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ownedgirlie -> RE: lost in the dark (3/28/2008 8:52:40 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Noah
\It may be, as others have said, that he goes about this more carefully than you do. It may also be that you and he are simply not compatible in this one sense.That doesn't imply that you are incompatible overall as a couple.
In D/s terms you might be able, if you chose to, to contextualize "putting up with the lack" you feel here as one more instance of your submission to his will.
In S&M terms you might be able to contextualize this emotional pain your experiencing as another gift of pain from him (readers please choose another term if reading the word "gift" activates your irritable bowel syndrome.) Whether or not he intends this to be painful for you need not limit your range of choices in deciding how to process the experience. You can process any pain masochistically, if you choose to.
Furthermore, he might choose to make this sort of sacrifice for you. He's in charge, isn't he? And so he can do this as well as other things he might choose.
Best of luck.
Absolutely loved this post, particularly the bolded part, but all of it, none-the-less. Thank you, Noah, for putting it out here.
I was one who craved that openneess from my Master in the beginning, and he is simply not an open kind of man. As Noah described, there are several kinds of intimacy, and I found other ways to experience that sort of connection with him. Since I love challenges from him, I saw this as a huge challenge, and it took me a long time to overcome it (with the help of a couple of good friends, too). Once I did, my mind was freed from hanging myself up on it, and I came to really love and adore the man for who he is, not for what I wanted him to be. Now I love that I get to share in his genuine self, and over time he has come to open up to me more and more - not on everything about him, but on many things.
When I stopped pushing my agenda on him and simply let him "be", we evolved in a much more relaxed and natural fashion, and I learned more and more about those closed areas of his world. It took a long time, though - years.
The question is, can you find the closeness you crave from the person that he is, as opposed to who you want him to be? Are you willing to accept who he is? As submissives we so often say things like, "I want a dominant who will accept me for who I am today and not want to change me." Are you able to accept and love him for who he is today without trying to change him?
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