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hopelesslyInvo -> RE: Attention Slaves! (4/2/2008 4:36:22 AM)
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if you're just into the sexual kinks don't let me hinder you, but the bedroom is really irrelevant to a large degree, or at least no more relevant than the bedroom would be in any other relationship. and as much as any other relationship you're going to have huge differences in what someone likes, hopes for, expects, and does.
the thing about real life... we don't jump between fantasy and reality as you might believe. the real world exists inside and outside of the bedroom. we're not batman by night and bruce wayne by day, the relationship carries on the same as any other. also, i doubt most would, but i assure you not all would demand something like for you to refer to "her" as mistress when you introduce her to your mother. i think this line of thought might signify a lot of misconceptions. for many cases, it shouldn't be apparent that you are the one being led because you are drawing attention to it and trying to make it obvious to people it doesn't concern, it would however be something that someone could likely notice if they looked, and just from you being yourself, with or without any terms, titles, leather, collars, or even a partner. but it doesn't make much sense to say you're submissive, and would want to follow someone's lead, but if they want you to follow while you're in the "real world", then you'll put that bitch in her place and show her who's boss. which for the record is why i mentioned some rise of a dominant mentality, i didn't mention it to demean you or just to throw it out randomly.
look around a bit more, not only will you find that not everyone is into titles and leather, you'll find that these things are not prerequisites for this sort of relationship, no one needs leather and a strap-on to participate or be involved. even sex itself not a requirement, and in quite a few cases this "dynamic" in a relationship occurs everywhere else in the "real world" except the bedroom.
but while everyone has limits, you simply seem very close minded. as if to say "i want a girl to tell me what to do, so long as it's what i wanted to do anyway", sort of like you just need a motivator but that's the extent. you speak earlier of doing things "if only for her happiness", but you've immediately and greatly limited what you would do to make her happy before she ever had a chance to ask anything, or you ever have a chance to find out what even would make her happy.
instead of looking at it as "do i want to do this or that", try to think of the most fantasical generalized woman in your head, the epitome of everything you look for, can you imagine a person so perfect that you're so attached to that it would be extremely difficult or perhaps even impossible to say the word "no" to? can you imagine someone you trust enough to not ask something of you that you couldn't give? if this vision of perfection asked you to do something you wouldn't normally do of your own accord, though you didn't want to do it, would you still be glad to do it for her? would some silly generalization like wearing a maids apron be so different in that regard than giving her flowers? but i'm not sure how you've come this far but still seem to assume bdsm is about crossdressing, leather, and strap-ons, or wearing a collar in public or thinking people don't have the common sense to know how to behave in public. though if you feel this whole "serving and wanting a mistress" thing is inside of you and you can't deny it, you might try to be more acquainted with the mindset of "this isn't just about what i want". it shouldn't just be about what you want even in a vanilla relationship. when you say you're looking for a someone to domme you just to make you a better person, but don't actually even give control or trust them, and just want some action in the bedroom, that's going to come off as weird to more than just a few people.
but yeah, if you're just looking for someone aggressive in the bedroom with a pair of handcuffs, nothing wrong with that at all, i'd even applaud you for saying it so bluntly. but if you really have some undeniable "something" inside you, stick around and you might find we're not so absurd, or go about things even in day to day life so strangely, you might find yourself surprised with how much you find favorable, as well as how much you might find you detest.
in a simple sense people in Ds could easily be looked at as being no different from anyone else aside from their self awareness.
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