Things I cannot control

Things I cannot control (Full Version)

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AtlantaMistress -> Things I cannot control (3/28/2008 2:08:14 AM)
I miss my boy tonight. I can't sleep because we are not together. he was not feeling well tonight, so I told him to stay home and rest. he has been under a lot of stress, both with his job and problems with his son. From the very beginning, I have told him that these things must come first, and I would always support whatever decisions he makes regarding either one. Right now - he is being overworked (on 2 big projects), yet dealing with political BS at work (since he works from home a few days a week and a contractor is sticking her nose in where it doesn't belong, assuming if he is not in the office, he must not be busy). his son is 17, and was doing terrible in school (although he is very bright), got in trouble for being disrespectful, refused to serve the punishment, so has quit going to school. With both situations, I have given him advice, but he hates confrontation, is not a strong disciplinarian, and I cannot or will not push the advice down his throat and force him to use it. Like I said, we had an agreement from the beginning. I am unhappy that he is so stressed out from getting walked all over - which only I do (he loves Trampling). All jokes aside, I so appreciate all he does for me, and I try very hard not to take advantage of him or take him for granted, so it infuriates me to see others do it - especially seeing him literally sick over it. I feel very helpless, and outside of being there to tell him I love him and stand behind him...what else can I do? Obviously...I have some control issues, and it is very hard for me not to have any control in a situation, even worse when I see someone I love hurting. Does anyone else have situations like this they can share?

chezzy52 -> RE: Things I cannot control (3/28/2008 2:27:10 AM)
Mistress...allow me a dominant moment if you please.My wife has a part-time job as a music/choir director at the local church we attend.There are two ladies whom are the most hateful people..they play piano and organ respectively at church.The both of them are always humiliating my wife in front of the choir and of course i have to sit and take it.So i approached one of the elders and basically told them one more time and i am going to personnel about this BS.Now the Misses and i are not seeing eye to eye on a number of things which very well may lead to the marriage dissolving.Even though i am submissive,it pains me to see this going on week after week and i want to give them both a swift kick.But at least i have an outlet as i can run to personnel to fix it.Yours situation is a bit different and i know how much it can be abrasive..i feel for both of you.

blissy -> RE: Things I cannot control (3/28/2008 2:28:10 AM)
Life sometimes can be such a pain, sometimes all you can do is wait - you've let him know you care & are there for him whenever he needs you to vent to - the rest is really 'his' to deal with, your advice & views on the situations will be sitting in his head whirling around. His contractor may be sticking her nose in, but isnt it her job to be sure the job is getting done? As for his son quitting school, as awful as that may be, at the end of the day he wont be the last to do so, its sad but sometimes you have to let them make their mistakes & make their own way in life. this is just my two cents & doesnt count for much, but life moves faster than crap & these problems will be gone soon.

AtlantaMistress -> RE: Things I cannot control (3/28/2008 4:09:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: blissy His contractor may be sticking her nose in, but isnt it her job to be sure the job is getting done? Just to answer the question - he is an employee, the company also has contractors, and they are moving a lot of contracting work overseas, so her job may be in jeopardy. This bitch is not even assigned to either of the projects he is on - but she reports to the same boss, who is in another state - but is the type to flit around from cube to cube chit chatting, gossiping, and causing problems more than working - and it is NONE of her business when he is in the office or not. he says She never has liked him, since he doesn't kiss her ass (I suspect she must wear flats - he's have been much nicer to a lady in heels!lol) She doesn't have the priveledge of working from home - he does, and he works much longer hours from home - getting a lot more work done I suspect than anyone who is in the office, since he has an incredible work ethic. In my dream world - I would go to his office - tie her up, gag her, and show her why I call my whip "the bitch". [sm=trident.gif]

TNstepsout -> RE: Things I cannot control (3/28/2008 4:52:41 AM)
Having had a difficult child I can sympathize. Dad needs to take a strong stand at this point or he will only prolong the problem. I know it seems harsh and it's really hard for a parent to do. It goes against our innate instinct to protect and defend our kids, but when they reach a point like this, it's the only thing that will motivate them. Dad needs to give him a stern deadline and stick to it. One month to get back in school, get a job or get out. It sounds to me like he is stuck in a cycle of frustration that he doesn't know how to break. He doesn't like confrontation so he won't do it in either circumstance, but sometimes as adults, to take care of ourselves, and our responsibilities as adults, we MUST confront other people. We have to. Just like we have to do lots of things we don't like to do. He is a parent. He made the decision to have a child. He needs to be responsible and do what needs to be done. In terms of what you can do to help? Well just letting him know that you will be there for him as he does something that's scary and unpleasant for him. Maybe teach him how to take a dominant position with his son even offer to practice with him. Oh and there is a really great book you can get him called Back in Control. There may also be some local "tough love" type groups. He may not think he needs it yet, but maybe an assignment to do some research so he'll have the info if he needs it. In terms of the work situation I can't offer much. Those things can be so tricky depending on his rapport with his boss, how long he's been there, the stability of the company etc.... Maybe you can teach him the "dont F*** with me" look?

Dnomyar -> RE: Things I cannot control (3/28/2008 4:53:10 AM)
If his son is quitting school he should throw his rear out in the street. A great way to bring a smartassed kid back to reality.

LadyPact -> RE: Things I cannot control (3/28/2008 5:14:26 AM)
It's good to see/read you, Sandy. I wish you weren't having the frustration. The best thing I can contribute here is that I can empathize with you about not having control in all matters is a submissive's life. My sub's boss is Mistress Military, so you can bet I don't have much I could do about certain things that effect him. If I did, I'd can those early morning (04:30) physical training days that leave him tired before 9:00 in the evening. I'd sure improve his classroom equipment that frustrates him or the clinical rotations that are less than his skill set, and bore him to death. Oh, and those formations where 150 people have to stand around for two hours because some twit did something stupid over the weekend. Those would be history. Sometimes, you just have to accept that, as much as you control your boy, you can't control the world around him. When those situations come up, I try to make more time for him just to be happy sitting at My feet, stroking his hair. When he needs to let go of it all by talking about it, I listen. On occasion, I let him fall asleep in My lap, just because it makes him more peaceful. No, it isn't a cure all for the other things that are happening in his world, but I think it brings him more peace about it.

blissy -> RE: Things I cannot control (3/28/2008 5:19:18 AM)
i certainly didnt mean to say anything out of line, i must have missed thie part in the original post @ This bitch is not even assigned to either of the projects he is on - and it is NONE of her business im sorry.

thetammyjo -> RE: Things I cannot control (3/28/2008 6:53:21 AM)
I'm a control freak too and it just took time and practice for me to let go of those things I cannot control or honestly don't think it is healthy for me to control with my slave. To be honest, I love to kill things on video games when I get too worked up about that sort of stuff but over the years I've just learned to let go better. To help Fox when these situations arise I just listen to him and have trained myself to ask questions rather than give advice. Ok, I'm rather Socratic in the questions meaning that I tend to ask leading questions I think that try to get him to see solutions but it makes him feel more empowered and helps me create an emotional distance between when I can/want to control and everything else.

AtlantaMistress -> RE: Things I cannot control (3/28/2008 8:52:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dnomyar If his son is quitting school he should throw his rear out in the street. A great way to bring a smartassed kid back to reality. Unfortunately, it isn't as easy as that. He is only 17 - and the best he could do would be to make him go back to live with his mother, which opens up a whole new bag of worms - if she would/could even take him. He can't even get a job without a work permit from the school since he is "withdrawing" or at this point, waiting to miss the 10 days to be withdrwan. Once he is 18, I know b will have no tolerance, and would do just what you suggest. I have a 10 & 12 year old - the oldest has had some serious behavior problems, and he is more than happy to take me as a package deal, knowing that "kid issues" will now be his to deal with for another 8 years. I know all I can do is give him my opinion, but just be supportive no matter what he decides. Outside of his kids, and his work, he will always give me his opinion - but defers to me if necessary, trusting that I will make the best decisions for US. If I didn't love him, it wouldn't frustrate me so badly to see him upset when I really can't do much if anything to help. The best I can really do is remind him how much I love him, let him vent, and try to take his mind off the stress and responsibilities by using the little time we have with no kids to fulfill his fetish fantasies - which I do, with great pleasure!

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