RE: Wealth, Work, and Freedom (Full Version)

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CountrySong -> RE: Wealth, Work, and Freedom (4/1/2008 2:25:56 PM)

Hello All,
Thanks for the many replies. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around them.

I wrote this post because I have money issues. Most of the major pain in my life has been due mainly to the lack of money. Beginning as a kid when my dad got injured and we went from being well off to living below the poverty line. It was hell to go through college being poor. It was worse to have all of the people you called friends disappear from your life because you can't afford to hang out with them and do the fun things anymore. The most pain was watching my parent’s marriage fall apart over the constant stress of money issues.

I also spent some time as a faith based financial counselor so I know that money issues are any issue in most marriages.

SimplyMichael I agree a lot of the money issues come from not communicating and a lot of them come from lies to yourself and to your partner. With all the financial pornography (advertising) we allow in our lives it is hard not to lie to yourself. After all we all know that a new car will make us happier (being sarcastic). However, not working hard enough is rarely the case in the problems I've seen. In most of the cases I've seen it was basically poor planning and wearing rose colored glasses. (A mistake I've also made.)

I'm trying to find a balance between my emotional financial issues and the rest of the BDSM community especially the subs. I believe I will reach financial freedom sometime this summer though my actual target date is Christmas. However, I passed on one potential partner because I did not believe I had the financial power to guarantee her dream.

I also know that I will have to relocate or find a partner who is willing to relocate because who I'm looking for is very rare. When you but Christian, Country Music, and Poetry into your search, the results drop to very few. LOL

Mercnbeth - I don't think I could ever pimp someone I love out. I'm too much of a caretaker. I do think I would like to work with that person on some sort of business at least part time. Maybe we'll write a novel together or do an art website or raise animals. Heck, just living in the country, raising a family, and having horses is almost a job in itself. My real business has the most income potential but other things make me happier. Still I'll never let it go because I need that financial safety in my life to be happy. Plus it gives me real power to help others and that makes me happy.

Annebelle - I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed working with your partner like many others.

Daddyslilpookie - Being able to be a full time mom is a dream I hope to give to my future partner. (It was my moms dream.) Yet there is a part of me that does not respect that. Not because it is not work but rather because it leave that person so vulnerable if their partner leaves. (I read once that a lot of the women who live the poverty line are single moms.) So I will probably require that she at least manage our asset base or work at home doing something she loves even if it is not a major money producer. One of my personal big fears is that I die and she has no financial knowledge and ends up broke. That happened to my grandmother. Grandpa left her almost a million and when she died 15 years later she had almost nothing left.

I'm glad to hear that so many of you expect to and want to work. I honestly did not expect that considering all of the 50's lifestyles I've seen on profiles.

xxblushesxx - I've found in the vanilla world that money makes you attractive. When my business was very successful I had all of the female friends I could want. The first time I almost went bankrupt they disappeared. all of the psychology articles I have read seem to state that as much as we like to think we live in a modern world where love rules - women still look for the best provider. Old evolutionary habits die hard.

LuckyAlbatross – Thanks for the links. I’ve actually read and reread quite a few already as I do know how to do a search.

I’m still amazed that so many people place their total trust in someone else. I’ve seen it go wrong too many times to do that.
Once again thank you all for all of the insight or is it incite. LOL
Make today a happy day!



lubegirl -> RE: Wealth, Work, and Freedom (4/1/2008 7:09:35 PM)

i am very in love with my MASTER, and all i desire in life is to please, serve and obey HIM. i work and give him complete control of my finances,  MASTER is smarter and better than me with money and frankly all i want to focus my energy on is being  a better slave. i am fortunate that he will allow me to work.
If i want something that will inturn be beneficial for him,  i am a face down ass up bitch begging.
Having an allowance and bringing him my earnings turns me on, he takes control of me and makes sure i do not spend it foolishly. i am very greatful to have him in my life and only wish i would have met him sooner.
i love you DADDY!
lubegirl



lubegirl -> RE: Wealth, Work, and Freedom (4/1/2008 7:27:38 PM)

.........i also forgot to mention that my MASTER is in total control of my career, just like he is in control of what i eat, when it is time for sleep, what to wear, how i dress who i fuck..ect, he tells me where to work and what to do when i am not at physically at his feet.
i am a very lucky bitch to have found him!
to me being completely  open and not hiding ANYTHING is what makes HIS power more intense.
I am a lucky bitch.
 



kyraofMists -> RE: Wealth, Work, and Freedom (4/1/2008 7:37:24 PM)

I currently work because he decided that I would.  Alandra just recently went back to work because he decided that he wanted her to have a job.  Neither of us need to work in order to support the house.  He wants us both to work so that we can have extra money to play with and so that we can save for retirement.

He has complete access to all the money in the house and makes all the decisions in regards to how it is used.  I guess that makes Alandra and I nuts in your book, but it is a choice that we made and we are very happy and fulfilled with our choice.

In the beginning of our relationship, transfering authority over the finances was very difficult for me.  However, when I finally let go of the control of money mentally and emotionally my financial situation improved.  Now I would find it odd to spend any money without asking his permission.

I know that many people do not want to give up control of their finances out of fear of what their partner may do with it, but I don't have that fear.  Do his will, but harm none is his code.  I trust him with my body, my emotions and my mental state and frankly my financial state is of significantly less importance to me than those three are.  He is not going to do something intentionally to put me in harms way and that includes my finances.


Finances are not a cause of concern or problems in our relationship.  He makes the decisions and Alandra and I do the work to make those decisions happen.

Knight's Kyra

*edited to actually finish what I wanted to post.... lol




epiphany -> RE: Wealth, Work, and Freedom (4/1/2008 7:38:20 PM)

  I have always been the independant type and I have never expected anyone to support me.    I am also the creative type and so other things call more strongly to me. Truthfully, I don't need a lot ( materially) to be content.

  When I first met the man who owns me, I had no idea and never asked what he did for a living, and didn't think to ask. We started as friends and play partners, and I insisted on always paying my half of things.
  I

  Though our relationship has changed quite a bit since then, I still have a tough time accepting things from him, it's a struggle now that I'm owned to let him do for me what he chooses without making a fuss. It something I am trying to work on.

He is very savy when it comes to investments, ect....thats his area, not mine. He is very on top of all of the things that go with being secure in these ways, very responsible. I am sure if we ever moved in we would go over all of how those things would be handled. I already know how he would wish things to be in most of these areas and agree.

Our son's are grown, so kids don't enter into it.

epiphany




CountrySong -> RE: Wealth, Work, and Freedom (4/1/2008 8:05:21 PM)

Lubegirl, here's are a few questions since you are probably in a similar spot to my future partner because of the 10 year age difference between you and your master. Based on statistics he will die about 20 to 30 years ahead of you. That's a long time to be without someone that you are currently "totally dependant on for decisions."

What happens then? What do you want to happen? What plans has he made for your future without him?
Hard questions but ones I think about often due to past experience and the age difference.

I'm glad your master has left you with a career to fall back on. I want my partner to have a trust fund that is protected from people like those who used my grandmother. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the concepts of Dom and Sub in the financial realm and adjust my beliefs from vanilla world experience. That total dependence financially is hard for me to understand since I would never allow it in my life.

Thank you for your explanation of how it makes you feel maybe there is a way I can do both for my future partner to give her the feelings of submission and still have the build the protection I believe she will need.



lubegirl -> RE: Wealth, Work, and Freedom (4/1/2008 10:24:17 PM)

Sir CountrySong,
With respect, these questions feel too personal to answer.
I will say that my MASTER and I discuss anything and everything. I hope that you find a partner that satisfies you, and that you are able to have open and honest communication with her.
Good Luck!

lubegirl



ophelialocke -> RE: Wealth, Work, and Freedom (4/1/2008 11:43:17 PM)

Slave in a D/s house, here...

  • I don't expect to be supported: I work
  • I definitely did not want someone who did NOT work and expected me to do it all.
  • I would only move if I felt I could get a job in the new place.
  • I have my own resources. He gives me advice.
  • I would love to be a "housewife" and he would love for me to be one, too, but it is not realistic, not now.
  • I feel having money is better than not having money, but as Suze Orman says, "People first, Money second, Things third"
  • I actually am learning to feel safe spending SOME I have learned to be overly frugal, to the point of poor nutrition, etc.
  • I already work for him.
  • We are making long range plans.
  • We hope to retire semi-young.



AS11 -> RE: Wealth, Work, and Freedom (4/2/2008 12:37:07 AM)

Lynnxz: As a slave and I won’t go in to how others define slavery or how it has in the past unfolded in a real life setting. However, I most definitely am in control of and maintain exclusively… those funds I have amassed and the financial responsibilities surrounding any M/s bonded relationship I may enter into.
Quite frankly if I want to have breakfast in Paris, lunch in Madrid and a late night dinner at sea sailing the Med, I damn sure am going to do it. If I want to ride the desert at night or stand in awe of a breathtaking sunrise in the Rockies at dawn, I damn sure am going to do it. I retired five years ago with one intent, to squander my daughters inheritance and pursue my remaining years with gusto. Now I know that disqualifies me as a slave in the eyes of most female dominators but I have no interest in or need for the acceptance of the masses.



honeygirl -> RE: Wealth, Work, and Freedom (4/2/2008 6:08:50 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: CountrySong

Wealth is defined as being able to maintain (not necessarily increase) your lifestyle without having to work.

The majority of marital problems have some root in money. Is it any different in the BDSM community?

I'm interested in hearing from subs or slaves especially 24/7 or TPE subs and slaves about how they deal with the financial side of this lifestyle and if money has any influence on the choices you make. For example:
  • Do you plan to work to support yourself or is it important that your Dom(me) can support you?


Whatever he wants although I would really like to continue working! I get into too much trouble if there's a lot of free time on my hands!

quote:


  • Before you relocate do you check out the financial situation?



    • Nah

    quote:


  • If you relocate what financial guarantees would you seek?



    • Zero -- nada -- none [:D]

    quote:



  • Do you turn over all the money and money decisions to your Dom(me)? (Which by the way I think is nuts.)



    • For the long-term relationship, absolutely! I don't think it's nuts at all. To each their own!

    quote:




  • Have you ever told someone that you would work outside the home but secretly desired to not have to?



    • Please see 1st answer above! [8D] Absolutely not!

    quote:



  • All things being mostly equal would you choose someone with wealth over someone without wealth?



    • Mostly equal? If you'd written exactly equal, I would have replied "yes." If it is just mostly, I would like to know the difference before I respond [;)]

    quote:




  • Are yo a spender or a saver? Do you plan to change your money style to be with your Dom(me)?



    • I'm a spender (although I save via retirement financial vehicles)! What else is money for?!? It's a tool to get stuff (food, fun, liquor, fabulous trips !!!!) I don't spend more than I earn though. Ahem...usually!!

    quote:



  • If you are considering having kids does that influence you financial choices with a Dom(me) and how?



    • No (I'm assuming the question means that I am considering having kids with that particular Dom).

    quote:


  • Would you be willing or interested in working for your Dom(me) like in "The Secretary" or would you prefer to keep your income sources seperate?



    • I've never seen this movie; I would handle finances however he wants.

    quote:



  • Have you and your Dom(me) put together a financial plan - wills, trusts, life insurance, health insurance, etc?



    • I don't have a Dom right now [8D]

    quote:



  • do you want financial freedom?



    • Meaning, do I want to never have to work because my income through investments and such is so great that it takes care of all my financial needs? Sure!

    quote:



    Basically how does money fit into your lifestyle choices?



    It doesn't! Except if you mean lifestyle in a way other than referring to BDSM. It totally fits into my real life fun -- there's lots of free stuff to do in NYC but there are limits to doing fun on the cheap!!

    quote:




    I know I plan on helping my one become a millionairess when I find her and I have the knowledge to do that. I also beleive it is important for her safety and the safety of our family.

    I have read some stuff about finances in the forums that make no sense to me so I want to get more input. For instance "Slaves" who support their Dom(me) and let them make all financial choices then when they get let go have nothing! Ouch! Even for the Dom(me)s who would not do that what about sudden death? do people actually plan for this stuff in this lifestyle or do the just wing it?
    Thanks for your input.




    camille65 -> RE: Wealth, Work, and Freedom (4/2/2008 6:32:48 AM)

    quote:

    ORIGINAL: CountrySong

    Wealth is defined as being able to maintain (not necessarily increase) your lifestyle without having to work.

    The majority of marital problems have some root in money. Is it any different in the BDSM community? Money issues were a large contributing factor in my divorce (vanilla marriage, so there were other factors too)

    I'm interested in hearing from subs or slaves especially 24/7 or TPE subs and slaves about how they deal with the financial side of this lifestyle and if money has any influence on the choices you make. For example:
    • Do you plan to work to support yourself or is it important that your Dom(me) can support you?  I cannot work, but if I had someone to live with there is money I can contribute. A set amount monthly.
    • Before you relocate do you check out the financial situation?  If my dang house ever sells I plan to relocate far far way, since I can't work I'm really not sure what to check on but I feel there should be something.
    • If you relocate what financial guarantees would you seek?  When I relocate it will to be closer to my owner, but the only guarantees I seek are those from my own self.
    • Do you turn over all the money and money decisions to your Dom(me)? (Which by the way I think is nuts.) ONLY if he has a strong acumen for financial dealings.
    • Have you ever told someone that you would work outside the home but secretly desired to not have to?  Nope.
    • All things being mostly equal would you choose someone with wealth over someone without wealth?  Yes. I have strong reasons for that.
    • Are yo a spender or a saver? Do you plan to change your money style to be with your Dom(me)? Probably more of a spender than I realise, I would love for him to change my spending habits.
    • If you are considering having kids does that influence you financial choices with a Dom(me) and how? No kids, I am a non-breeder.
    • Would you be willing or interested in working for your Dom(me) like in "The Secretary" or would you prefer to keep your income sources seperate? Absolutely. I can do book keeping, filing. Really anything short term and not physically taxing.
    • Have you and your Dom(me) put together a financial plan - wills, trusts, life insurance, health insurance, etc? Not really. He is married with a family. When I move I plan on making him my power of attorney and he will be in my will. I've not yet adjusted my living will and am going to wait til I'm moved.
    • do you want financial freedom?  Gods yes. Yes. I am so very tired of being scared about bills, about being able to make ends meet. It is stressful.

    Basically how does money fit into your lifestyle choices? Money is important to me because money means one has more choices in life. Any life or any lifestyle. There is a large comfort factor in knowing that one needn't worry about minor problems that crop up. Travelling is important (when I can travel) as is culture in general.

    I know I plan on helping my one become a millionairess when I find her and I have the knowledge to do that. I also beleive it is important for her safety and the safety of our family.

    I have read some stuff about finances in the forums that make no sense to me so I want to get more input. For instance "Slaves" who support their Dom(me) and let them make all financial choices then when they get let go have nothing! Ouch! Even for the Dom(me)s who would not do that what about sudden death? do people actually plan for this stuff in this lifestyle or do the just wing it?
    Thanks for your input.



    Maya2001 -> RE: Wealth, Work, and Freedom (4/2/2008 5:28:50 PM)

    I was  married years ago was an abusive relationship he had taken my car , my money  and at the time no income coming in, I wanted to leave with our infant son but couldn't as I had no means until we moved and an opportunity presented itself...... I swore then I would never allow myself to be put in that kind of position again ...30 years later I still have no intention of changing my views

    I am working have 18 out of my 30 years in toward getting my full retirement including benefits and my personal financial security os not something  I am willing to risk by quitting my job and throwing my retirement income out the window, my job is also not transferable so I have come to accept that I either have to meet with someone local or with someone who can relocate to me....nor would I ever  give someone  full control of my money,  I have had to walk away from Doms that are into early retirement and want a sub that can travel etc who would be willing to support me..... problem is there are no guarantees that the relationship will exist 5 years from now, and I am getting too old to be starting life older  and I would be then left having to work in my retirement years inorder to survive if things did not work out.    I guess rather use caution even if means limiting my opportunities than risk living my golden years in serious poverty or burdening my son with having to care and support me



    CountrySong -> RE: Wealth, Work, and Freedom (4/2/2008 9:32:22 PM)

    Once again thanks for the responses.
    Lubegirl - Sorry for being too personal. But thank you for your answer it actually helped me resolve my doubts about that subject. I think this one is up to me. Somehow I just can’t picture a sub being comfortable or find it very attractive for me to say something like, “By the way I’m going to die 20 years ahead of you …”

    Wow, Ophelialocke it sounds like you have it all together. I’m still working on it. I too have studied what Suze says and understand the concept of “People First, Then Money, Then Things.” It is a great belief however I have found over life that without enough money it is often hard to really put people first because you are stuck trying to earn a living. I wish you and yours great success on the early retirement plan.

    AS11 - I like your style. Sounds like fun chase your sub/slave around the world. When I have enough maybe I’ll suggest it; but, only if she flees to Australia at least once. Now I just need to figure out how to do it with kids. ;-)

    Honeygirl – Yep, fun can be expensive especially lifestyle fun and pets like horses. Luckily I’m creative and frugal. It’s awesome that you have that level of trust.

    Camille – Wow. Thanks for the openness and honesty. I looked at your profile. My EX had a similar situation financially with the main issues being mental illness and fibromyalgia.
    She was trapped in the system. I will always believe in my heart that if I had built my wealth faster then I would have been able to get her the help she needed - $10,000 to $30,000 a year. As it was I changed careers for a while just so I could learn the system and help her the best I could. We made some progress it just was not enough or quickly enough. Her loss still hurts but it is very motivational and I use that pain to build a better future for my future “One.”

    Maya2001 – My first lifestyle partner went through something similar with her EX. I don’t believe that I will ever be abusive but I never want her to feel trapped. Submissive and controlled by her choice yes, and also very loved, but not trapped.



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