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A tough day~ Long Distance Relationships... - 4/1/2008 7:57:48 PM

LacyDanes

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/24/2008
Status: offline

Today I asked the saddest of questions...
Do you want me?
It is a pathetic question. One I don't think any human being should feel they need to ask their partner... but I did ask it. sigh.
I know I am a desirable woman and when you get to know me and are with me on a regular basis, I am submissive to the man i love.
I have never done well in long distance relationships...the long period of time between visits is maddening and painful and not of the good kind. I so crave to touch and be touched. To please and hear those words "good girl" form my partners tongue.
Relationships of our sort are emotionally intensive and not touching and communicating causes me to go spiraling and thrashing in a see of storm like waves, wondering... what is going on, what am I doing... Just hang on things will work out and be okay.
I always seem to push when i am afraid and feeling lost... and not seeing some one you love for months at a time leaves me feeling very vulnerable.

Love and Lust are consuming emotions, multiply that by deep dark desires being fulfilled and things explode. Add in a pinch of jealousy, and subtract basic needs being met becuase of long distance and you have a toxic mix sure to kill everyone involved as well as innocent bystanders.
Sigh.
So what do you do to keep sane in a long distance love? and if things start to smoke and fray do you have any suggestions on how to let go of your fears and simply be?
~LD

Post #: 1

RE: A tough day~ Long Distance Relationships... - 4/1/2008 8:16:34 PM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

I feel like I deal with that every day. The less I feel appreciated, even though the signs may be there, the more difficult I become - all without meaning to.

Maybe what I have done will help you. I decided that I can remain devoted 24 hours a day, but I cannot expect Him to be thinking of me nearly as much. He has His own job, family, hobbies, etc. I glory now in the slightest of compliments, writing them down in a special journal set aside for happy thoughts. I am thankful for every email, every phone call (even though there are not many), etc.

I know it's hard. I don't know if empathy helps at all. For me the day after a session is one of the loneliest because it puts me back in the waiting cycle for the next time. Sometimes you just need to give yourself an attitude adjustment. Find a hobby that you enjoy doing to take your mind off your loneliness, or spend some time with someone you enjoy. (I have fun going out to lunch with my daughter.) Remember that there will be a difference in His eyes between you NEEDING Him and being NEEDY - most people don't enjoy the latter. If you are happy and balanced inside, even though apart, you will present yourself better and it will make Him long to see you sooner. Hang in there, and feel free to contact me privately if you need to talk.

_____________________________

(in reply to LacyDanes)

Post #: 2

RE: A tough day~ Long Distance Relationships... - 4/1/2008 8:36:42 PM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

i feel very unhappy and unsettled if i dont have some sort of contact at least once a day with Daddy. now, it may be an email, or a brief IM, but that's enough for me to feel happy.

if i can talk to him for several hours, it makes me VERY happy. if its a day that he's coming to see me? i am over the trees with excitement, and wait for that text message that says he's on his way and once it comes, i am nearly vibrating with anticipation till i see him pull up.

when its been a few days since we've had contact? i am anxious and upset and short tempered till i see him come online.

kitten, who really hates being long distance...

(in reply to chamberqueen)

Post #: 3

RE: A tough day~ Long Distance Relationships... - 4/1/2008 9:08:13 PM

lighthearted

Posts: 1165
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline

his new-ish job has led to long periods being apart. it hasn't been easy. I'm not the type of person who does well when their loved ones aren't around.

for me, the thing that has made the most difference is knowing that he is just as miserable without me as I am without him. I realize that he doesn't have much control over his schedule, but that he does the best he can with what he's given. in the meantime, I try to be all that he wants me to be: happy, together, cheerful, loving, hopeful.

it is difficult, I know. I know how it feels, like you are going crazy or something...I can't offer much, other than sympathy, I'm afraid. but I know that you aren't alone, a lot of people here in the same circumstance.

_____________________________

"Thou art to me a delicious torment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

(in reply to LacyDanes)

Post #: 4

RE: A tough day~ Long Distance Relationships... - 4/1/2008 10:36:57 PM

greenearth21

Posts: 228
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline

One way that I think about such a situation is "it's this way for a reason" and i find myself looking at the reason and understanding it, rather than thinking of the distance (lack of touch/play/smiles etc) which tends to be depressing. I'm sure there are differences in each realtionship greatly differs and the reasonings are different. Accepting the way things are still doesnt give me a physical connection, but it keeps me level headed.
I'm also a big person on personal space, so the distance doesnt seem so bad. Just keep yourself busy and enjoy the relationship and person as much as you can, and it'll all work out when its time.

(in reply to lighthearted)

Post #: 5

RE: A tough day~ Long Distance Relationships... - 4/2/2008 1:05:26 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

If you don't do well in LDRs, why are you in one?

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to LacyDanes)

Post #: 6

RE: A tough day~ Long Distance Relationships... - 4/2/2008 8:28:19 AM

LacyDanes

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/24/2008
Status: offline

Thank you all so much for the advice you have given me... and attitude adjustment is indeed what I think I need at times. I am an author and a mom of two kids so I do keep myself busy. I also am a bit needy at times i think... and I need to work on that more.

This relationship was not something either of us expected.... and neither of us do well in this kind of thing. He has considered moving because I can't leave, but that has many complications also.

we have thought of letting go several times... but neither one of us seems able to do that.

Thank you again for the advice.
Sometimes it just takes talking to someone outside the relationship to get a better focus.

Hugs,
~LD

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 7

RE: A tough day~ Long Distance Relationships... - 4/2/2008 6:43:22 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

Take a cold look at whether it's ever going to really happen.

Drop it if the answer is no.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to LacyDanes)

Post #: 8

RE: A tough day~ Long Distance Relationships... - 4/3/2008 6:26:29 AM

xbutterflyx

Posts: 51
Joined: 7/18/2006
Status: offline

I agree. It is very hard. While it isn't months that i wait..a few weeks of waiting can have me climbing the walls. I get "edgy". While my Sir doesn't have family commitments, he does have several hobbies that i would say he is very passionate about. We skip one weekend because of the holiday, another because he didn't feel well...Trout season is open now here and i guess i should learn to chase a fly...smiles.

I too enjoy contact..one day is okay..day two..i start wondering..I have asked myself "Does he want me?" I haven't asked him yet..because when i seem to be doubting the most; everything seems to turn around and he's with me.

While apart, I try to concentrate on other areas of my life. Improving in those areas is important too. When I am working for or on "myself" it is serving him in a way too. xx

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 9

RE: A tough day~ Long Distance Relationships... - 4/3/2008 4:37:02 PM

tinkerbelle3

Posts: 55
Joined: 1/25/2008
Status: offline

I was with a man for four years, even though we lived only 40 minutes away from each other I only saw him a few times a week. He had other priorities. I can't tell you how often I felt the way that you described. After a while I made the decision to move on since I clearly wasn't getting my needs met in that relationship.

Then, I met a man who lived 3000 miles away from me. Of course in the beginning we emailed, IM'd and talked on the phone. Then when we finally met we saw each other at least once a month until I moved to be with him. That was about a year ago.

My point is that I felt more fulfillment with a man who lived 3000 miles away then I did with someone who lived nearby. For me, it's all about understanding my needs.

Good luck to you.

(in reply to xbutterflyx)

Post #: 10

RE: A tough day~ Long Distance Relationships... - 4/3/2008 9:00:27 PM

Alexantraining

Posts: 10
Joined: 2/21/2008
Status: offline

I wish you luck in whatever you decide. I got really insecure with Sir's silences - and I realized my insecurity was due to a lack of information. Since we had the long distance thing going on and he had a life too, I wouldn't hear from him for a week and about the time I would wonder if something happened, he would contact me and all would be right again. I talked to him and explained my feelings and he was very cool about how to handle me.

Best of to you.

(in reply to tinkerbelle3)

Post #: 11

RE: A tough day~ Long Distance Relationships... - 4/4/2008 7:36:54 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

BSB and I only see each other about once a month. I know enough about myself that I know what makes me insecure and our doubtful about a relationship and I have finally learned to ask to have those needs met. I don't hesitate to ask for something AND I do my best not to keep score because with ADD/HD and two kids, she doesn't always come through for me. It has been a challenge for both of us but we are doing a pretty good job.

I walk through my garden in the morning and take pictures of flowers to send her so she knows I am thinking of her. We make dates to go see the same movies at the same times. We have both been really busy and so we have slacked off on the little things like love notes and such but in some ways it is a good sign, we are both growing secure with each other.

As for how to deal with fears and insecurities, TALK about them, open up to your partner, make yourself vulnerable. Only then can your partner understand how to take care of you. If they don't do that, then you have to make a decision.

(in reply to Alexantraining)

Post #: 12

RE: A tough day~ Long Distance Relationships... - 4/4/2008 12:11:19 PM

tarnishdhaylo

Posts: 44
Joined: 8/23/2007
Status: offline

It is nice to know I am not alone in my feelings.
I guess we all go through some insecurities, I know it bothered him when he heard it is my voice.
So i have worked very hard not to show my fears and doubts. I stopped being so needy and have stepped back some.
And he calls more often now.
This morning when I left him, he wanted to know my schedule and when we could be together again, in the past I would have to offer that.
So good luck to you, be strong

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 13

RE: A tough day~ Long Distance Relationships... - 4/4/2008 6:35:50 PM

joyfulmalcontent

Posts: 19
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline

I was in a long distance for a while. It was very very hard for me. I'm a very emotionally intense and needy person. I wish things would have worked out between us but it didn't. Distance can be a killer for some. I tried very very hard to occupy my time without Him. I ran after kids and worked full time but the nights were when my insecurities and fears came out. And while I take blame for alot of it, He didn't help either. We didn't talk every day, we didn't chat or phone message each other every day. I understand that He was very busy and I tried so hard to respect that but day upon day with little or no contact just wasn't enough for me. Even if He had just said, Goodnight, I love you or Goodnight, sweet dreams...or something... Guess I was just too needy. It still hurts to think about it. Maybe if I felt like He has missed me too. But I didn't feel that way, I just felt lonely all the time.

Well, that's my story but it doesn't have to be anyone else's. If I can say anything, I'd say I learned that some sort of connecting should take place every day. A phone call, an email, an instant message, a phone text, something. Don't let the connection slip away.

(in reply to tarnishdhaylo)

Post #: 14

RE: A tough day~ Long Distance Relationships... - 4/5/2008 1:55:39 PM

opensoul

Posts: 77
Joined: 11/24/2006
Status: offline

LDR's are very hard, I have been alone for a number of years by my chose, so I might learn about myself and what I wanted and needed.
I finally came in contact with my Master,who lives 61/2 hours away from me. As we started out I new that I needed to email and get to know him,as he did me, to feel each other out. Getting use to someone to talk to, hours on end without a slow moment . To learn to open up for the first time in a LONG time about me. This was a Great lesson, for me and a way for him to see if I was ready for being his.
We explored info , I learned more about myself and found I was ready to be open with the Right person.
Then life and some very sad things happened, My father died, mother become ill, and after just a few meetings , My Master , was there for me, long distance, but closer than anyone had ever been in my life! I opened more to him, he allowed me to see for the first time distance is not the trouble for mr, Trust is !

I like you need to be touched, I crave to be touched and used by my Master every day, but on those times we can not be with each other, we talk, email, and do what we must so when we are together , its all about our time together. Insecure was and at times is my biggest demon, but as I see it coming I think of how far I have come, since meeting my Master and all the strength he gives to me and I say No, and find something that I can do to make my master proud and go for it!

(in reply to joyfulmalcontent)

Post #: 15

RE: A tough day~ Long Distance Relationships... - 4/6/2008 11:31:36 AM

MladyHathor

Posts: 510
Joined: 4/6/2008
Status: offline

oh gawd, as I read your post, I can feel so much of the hmmm turmoil--though on the other side--I have as of late and at least two key times in the last two years wanted to, well have done the very same---'HELLOOOO, I AM AWESOME, HELLOOOO AM I NOT WORTH A LOOK, AN EFFORT, A GLANCE, HELLOOOOO"---I poopooed long distance and pursued short distance, pursued less thans, not quites, maybes and wannabes, entertained the potentials---walked away from here and the life---read the glib comments that said, LDR--stupid, why you, how could you---well LacyDanes, life is what it is and happiness doesn't always live next door- in the next town, state or country---and anyone who has a mate in the military should damn well speak up here----yep it sucks, distance sucks major---and we are human--we NEED, we FEEL, we BREATHE, we RELATE to what others do not on occasion agree with---yet the attraction is what it is---and one has to be strong and revel in the knowledge that even the thoughts are better than the nothing--that the distance keeps it in a sick way--fresh, hot, expectant---and the moments---though choreographed--free from the crap of life---you My dear have, which is more than when you did not--and more than most---yes long for--but know that there is a moment when all that longing comes to fruition in moments most people only read about---hang in there dear.

_____________________________

The Mistress Hathor, always and forever, much to the disdain and discomfort of others.

(in reply to LacyDanes)

Post #: 16

RE: A tough day~ Long Distance Relationships... - 4/6/2008 12:58:19 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

~Fast Reply~

Long distence relationships are rough, regardless of what type of relationship it is. When I was in long-distence relationships, I took lessons from "vanilla" folks: With an ex, I kept a bar of his favorite brand of soap around. Sometimes I would wash up with it and enjoy the smell that I had associated with him. Valyraen would "stink up" a shirt of his with his smell and give it to me so I could wear it around the house. We called each other every night, just to talk. We sent snail mail letters, I sent tons! While I was writing the letter it felt like I was talking to him. We visited every other weekend, we played the same MMO so that we could still do things together even though we were far away.

My suggestion: Talk to your friends and use google. There is a lot of advice for surviving LDRs and it doesn't need to come from BDSM sources. What you are going through isn't being made any harder because of your relationship type - trust me, vanilla folks yearn for passion as well.

Best of luck,
Aqua

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to MladyHathor)

Post #: 17

RE: A tough day~ Long Distance Relationships... - 4/6/2008 1:36:55 PM

CelticPrince

Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

So what do you do to keep sane in a long distance love? and if things start to smoke and fray do you have any suggestions on how to let go of your fears and simply be?
~LD

lacy,

LD relationships can be difficult only when doubts are allowed to creep in, especially when the times of R/t are far apart. Normally it is , as with you, the submissive that gets the "blues". If your confident with the relationship then go to cam and allow that to "handle" things in between the real time events.

CP

(in reply to LacyDanes)

Post #: 18

RE: A tough day~ Long Distance Relationships... - 4/6/2008 9:28:52 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

I'm submissive and married in the army and separated from either my wife and children or my M'Lady or both. there are tough days for all and times that if i was only there or they were here (sigh) but all of U/us support the family dynamic i communicate openly with all of them. it is hard for me not to be able to do anything more than just listening to the bad day. the best thing to remember is that you are there for them if not physically then in spirit.

(in reply to CelticPrince)

Post #: 19

RE: A tough day~ Long Distance Relationships... - 4/8/2008 1:09:29 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LPslittleclip

I'm submissive and married in the army and separated from either my wife and children or my M'Lady or both. there are tough days for all and times that if i was only there or they were here (sigh) but all of U/us support the family dynamic i communicate openly with all of them. it is hard for me not to be able to do anything more than just listening to the bad day. the best thing to remember is that you are there for them if not physically then in spirit.

Just remember, lil one. It won't always be that way.

It is like I have always told you. A part of Me is always with you, just like a part of you is always with Me.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

Post #: 20

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