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AAkasha -> RE: Femdoms looking for their one true love? (10/3/2005 12:03:19 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: thirdPaw
Reading through the "Femdoms can't find a decent male partner" thread (though not all of it - I got cross-eyed way before that), I wonder how many femdoms are really looking for their true love on a place like this. If you are then, mathematically, you should expect to meet with a lot of disappointment - especially if you belive in one true love. As was noted in the other thread, someone going to a bdsm personals board is only an indicator that you could be compatible in one area. There's clearly much more to compatibility than that, so maybe someone who chooses to go to the same film, pick a book from the same area of the bookstore, or go to the same gig as you would be more likely to fit on other levels. I suppose the rub is that sexual incompatibility could be a deal-breaker - certainly, that's a conclusion I'm coming to. Peronally, I don't feel I need to find someone who shares my every passion. As long as they have passions of their own then the differences would make life all the sweeter. Unfortunately, if it doesn't work in the bedroom; it seems that it doesn't work. Some people would have say that's shallow, but arguing that point is a whole other thread.
My experience of female friends who go to an online dating site to find love seems to be that they are flooded with one-liners who only judge on looks so perhaps it's not so surprising that femdoms discover the same pattern. Unfortunately, you probably get more emails with photos you'd rather not see than just idiots posing by their cars [:)]
I met a lot of men that I found to be exciting partners for BDSM games, power exchange, sensual intimacy and more -- but, yeah, you're right, there's a whole host of other requirements if you are looking for a connection that will lead to a long term relationship. Especially if you want to meet a man you are going to spend the rest of your life with, for example.
But I think subs have it even worse. The one thing that femdoms have in their favor is that they are:
** Generally able to be the pursuer in relationships; subs are more likely to want to be pursued
** Are more sought after, more in "demand" -- strictly from a numbers standpoint (this is also a bad thing)
** Are far more likely to be in a position to "convert" a vanilla man
The third one is the kicker -- really. If a woman can meet a man who fits all of her expectations from a relationship standpoint, she must merely convert his sexuality to at least meet her half way (if she is willing to compromise). It requires that he be accepting of her kink and willing to give it a try. This is far easier for a femdom to do with a male partner than a male sub to do with a girlfriend or lover.
It's true that sexual incompatibility can be a deal breaker in a relationship, even if everything else is ideal. But for a femdom, generally she has to get a man to be accepting of her more aggressive sexuality, her strong sexual identity or appetite, her ability to say what she wants and how she wants it -- all things that are easier to swallow than for a vanilla woman to accept and adopt a more sexually aggressive role at the urging of her lover and relationship partner.
I don't have any numbers to back it up, but I would think that more femdoms end up permanently partnered with men who were not originally kinky, and the ones that find kinky partners who also happen to match on ALL levels of compatibility are not the norm.
Granted, I am talking ONLY about those seeking 2-person, monogamous, "marriage" or lifelong partnerships -- not those into poly, etc.
Akasha
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