maybemaybenot
Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline
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1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me,
> for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.
>
> 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
>
> 3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
>
> 4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
>
> 5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
>
> 6. No one is listening until you break wind.
>
> 7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
>
> 8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
>
> 9. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
>
> 10. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
>
> 11. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
>
> 12. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
>
> 13. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
>
> 14. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.
>
> 15. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
>
> 16. Don't squat with your spurs on.
>
> 17. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
>
> 18. If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.
>
> 19. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
>
> 20. Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
>
> 21. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
>
> 22. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
>
> 23. Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
>
> 24. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
>
> 25. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
>
> 26. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
>
> 27. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
>
> 28. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
>
> 29. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
>
> 30. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
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