RE: Giving yourself

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Giving yourself

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Giving yourself

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Giving yourself - 4/11/2008 10:33:30 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I think in this particular relationship i gave myself more quickly. Once he kissed me i just knew. Now 2+ year later he totally owns me mind, body, and heart.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to Daddyslilpookie)

Profile

Post #: 41

RE: Giving yourself - 4/11/2008 11:14:06 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

We see many stories about failed relationships, bad Doms, bad subs, bad decisions---

I wonder---submissives--do you give yourself faster in this life than you would in a vanilla relationship?

edited for bad spelling

Nope. When it comes to romance, it's always been my policy to jump in feet first. I've got some scars to show for it, but I think I've won in the end.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Profile

Post #: 42

RE: Giving yourself - 4/11/2008 11:35:01 AM

WestBayLoner

Posts: 16
Joined: 4/7/2008
Status: offline

I'm new to all of this, so I'm trying to tread carefully. I've only known my current dominant a month and... I already feel in love. This has never happened in a vanilla relationship. Only my massive insecurities about myself, my fear of rejection and my abiding cynicism in regard to affairs of the heart are keeping me sane and cool-headed.

Edit: I was replying to the original poster... I don't know why it says I was replying to the response above me.

< Message edited by WestBayLoner -- 4/11/2008 11:36:21 AM >

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Profile

Post #: 43

RE: Giving yourself - 4/11/2008 1:07:20 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Did you use the fast reply function, typing out your response in the box at the bottom of the page?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to WestBayLoner)

Profile

Post #: 44

RE: Giving yourself - 4/11/2008 5:10:49 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

speaking as a sane mature individual- I talked with Sir online maybe twice after posting my profile on collarme, met him once in a public place - and basically moved in with him 3 days later.

Fast - hell yeh - but i wanted what he had, and i was lucky enough not to get burnt by it. I am still absolutely astounded by the speed of what happened - and the fact that it is over 2 years later, and we are still in a great place.

and i do think the enforced intimacy of this lifestyle encourages faster relationship escalation. Having to be honest about what you want sexually and emotionally is a great shoo-in to relationship building. Talk about an instant step-up to another level! I think the fact that the other partner is almost assuredly not going to be shocked or horrified by what one wants is a large part of it. We have an advantage over vanillas in that respect. Most vanilla relationships have to guess and intuit what the other partner wants, and gets it wrong a large part of the time.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Profile

Post #: 45

RE: Giving yourself - 4/13/2008 1:10:24 PM

Sandyshores29718

Posts: 343
Joined: 4/8/2008
Status: offline

*quick reply*

i tend to open up faster than in my nilla relationships. In a Ds or Sm relationship there is more of a need to be open and honest..yes its needed in a nilla relationship, but in one of Oours it could lead to someone getting hurt if we are not open and honest from the start.

(in reply to sirsholly)

Profile

Post #: 46

RE: Giving yourself - 4/13/2008 11:27:57 PM

Owned1

Posts: 847
Joined: 7/6/2005
From: Toronto, Ontario
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

We see many stories about failed relationships, bad Doms, bad subs, bad decisions---

I wonder---submissives--do you give yourself faster in this life than you would in a vanilla relationship?

edited for bad spelling

I have found the relationship grows at the same pace as it did prior to my discovery however the intimacy and trust continues to grow. I have found far more trust and intimacy in my M/s relationship than I have had in any other prekink relationship

Owned

_____________________________

~~in His Chains i am free~~

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Profile

Post #: 47

RE: Giving yourself - 4/14/2008 4:55:46 AM

atursvcMaam

Posts: 1195
Joined: 5/10/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

We see many stories about failed relationships, bad Doms, bad subs, bad decisions---

I wonder---submissives--do you give yourself faster in this life than you would in a vanilla relationship?

edited for bad spelling

   i am not sure whether i do this from lifestyle, or as a function of age, learning from experience, or getting a better handle on what i am seeking, more confidence in who i am and being more sure of what i want.
    That having been said, most of my life i have been slow to ask someone out on a first date (at this point a first meeting) while i get to know them as well as possible. There are things that i seek, and things that i seek to avoid. As a general rule that list has become longer, and more focused. i am more comfortable these days in asking the questions that i need to have answered in order to ask someone out on that first get together. i also think that i have a better handle for spotting a misleading answer, and realizing that, rather than forgiving it because my desire is deeper than my sense.
    i presume that i am being screened at the same time. i will take the time that is needed to make sure that W/we are comfortable in the decision to move forward.  Generally, "Giving O/one's self" seems to be a natural flow of events from first meeting on.

_____________________________

live hard, die young and leave a good looking corpse when you die.
Love ya, but, when the zombies start chasing us, i am tripping you.
The glass is always full, the question is, "with what?"

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Profile

Post #: 48

RE: Giving yourself - 4/14/2008 1:03:59 PM

Vampyrefledgling

Posts: 91
Joined: 7/10/2007
Status: offline

Interesting question...rather insightful.

I would have to say that I must make the distinction that sirsholly made and separate the sexual from the emotional. Emotionally I find that men are men, be they Dominant, vanilla or whatever. My unwillingness to place my emotional being into a single man's hands has nothing to do with his sexual predilections.

That being said, I do understand that my need and desire to be submissive necessitates that a Dominant man push me to do things that will cause me to be emotional, thereby creating those ties that bind a sub to her/his Dom. It's a quandry. What I'm trying to say in a rather roundabout way is that I find that the sexuality of a Dominant male is difficult to say no to. I'm not thinking about emotion or logic when said Dom is using his...charms.

I'm rambling now. My answer to this question is yes...and no. I find I am more easily seduced by a Dom, but not more easily collared.

~Fledgling

(in reply to sirsholly)

Profile

Post #: 49

RE: Giving yourself - 4/14/2008 3:13:27 PM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

yes and no...

no when it comes to the falling hard and fast and not being rational in my thinking...

yes when it comes to sexual play because for me s/m is my sex at times and it's an intrinsinc part of my wiring, calling on my emotional, mental and physical giving in and letting go and i'm more than glad to do so.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

We see many stories about failed relationships, bad Doms, bad subs, bad decisions---

I wonder---submissives--do you give yourself faster in this life than you would in a vanilla relationship?

edited for bad spelling

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Profile

Post #: 50

RE: Giving yourself - 4/14/2008 4:46:58 PM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

We see many stories about failed relationships, bad Doms, bad subs, bad decisions---

I wonder---submissives--do you give yourself faster in this life than you would in a vanilla relationship?

edited for bad spelling

good gods i dont feel right answering this....

i got a marriage proposal from my first hubby less than a month after we met
married wolf 15 days after we met

Daddy asked me to be his around a month after we met. collared me permenently 3 months later. that collar isnt going away even though i'm relocating, either.

TheEngineer.....well he and i have known each other for nearly 7 and a half years now. we've been friends and lovers and talked on the phone and online and emailed for all that time...and i think perhaps that's the better way to do things. i think this has lasting power. he's also dominant, and Daddy has agreed to turn my care entirely over to him.

kitten

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Profile

Post #: 51

RE: Giving yourself - 4/14/2008 6:37:59 PM

midgetmafiosa

Posts: 195
Joined: 3/23/2008
From: Maine, and SLC, UT
Status: offline

i'm a jump in with both feet type of girl. it can be very off-putting for some, vanilla or not. i'm always up front about the fact that i do this, though. i don't get too upset when things don't work out the way i hope, and i am still optimistic that there is someone out there who will be able to appreciate this and give back the same energy. the only thing that really annoys me is passive, illogical behavior. sorry, side rant.

(in reply to adoracat)

Profile

Post #: 52

RE: Giving yourself - 4/14/2008 6:43:53 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

No, I have always been overly cautious and not quick to trust anyone. Sure we have all made mistakes but I learned from mine and didn't relive those mistakes.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Profile

Post #: 53

RE: Giving yourself - 4/14/2008 8:50:30 PM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

Slower. So slowly in fact....I seem...to have

.....stopped.

tee hee

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Profile

Post #: 54

RE: Giving yourself - 4/15/2008 1:27:44 AM

Bethnai

Posts: 492
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline

I think I gave up different parts of myself faster or rather gave them at all. I'm an extremely private person, its the way I am wired. The secrets are different, of course. Therefore, the level of intimacy is different. The intensity because of that intimacy is different. The shit is the same.

Bodies are the easiest to give. I have done really hard physical labor for extended periods of time-and done it like I was attacking it. I have neglected it by working-but not stopping. I have had sex and thought about all the crap that I still needed to do the next day. I have had enough pain that it takes 72 hours to drop. I'm not claiming that much experience in BDSM, I'm just saying. The body is easy and it can go either way. Its kind of like the Kabbalah, its the shell, the end result.

Everything else: mind, spirit, and emotion determines the rest. Its a people thing, an idea thing, a work thing, a project thing, pickyourrelationshipthing. Its also called a brick wall. There is no problem in the trying and there is nothing WRONG in the trying. There is not one ounce of "you have some serious problems" in the trying. Its a brick wall. Shit just don't work. You can pretty much only control yourself. It doesn't always work anyplace else, it doesn't always work here. There is no a-ha a common denominator between subs and slaves AND the rest of the world.

ok, thank you very much, I'm done. I am going back to my rock.

(in reply to LadyHathor)

Profile

Post #: 55

RE: Giving yourself - 4/15/2008 1:51:00 AM

lvlychaos

Posts: 40
Joined: 2/25/2008
Status: offline

Honestly, my first relationship was with a man who was just playing at being a Dom, and after about a month of trying to serve him RT,

he decided he wasn't a Dom afterall. Talk about a way to instill doubt and make a person question all previous actions. However, I think that being waaaayyyy new, nieve, and well frankly, blind played a huge part in how quickly things developed between him and I., I really don't think however that had I informed myself to a higher degree before "getting my feet wet" (his term after the "break- up) that I would have given myself any sooner than in a commited (thats just for me, to each their own) 'nilla realtionship.

..

_____________________________

much affection,
Tanya

Bombing for peace is like Fucking for virginity.

I'm ADOS...Attention Deficit...Ooohh Shiny!!!!

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
John Lennon, "Beautiful Boy"

(in reply to sirsholly)

Profile

Post #: 56