RE: Candid convo with your "D" can you? (Full Version)

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CelticPrince -> RE: Candid convo with your "D" can you? (3/29/2008 8:30:38 AM)

quote:

.He's my best friend.


clava,

Then I would say your in a great / relationship.

CP



CelticPrince -> RE: Candid convo with your "D" can you? (3/29/2008 8:34:22 AM)

quote:

I couldn't imagine being told that my opinion doesn't matter and that I am to obey blindly. Our situation would never work that way, a fact that we both agree on. If this does begin to occur, I would have to seriously question the point our relationship has come to that he cares more for his needs than mine.


Slave,

I totally agree that a solid relationship cannot work that way, thus the thrust of this mpost; to get both sides of the slash to recognize the importance of communications.

CP



CelticPrince -> RE: Candid convo with your "D" can you? (3/29/2008 8:37:15 AM)

quote:

it's very accepted that there's time when I can do that and not fear retribution for kicking his ass.


dark,

roars with laughter ; thanks

CP



CelticPrince -> RE: Candid convo with your "D" can you? (3/29/2008 8:39:52 AM)

quote:

He is not obligated to listen, but He does.


eyes,

good post until you got to, this statement;
I believe that a Master is obligated to listen to his "s".

CP



CelticPrince -> RE: Candid convo with your "D" can you? (3/29/2008 8:42:18 AM)

quote:

i'm an open book and the day i can't speak frankly with the person that i date, let alone that i'm collared to, is the day i know i have no business being around them. let alone in a relationship with them.


liloneds,

I really agree, I hope others ponder your position and others that support it.

CP



ownedgirlie -> RE: Candid convo with your "D" can you? (3/29/2008 10:47:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

To answer the original question, I not only can be completely open to him about everything, I am required to. Always have been, always will be. If I didn't, I wouldn't have the place I have in his world.


girlie,

Then I assume you took your time before the collaring ceremony!

CP


There was no ceremony when he put his collar on me, but I was not allowed to receive it until he felt I was ready to receive it.

However, coming from a world where I had been conditioned to do the opposite - to NOT share what was on my mind and to stifle all thoughts and feelings - this was a very difficult thing for me to learn to do.



Bound2One -> RE: Candid convo with your "D" can you? (3/29/2008 11:57:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
However, coming from a world where I had been conditioned to do the opposite - to NOT share what was on my mind and to stifle all thoughts and feelings - this was a very difficult thing for me to learn to do.


Owned, I know exactly what you mean.  I have a similar, rather repressed background, and he has me opening up to him in ways that amaze me.  I don't even realize at times that I'm not communicating something I should, and he points it out and I respond accordingly.  It's hard, really hard to do so sometimes, but we're working on it together. It's encouraging to me to know that you've succeeded, thank you for sharing.



littlebitxxx -> RE: Candid convo with your "D" can you? (3/29/2008 12:06:58 PM)

Not in a D/s or M/s situation here which may seem a little off the topic, but if you think about it there is no requirement for opening up in my case.  I don't have a Master demanding that I tell him everything nor do I have to journal and expose anything willingly.  Which actually makes communication more difficult and revealing.  When there are no requirements for obedience, the communication comes willingly and freely as a method of forming and maintaining a relationship.  Information is volunteered, not asked for, and so the soul baring can be scarier.  Knowing you are revealing facets of yourself and opening yourself up to hurt and non-acceptance because there is no foundation of M/s to play referee.  My man and I do talk about literally everything, freely openly honestly, knowing the other will accept the information as it is intended, digest it and still be there when the convo is done.  He came up with a phrase that hits home....Love is being able to completely bare yourself, knowing the other can hurt you with the info but trusting that they won't.  And that can be anything from innocuous everyday things to deep dark secret fears of the heart.  From which way the toilet paper roll faces, to personal squicks like a yeast infection or hemorrhoids, to "I became sexually aroused by being beaten on and that shakes my belief foundation to the very core and I'm now scared of myself." 

I feel very secure in the level of trust, reliability and caring that enables me to open a conversation about anything, virtually anything, that's on my mind.  And I feel that is the basis of a solid relationship....not communication but the ability to communicate.



adoracat -> RE: Candid convo with your "D" can you? (3/29/2008 12:08:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

*snorts daintily*


kitten,

so why the "snort"? sounds like alll is well with you both.

CP


at the thought of me not being totally honest with Daddy, or at him not listening to me when i have something he needs to hear.

if you're entering a relationship that needs to be trust-based, and you dont have the freedom to be honest because your other wont listen, whats the point, you know?

that was what the snort was all about.  [:)]

kitten



CelticPrince -> RE: Candid convo with your "D" can you? (3/29/2008 5:24:48 PM)

quote:

I feel very secure in the level of trust, reliability and caring that enables me to open a conversation about anything, virtually anything, that's on my mind. And I feel that is the basis of a solid relationship....not communication but the ability to communicate.


littlebit,

sounds like your right on the nose of the issue! not in a d/s or M/s relationship??? pray tell what brings the girl to this den of erotic behavior?

CP



CelticPrince -> RE: Candid convo with your "D" can you? (3/29/2008 5:26:35 PM)

quote:

that was what the snort was all about. <http://www.collarchat.com/image/s1.gif>


kiten,

Nicely explained!

CP



adoracat -> RE: Candid convo with your "D" can you? (3/29/2008 5:38:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

quote:

that was what the snort was all about. <http://www.collarchat.com/image/s1.gif>


kiten,

Nicely explained!

CP


thank you.  [:D]

kitten



CelticPrince -> RE: Candid convo with your "D" can you? (3/30/2008 10:39:05 AM)

quote:

but I was not allowed to receive it until he felt I was ready to receive it.


girlie,

I do like his style!

CP



TysGalilah -> RE: Candid convo with your "D" can you? (3/30/2008 12:09:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

The acceleration of new folks, finding out about the lifestyle or path continues as they jump in with both feet and finding a "Master / Mistress" in as short a time as one month continues.

In reading the forums, I see directly and indirectly questions about how a relationship should develope from some of these same "s"s thus the point of this post. Can you candidly discuss issues with your "D" now that you wear a collar. Can you discuss fantasies, tendencies toward yeast infections etc.

If you cannot, should you be wearing a collar?

CP


We talk about anything and everything..
personal, fantasy, reality...casual, health, parents, kids, funny, serious, you name it and we've discussed it.
 
This type of communication ease is a "place" that we grew to tho' ....wasn't always as easy to do...we learned from each other. 
So  if being like this was a criteria for me being collared first> it would have not happened when it did.
 
Total trust and complete openness about my feelings and emotions was something that Tyson inspired and nurtured in me after I was collared..
But my willingness and desire to share all of myself was there already... : )
 
hope that addressed your question 
 
Cyndi
 
 



CelticPrince -> RE: Candid convo with your "D" can you? (3/30/2008 3:14:50 PM)

quote:

I was collared..
But my willingness and desire to share all of myself was there already... : )


cyndi,

Well with that mental attitude you were indeed ready.

CP



submissivemomma -> RE: Candid convo with your "D" can you? (3/30/2008 4:29:40 PM)

Daddy and I do have candid convos and 9 times out of 10 it is He who brings them up. It is hard sometimes but it really does make me feel closer to him.



Daddysredhead -> RE: Candid convo with your "D" can you? (3/30/2008 6:42:42 PM)

I can talk about anything with Daddy.  It's a given because communication is paramount to both of us.  If there are things that are extremely important or serious to me, I simply tell Him that I think we need to talk.  He usually makes plans for us to meet at lunch and we talk openly.  If it is something that I am having difficulty putting into spoken words, He has me write it in an email since I am very open in my writing.  Then we meet and discuss what I have written.  It works for us and we are extremely communicative.

There are times when I tell Him, "I'm telling you this as your best friend and the one who loves you - not in a D/s way, so please don't think I'm being un-submissive..."  and then I just open my heart and mouth, and lay it all out there.  I have to do this at times because submission, while natural with Him, is not natural to my general personality and nature.  Sometimes I need Him to realize that I'm talking as His equal, not as His slave.  (That may not sit well with some people, but we've been together for 5 years in June and have a very good relationship, so I'll stick with what works for us.)

If you can't have a relationship where you can throw it all out there with the person who may, at times, have your life in their hands, I don't see how it will ever really work.



lostsoulskitten -> RE: Candid convo with your "D" can you? (3/30/2008 6:46:45 PM)

My Daddy/Dom and I are engaged. We are best friends, in every way. We love each other so much, we know some much about each other it's unbelievable. 
We sometimes even finish each other's sentences. He saved me just in the nick of time <3 I thank him for it everyday. He just lights up my world. We can talk about anything. [:D][:)] 



epiphany -> RE: Candid convo with your "D" can you? (3/30/2008 7:02:24 PM)

We started as best friends, we grew into an M/s relationship over the years...keeping the friendship and the comfort with each other as a priority. Yes, I have always been able to discuss anything with The Man. He would be hurt beyond belief if he felt I didn't trust him with all of my thoughts and feelings.

This works the other way around too

epiphany



HerLord -> RE: Candid convo with your "D" can you? (3/30/2008 7:12:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
It is my opinion that anyone in any kind of relationship has a responsibility to him/herself to know what he/she is getting into before getting into it.

To answer the original question, I not only can be completely open to him about everything, I am required to.  Always have been, always will be.  If I didn't, I wouldn't have the place I have in his world.


Now when did My Love give you all these answers you give... You speak as though you are My Love.

We have both commented on how much we like your posts.

CP/OP

I have always required "candid convo" as you put it. I think of it as a path to knowledge. With said knowledge, how can I provide what it is My Love needs. While it is her duty to serve me, it is also mine to provide for her. If I am unaware of the things she needs/wants, I am ill-armed to do anything about it. This goes to in the context of limits. We do not make a habit of sitting down at the dinner table and setting in writing a "list" of do's/don'ts, but with out the open, active listening skills and general understanding, I would have no hope of being a a Lord worth my salt.

Again just my copper

*edited for typos*



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