TRUST

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angelicslaveMDF -> TRUST (4/1/2008 4:11:32 AM)
this is something that i think can never be discussed too much. there are always different ways to express ideas and to get new ideas about what trust is and how you can obtain and maintain it...this is a paper that i wrote for Master. (please in advance forgive any errors in grammar, punctuation or any other linguistic mistakes i might have made) When i first got into this lifestyle, and heard of subs/slaves getting writing assignments, i thought it wouldn’t make much difference. Yet when i was given this assignment, i took it very seriously. i was told to write what TRUST was and what it meant to me. I hadn’t really thought of what TRUST actually was or meant, so i looked it up to see exactly what the word TRUST meant and it was defined as reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence. Synonyms for TRUST are: assurance, certainty, confidence, conviction, credit, dependence, entrustment, expectation, faith, gospel, truth, hope, positiveness, reliance, stock, store, sureness. If you don’t TRUST the person you are with then what kind of relationship is that? i had an issue with my Daddy and instead of going straight to Him first, i went to “friends”, i didn’t take consideration how this would make Him feel or how that would appear that i didn’t trust Him enough. The advice that i was given was not wrong, however, i should have given Him the respect that He deserves and that He deserves and expects from me. i think my experience on cm has warped my views some. i had seen people come to me and Him for advice, but what i didn’t know was that He asks “have you spoken to your Dom/sub first?”. This is one of the problems with online, people who want to be in a relationship when they have problems, they don’t seek out their Dom/sub, they ask the advice of others and the gossip and rumors fly back and forth. i have learned much since i have been with Daddy about TRUST, HONESTY, RESPECT and LOVE. It is a learning process though. i am learning that being in a relationship with someone you have to LEARN. i have to learn that you can’t bring your bad experiences from previous relationships to the one that you are in NOW!! It is hard, because especially when someone says or does something that reminds you of things from the past you tend to respond in the way that you are accustomed to but then you have to think “Those who don’t learn from the past are doomed to repeat it”, so you have to think is what happened to that relationship what you want to happen NOW??? i know i don’t. Then i have to learn to react differently. No relationship you are in will ever be perfect, and it takes work, but if you remember the fundamentals and basics of TRUST, HONESTY, RESPECT and LOVE in place then how can it fail?? IT WON’T!!!!! Sometimes i find it a lot easier to remember a little phrase to understand or remember something for instance in school learning the planet names making a silly sentence to remember them, so i tried to think of things to help me remember what TRUST is and this is what i came up with: Talking/Communication Responsibility Understanding Sharing Talking/Communication The reasons i chose what i did was first off think talking means communicating and that is an important trait to working out problems. i chose responsibility because you have to take responsibility for your part in a relationship, if you don’t, then you only start to blame. i chose understanding because if you aren’t patient and understanding and choose to listen to the other person then your relationship will start to break down because the other person will feel they can’t communicate with you. i chose sharing because if you don’t share your feelings and only keep them in then you will start to resent the other person. i chose talking for the last thing because it is so important to communicate it should be the first and last thing you do to work things out. i can say it will be a while before i make this same mistake again of not going to Daddy and talk to Him first and for going to get others involved in things that were not their concern it was O/ours, for they are not in the relationship only Daddy and i. i am far from perfect and i know i will make other mistakes, but i do hope that Daddy and i can continue on this path of Him teaching and me learning and can work out O/our problems. He has never given me anything other than love and patience and helping me grow into the submissive that i should have become, but knew it would take someone very special to bring that out, and how lucky i am that i have found Him. i only hope that i can continue on and make Him proud of me. i can only thank Him everyday for the things He does for me and to me.

DesFIP -> RE: TRUST (4/1/2008 4:22:40 AM)
Thankfully The Man doesn't care if I need to gather more information before coming to him. It doesn't bother him if I would post about something first in order to help find the words to explain the problem to myself and then to him. As long as I do come to him when I can, that's all that matters.

StormsSlave -> RE: TRUST (4/1/2008 4:57:11 AM)
With all due respect to you and yours and the way you choose to live your life, I would lose my mind if the same were true of My Lord and myself. The truth is, sometimes problems are not problems, and sometimes issues are not issues, and without discussion with an outside party, I am too close to see whether they are or not, and to gain any kind of perspective on it. I usually bring everything to My Lord, but there are occasions when speaking to a friend first opens my mind and gives me perspective. My Lord and I discuss everything eventually, but there are many times that I have approached him or discussed things with him that later I wished I had discussed with a friend first. Not because I don't trust him, but because my thoughts were not concrete enough to have a complete discussion with him. Being told you're not allowed to discuss your relationship with your friends or approach them for help is a trait common to abusers. Don't misunderstand, I am not telling you your Daddy is an abuser, just pointing out that the kind of behavior is similar. It's a control tactic, intended to make you feel guilty for needing anyone but him, and to cut you off from those who would care about you. Eventually, you stop approaching friends/family at all because the fuss over it creates too many problems. Had there actually been a problem and after discussing said with friends you still feel you should approach him, then not doing so at that point would be a violation of trust. To use the resources of other people's wisdom to improve your own relationship...well, that just makes sense. Anyway, that's my opinion.

ChemistryMaster1 -> RE: TRUST (4/1/2008 5:51:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: angelicslaveMDF 1- If you don’t TRUST the person you are with then what kind of relationship is that? 2- Those who don’t learn from the past are doomed to repeat it”, so you have to think is what happened to that relationship what you want to happen NOW??? i know i don’t. Then i have to learn to react differently. 3- No relationship you are in will ever be perfect, and it takes work, but if you remember the fundamentals and basics of TRUST, HONESTY, RESPECT and LOVE in place then how can it fail?? IT WON’T!!!!! 4- if you don’t share your feelings and only keep them in then you will start to resent the other person. 5- i can say it will be a while before i make this same mistake again of not going to Daddy and talk to Him first and for going to get others involved in things that were not their concern it was O/ours, for they are not in the relationship only Daddy and i. i am far from perfect and i know i will make other mistakes, but i do hope that Daddy and i can continue on this path of Him teaching and me learning and can work out O/our problems. He has never given me anything other than love and patience and helping me grow into the submissive that i should have become, but knew it would take someone very special to bring that out, and how lucky i am that i have found Him. i only hope that i can continue on and make Him proud of me. i can only thank Him everyday for the things He does for me and to me. 1-Trust is Not just a word, it is a sacred place, earned daily and once lost, it is hard to replace. 2- Past experiences make us who we are now and this why we should act differently when we react toward a new experience, so as not to repeat the same mistakes over n over again. 3- With all due respect, I disagree with the under lined statement because if them basics existed, It is more than perfect in my opinion. 4- Very true, especially if the other party is willing to accept them no matter how different from his/hers. 5- The level of appreciation here is Fantastic. Am glad you met your other self in someone especial and wish you everlasting happiness. Pharoh

Justme696 -> RE: TRUST (4/1/2008 5:55:03 AM)
sometimes relations just happen...and you don't need to think about all these words. Then I am happy. As soon as these words pop up in my mind, then I start to worry about a relation.

mnottertail -> RE: TRUST (4/1/2008 5:57:47 AM)
Over bridge of sighs To rest my eyes in shades of green Under dreamin' spires To Itchycoo Park, that's where I've been What did you do there? I got high What did you feel there? Well I cried But why the tears there? I'll tell you why It's all too beautiful It's all too beautiful It's all too beautiful It's all too beautiful I feel inclined to blow my mind Get hung up feed the ducks with a bun They all come out to groove about Be niceand have fun in the sun Tell you what I'll do (what will you do?) I'd like to go there now with you You can miss out school (won't that be cool) Why go to learn the words of fools? What will we do there? We'll get high What will we touch there? We'll touch the sky But why the tears then? I'll tell you why It's all too beautiful It's all too beautiful It's all too beautiful It's all too beautiful I feel inclined to blow my mind Get hung up feed the ducks with a bun They all come out to groove about Be nice and have fun in the sun It's all too beautiful It's all too beautiful It's all too beautiful Ha! It's all too beautiful Little Faces

metalmiss -> RE: TRUST (4/1/2008 6:38:59 AM)
Trust is essentially relative.. it differs from person to person within the bonds we build with others. i would indentify & explain the level and extent of the trust that i give to each individual of my life differently. However, within your post the only real reference to trust i could identify was the dictionary definition.. Beyond that it seemed more like a blog on how to go about having a successful relationship in your opinion. But i will get to my points.. i agree that trust is something that is fundamental within a relationship, without it there can never be the chance for it to work. Though its important to remember that trust is far from just a word.. it is something which affects us all with more intensity than we could ever possibly express. i also agree that you should have approached Him first, though that would seem to be something i would have taken as read. When i have a problem i go directly to the source of the issue and discuss it directly with them. Not doing that shows great direspect for that person whether they are your Dominant or not & as you say, thats how the rumours begin. But it is a common occurance when a person is insecure & feels unable to confront the issues with that person head on. i am glad you have learned from this.. it can sometimes be a very difficult lesson. However, i do disagree with the list of points you have included as an attempt to define trust.. In my opinion trust is something undefinable.. it is a special place.. it is sacred.. peaceful.. rare. Something that is reserved only for the very special people in my life. It is hard earned, but so easily broken in its fragility & once its in pieces things will never be the same. The end of your post made me smile, you sound very commited and happy with your Daddy.. Things are never easy & life just loves to throw up problems.. But i sincerely hope it works out for you.

adoracat -> RE: TRUST (4/1/2008 8:09:17 AM)
to me, trust either is there, or it isnt. period. i dont worry about definition, i'd rather see it proven. i've had times that i've gone to Daddy trembling in fear because i needed to tell him something and was afraid of his reaction....and he's held my trust up by listening and answering appropriate to the need. i havent always been reassured, he's scolded me a few times. but then after the corrections were over with, he's reassured me that i am still loved and still wanted. i can tell him anything i want to/need to, and its ok. its been proven by time that he wants my happiness, as much as i want his. at the same time, i would speak of things on the boards to see more opinions if i needed, and know that he would be ok with that, because we discuss things i read here all the time, and he asks my opinion and gives me his. he may have the final say in things, but he values me and my words also. kitten

SimplyMichael -> RE: TRUST (4/1/2008 8:15:51 AM)
Actually, if more women trusted less, the world would be a better place. Learning what to base trust on, when to trust and how much is a skill far too few have. If you lack the skill of picking high quality partners it is probably because you are not yet a high quality partner yourself. So, asking lots of people for advice rather than relying on one IS a good idea. However, like all things, that isn't a panacea either. We see lots of people post questions that to many of us scream the answers, if you have to ask if you have been tossed aside, chances are, you have. Others come shopping for advice, pick the one they want and then use that to ram down their partners throat as the "right" way. Others keep asking the same questions over and over because they don't get the answer they want. So who do you trust? Your partner, IF you pick good ones...

mistoferin -> RE: TRUST (4/1/2008 8:22:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael If you lack the skill of picking high quality partners it is probably because you are not yet a high quality partner yourself. Now there's a pearl! Thanks, I love it.

Justme696 -> RE: TRUST (4/1/2008 8:25:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael If you lack the skill of picking high quality partners it is probably because you are not yet a high quality partner yourself. Now there's a pearl! Thanks, I love it. I am wondering how you look at the words when your loved one leaves you..lets say next week,,,,

colouredin -> RE: TRUST (4/1/2008 8:31:34 AM)
I think yes for many issues you should trust your partner, sometimes however its good to talk outside of the relationship with friends, you may be making an issue out of nothing. Maybe some people trust too much, is that simply women? Or maybe its simply that we trust with differant things. Of course people keep asking questions because they want a certain answer, that happens and sometimes people know the answer but need someone else to agree just so they feel a bit more confident about it, sometimes people ask questions purely because they feel the need to talk to someone about the relationship but dont really know what the problems are. I can give advice to anyone apart from myself. I love having the forum here because you are sure to get lots of differant responses looking at the issue from ways that didnt even cross your mind. Sometimes both yourself AND your partner are too involved to see. I am pretty sure that even those who talk about how well they can communicate with their partner have also felt lost at times and needed someone else to talk to, I dont see that as a bad thing.

OmegaG -> RE: TRUST (4/1/2008 8:33:39 AM)
I have a friend that I'd love to say that too, however she'd not take it constructively at all. There have been periods in my life when I needed work and I knew that I either had to settle for my equal or better myself so that my equal was a higher calibur person then I was at the time. This doesn't mean that each and every person will automatically connect and live happily every after and yes, if I fould myself alone tomorrow I'd keep improving myself so that I could continue to expect to deserve great partners.

SimplyMichael -> RE: TRUST (4/1/2008 8:35:20 AM)
If you choose good partners you often end up good friends if you break up. Things don't always work out and or people change and grow in different directions. In the case of my ex she left me because she wanted children and I didn't. It is only a recent thing that I would even consider myself a good partner, my old email back when I was an idiot was Master_of_pain and I chose it to remind myself of the trail of emotional wreckage I tended to leave behind.

SteelofUtah -> RE: TRUST (4/1/2008 9:27:46 AM)
Oddly I can relate to all things being said here because of the odd way I see trust. To me these things have little to do with trust and more to do with a desire to see somethin through. I trust my slave, but at times I do not trust myself. I suffer from the human condition of at times allowing my emotions to dictate my actions and because of this condition I try to bounce things off of other people before I decide to make a decision. It is not because of lack of trusting her to deal with the situation, but rather because I need to see if my trian of though adds up. We live in a lifestyle where order and rules and concepts of strength guide what we do and there are times when even the most dignified and qualified Dominant can be looking at a problem from the wrong direction. Sometimes all it takes is 45 degrees to see something in a whole new light. I do not hide things from my girl but then again there are times I also do not advertise that I am dealing with something that is leaving me vexed. You see my girl trusts me with her emotions as well as her body and I know that should I confront her about something in an inquisitive light that was harmless she will start to question what she has done wrong and at times she is capable of obsession of where she made a mistake. The reality of this situation is that what I saw as a mistake was simply a miscomunication and the fault lie with ME and not with HER. By not processing this with her, and by putting it out there first I was able to see my own fault and altered my interpretation of the situation and moved foreward having never had to work out a problem that was never there to begin with. I agree with SimplyMichael's Post and it was nice to see where the SN came from and I can agree I Used to go by LordSteel, MasterSteel, SirSteel, BLAH, Blah, blah..... It was all puffed up arrogance hiding behind a lable that I believed was supposed to instill trust, that if I believed I was a Master, Lord, Sir, that others would as well. Truth be told I am Much Happier just being Steel because in Humilty we find Serenity. One must be Humble to be Teachable. Arrogant Dom's are not teachable they have stopped beliving that everyone, EVERYONE, Serves as a purpose if in that purpose is to serve as a Bad Example but even then I learn something from them. Trust within a Humble Person is easier found because they are not running on Absolutes. Often times on sites like there we loose sight of the non-existence of absolutes within this lifestyle. A person who accepts that there are many way to see things is easier to trust because you believe that they are capable of understanding more views than just thier own. To the OP I believe what your Daddy says is a GOOD thing, however if your Daddy send them away with no discussion just because they have yet to talk with thier Dom, he has done a disservice to the sub asking, because the sub walks away still feeling lost and unsure of themselves. I try to always offer advice and suggest that they DISCUSS thier feelings and to do it EXACTLY the same way they did with me, because usually when I ask, "So Have you talked to your Dom yet?" and they say "Yes, and he just doesn't get it." It is usually because they did not say to thier Dom the EXACT same thing they said to me. I usually suggest that they write down the key points of a situation and then give it to thier Dom like a presentation. I even help them get thier feelings to page if need be. Then I send them back to talk with thier Dom. So Is Going outside the relationship for advice a sign of mistrust? Not Necessarily, but not giving the person you are having a problem with a chance to voice thier own views before making a decision, well that certainly is. Hope soe of this made sense cause I am at work and it took nearly an Hour to type this having to come back and forth 6 times. As Always Steel

Archer -> RE: TRUST (4/1/2008 9:36:16 AM)
Have to relate something Jack Rinella wrote that has effected my perspective on Trust. (Paraphrasing from Becomming a slave) Trust is as much if not more about trusting our ability to predict another person's behaviour than anything they do in and of itself. To be able to reliably predict behaviour we must have a track record of similar related behaviour to make the prediction from.

Justme696 -> RE: TRUST (4/1/2008 2:24:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael If you choose good partners you often end up good friends if you break up. Things don't always work out and or people change and grow in different directions. In the case of my ex she left me because she wanted children and I didn't. It is only a recent thing that I would even consider myself a good partner, my old email back when I was an idiot was Master_of_pain and I chose it to remind myself of the trail of emotional wreckage I tended to leave behind. I agree..learning of the past is a good guide. But still..new things can happen...and not all are in our control.

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