RE: Input Invited

RE: Input Invited (Full Version)

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Madame4a -> RE: Input Invited (4/2/2008 9:54:50 AM)
I probably think similarly, as I have a similar need -- I have a primary, for all intents and purposes, I am looking for a leather submissive male friend with benefits -- and yes, they are going to be secondary in my life, not an easy place for anyone. So, if you screen out anyone... grin send 'em my way...

HerLord -> RE: Input Invited (4/2/2008 9:56:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sassysexygirl greetings to E/everyone greetings Stormslave ~ i have the same thoughts as kyra. what it sounds like to me is, you wish to get to know a man, become friends, take the time and effort to develop some type of friendship/feeling for him, and then invite him for sex with you and your Lord. however, you are not willing to extend to him what you want from him because "you're not his girlfriend." seriously, it sounds to me like you want a submissive male. "i want this, that and the other thing including friendship, then you will have sex with me and my Lord. you get whatever i give you and you'll be glad of it." this may not be your intent, but it's what i read in your post. perhaps a friendship with your Lord is the way to go, then He can share you. because if it was me, i wouldn't give you all you want and not get more in return than what you offer. well wishes, gemmie Tal Allow me to clarify. We MOST certainly ARE willing to extend same courtesy. We are just not in a position to drop everything in life to be at someones beckon call, and are trying to find the clearest concievable way to express this.

kyraofMists -> RE: Input Invited (4/2/2008 10:28:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HerLord Allow me to clarify. We MOST certainly ARE willing to extend same courtesy. We are just not in a position to drop everything in life to be at someones beckon call, and are trying to find the clearest concievable way to express this. There is no one way to communicate to everyone that you meet. Not everyone communicates effectively in the same manner. Just look at the various takes to the initial OP and that is only from a handful of people who decided to respond. Some people communicate the best through writing; others through verbal conversations and then others don't really get things until it has been physically demonstrated to them. You won't find the clearest way to express this, because the clearest way will depend on who you are talking to and what is the best manner of communicating effectively with them. I communicate most effectively by asking a lot of initial questions, going away and thinking and then coming back for more questions. If someone is not willing to put in the time and effort to answer those questions then we are not going to communicate effectively and we are most likely not a match. Knight's Kyra

HerLord -> RE: Input Invited (4/2/2008 10:37:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists There is no one way to communicate to everyone that you meet. Not everyone communicates effectively in the same manner. Just look at the various takes to the initial OP and that is only from a handful of people who decided to respond. Some people communicate the best through writing; others through verbal conversations and then others don't really get things until it has been physically demonstrated to them. You won't find the clearest way to express this, because the clearest way will depend on who you are talking to and what is the best manner of communicating effectively with them. I communicate most effectively by asking a lot of initial questions, going away and thinking and then coming back for more questions. If someone is not willing to put in the time and effort to answer those questions then we are not going to communicate effectively and we are most likely not a match. Knight's Kyra This particular point hit home HARD. My Love and I communicate with each other almost effortlessly. I think this may be the start of a new concept for me. I never really considered the magnitude of this simple little truth. Speaking for both of us, thank you all for taking the time read through this extraniously long post to share your perspectives.

CreativeDominant -> RE: Input Invited (4/2/2008 12:33:15 PM)
I am going to have to say that I agree with kyra and blushes. You are expecting these guys to put out the time and the effort to get to know you and to allow you to get to know them and like them well enough to fuck them. These are, in effect, your demands from a suitable person. But you also want to dictate whether or not they can put any demands on you. I understand that you do not want to be their "girlfriend" because this is for sex mainly AND you have a Lord...but at the same time, you are expecting them to act like a boyfriend by more or less courting you. Almost like objectification in the reverse, but with more benefits to you. You have to be willing to give what you expect from them, in my opinion. If you want them to take time with you, then you have to be willing to take time for them...and not just at YOUR choice. Rules can be dictated but remember, in an instance like this, they have to apply to both parties or, at the very least, suitable to both parties.

CalifChick -> RE: Input Invited (4/2/2008 12:51:13 PM)
The most "successful" relationships that I've had with fuckbuddies were those that were friends first. They understood the nature of the beast, if you will. It would make it a whole lot harder, but perhaps you oughta set aside the threesome part of the search and look for friends that have the same mindset that you do about group sex. Cali

metalmiss -> RE: Input Invited (4/2/2008 12:57:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TreasureKY quote: ORIGINAL: StormsSlave Finding a friend with benefits is EXACTLY what I'm hoping for. Someone with a similiar attitude and interests who doesn't want or need a long term relationship right now. That's why the message. I'm hoping to set the boundaries up front. Which is exactly why I suggested a couple. Hard for a man to become emotionally attached to you if he's already got a primary relationship. Besides... it opens up the door for future play with four! [;)] i have to completely agree with that.. not only would it expand your horizons but it would also help to take away the paranoia that the second man in your life was about to start stepping over your boundaries.

Kirren -> RE: Input Invited (4/2/2008 12:57:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chellekitty i third the have your Lord do the looking...and honestly, men communicate with men differently, less small talk, less room for them to imagine that there is something that there might not be... oh and personally, i would venture into the overlap of swingers and bdsm'ers...that is the kind of things they are into, casual sex with their friends, nothing more...no expectations...and it is not all about swapping, it is every combonation you can think of, and then some... good luck... chelle I agree with this as well. Your Owner will know you and your style/taste as well as you do, and as has been said...men communicate with men differently. I see no reason that he shouldnt be just as paticipatory as you are in your search. It would probably also make him feel more included, less pressured, and he would have fun with some of the morons that would reply.

HerLord -> RE: Input Invited (4/2/2008 1:06:08 PM)
Cali... As this is My Love's thread I had decided after my last post I would let her finish it out, (alot too late) But as I love you and am trying to find a way for us to move to be next door to you, I will reply to you. This is the what we are trying to do. Find "friends" here, and elswhere (not yours blushes, sorry). The mindset we are projecting may well be too forward, (on the sexual side) but that is who we are. We are also both aware this is a process. We did not sign on here or elsewhere with unrealistic hopes of this was gunna happen in a w/e. We have VERY specific wants, and there just aint that many that fit the bill, so we anticipated this taking a while. As always, Thanx. (sometimes, when I want to be, I can actually be civil, nay, even nice. But don't tell any one)

DelilahDeb -> RE: Input Invited (4/2/2008 1:08:48 PM)
OP: Your boilerplate [example letter] seems clear enough to me. However, I think you might want to re-order it to reflect your priorities, edit it for brevity (some folks just are not natural readers), and make certain to include a few "strokes" at beginning and end. Also, I do agree with a number of responses who suggest that you'll have much better success if your Lord does the first and second round of filtering (or, rather, let the ijuts self-select themselves elsewhere). SimplyMichael, I do agree with you--there's nothing wrong at all with the letter as it stands. My comments only reflect my 15-year career as a technical writer...one can ALWAYS improve a document's message. Back to the OP: I think you've greatly improved your chances just by being on CM, and, as a lifelong poly person who gets the concept of a primary relationship coming first, I'd suggest you look around your region for any online poly communication means (Yahoo groups, or such things). Just a thought. Delilah Deb

beargonewild -> RE: Input Invited (4/2/2008 1:28:29 PM)
~FR~ From what I read, the OP is being quite clear and concise in what she is seeking for herself and her Lord. She did state that her primary partner is her Lord and also stating that her main focus is to the primary relationship and there are guidelines that she adheres to regarding her relationship. Unfortunately, there are many people who are unable to read exactly what is written and thus, they are quick to assume that she is seeking more than what is stated. It is quite common for many males to incorrectly assume that physical pleasure equals love which in turn means a relationship. I mean, I just have to look in a mirror and know I've done that myself over the years. As HerLord stated, "We have VERY specific wants, and there just aint that many that fit the bill, so we anticipated this taking a while." This is so true. It does take a special type of personality to understand and fully accept that their role is secondary in a FWB situation where the friends are already a couple.

MsHonor -> RE: Input Invited (4/2/2008 1:40:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kyraofMists Posting private emails is a violation of TOS. Wait... Sorry, this is an off-topic thought, but a prohibition against posting your own emails, not the ones to, but from you, without any information about the recipient, and particularly just the body of a proposed form letter... Just can't be what the "spirit of the law" intended...

CalifChick -> RE: Input Invited (4/2/2008 2:11:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HerLord Cali... ...But as I love you and am trying to find a way for us to move to be next door to you, I will reply to you. Well hells bells, who knew? I gotta tell ya, you guys would be alot better than the trashy neighbors with their little yippy dog that are there now. Please tell me you don't have a little yippy dog that you leave on the patio to yip for hours. Cali

HerLord -> RE: Input Invited (4/2/2008 2:20:46 PM)
Hell no we aint got no soccer balls,,, We got us Weal twue, dogs.

HerLord -> RE: Input Invited (4/2/2008 2:55:17 PM)
Oh hell with it... It is after all my thread as much as it is My Love's, so I'll Just continue. Madame4u The first one that comes to mind is the (in)famous "italian guy," however... I'm thinking He's probably not a match for you either... lol

HerLord -> RE: Input Invited (4/2/2008 3:00:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant Now Now Now CD. Let's not take it personally. I would have thought you'ld have better tact. You presented yourself so much better than this. I was actually pulling for you. Didn't work apparantly. But don't give up on us yet... We are busy. We did tell you.

HerLord -> RE: Input Invited (4/2/2008 3:15:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DelilahDeb OP: Your boilerplate [example letter] seems clear enough to me. However, I think you might want to re-order it to reflect your priorities, edit it for brevity (some folks just are not natural readers), and make certain to include a few "strokes" at beginning and end. Also, I do agree with a number of responses who suggest that you'll have much better success if your Lord does the first and second round of filtering (or, rather, let the ijuts self-select themselves elsewhere). SimplyMichael, I do agree with you--there's nothing wrong at all with the letter as it stands. My comments only reflect my 15-year career as a technical writer...one can ALWAYS improve a document's message. Back to the OP: I think you've greatly improved your chances just by being on CM, and, as a lifelong poly person who gets the concept of a primary relationship coming first, I'd suggest you look around your region for any online poly communication means (Yahoo groups, or such things). Just a thought. Delilah Deb We do appreciate an editor's viewpoint. I have been concerned with My Love's long windedness myself and have tried to convey to her the importance of succinctness. I am most assuredly not the dictionary My Love is, but I am capable of getting my point accross, usually. I think your comments may also help me in this crusade for not turning an obituary into a biographical novel. As for the me being involved in the "hunt", I absolutely am. The PC is set in the BR and almost all of My Love's time in front of it, has me at her side. I do generally ask My Love to do the typing as she has countless more years in a professional capacity in front of one, so naturally, she types considerably faster. As for the yahoo groups etc., if I am not mistaken, the yahoo adult groups are being or are deleted. But this is not the medium we use. We are members of several forum and chat sites, as well as regulars in a few of the local pubs. However, the pub scene is less frequent nowadays (timeconstraints and all).

HerLord -> RE: Input Invited (4/2/2008 3:32:16 PM)
Bear. What can I say dude? quote: Unfortunately, there are many people who are unable to read exactly what is written and thus, they are quick to assume that she is seeking more than what is stated. It is quite common for many males to incorrectly assume that physical pleasure equals love which in turn means a relationship. I just had to put this back up. But do not assume that men are the only ones who are illiterate. errr ummm I mean... the only ones to make this mistake. Thanx muchly.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Input Invited (4/2/2008 4:48:26 PM)
There are many couples spoiled by the ease and security in their current relationship, that they are unable to securely form another one because they cannot go back to square one and really start the process over again- they want the person to just jump in and flow with them. When that's just really not going to happen- even if you find someone flexible enough, sane enough, and mature enough to handle that, it's going to take a long time before they really get relaxed and in the same pace as you are.

DesFIP -> RE: Input Invited (4/2/2008 4:51:48 PM)
If you want someone for more than a one off, then you can't ignore them for a week at a time and only call/text when you feel like it. Friends are there for each other. Since you don't have the time to find a friend, join a swingers club. You could meet a fuck buddy there.

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