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slavery - 3/27/2008 9:25:44 PM   
boiforced


Posts: 6
Joined: 2/28/2008
Status: offline 		Hi,
I would like to ask any sub or slave if they had any urgings or needs to be enslaved, within a relationship of some kind, before they became a sub or slave? Is this need normal? Does it only pertain to those in the alternate lifestyle or does anyone else feel this need?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: slavery - 3/27/2008 9:35:07 PM   
joyfulmalcontent


Posts: 19
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline 		I have always been submissive. From when I was a child, I always wanted to please everyone, to make them happy and it has carried over into my adult life. Some of it is unhealthy, caused by early childhood situations and parental manipulation. I've worked on those issues and find myself in a better place now. Still submissive but with limits on what I will put up with, what is healthy and what's just insane. I was born submissive, my experiences twisted it into something sick and unhealthy, time and patience and understanding with a few good friends on both sides of the fence (doms and subs well known in the community) have helped me gain self esteem, self respect and self acceptance.

(in reply to boiforced)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: slavery - 3/27/2008 10:14:13 PM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		No, it happens in vanilla life, too.  I was extremely subordinate to my husband - to the point that many outside people noticed and thought it strange.  The difference is that he didn't appreciate it.  In the lifestyle most people do.

_____________________________



(in reply to boiforced)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: slavery - 3/28/2008 12:31:08 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		No.  I was submissive before getting in to a relationship and am still submissive rather than enslaved. 

It seems as if you have a fantasy of how being owned will feel to you.  There is nothing wrong with your fantasy as the fantasy belongs to you.  Please realize that everyone does not share in the exact same feelings.  We each have our own special wants and needs. 

(in reply to boiforced)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: slavery - 3/28/2008 1:42:48 AM   
MRandme


Posts: 661
Joined: 9/24/2007
Status: offline 		Hello boiforced! Welcome to the forums.

Let me take this by steps.

I would like to ask any sub or slave if they had any urgings or needs to be enslaved, within a relationship of some kind, before they became a sub or slave?

Can i first point out that subs are not enslaved? While we can't agree on the exact definitions of, nor the differences between the roles, most subs would definitely say they are not slaves.

i have always been a people pleaser, too.  i tried to please everyone in my life, make them all happy... and when it came to looking for a man i subconsciously (as i had no idea what a submissive was) was looking for a Dominant. What i got were assholes. *nods to joyfulmalcontent and chamberqueen*

Throughout life, i thought i just wanted to belong.  Through my childhood we moved often and i was always the new kid, never fit in. i thought, "i want to be part of something, i want to belong..." Turns out what i wanted was to belong to Someone.

Being owned has changed my foundation. i don't have to please everyone... just Him. i do belong... to Him, accepted in a way i have never found elsewhere. 

So, yes i felt the need but couldn't express it or define it and went through years of misery because of it.

Is this need normal?

Define 'normal' please. Is the need to express one's self in art, writing or music 'normal'? It is a need, an irrepressable urge for those who are gifted, but is not always understood as  a need by those who aren't. All of us are 'abnormal' in some way, every person on this planet... some are just better at hiding it than others. Are you crazy or a freak for needing it? No!

Does it only pertain to those in the alternate lifestyle or does anyone else feel this need?

 Good question. i had a thought yesterday that the Catholic religious (priests and nuns) must be submissives of a sort, giving their submission to the Church and God instead of a person. Probably true of some of them at least. For them, that would be outside the umbrella of our lifestyle, more than vanilla, yet just as real and fulfilling.

The need to serve is a natural expression of self for some people. "He'd give you the shirt off his back." "She is always helping others." "He is always there when someone needs a hand."  Outside the lifestyle or in, it is a character trait, pure and simple. Some people are just happier when they are making life easier for those around them.

g

*edited to fix truely stupid typos*


< Message edited by MRandme -- 3/28/2008 2:04:41 AM >

_____________________________

And thus i conclude with a wish you go well,
Sweet be your dreams, may your happiness swell,
I'll leave you here, for my journey begins
i've gone to be with Him again...

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: slavery - 3/28/2008 4:45:29 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I think if you didn't already have those feelings, then you wouldn't seek out an alternative lifestyle. The emotions come first, before the actions. As far as acting on them, the problem I found is that a nondominant  will not appreciate what you are doing, instead she/he'll become irritated at your preferred style of relating, plus he/she will become a user, taking from you without giving anything back. One of the greatest parts of a relationship where you talk about your limits ahead of time, is that you have the opportunity to prevent yourself from being used up.

I was honest with The Man about my need for affection and affirmation. He understands that in order for me to give him what he wants, I have to get my needs met. If he had said those weren't things he did, then I wouldn't have agreed to submit. But a relationship where one doesn't talk beforehand about needs is one where there's a great possibility that you won't get them met, that your must have is someone else's dealbreaker. And you don't get to find this out until after a great deal of time has gone by and you are already highly invested in the relationship.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to MRandme)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: slavery - 3/28/2008 11:58:05 AM   
chaosforge


Posts: 397
Joined: 3/25/2007
From: The Abyss
Status: offline 		being an only child, and "good child" by default, i would jokingly refer to myself as the redheaded slave. more sarcasm, really. i did want my folks to be happy with me just as much as i didn't want them to be mad at me...
as a young woman, i doubted i would ever find a good relationship because i had so many trust issues... but i did! eight years ago this May.
could i help myself for loving Him? no.
could i help myself for trusting Him? no
would i follow Him arround the world should He ask? been there, done that. 2006-2007
and it was '06 that it occured to me that i was a slave to this love,,,and it wasn't one sided. for all the love i gave was given in return. i was a love-slave, and He, the Master of my heart...  too mushy, i know.
but to answer the OP's question; no, i never sought to be a slave before i knew my Master- just phoenix

_____________________________

Chaosforge
All begins in chaos and all will end in chaos.
I am that which has always been and will always be.
CHAOS !!!

I am Legion, for we are many.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: slavery - 3/28/2008 12:58:29 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		Di? I have a need to be owned before I knew it was possible
YEs, but I didn'tknow what the need was until I camacross the notion of TPE .. then it all clicked.

Is this normal?
normal for consensual slaves ...I would say so yes...normal for the rest of the population ... I should say not.. otherwise every bugger would be doing it.

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to chaosforge)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: slavery - 3/28/2008 2:02:18 PM   
gallowmere


Posts: 4
Joined: 7/23/2007
From: Massachusetts
Status: offline 		Urgings or needs to be enslaved?  Hmmm...   I think I've always had *some* sort of idea, or notion, of what I wanted in a relationship.  But I don't think I ever put words to it, nor really understood it.

I agree completely with what softness said.  As I started reading about D/s and M/s relationships, I was just like "Holy crap!  That makes so much sense!" 


_____________________________

I want to be where the stars in the sky are my footsteps,
Where every cloud is a stair leading closer to you

(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: slavery - 3/28/2008 4:31:13 PM   
MasochistToy


Posts: 21
Joined: 1/18/2008
Status: offline 		Prior to discovering BDSM I was involved in a controlling marriage. Due to my childhood (common theme) I had always taken the role of the pacifier in any situation. Even after I discovered this lifestyle I still struggled with what my role within it would be. I began as a Dominant, feeling that I no longer ever wanted to be controlled by another human being thank you very much!
It took several years, and a great deal of soul searching to understand what role it was that made me feel fulfilled, content, and pushed all of those buttons that I love! It also took finding the right partner, who understood my need to make the journey to where I am today. I am a slave, totally and completely. That doesn't mean that I don't struggle still with control issues. I am a human being and will never be perfect.
So to answer your question, there was an unhealthy part of me that wanted to be a "slave" before I ever found the healthy part that allowed me to truly, with full knowledge, surrender and be who I am today. And that journey I mentioned is not even close to being over.

_____________________________

"Though time refeather the wing, ankle slip the ring, the once confined thing is never again free."

Daddys Masochist

(in reply to gallowmere)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: slavery - 3/29/2008 8:04:28 PM   
angelbluewingsz


Posts: 324
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline 		welcome newbie. be you.

(in reply to MasochistToy)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: slavery - 3/29/2008 9:00:01 PM   
boiforced


Posts: 6
Joined: 2/28/2008
Status: offline 		Thanks everyone you've all been a great help

(in reply to angelbluewingsz)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: slavery - 3/29/2008 9:48:38 PM   
petpete


Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline 		i have always had the urge to become a slave from as far as i can remember. i remember times that i used to go to sleep as a child and i would create scenarios of being enslaved to a person that i found or knew about (Teacher, aunty, etc). i also know of my fetish from the very first day i know i needed to be submissive or slave. However real life is something different to the dream world i would create in my mind before i go to sleep, and i do have some responsibilities towards myself as to my survival, so i don't label myself as a slave. The name "slave" can be easily taken advantage by people who are only looking to seek there own fulfillment and to take advantage of our situation, so i do like to refrain from being called a slave until i do find the right grounds to make the word possible to flourish. It is quite confusing for many as to why would someone that wants to be used don't allow that to happen at the end?? my answer is that i still need to work and make a living and i still need to maintain some sort of a life for the outside world that i work and live in and people have to see me with some value in doing so. But when it comes to the person that i would call "Mistress" i would love to be tested in all aspects of slavery that She would like to indulge Herself in. i also see that the labels only are seen differently by people so for instance a Lady that loves foot worship may see me as a slave cause i indulge in it and accept to be treated as a foot slave, but another that loves to inflict pain and i am not a masochist but i would accept a level that i can tolerate may see or find me inadequate so i will be labeled as a submissive.

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!


(in reply to boiforced)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: slavery - 3/30/2008 12:40:04 AM   
StormsSlave


Posts: 629
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline 		My slavery and service takes place primarily in the bedroom, so I am much more sub than slave, if anyone is interested in applying labels to it (and isn't there always one?).  The slave designation is for the entertainment of My Lord, and to let other Dom's know I am spoken for.

I have always wanted to be submissive in the bedroom, to be taken and used and  abused, but I always seem to be in relationships where I was expected to take the lead.  I'm sure this has to do with my take-charge attitude outside the bedroom.  Outside of the bedroom, I want to be part of the process, and be counted as a voice that matters.

I think MOST women have at least one fantasy where they are "taken" or "enslaved" by their one true love.  Nothing wrong with it. 

_____________________________

Congratulate me...I'm a missus!!

--nobody's resident anything.

(in reply to petpete)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: slavery - 3/30/2008 11:43:12 AM   
metalmiss


Posts: 341
Joined: 5/4/2005
From: Croydon, UK
Status: offline 		i have always had an urge to be enslaved my whole life since i can remember. i grew up with very submissive tendancies from being a very small child, through no reasons that i can explain other than to say that they are just a very integral part of who i am.

i have noticed echo's of D/s in very innocent vanilla relationships among my friends in the past. So it isn't exclusive to the lifestyle, but this doesn't suprise me as a certain amount of Dominance & submission are common elements of interactions between individuals of any kind, even and especially the non human variety.. its a primal thing.


_____________________________

"The longing to serve, to submit, to abandon oneself sexually, emotionally, and physically makes one a slave either to a Man, a Woman or to God. Submission to that passion is divine degradation." - Dorothy C. Hayden

Owned by RavenMuse

(in reply to boiforced)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: slavery - 3/30/2008 1:13:39 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		I have been co-dependent from child hood - always trying to make everyone in a position of authority over me happy.  Have been professionally treated for that  - and discovered my submission at the end of that journey. I don't think I could have been sub/slave without making that journey - to discover the difference of being a people pleaser because I have been programed that way from childhood, and deliberately choosing the lifestyle because it makes me happy and fulfilled.

Our life style is considered a normal varient of human sexuality- therefore we are normal - what ever that means.
If it is a healthy thing for you - go for it with both feet!!!

(in reply to metalmiss)
Profile   Post #: 16
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