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blinky1985 -> advice (3/27/2008 7:38:51 AM)

    Ok so its my first post here so please be gentle, I have been a member of collarme for awhile now (I deleted my profile and then re-registered a couple months ago) and I have had very limited success. So I figure one way to get more into the "scene" would be to attend some local events, it looks like the nearest one is going to be the exotica expo Detroit Mi. I am just curious as to what I should expect, I really don't want to go alone so if anyone else plans on attending one of the nights and would care to show a rookie around that would be great. Mind you I am just talking about taking seperate cars and meeting somewhere at the expo. If not any advice on what to wear and what to expect would really be helpful. Thanks for your time guys.



AtlantaMistress -> RE: advice (3/27/2008 7:49:56 AM)

At most events, you will see a bit of EVERYTHING. People dressed vanilla, people decked out in fetish wear, some people with nothing at all. Just go, relax, be yourself, and you will probably have a very good time.

If you can get to a Munch before the event - you may find someone to go with. That is probably the best place for meeting people out for the first time, since you don't worry about what to wear, and they are always VERY happy to have new people.

Good luck!





Aylee -> RE: advice (3/27/2008 9:17:16 AM)

I know that our local groups around here, Topeka and KC, if you call and let them know that you are new to this, they will be happy to set you up with an escort.  (Not in the paid-professional-sex-type)  But someone that knows the "ropes" and that can introduce you to people. 

You might want to contact the organizers of this event and see if this is a service that they provide and then request one. 



Dnomyar -> RE: advice (3/27/2008 9:32:27 AM)

Op look into your local subs on here and ask one if they want to attend with you. I have had several ask me to go with them to past events in Detroit.



Stephann -> RE: advice (3/27/2008 9:47:16 AM)

Hey there,

As a former Michigander, I know how frustrating it is.  I grew up near Grand Rapids; you wanna talk about BDSM hell?

My suggestion, is NOT to go to an expo first.  Attend the Detroit munches for a few months.  I guarentee, if you're friendly and patient, you'll meet people who strike your fancy.  I approach a munch with the bar mentality; only 3% of the people who attend will likely be even remotely interesting.  If they don't attend one week, they might the next; so attend four munches, and see who you meet.

By that point, you won't have to ask if you should attend the expo; you'll probably have been invited already [:D]

Stephan



SteelofUtah -> RE: advice (3/27/2008 9:59:01 AM)

Hey blinky1985

Okay here are some things to remember on your personal behavior.

1) Flirting is NOT an invitation for you to be thier slave. Many attendings are sometimes Pro's or part time Kinksters and so you will find that when you start talking about being an UNOWNED male slave, the Domme's and Pro's might flirt with you and some might take it too far. KNOW YOUR OWN BOUNDRIES and understand that stating these boundires might not make you popular but they will make sure you don't get the wrong idea. (Lesson Learned during a pissing contest with a Pro Domina over blatent flirting and who was going to hold the whip)

2) I always say go Vanilla because if you go with Fetish Gear you will be treated a little differntly and will be asked questions you might not be expecting and should you be dressed a certain way and get asked a question you do not know the answer too I know some crowds can be straight BRUTAL in how they tease or dismiss you. (Lesson Learned from wearing a Leather Couplet and having is Mistaken for a M/s Master Leather I then was not completely honest about it which leads me to.....)

3) BE HONEST, Some of the people at these events can be Cocky and Arrogant and nothingt smells better than some newbie spouting a line of bullshit that they THINK they know. If you take critisism personally you will want to stay away from making EXACT comments because someone WILL call you on your shit (Lesson Learned from Making a comment about bull whips which was overheard by Robert Dante)

4) HAVE FUN!!!, This is NOT about being seen as the MOST submissive at the party and EXPO's ARE NOT the place to find a Master or Mistress, you will have better luck at Munches and Social Gatherings so if you go to an Expo. HAVE FUN, being some money buy a toy or maybe a vest or something pretty Go to the Boothes and make new frineds and NETWORK, you will find lots of LOCAL community activities by socializing with people running the booths.

Hope this helps and just remember it's okay to go in and try to learn things alone MAKE FRIENDS and Be Friendly that is all it really takes.

Steel



blinky1985 -> RE: advice (3/27/2008 12:02:56 PM)

Thank you for the advice guys, I wasn't expecting to find a domme there I was looking at it as more of a networking oppurtunity. Hopefully I can get over my shyness meet some people and have a good time.



derfrewop -> RE: advice (3/27/2008 12:48:27 PM)

For behavior, follow Steels advice completely.

However, if what you were wanting was a technique to maximize what you get out of the event, hunting social butterflies is extremely useful.

Any event which brings together a number of people who's default setting is privacy can only happen if there is a person who is intensely social and knows a large number of people. It doesn't matter if its sadists or orchid growers, that persons efforts are what makes these events happen. They tend to spend the whole event fluttering from person to person, group to group, just like a butterfly pollinating flowers. They are motivated by interacting with people and there is nothing that gets them excited like finding a new friend. If you can get the social butterfly to fly you around the room, you will meet everyone and get some hints about them.

Catching the social butterfly is easy. Chances are, in any group less than 100, the butterfly will find you within a few minutes of walking in the door. Tell them you are new and would like to meet people. If you tell that to the first ten people you meet, you have about a 99% chance someone will catch the butterfly for you just to hand you off.

A word of warning though, the social butterfly will also try to integrate you into the group. If you find that you are on next months planning committee, its time to break away from the butterfly.





tsatske -> RE: advice (3/27/2008 12:58:14 PM)

blinky,
If you go to an expo or convention as your first event, you may feel isolated and alone. the events are big, and most people come from out of town, so there is no way to notice that you are a new comer. People mostly seek out people they know, and, well, you don't. I'm not telling you not to go, just, if you go, relax and have a good time and be okay with being by yourself.
Find a munch. At most, people are friendly, and will notice you are new and make an effort to speak to you and introduce you to people. That is a very good way to get to know some people.
And, for the best use of collarme, post. Most of the people viewing my profile I am pretty certain come from me posting.



blinky1985 -> RE: advice (3/27/2008 1:03:38 PM)

I don't know exactly where I would find a munch, or the etiquette of attending one. Should I google "michigan munches" and maybe contact someone from there? Thanks again for your help



Stephann -> RE: advice (3/27/2008 1:14:11 PM)

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MichiganRope/

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MichiganMunches/

That should get you started [;)]

Stephan





Lynnxz -> RE: advice (3/27/2008 1:31:36 PM)

Drag a friend along with you to the munch.... [&:] It's what I did, help out with the nervousness. 



blinky1985 -> RE: advice (3/27/2008 1:34:16 PM)

I am very shy and unfortunatly I do not have many friends, So that is not really an option for me although thanks for the suggestion. Thank you stephann for those links as well. I will definatly look into them.



tsatske -> RE: advice (3/27/2008 5:21:25 PM)

At a munch - dress vanilla. Dress as you would normally dress to go to the particular restaurant it happens to be in, if you were just going there for dinner. Sit back, relax, and be yourself. People are generally very, very nice. It is just eating and talking. About 50% of talk is about kink, 50% about everything else - politics, healthcare, books, family, whatever. I know going can be hard and scary, but once you get there, it is not. Many munches have mail groups, that may help you feel like you know someone before you go, if you sign up and participate in the mail group. (some have chatty mail groups, some are announcement only, and everything in between.)



GreedyTop -> RE: advice (3/27/2008 5:35:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

Hey there,

As a former Michigander, I know how frustrating it is.  I grew up near Grand Rapids; you wanna talk about BDSM hell?




heh.  back in the early 80s, I moved to GR, from L.A.

Talk about culture shock!! GAH!!


Blinky..the advice give here is excellent.  All I would add is when you attend a munch (or whatever), force yourself out of your shyness... MAKE yourself approach people to introduce yourself (in a respectful manner,of course).  If you make yourself a wallflower, you risk being perceived as stand-offish.

*hugs and best wishes*



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