You said you wanted!

You said you wanted! (Full Version)

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MistressMelissa -> You said you wanted! (10/3/2005 8:53:17 AM)
Maybe it’s simple frustration, maybe it is a lack of communication. I know I’m not the only one disappointed while searching these lists. What I don’t understand is for a lifestyle that is based on communication why is it we have such problems writing what we want in a profile? If you say you don’t want any rights and to truly be treated as property, why get mad at me when I treat you that way? As “property” you are not in a position to make demands. As property, why would you take issue with being given “orders” from a majordomo? That is how larger multi slave houses function. Are we all to caught up in the fantasy of what we want to see the reality of the situation? What others claim to want is either illegal or boarders on it. If there are some very basic instructions in a dominant’s profile why would you ignore them? Seems to me it would help you prove you can follow directions. If you can’t follow a simple instruction on how to contact me you either have not read my profile or you can’t follow directions. Either way you have shown you are not worth my time. Have other found an issue with rudeness? If you are not interested in someone a simple “No Thanks” is all that is required. Calling someone names or a fake since they are not “your dream dominant” is really uncalled for. I sometimes wonder if many of those on this site are actually looking for someone. When all your profile says, if it contains anything, is “i’m a slave seeking a dom” that is not a whole lot to go on. I would be interested in what others have experienced. Thank you,

Padriag -> RE: You said you wanted! (10/3/2005 9:37:45 AM)
Yup, definitely sounds like frustration. You find all kinds here, and the only advice I can give you is to take it all with a certain sense of humor. It helps not to expect too much from online sites. You never know who you are really speaking too. Yes there are those here living in their heads full of fantasies that have little to do with reality. There are those who are just seeking thrills, they want someone to write them erotic letters they can whack off too (and gender is no discriminator on that). You get some who are so incredibly self centered that all they are concerned with is getting what they want, and once they get it, the rest of us are of no concern. And some of these profiles I look at and you have to just figure they're fake. The ones that really get me are these "new to the lifestyle" types that pop on and two days later have a new master/mistress/protector/trainer... you can almost hear the sound barrier shattering as they rush into that brand new velcro collar. These too I wonder if they are real people or just more fakes putting on a show; and if they are real, I wonder at the oh so discerning dominants who collar these newbies. And that does happen, and I'll meet them again six months from now when they've been burned, hurt, abused, and disallusioned, but maybe just a lil bit wiser for the experience. Sometimes we have to hurt before we can grow. But on the other hand there are good people here too. I've met some really neat folks that I've begun friendships with. I've found people I share a variety of things in common with. There are intelligent, thoughtful, interesting people here... and that they have treated me not only with respect, but some have even admired me, has at times made some horrible days I was having in the real world a bit more bearable. I've had offers to go to munches and events (which I have not been able to attend as yet, but thanks for the thought folks just the same) and even had an offer of homemade cookies! I try to remember all those good things in the moments when I feel a little frustrated or annoyed with this one or that, and it helps put it all back in perspective. Eventually I'll find precisely what I'm looking for, perhaps not here (I don't really expect to to be perfectly honest), but to borrow a few select lines from a favorite poem of mine Serene I fold my hands and wait... for lo my own shall come to me. If you need to blow off some steam, well when haven't we all? Just remember this little aphorism of mine... all disappointment in life is the child of unrealistic expectations.

EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: You said you wanted! (10/3/2005 9:40:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressMelissa What I don’t understand is for a lifestyle that is based on communication why is it we have such problems writing what we want in a profile? Because, as much as everyone likes to SAY bdsm is based on communication, we really aren't any more than the vanilla world is. We're just like everyone else. quote: If you say you don’t want any rights and to truly be treated as property, why get mad at me when I treat you that way? Because either they don't understand what they are communicating to you or you aren't approaching them in the right way to do so. quote: As property, why would you take issue with being given “orders” from a majordomo? I could list a few reasons... quote: That is how larger multi slave houses function. Not necessarily...there is room for flexibility. quote: What others claim to want is either illegal or boarders on it. Who cares about legalities? A lot of what I want isn't legal, that doesn't make it wrong, it just means I can't post it on my profile because collarme doesn't allow it. quote: If there are some very basic instructions in a dominant’s profile why would you ignore them? Please reference every other single thread when someone is annoyed/curious about the emails they get/emails they don't get. We get about two a week. quote: Have other found an issue with rudeness? No, it's not an issue unless I allow it to become one.

Kasia -> RE: You said you wanted! (10/3/2005 9:54:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2 quote: Have other found an issue with rudeness? No, it's not an issue unless I allow it to become one. I agree. I have an "issue" with "I-am-only-here-while-its-cyber", and although I write about twice a week in my journal "only contact me if you are prepared for RL meeting", they still keep disappearing at me when I ask them to show me their affection in person. But..... shrugs..... one has to have feelings for scared little rabbits. Although my opinions on male subs/slaves on this site are getting lower and lower each day. Rudeness? Not wasting my time and nerves on that one.

Padriag -> RE: You said you wanted! (10/3/2005 10:03:59 AM)
Its not just male subs who disappear when you suggest meeting Kasia, the female ones do it quite a bit too. There are a surprising number who can't pick up the phone and call you, won't meet, won't let you come to them, won't turn on a web cam (not meaning naughty cam shows, just turn it on while we chat), etc. Some, when you ask them about meeting suddenly have to work a LOT of hours and no longer have time to talk, despite the fact that just last week they were crazy about you. Hehe... such is the nature of things. As I said, a certain sense of humor REALLY helps. [;)] But look on the bright side, you're one of those nice people I've met here [:)] BTW, hope you enjoyed the web site.

Kasia -> RE: You said you wanted! (10/3/2005 10:45:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Padriag Its not just male subs who disappear when you suggest meeting Kasia, the female ones do it quite a bit too. There are a surprising number who can't pick up the phone and call you, won't meet, won't let you come to them, won't turn on a web cam (not meaning naughty cam shows, just turn it on while we chat), etc. Some, when you ask them about meeting suddenly have to work a LOT of hours and no longer have time to talk, despite the fact that just last week they were crazy about you. Hehe... such is the nature of things. As I said, a certain sense of humor REALLY helps. [;)] But look on the bright side, you're one of those nice people I've met here [:)] BTW, hope you enjoyed the web site. I didnt yet even tried to contact any female subs, I somehow assume they would be even harder to get to meet than men. What I experience all the time is not even excuses..... although some did excuse themselves and however thin it sounded I accepted. Usually, when I (after couple of messages) ask "Will you meet me in person", they stop all kind of communication. I am 160 cm tall, and though quite strong for a woman, it would be ridicolous to assume I could ever harm average man physically. Besides, I picked one special place for the first contact - its a big erotic/swingers/BDSM kino - very public and crowdy and entrance is very cheap and you dont have to drink if you dont want to. Its usually filled with horny single men looking for some action. So even if our meeting turns out to be failure, guy can find some amusement there and not consider evening to be totally spoilt. Still, when I give them the link and suggest to meet there - they freak out and just never respond anymore. Thank you for that "one of the nice people", you made my day now [:)] And I love your website. I printed some stories to read in bed (I hate reading on monitor) and I love your photographs. I can see you are true nature lover. Cannot wait to see the computer graphics...... I have been making some Poser pictures too, and although I only have free version (Poser3) I love that program.

theRose4U -> RE: You said you wanted! (10/3/2005 10:49:22 AM)
quote: I've met some really neat folks that I've begun friendships with. I've found people I share a variety of things in common with. There are intelligent, thoughtful, interesting people here... and that they have treated me not only with respect, but some have even admired me, has at times made some horrible days I was having in the real world a bit more bearable. I have to agree. I have tried to keep an open mind & look at this as an opportunity to meet new people with similar interests (sp?). While I am in the process of getting to know someone from this site I don't have any illusions that at any moment he can go poof. He's presented as a no holds barred slave and slowly in the get to know you process has shown promise. Sub or slave I personally start step by step with education to my personal life philosophies & beliefs with tests to follow. While I don't believe that this is foolproof by any means, I think that a cautious approach works for me. I think in too many instances the thrill of the chase can overwhelm the ultimate goal. quote: you can almost hear the sound barrier shattering as they rush into that brand new velcro collar The thrill of a new toy/pet is a wonderful thing. The rush of too many to leap right into the deep end I think is why so many problems occur. Time is the only test of whether one is what they say they are & whether you can cope with what you ultimately learn.

kimmypuss -> RE: You said you wanted! (10/3/2005 11:00:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressMelissa why is it we have such problems writing what we want in a profile? I don't tell all in a profile, just that I am looking for a specific type of person. Most who have emailed profess to be this type or have an interest in it and we can start a dialogue from that starting point. I have had a couple of flurry-mails - back and forth when online at the same time. It's funny how some people assume that that is the Start of Something Big, when it is actually only ice breaking, maybe flirting? on both sides to see if we might actually match. What has surprised me is a virtual stranger telling me to start calling him Daddy - within half an hour - when we don't even know each other! "Choosing" goes both ways.

mistoferin -> RE: You said you wanted! (10/3/2005 11:42:44 AM)
quote: What I don’t understand is for a lifestyle that is based on communication why is it we have such problems writing what we want in a profile? If you say you don’t want any rights and to truly be treated as property, why get mad at me when I treat you that way? As “property” you are not in a position to make demands. As property, why would you take issue with being given “orders” from a majordomo? I think that sometimes what happens (not necessarily what is happening in your particular case) is that when we write a profile and state what it is that we want, we are referring to the long term goal of what we ultimately want a relationship to become. Many times what happens though is that someone reads that profile and wants you to be immediately submissive....or an immediate no limits slave....or immediate property....or someone who will immediately start obeying orders and commands. While I am sure that there are some out there who operate just like this on both sides of the fence, I believe more often that it is true that people are intending to meet like minded people, people who are ultimately looking for the same things....as a starting point. If early conversations or emails go well then possibly a face to face over coffee is in order. If that goes well than maybe a dinner plan might come next. And so on and so on.... But I must tell you that for myself, if a Dominant immediately starts barking orders at me before taking the time to get to know who I am and if we are seeking the same things.....discussion is closed at that point.

Padriag -> RE: You said you wanted! (10/3/2005 11:43:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kasia Thank you for that "one of the nice people", you made my day now [:)] And I love your website. I printed some stories to read in bed (I hate reading on monitor) and I love your photographs. I can see you are true nature lover. Cannot wait to see the computer graphics...... I have been making some Poser pictures too, and although I only have free version (Poser3) I love that program. You're welcome [:)] I have Poser 4 and Bryce. Just need to make the time to put the stuff up. Also have some hand drawn art to eventually put up... been trying to find some of the stuff I did back in HS forward. quote: ORIGINAL: theRose4U The thrill of a new toy/pet is a wonderful thing. The rush of too many to leap right into the deep end I think is why so many problems occur. Time is the only test of whether one is what they say they are & whether you can cope with what you ultimately learn. No doubt there is a lot of that. An while I still get a lil excited when I start talking with a submissive I'm attracted to, I guess I've mellowed enough with age not to read too much into it. Then again, I also look at collaring much the same as a marriage. I suppose that is a good analogy, people aren't suppose to rush into marriages. Some do anyway and often it doesn't work out and they regret it. Sometimes they get lucky and it turns out fine. But safer course is to do as a friend of mine often says... "know them through the four seasons." I think probably a lot of folks aren't sure what to say in their profile. Not everyone is articulate and comfortable writing. For those that feel that way my advice is to get a friend to help you write yours. Or else ask someone who has a profile you admire to help you with yours. I've had a hand in writing more than one profile here on CM. An even I take advice on mine from those who's opinions I respect.

NYDiscipline -> RE: You said you wanted! (10/3/2005 2:12:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Padriag Its not just male subs who disappear when you suggest meeting Kasia, the female ones do it quite a bit too. There are a surprising number who can't pick up the phone and call you, won't meet, won't let you come to them, won't turn on a web cam (not meaning naughty cam shows, just turn it on while we chat), etc. Some, when you ask them about meeting suddenly have to work a LOT of hours and no longer have time to talk, despite the fact that just last week they were crazy about you. Hehe... such is the nature of things. As I said, a certain sense of humor REALLY helps. [;)] I couldn't have said it better myself! It almost becomes comical, so you have to laugh at it. But it does get frustrating at times.

helpless1 -> RE: You said you wanted! (10/3/2005 2:17:03 PM)
Well i have to admit that i have done exactly what you are talking about. i can tell You what it might be in some cases. Fear! Certainly it is easier to talk about those darkly desires that creep around the back of your mind when you are sitting in front of a computer. Then They want to meet You. Personally i am always attracted to the "Sadistic Bastards" not that that is a bad thing mind you. chuckles It's just that it took me about 4 or 5 false starts before i worked up the nerve to actually step out into the lifestyle and Live my life. The more intense the stuff you speak about the more likely you are to scare one who has not lived it yet away. Even if eventually, as i have learned is true for myself, these things that scare are the things i find the most satisfying. i guess all i am trying to say is it's not always a case of misrepresentation, sometimes it's just plain nerves. i am glad i steped through the door finally for myself. i actually feel kinda bad for the Men i spoke with prior to getting up the nerve. One in particular was just. . .hmmmmmmmm. . . .compelling. But time does not travel backwards.

Kasia -> RE: You said you wanted! (10/3/2005 2:21:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NYDiscipline quote: ORIGINAL: Padriag Its not just male subs who disappear when you suggest meeting Kasia, the female ones do it quite a bit too. There are a surprising number who can't pick up the phone and call you, won't meet, won't let you come to them, won't turn on a web cam (not meaning naughty cam shows, just turn it on while we chat), etc. Some, when you ask them about meeting suddenly have to work a LOT of hours and no longer have time to talk, despite the fact that just last week they were crazy about you. Hehe... such is the nature of things. As I said, a certain sense of humor REALLY helps. [;)] I couldn't have said it better myself! It almost becomes comical, so you have to laugh at it. But it does get frustrating at times. Ridicolous. And frustrating. I have the webcams issue too - either they dont want to show, or they show me what I dont want to see. If I show my face is it too much to expect other side to show me the face too....... and not their private parts zoomed? That in fact is not at least interesting. And when I insist on face showing they suddenly become oh so shy....... Huh, virtual world.

NYDiscipline -> RE: You said you wanted! (10/3/2005 2:27:46 PM)
I know what you mean Kasia. They can talk in graphic detail about fantasies in chat- but anything more than that and they get spooked. It gets especially frustrating when you think you've found one who has a lot of potential.

ImpGrrl -> RE: You said you wanted! (10/3/2005 3:03:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressMelissa What I don’t understand is for a lifestyle that is based on communication why is it we have such problems writing what we want in a profile? Because while communication is ideal in all relationships, we're not any better at it than anyone else. quote: If you say you don’t want any rights and to truly be treated as property, why get mad at me when I treat you that way? As “property” you are not in a position to make demands. Because until such a person is in a relationship with you (general you), you have no right to treat them "like property". What does being "treated like property" mean, anyway? quote: As property, why would you take issue with being given “orders” from a majordomo? That is how larger multi slave houses function. Because some of those yearning to be property yearn to be alpha property, top dog in the henhouse. Some yearn to be monogamous with their owners. Etc. And each and every one has a valid desire - they just need to find the right type of owner to suit them best. quote: Are we all to caught up in the fantasy of what we want to see the reality of the situation? Each relationship is different - so it's ok for each individual's expectations to be different. Perhaps not every person yearning to be property would fit in your house. That's the beauty of the getting-to-know-you process :) quote: What others claim to want is either illegal or boarders on it. Much of what we do in WIITWD is illegal in many places. Unfortunately. quote: If there are some very basic instructions in a dominant’s profile why would you ignore them? Seems to me it would help you prove you can follow directions. I wouldn't jump through hoops to contact someone whose profile interested me simply because they ID'd as a d-type. I write, say hi, be polite and civil - but that's about it. Then again - I don't contact people because they're d-type or s-type - I contact them because they seem like interesting people. quote: Have other found an issue with rudeness? I live in the South, and I'm a Yankee through and through. My idea of rudeness is a far cry from my neighbor's. I work extra hard to remind myself of that every time they do something that seems rude to me. H

tarnishedhalo777 -> RE: You said you wanted! (10/3/2005 3:24:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Padriag Yup, definitely sounds like frustration. You find all kinds here, and the only advice I can give you is to take it all with a certain sense of humor. You get some who are so incredibly self centered that all they are concerned with is getting what they want, and once they get it, the rest of us are of no concern. quote] This happens alot,I'm sure. quote: But on the other hand there are good people here too. I've met some really neat folks that I've begun friendships with. I've found people I share a variety of things in common with. There are intelligent, thoughtful, interesting people here... and that they have treated me not only with respect, Gotta agree w/ this statement. Eventually I'll find precisely what I'm looking for, Serene I fold my hands and wait... for lo my own shall come to me. Great attitude...expresses what my profile used to say before I shut it off.

tarnishedhalo777 -> RE: You said you wanted! (10/3/2005 3:36:33 PM)
The whole cam issue is something I had occur recently. A DOm that was interested in mentoring wouldn't talk unless my cam was on,yet he didn't seem to wish to return the cam.Needless to say,lol, We didnt chat and I'm sure not wanking material for anyone.I have no idea what his intentions were....but it doesn't matter.I expect to see someone if I am going to bother to cam chat.

happypervert -> RE: You said you wanted! (10/3/2005 3:45:54 PM)
quote: What I don’t understand is for a lifestyle that is based on communication why is it we have such problems writing what we want in a profile? It's really quite simple. A lot of people aren't very smart, others just write poorly and others are just lazy. Just because they're kinky doesn't mean they'll automatically be endowed with wonderful communications skills.

MsIncognito -> RE: You said you wanted! (10/3/2005 5:34:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MistressMelissa If you say you don’t want any rights and to truly be treated as property, why get mad at me when I treat you that way? As “property” you are not in a position to make demands. As property, why would you take issue with being given “orders” from a majordomo? That depends on whether you start treating me like a piece of property from the very first email or not (btw, no, I don't want to be treated as property, just for the record). I think it's wise for bottom-types to be discerning in who they allow to treat them like property. If you expect to be able to treat someone as such before they even know you then yes, I can see them suggesting you look elsewhere. If it's a case of developing a relationship before treating someone like property then yes, you're quite likely right that it's more about fantasy fulfillment than living as property. quote: If there are some very basic instructions in a dominant’s profile why would you ignore them? Seems to me it would help you prove you can follow directions. If you can’t follow a simple instruction on how to contact me you either have not read my profile or you can’t follow directions. Either way you have shown you are not worth my time. So don't waste time on them by posting a rant in the forums. By doing so you've shown they're worth at least some time and emotion. quote: Have other found an issue with rudeness? If you are not interested in someone a simple “No Thanks” is all that is required. Rude people are everywhere. It's a rather unfortunate fact but a fact nonetheless. I don't see much point in wasting time or emotion on them which is why sometimes people get no response at all - they've been perceived as rude and are summarily dismissed. quote: I would be interested in what others have experienced. I've had profiles on BDSM sites for around 2 years. While there have been a few exceptions the vast majority of people who've contacted me and whom I've contacted have been polite. Only a slim number have been people I might be compatible with I figure that's not out of line if one hopes to find more than just any old beating buddy.

Misstoyou -> RE: You said you wanted! (10/3/2005 10:28:01 PM)
I have to stand up for our Northern Californian collarme submissives. I selected one of them for my sub, [:)], but I also have had initial real time meetings for coffee with a number of them, and was only stood up once. Maybe it's the water...

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