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Any suggestions for a long distance, newbie couple? - 3/28/2008 4:14:37 PM

toolhead005

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline

I've recently decided to try a fresh start with someone I dated a while back... The problem is, I'm in Hawaii (stationed, I'm military) and she lives in my hometown, almost 3000 miles away. We've been talking a lot about fantasies and what we want in the relationship, and the conversation has taken a turn towards D/s, with me as the dominant. She's mainly curious, and this hasn't turned into a serious master/slave thing (yet, she's already surprised me once), so I'm just waiting to see how far it might go.
I was hoping anyone who has been in a similar situation could offer adivce about a distance relationship, or suggestions on 'homework' for a sub that's a long way from the dominant.

Thanks

Post #: 1

RE: Any suggestions for a long distance, newbie couple? - 3/28/2008 4:22:21 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

Hard Work and a Shaky Boat.

The issue isn't how long you can Maintain the Distance but rather how well things play out where there isn't distance.

What are the Plans for the future is this ever going to be real time?
Can she handle the time away?
Can you handle the time away?
Do you BOTH want the same things?
Is she going to stay true to you or is all a KeyBoard Fantasy?
What is the Longevity of the relationship?

MILLONS MORE!!

Only you can decide what you want from her I could give you LISTS AND LISTS of things you could order she do for you to prove her devotion to you but in the end it is all a FANTASY the reality comes when you have to stop being a Fantasy and start being a Reality.

Are you both willing to put in the effort to make this work?

I think it can work but you need to decide what kind of relationship this is and then set HARD CORE Rules and Requirements for BOTH You and her, If you expect something from her what is she to be getting from you? What do you have to offer her in return for her surrender to you?

Like I said it's Hard work and LOTS of it.

If you need Idea e-mail me on the Other side.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to toolhead005)

Post #: 2

RE: Any suggestions for a long distance, newbie couple? - 3/28/2008 5:47:03 PM

greenearth21

Posts: 228
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

Nice response Steel.

All I can add, is be real with each other

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 3

RE: Any suggestions for a long distance, newbie couple? - 3/28/2008 5:53:01 PM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

I have one word for you

SKYPE

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veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to greenearth21)

Post #: 4

RE: Any suggestions for a long distance, newbie couple? - 3/28/2008 6:07:58 PM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

Try to see the positive in the situation. You will be spending lots of time online or on the phone. You can learn lots about each other and get into feelings and important things. There is no social pressure of doing superficial, empty things before you start to play with each other. You will know each other intimately before you are intimate.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to toolhead005)

Post #: 5

RE: Any suggestions for a long distance, newbie couple? - 3/28/2008 6:09:01 PM

SL4V3M4YB3

Posts: 3506
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline

"Distance has the same effect on the mind as on the eye" Samuel Johnson

Not to put a downer on things

_____________________________

Memory Lane...been there done that.

(in reply to softness)

Post #: 6

RE: Any suggestions for a long distance, newbie couple? - 3/28/2008 6:25:34 PM

bipolarber

Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline

Vonage. Or some other unlimited long distance plan.

Beyond that, IF it turns out to be something you think will last, start laying the groundwork for one or the other of you to move... (suggestion: whomever has the better house, and/or lives in the better area for employment, stays where they are.) Just sayin'...

(in reply to SL4V3M4YB3)

Post #: 7

RE: Any suggestions for a long distance, newbie couple? - 3/28/2008 7:00:10 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

We gave up on most cyber sex and d/s stuff back when we were ldr. Mainly we concentrated on knowing all about each other. We talked about the minutiae of daily life. Because if he didn't know that I was worrying about a car repair, he would catch the fact that I was distracted and assume it was because we were drifting apart, and vice versa of course. He didn't say my worries were minor even if they were in comparison to his, because he knew they were important to me.

The bossiness stuff came when he thought I was doing risky things. I was ready for bed when I realized the garbage needed to go down to the road. He insisted I get dressed to do so and then come sign back on so he knew I was safe. That kind of thing.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to bipolarber)

Post #: 8

RE: Any suggestions for a long distance, newbie couple? - 3/28/2008 10:29:43 PM

toolhead005

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/24/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Hard Work and a Shaky Boat.

The issue isn't how long you can Maintain the Distance but rather how well things play out where there isn't distance.

What are the Plans for the future is this ever going to be real time?
Can she handle the time away?
Can you handle the time away?
Do you BOTH want the same things?
Is she going to stay true to you or is all a KeyBoard Fantasy?
What is the Longevity of the relationship?

MILLONS MORE!!

Only you can decide what you want from her I could give you LISTS AND LISTS of things you could order she do for you to prove her devotion to you but in the end it is all a FANTASY the reality comes when you have to stop being a Fantasy and start being a Reality.

Are you both willing to put in the effort to make this work?

I think it can work but you need to decide what kind of relationship this is and then set HARD CORE Rules and Requirements for BOTH You and her, If you expect something from her what is she to be getting from you? What do you have to offer her in return for her surrender to you?

Like I said it's Hard work and LOTS of it.

If you need Idea e-mail me on the Other side.

Steel

Let's see if I can address everything here...
It's already been 'real time'... We've dated while I was home (for a short time) and experimented to a small degree while I was back.
We've already been apart for about 6 months (14-15 to go, unless a deployment to the middle east screws everything up) and she's handled it well. She misses me, and is willing to wait for me.
I've already gotten into the mindset of 'I'm going home to her, so I should wait too'
Not sure if we want the same things... It seems like it so far, but I'm still learning more, just like she is.
She's already been true to me, and the real 'vanilla' relationship started before the D/s one, so this isn't some random online meeting.
As for the longevity, it seems pretty good, in my opinion. She cares about me, I care about her, and the D/s aspect is more secondary. I'm not looking to test her devotion, I think she's already devoted to me.

If this ever turns into a serious Master/slave thing, I'd like to be prepared... I'm not trying to force anything. I'm happy with just some kinky play now and again :)

" Beyond that, IF it turns out to be something you think will last, start laying the groundwork for one or the other of you to move... (suggestion: whomever has the better house, and/or lives in the better area for employment, stays where they are.) Just sayin'... "

I already think this is something that will last, since this is basicly the interlude between act 1 and 2. We're from the same town, and when I get out of the military, I'll probably move back in with my parents until I get my own place and start looking for a career job. So far, it's looking like I'll be moving to another (close) state, and I'm 100% sure she'd go with me if I asked.

"The bossiness stuff came when he thought I was doing risky things. I was ready for bed when I realized the garbage needed to go down to the road. He insisted I get dressed to do so and then come sign back on so he knew I was safe. That kind of thing. "
I can see myself doing the same thing... I know she has to work (although she works too much) and I worry about little stuff... I just try and do what I can to make sure she's alright.

Thanks for all the help, everyone. I appreciate it.

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 9

RE: Any suggestions for a long distance, newbie couple? - 3/30/2008 1:11:38 PM

LadyPaige

Posts: 187
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

If she's curious about BDSM I'd have her roam the boards here and discuss with you what she finds interesting. Have her make a profile and explore the different lifestyle activities. The internet is full of informative sites that discuss the theory of D/s. This time while you're seperated is an excellent opportunity to fill the empty hours with lots of research.

(in reply to toolhead005)

Post #: 10

RE: Any suggestions for a long distance, newbie couple? - 3/30/2008 4:36:57 PM

Griswold

Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: toolhead005

I've recently decided to try a fresh start with someone I dated a while back... The problem is, I'm in Hawaii (stationed, I'm military) and she lives in my hometown, almost 3000 miles away. We've been talking a lot about fantasies and what we want in the relationship, and the conversation has taken a turn towards D/s, with me as the dominant. She's mainly curious, and this hasn't turned into a serious master/slave thing (yet, she's already surprised me once), so I'm just waiting to see how far it might go.
I was hoping anyone who has been in a similar situation could offer adivce about a distance relationship, or suggestions on 'homework' for a sub that's a long way from the dominant.

Thanks

Ya know what Tool...(hey...it's your screen name...I didn't make it up)....love is where you find it.

Go for it.

(in reply to toolhead005)

Post #: 11

RE: Any suggestions for a long distance, newbie couple? - 3/30/2008 6:43:49 PM

HerLord

Posts: 697
Joined: 2/14/2008
Status: offline

It's been said.

Use your time apart as time for research. Use your (dare i say it for you) "love" to cornerstone your future. If your relationship will work out it will. If not it won't. Nothing you do really will change that. It sounds like you may be in the beginning of this relationship any way so... not much lost if it don't work. But just an FYI... I been in service, lost a woman while in... something about they couldn't handle the drama... (of what I still don't know... all I was doing was fighting someplace we ought not a been)... Any way

Best'o'luck
my copper spent

*edited to add*
BTW Thanks for defending my right to be an ass.

< Message edited by HerLord -- 3/30/2008 6:44:39 PM >

_____________________________

"People as a whole think they want to hear the truth, until they hear it." -Stormism

(in reply to Griswold)

Post #: 12

RE: Any suggestions for a long distance, newbie couple? - 3/31/2008 7:06:01 PM

andreaC

Posts: 195
Joined: 10/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: toolhead005

I've recently decided to try a fresh start with someone I dated a while back... The problem is, I'm in Hawaii (stationed, I'm military) and she lives in my hometown, almost 3000 miles away. We've been talking a lot about fantasies and what we want in the relationship, and the conversation has taken a turn towards D/s, with me as the dominant. She's mainly curious, and this hasn't turned into a serious master/slave thing (yet, she's already surprised me once), so I'm just waiting to see how far it might go.
I was hoping anyone who has been in a similar situation could offer adivce about a distance relationship, or suggestions on 'homework' for a sub that's a long way from the dominant.

Thanks

Hi Sir:

I have been in a long distance relationship for close to 7yrs and i will admit that its not always easy, but if both are willing to put an effort, be real and honest in the relationship and it will be fine.

Like one said, skype is a good thing.

Best of luck

_____________________________

andreaC - owned by Master Carrera2
Complete and extremely happy :)
Jeg elsker deg Herre

(in reply to toolhead005)

Post #: 13

RE: Any suggestions for a long distance, newbie couple? - 3/31/2008 7:24:11 PM

knotsgirl

Posts: 1
Joined: 2/6/2008
Status: offline

Open and honest communication and lots of it. Best of luck to you.

(in reply to toolhead005)

Post #: 14

RE: Any suggestions for a long distance, newbie couple? - 3/31/2008 7:36:32 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

Some advice from a Marine who wore your combat boots already:

The misery of waiting for the girl back home is a double edged sword. Knowing now what I do, I wouldn't have done it again.

I dated a girl for about 9 months real time before I was shipped off first for boot camp, then Okinawa on a one year tour. It was almost exactly one year apart with heartfelt letters and expensive phonecalls (before the days of the internet) before my grandfather died and I came home for the funeral. The first words out of my beloved's mouth were "don't kiss me, I have mono."

Longish story short, it was only a couple weeks after I'd shipped off for Boot Camp at San Diego before M met some guy at a drunken party, started dating him, and kept things going with me out of a sense of duty and (probably no small part) fantasy and safety net. Within three weeks of returning to Okinawa, I met my (now ex) wife, a Japanese girl. I'd never even left the base alone up to that point.

In short, you're at an age where I know it seems like she means so much. Yet how much life aren't you living, because of 3000 miles? You're in a tropical paradise; if your girl is that interested in a life with you, why isn't she there as well? Hawaii's a great place to live. And it takes really being with someone face to face, to know it's going to work. What kind of tool will you feel like if, after she's waited three years, you find you can't stand her cooking, or that she has a bad habit of taking credit cards and maxing them out.

Bottom line; live the life you have today. You might be shipped out tomorrow, and dead within a week. Make sure the next seven, fourteen, thirty, sixty, hundred twenty days are filled with all the life you possibly can enjoy. Whiling hours on the phone with a girl and an idea of an old life sounds hellish to me. There's just too many gorgeous girls out there in bikinis not to enjoy em.

But do take my cynism for what it's worth.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to knotsgirl)

Post #: 15

RE: Any suggestions for a long distance, newbie couple? - 3/31/2008 7:59:12 PM

Usako

Posts: 697
Joined: 7/29/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

Long distance relationships are 90% a waste of time.

The drama, issues and bullshit of an in person relationship are like...trippled with distance.

My advice to ANYONE wanting to try a long distance relationship is just don't. If you have time to waste then whatever but don't hold your breathe for it to work.

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 16

RE: Any suggestions for a long distance, newbie couple? - 3/31/2008 9:38:46 PM

MisterStrongWill

Posts: 44
Joined: 12/31/2004
Status: offline

Well first thank you for protecting my rights and freedoms!!!
Second WEB CAMS are a great toy!
Long distance wow they suck, but, if both of you are dedicated you can make it work. She can always put on some private shows for you and heck you 2 can plan months in advance what you are going to do. And we all know atticipation is ooohhh so fun!

(in reply to Usako)

Post #: 17

RE: Any suggestions for a long distance, newbie couple? - 3/31/2008 11:00:49 PM

Phoenix2raven

Posts: 347
Joined: 10/14/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: toolhead005

I've recently decided to try a fresh start with someone I dated a while back... The problem is, I'm in Hawaii (stationed, I'm military) and she lives in my hometown, almost 3000 miles away. We've been talking a lot about fantasies and what we want in the relationship, and the conversation has taken a turn towards D/s, with me as the dominant. She's mainly curious, and this hasn't turned into a serious master/slave thing (yet, she's already surprised me once), so I'm just waiting to see how far it might go.
I was hoping anyone who has been in a similar situation could offer adivce about a distance relationship, or suggestions on 'homework' for a sub that's a long way from the dominant.

Thanks

If you both have decent computers and some privacy you could try http://secondlife.com that way you can try just about everything you may like at least virtually. Plus there is a great community of lifestylers. I will also put in a plug for my submissives BDSM club Rose and Thorn. If you go there she has equipment that you can use and she plays some great music as well.

_____________________________

If you're a Dominate, are you looking for a sublimate?

(in reply to toolhead005)

Post #: 18

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