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chiaThePet -> RE: We'll I'll be a MUTHA!! (4/2/2008 10:44:09 AM)
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I was just sitting here humming that little tune, "Thanks For The Mammaries",
and realized that YES, Mother certainly did play a big part in my thought
process and behavior pattern as I was raised. Imagine that, parental influence,
novel idea I must say, perhaps someone should write a book. I'll start.
I'll call it, Who Hasn't Had A Love/Hate Relationship With A Parent?
(but didn't neccessarily want to drown them in a tub of angst)
From the advent of my birth, my Mother appeared to have taken me from
the sibling pack, placed me under her shadow and began the instruction
which would in many ways set me on the course of my destiny, submission.
Did she see something different within me that caused her to choose me
from the others? Perhaps IT WAS the way I nursed at her breast. Perhaps
I was more devoted and skilled at sucking at the nipple than those who had
come before me. Perhaps we bonded within this exchange, unlike my siblings,
a connection more intense than nipple and mouth, far different than she had
experienced previously. Whatever the reasons, it was certain that I was
chosen to be her boy, out from the others, in adoration and surrender.
Here, if we are going to bring Freud into the mix, and if he is to be taken as
an intellect and not just a pious madman, began my accent into the id, ( the
reservoir of inherited human knowledge). Since the id is governed by the
pleasure principle, I was more than likely consumed with Mother at her
breast, the sustenance of life being what it is and all. So go blame me, sheesh.
So, if my Mother found exceptional connection, it could be that I was indeed
overindulged, which led to an oral fixation, locked permanently into my psyche.
Thus the object of my fixation, oral satisfaction, which dominates and affects my
submissive adult personality, needs, desires and wants. The continued strong
attachment to the id more than likely progressed into the anal stage where I
once again was overindulged as a mommies boy, setting the stage for my traits
of being orderly, precise, neat, meticulous, careful and passive-aggressive. I
have been called anal-retentive more than a few times in my life. Pucker up.
Enter the crucial conflict of the phallic stage. Boom Boom Boom Boom.
I most certainly remember my own Oedipus complex, (the desire to possess
my Mother and rid myself of my father ) though for me it hardly held anything
remotely sexual, nope, nada, didn't want to have sex with, had no fantasy of,
perish the thought, etc, etc. Though for some, I am sure there holds such
correlation. I mean look where the hell we are, smack dab in the middle of
kink-o-rama-ville. What? Here? Kink? Fantasy? Heaven or Hell forbid.
Nah, for me, it was more an absolute need and infatuation with all that
encompassed Mother, and the perceived unconditional love returned.
This was nicely taken care of when father removed himself from the picture,
thereby removing any perceived threat that he would come between me
and Mother. Such a brutal man, a hole with a lot of ass around it. This also
removed the possibility of developing the super-ego, ( the voice of my father
and all the guilt it would have brought with it ). With father out of the way
I could indeed possess my Mothers love. With the dismissal of fear of my
needs being trumped by my father, I was assured peace and harmony.
Mother reigned supreme, so kill me for recognizing that. No wait, some
of you might, nevermind.
Therefore, my identification with my Mother was safe and warm, nestled
deep within Her bosom. "Did he say Mother's bosom Marge?" " Well I never."
The blossoming oral fixation could continue to root unabated. Root root root
for the home team, if they don't win, who's to blame.
Ego, ( the representative of the outer world ) lived for a short while in me,
finding me married and zombie like, shoulder to shoulder with the others of
like mind , unfulfilled in my acceptable vanilla life. (though when I look out at
the horizon these days, it seems as though someone spiked the vanilla
punchbowl with a whole lot of kink) Narcissism surely became tantamount
in my life following my divorce. It was all about loving me and my penis
safe, detached, free from judgment or performance, but quite the lonely
existence.
Thus the re-emergence of the id and it's oral explosion and parallels.
Oral fixation, oral preoccupation, oral satisfaction, the days of my youth
now screaming for fulfillment. Though i can't imagine the intense craving
and need within me now even being there if it had not been for the fact
that breasts were presented before me, nourishing, comforting, soothing,
and they happened to be attached to my Mother.
The dynamics of obedience, survival is found through obedience to the
Hierarchy. Deep obedience is reasoned and rational action, a powerful
human response. Mother was the Hierarchy, she was the catalyst, she
most definitely influenced the man I am today. Whether one applies the
Freudian explanation, or simply realizes the influences of those whom
raised us, we are what we are in relation to many things in our lives,
Mothers included. Love em, or hate em, or a little of both (which does
seem to be the norm)
So don't be waving those dirty pillows in my face and not expect me to
have some flash back to a more comforting time. Because I like it, I like it.
A self-proclaimed mommies boy, through and through.
chia* (the pet)
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