42 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		Hrm. Pretty vicious bitchfit on my part, I'm sorry Domahpet.    I saw her as asking about his past in general, not bdsm related.. but it still didn't justify a rant from me.

And yes, colouredin. I say "O snap". I also say "hella", and I have a pretty bad potty mouth. However, I get away with it because I don't work for anyone... so I can take liberties with my vocabulary.

OP, what about his past are you trying to find out? Past girls? Drug habits? Some things are worth digging for a little.. some aren't.

(in reply to littlebitxxx)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: a new POV - 3/27/2008 2:02:54 PM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Nah i didnt really know what it meant to be honest, i think i heard it once, isnt snap like the same thing? thats how I used to use it. 

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: a new POV - 3/27/2008 2:17:33 PM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		Haha, pretty much.



(in reply to colouredin)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: a new POV - 3/27/2008 2:34:22 PM   
domahpet


Posts: 1505
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Santa Rosa
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

Hrm. Pretty vicious bitchfit on my part, I'm sorry Domahpet.    I saw her as asking about his past in general, not bdsm related.. but it still didn't justify a rant from me.

And yes, colouredin. I say "O snap". I also say "hella", and I have a pretty bad potty mouth. However, I get away with it because I don't work for anyone... so I can take liberties with my vocabulary.

OP, what about his past are you trying to find out? Past girls? Drug habits? Some things are worth digging for a little.. some aren't.



no worries, i aint trippin'.
my question was simple really, how much history can this sub have?
bdsm, or life, cant really be all that much. right? 3 to 5 years maybe?
i left home at 13, thats where i start, before that i was my parents *shrugs*

_____________________________

Zeedaddys
~DJ domahpet~
*Love is giving someone the power to break your heart, but trusting them not to*

*crystal*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLI12uN6k5k

(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 20
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