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Forms of Address in Initial Contact - 10/4/2005 9:33:30 AM   
tasha_tart


Posts: 385
Joined: 2/20/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		In reading some of the posts on other threads I've come to wonder about the proper form (or forms) of address when first contacting a Domme in reply to an online profile.

I have seen posts on the message boards from Dommes who vehemently disagree with the use of titles (Ma'am, Mistress, Goddess, etc) or the use of upper and lower case conventions. I find I do tend to agree with that, at least in part.

I've also seen profiles in which it is clearly stated which forms of address are acceptable and which are not. Those instructions are pretty easy to follow (or should be!)

However, the majority of profiles that I've read are not that specific. Any suggestions on how a sub should address a Domme in an initial email in those cases? One would hate to sink him- or herself right away because of confusion over this.

Thanks....tasha
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Forms of Address in Initial Contact - 10/4/2005 9:47:09 AM   
Foibey


Posts: 54
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline 		I tend to favour the kind of address used in other polite written communication (letters, etc). It doesn't have to fit a specific format, as long as it falls generally within that area. I tend to cringe at anything hitting my inbox with the first or second word being "Mistress".

(in reply to tasha_tart)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Forms of Address in Initial Contact - 10/4/2005 10:50:17 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I'd say that if the profiles states a preference, you best use that or not contact that person.

If there is no preference, I'd stick with the name/id on the profile. Well, within reason, obviously my first name isn't "the" its just a nick but you can figure out my name is "TammyJo" or that I want to be called that, right?

Someone who is pissy cause you didn't use a title when they didn't list a preference? Would you really want to be in a relationship with a person like that?

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to tasha_tart)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Forms of Address in Initial Contact - 10/4/2005 12:12:41 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		I would say follow the rules indicated in the profile you are looking at, or address like any other written communication.
I don't mind M, Ma'am, or Ms M.
I believe this concern was expressed here as well http://www.collarchat.com/Please_to_all_mistresses_%3F/m_174295/tm.htm
Welcome to the boards Tasha_tart. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to tasha_tart)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Forms of Address in Initial Contact - 10/4/2005 12:20:44 PM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		I see questions like this all over the net & deal with it in person

Did anyone ever take into consideration that you should follow the same rule that you would in polite society?

If you do not have the benefit of someone actually introducing you to someone & you do so on your own, simply introduce yourself. Most people will reply with the name they wish to be addressed

Hello, my name is ____

If this is not responded to & you still question what you should call a person... just ask.

Please, may I know how you wish to be addressed?




< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 10/4/2005 12:21:30 PM >

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Forms of Address in Initial Contact - 10/5/2005 9:45:25 AM   
tasha_tart


Posts: 385
Joined: 2/20/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		Ms M:

Thank you for the welcome. There is a lot of interesting reading on these boards.

tasha

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Forms of Address in Initial Contact - 10/5/2005 2:17:43 PM   
LadyKim


Posts: 191
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline 		I prefer a sub to just be polite and not make assumptions. I'm not his Mistress, Goddess, Princess, Queen, Owner, or any other title you want to throw in there. A polite Ma'am is fine, but other than that srictly LadyKim or MzKim.

(in reply to tasha_tart)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Forms of Address in Initial Contact - 10/5/2005 2:27:30 PM   
Kasia


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline 		If someone calls me Mistress etc. I feel like he is forcing me into some lousy roleplaying. Would any man address me like that if he saw me on the street? I truly doubt.
I like to keep it clear and simple..... Kass is good enough for me or anyone. I really dont care much about "pro forma", I prefere things to have content rather than looks.

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to LadyKim)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Forms of Address in Initial Contact - 10/5/2005 8:38:38 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		"Ma'am" works just fine for Me!



Texas Maam

(in reply to tasha_tart)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Forms of Address in Initial Contact - 10/6/2005 3:39:58 AM   
sarbonn


Posts: 203
Joined: 3/23/2004
Status: offline 		I rarely worry about this sort of thing. I figure if she has a specific way she wants to be addressed, she will inform me of such desires. To presume seems a bit premature to me.

_____________________________

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day...
...teach a man to fish, he steals your fishing hole and then charges you for the fish.

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Forms of Address in Initial Contact - 10/6/2005 10:38:15 AM   
Kasia


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam

"Ma'am" works just fine for Me!



Texas Maam

When one translates Maam to my mother language, it means something like "signora" in Italian, or really "domina" in Latin original - its a title given to older and respected lady of the house.
Well, in the part of my country where I come from (actually the central Croatian coast), people address like that only quite old and sexually unatractive females..... sort of nice word for "granny".
That is why I dont like it very much.

< Message edited by Kasia -- 10/6/2005 10:42:17 AM >

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Forms of Address in Initial Contact - 10/10/2005 7:28:28 PM   
LeatherRose


Posts: 62
Joined: 6/28/2005
Status: offline 		Well tasha I guess I will step up to the plate on this one since no one else has.

I like to think of it this way: How would you address someone in person after just being introduced? Whether vanilla or lifestyle.

Miss, Ms. or Ma'am are perfectly acceptable, they are forms of address showing respect but not showing a close relationship such as Mistress.

Hope this helps,

LeatherRose

(in reply to tasha_tart)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Forms of Address in Initial Contact - 10/11/2005 7:24:41 PM   
amazonlea


Posts: 30
Status: offline 		I prefer to be addressed as an equal until something else has been negotiated. Now I am flexible enough to accept Princess but only because I state that I want to be treated like a princess in my profile. If you can't chuckle at yourself, who can you.

And I would second the post that mentioned that she cringes when addressed as 'Mistress' right off. I haven't signed up for that.

Just my two cents.
B

(in reply to LeatherRose)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Forms of Address in Initial Contact - 10/12/2005 1:52:09 AM   
APhacetoSit


Posts: 87
Joined: 11/23/2004
Status: offline 		In my adult life, i have been chastised for opening a door for a young woman, for not opening a door for a young woman, for offering a lady a seat, not offering a lady a seat, for not standing up to shake a person's hand, for saying yeah instead of Yes, or Yes Sir, or Ma'am.
Here is what i have concluded: Do what you are comfortable with, and what feels right for you. You will find people who find that somewhere between acceptable and perfectly charming. Those who don't find your approach acceptable are probably better suited to someone else. it is good to be attentive and alert to overt signals. accept the choice of those who want you to know their mind blindly, and accept their dismissal with your thanks.

_____________________________

How do the Angels get to sleep when the devil leaves the porchlight on?
All skill is in vain when an Angel pees in the touchhole of your musket.

(in reply to tasha_tart)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Forms of Address in Initial Contact - 1/8/2006 2:50:18 PM   
WinterWolf


Posts: 20
Joined: 11/12/2004
Status: offline 		One question I have is,
What Dommes call Dom's
and vice versa?

(in reply to tasha_tart)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Forms of Address in Initial Contact - 1/8/2006 4:25:53 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WinterWolf

One question I have is,
What Dommes call Dom's
and vice versa?


By the name I was introduced to him as without a title attached because I see titles as scene words and we are not in a scene. If he doesn't like that, well, he's probably not the sort of fellow I'd be wanting to talk to anyway. I prefer the company of people who don't demand titles from others and who can relate to anyon of any sex, gender, orientation or role as an equal until they are in scene.


_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to WinterWolf)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Forms of Address in Initial Contact - 1/8/2006 6:14:37 PM   
Misstoyou


Posts: 1149
Joined: 9/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WinterWolf

One question I have is,
What Dommes call Dom's
and vice versa?


Definitely not "Master", WinterWolf. lol Actually, that's not entirely accurate. If I'm writing to someone who has "Master" in his name, i.e. MasterToYou, I'll use the name as given. If I'm responding to someone who has messaged me, I respond using either how he has signed the message, or by his given name, or, sometimes, based on what was written, without a salutation at all, if I just can't bring myself to use the honorific.

Doms who write to me often use the term "Mistress" (which is *not* in my CM name, obviously) mostly because they're trying to convince me that deep in their Domly heart there's a *true* sub who is waiting to escape to serve only me.


_____________________________

~ Miss Marie

a.k.a. "mean Lady"


(in reply to WinterWolf)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Forms of Address in Initial Contact - 1/8/2006 7:29:23 PM   
anthrosub


Posts: 843
Joined: 6/2/2004
Status: offline 		What MstrssPassion wrote is the essential truth. Introduce yourself politely and if a preference has been indicated in the profile...use it; otherwise simply be polite. This is basic common sense.

If you (and presumably) the person you're contacting are here to sincerely meet someone, all the BDSM trappings are secondary. Proper forms of address are established after you've begun your relationship and it's in its initial stages. I'd be cautious if someone put a lot of emphasis on address right away. It's a good indication they are either inexperienced and assuming or just playing around.

anthrosub

_____________________________

"It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled." - Mark Twain

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

(in reply to Misstoyou)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Forms of Address in Initial Contact - 1/8/2006 9:28:36 PM   
littlespike


Posts: 80
Joined: 5/21/2005
From: Austin
Status: offline 		hi tasha

i coorespond with a lot of Dommes. but mainly message boards and Yahoo online groups not responding to profiles. i usually use Ms and the Domme's first name. Certainly avoid refering to a Domme as Mistress because use of the term denotes ownership and familarity...

little spike



_____________________________



http://www.goddessselene.com/ -- My Mistress and best friend

http://www.homepage.bannerzzz.com/ - My homepage

(in reply to tasha_tart)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Forms of Address in Initial Contact - 1/8/2006 11:16:13 PM   
MsMacComb


Posts: 808
Joined: 3/30/2005
From: My Mothers womb.
Status: offline 		How about "Whatevertheirprofilenameis"
Hello, sorry to bother you but, blah, blah, blah.

_____________________________

Not looking for anyone for anything, any time.

(in reply to littlespike)
Profile   Post #: 20
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