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Collars - 3/27/2008 3:51:53 PM

Kitty52

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Joined: 3/26/2008
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This may sound like a stupid question for most of you, but I am new to this and need honest advice about this. Since I started in D/s I found that I enjoy wearing a collar. Now that I am not owned by anyone I was wondering if there was some unwritten laws about if I could wear a collar, use a lock on it ect. If you could let me know anything about the symbolism of the collar it would be greatly appreciated.

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RE: Collars - 3/27/2008 4:49:48 PM

BRNaughtyAngel

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Plenty of people wear collars who are not "owned" or even in relationships. Even people on the dominant side will wear them at times. And there are those who aren't even in the lifestyle who wear them.

The symbolism (or lack thereof) of a collar is a very individual thing. There are no rules except for the ones you choose to live by.

Wear your collar if it makes you happy.

(in reply to Kitty52)

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RE: Collars - 3/27/2008 4:54:47 PM

hopelessfool

Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
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When I feel sad, or am scared or need reassured for whatever reason, I have a collar I picked out when I was younger and slide it on. It makes me feel safe protected as if someone not there is ghosting over me making sure I will not cross harm. To me theres nothing wrong with wearing one. If you meet someone and they ask why you wear it, explain why. Wither it be for safety or just because you enjoy the feel of leather about your neck.

_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)

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RE: Collars - 3/27/2008 4:58:59 PM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kitty52

This may sound like a stupid question for most of you, but I am new to this and need honest advice about this. Since I started in D/s I found that I enjoy wearing a collar. Now that I am not owned by anyone I was wondering if there was some unwritten laws about if I could wear a collar, use a lock on it ect. If you could let me know anything about the symbolism of the collar it would be greatly appreciated.

Usually, the wearing of the collar, whether locked or not, indicates to others that you are owned. IE- if you were at a local event wearing a collar, but really you were hoping to meet a new Master/Mistress, you might be mistakenly taken for being owned. Now, if you were going to a play party or to the local play space, again, you might run into the same thing, however, it's not uncommon for subs to wear a collar for play purposes. Whether you have a lock on the collar or not might not make any difference in terms of how you are perceived because most ppl likely would not look closely enough to see if there is a lock. So, I'm not sure how to advise you. You might want to give serious thought as to how you want others to perceive you. If you don't mind that some might get the impression that you are taken, then go ahead. But if you are looking and putting yourself out there in your local community, unless ppl know you and your situation, you might miss out on some opportunities if you wear the collar.

Of course, if you are part of the goth community, and just wearing the collar mainly for fashion, it won't matter much. But it would cause a little confusion in the Leather community.

Best to you,

MNN

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aka Ms Petal - Check Me out on the Web.

(in reply to Kitty52)

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RE: Collars - 3/27/2008 5:03:59 PM

SNoB

Posts: 145
Joined: 2/26/2008
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Well if you are looking to meet someone, I dont think the collar is a bad idea. Nice people, the kind you would want to talk to, possibly enter a relationship with, will still talk to you. The worst it could do is discourage creepy people from comming up and hitting on you.

(in reply to MistressNoName)

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RE: Collars - 3/27/2008 5:05:45 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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As MistressNoName mentioned, the collar is an indicator of takenness. It is like seeing someone wearing a ring on their finger. There is nothing saying you cant wear a diamond solitaire on your left hand whenever you please, but anyone who sees it is going to make assumptions based on it. Be it true or not, they are still going to make the assumption.
I am not saying dont wear it, but maybe just select your times well. If you are going to an event where you are hoping to meet someone, it might be a better idea not to, but in general wearing a collar is just like wearing any other jewelry or accessories... whatever works for you.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to MistressNoName)

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RE: Collars - 3/27/2008 5:15:20 PM

Elegant

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Ahh...but in the International Code Of Collar Color Levels (24th Edition) a puce or taupe colored collar indicates 'not taken' or 'unowned'.

< Message edited by Elegant -- 3/27/2008 5:22:00 PM >

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(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

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RE: Collars - 3/27/2008 5:28:29 PM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
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collars are a very personal thing..some people (as indicated above) love to wear them all the time.. some never wear one unless they are playing ..something can be called a collar but it could be just a regular piece of vanilla jewellery that has taken on that meaning and symbolism.

If you attend an event with *anything* around your neck .. someone there will take it as a collar of some sort.. but like one poster said .. people worth bothering with, will usually ask. I have a heavy silver necklace that looks for all the world like a collar from eternity collars - it doesn't seal at the back but when its one anyone familiar with a sealed collar would assume it was one. My parents bought me this necklace for my 18th birthday (yanno .. sometimes I wonder about them ..hmmmm) I wear it everyday and it has nothing to do with BDSM .. so I have to remind myself to take it off when I got to events if I intend on trolling with any degree of success.

collar symbolism is often discussed.. use the search function to see some of the many threads on the subject... peoples ideas vary .. and are very individual. You will be told that there are rules and laws, but in reality these things are what you make them.. I have been in and out of relationships both serious and casual .. I have been owned before .. but I have never worn a real Collar (captial C to indicate the real deal).. a sealed Collar wouldn't go round my neck with any less seriousness than a wedding ring, I am in the business of becoming a fully owned TPE slave, a piece of property. The collar sealed around my neck wont make that happen, but it will be a symbol of that transition. It wont have a key, there wont be anyway out but a blow torch and a cutting tool, and once it comes off, it would never go back on again ...that's what a collar is to me.

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proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

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RE: Collars - 3/30/2008 12:52:57 PM

TwistedLeather

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Collars have different meanings, depending on the person you recieve it from, and your own personal sentiment to the issue. Some even have different levels of collars, much like the difference between and promise ring, an engagement ring, and a wedding band. Each level making the collar more intricate or even more expensive depending on your tastes. As i was taught, wearing a lock was a true indicator of ownership, and wearing the symbol of handcuffs was an indicator of what you are. To this day, even owned, my car mirror has a pair of handcuffs hanging on the mirror! *grin*

There are those, as already mentioned who wear collars as a fashion statement, as well as those who wear them simply for shock value when they go out. my suggestion would be to wear a simple, plain collar, or even an actual choker instead. But don't let whatever you choose to do deter you from letting people know that you're unowned.

And here's a silly recommendation... you could always wear a collar of any style, with or without a lock, that says unowned. You know, like one of those collars people wear that says slut, slave, Master, etc.

(in reply to softness)

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RE: Collars - 3/30/2008 2:21:56 PM

midgetmafiosa

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Joined: 3/23/2008
From: Maine, and SLC, UT
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Ok, here's the flipside. I am most definitely unowned. I like the idea of collar symbolism, but from a fashion standpoint, don't care for them at all. Hypothetically speaking, if I was to get into a "collared" relationship, what are some alternatives you can think of to show posession? Sorry in advance for any hijacking.

(in reply to TwistedLeather)

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RE: Collars - 3/30/2008 3:14:26 PM

DiurnalVampire

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From: Nashville, TN
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The alternatives to a collar around your neck are about as numberous as the different symboisms they can have. Anythign from a bracelet ro an anklet, a tattoo, a particular color clothing... anything your Dominant can think of.
Angel cannot wear jewelry, without it irritating him. When he was collared and as often as possible, he wears panties for me. Thats HIS collar. Fox has an actual collar around his neck. Same effect, different article of clothing.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to midgetmafiosa)

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RE: Collars - 3/30/2008 3:34:06 PM

midgetmafiosa

Posts: 195
Joined: 3/23/2008
From: Maine, and SLC, UT
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come to think of it, in my last vanilla relationship, it really excited me every time i wore panties he had bought for me. something unseen, but marking me as his. now i just need a dom willing to supply a whole wardrobe of special panties! whee!

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

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RE: Collars - 3/31/2008 12:14:07 AM

kinkypuppy2

Posts: 345
Joined: 11/4/2007
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What the two of you feel is acceptable for the two of you is great

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