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the magic word - 4/2/2008 1:43:37 PM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		Well, so, first i have to explain the magic word.
in my hometown, the local munch has a subbie group off of it, that meets in person once a month. And they invented a new word to add to the usual color code of safe words: red-yellow-green-blue.
Purple. And according to my little subbie group, Purple means 'Barney Fucking Purple! If you don't hit me harder than that I'm going to tell all your little Dom friends on you!'

Master thinks it's hilarious. His standard response is, pretty much, 'anytime you're daring enough, little slut'.

My problem with it is - well, this is full of illogical turns of thought, but - it seems so 'topping from the bottom', to me. not just seems - how things seem we can get over by thinking them through logically. but FEELS 'topping from the bottom' to me.

never mind that i don't really BELIEVE in topping from the bottom, because, well, i simply do not believe that Master is toppable. He is going to listen to everything i ever say - about anything - assimilate the information, and make his own decision. or, as he puts it, do what he damn well wants.

I have used it exactly once. He had hada - well, to call it a bad day at work, would be an understatement. it was, inside this little subbie head of mine, a 'he needs it' kind of thing. it was also a beautiful thing. he beat the hell out of me. sent me to Hell with glory. It was magnificent.

I would not want to overuse it, at any rate. even with his invite to, i would want it to be special. but how can i wrap my head around that he is okay with it, and i am not topping him when i say it?

oh, well, what SHOULD help me with the concept is, i actually did say it 2 weeks ago, lying in bed cuddling with him, and he just laughed and said, 'I am not beating you that way when you have a doc appointment tomorrow' (yes, i am out to all my docs.) so i should be able to get it through my head that thatman is NOT TOPPABLE.

But - just asking for some outside perspective. Would this feel like topping from the bottom, to you?

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“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote
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RE: the magic word - 4/2/2008 1:58:01 PM   
hopelesslyInvo


Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
Status: offline 		just a way of letting them know you're not at your limit if they want to push more.  sure it has a little bit of a provoking nature when you spell it out, but it's still up to them, if they might believe you are trying to be controlling they might end up taking it up 2 notches instead of one, or hitting half as hard instead, or just stop hitting at all to show it~

just a way of saying "i can go further" to me though.

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RE: the magic word - 4/2/2008 2:01:51 PM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		m'Lord suggested beige for those times.

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Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

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RE: the magic word - 4/2/2008 2:07:18 PM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		Omega,
Beige, as in, 'Beige, Beige, i'm thinking that i shall paint that ceiling Beige' ?

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“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

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RE: the magic word - 4/2/2008 2:31:58 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		i thought when you were looking at the ceiling you were supposed to be thinking of your "Duty, Queen and Country"   (  sort-of quote from Queen Victoria - who believed women couldn't enjoy sex).

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RE: the magic word - 4/2/2008 3:37:57 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske


Master thinks it's hilarious. His standard response is, pretty much, 'anytime you're daring enough, little slut'.


Permission is even better than incentive.

quote:

My problem with it is


I've cut out everything else you've said after this fragment .. because your Master doesn't have a problem with it so who are you to have a problem with it? Hmmmm???

You have the choice to serve 'your' way or 'his' way ... decide which it's going to be. Doing what you have permission to do isn't topping from the bottom ... deciding that you're going to second guess your Master is. Think about it.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: the magic word - 4/2/2008 4:45:57 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Just because you say the word doesn't mean he has to act on it. So he is choosing to act on it.

Cali


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AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

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RE: the magic word - 4/2/2008 4:55:59 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske
But - just asking for some outside perspective. Would this feel like topping from the bottom, to you?


No. It sounds like a joke and I wouldn't put that much thought into it. I'll have to explain the idea to Valyraen - I'm sure he will dare me to call purple on him.


_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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RE: the magic word - 4/2/2008 5:25:28 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Blue? THEN purple? What's blue?

Purple is sammy...which some may like, but I don't. Scene ends there. I don't mind requests, respectfully given, but statements made to manipulate me into doing what they want? No.

Master Fire


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The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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RE: the magic word - 4/2/2008 6:05:19 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		As MFM said, if they are trying to be manipulative in an unobvious way, then I'm not going to like it.  Otherwise, have at it.

I understand how you feel, but let your feelings go :)

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: the magic word - 4/2/2008 6:07:52 PM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		Master Fire,
Thank you for the view from the Dom side. i am still working on it, so to speak.

Just to answer the 'informative' question, blue is traditionally used to mean ' I love what your doing, but something specific needs to change in order for me to be able to go on.' The most common example given is, 'This is great, but i gotta go pee right now!' (which wouldn't usually work with Master, He'd most likely say, 'go right ahead.' EEK!)
Interesting thing about this 'purple' word, which Master just laughs at, is that we don't use any other safe words. Master knows when, Master decides what we do. i have 'used' the 'purple' word before, the idea of it, that is, not saying it, when Master checks on me by saying 'Do you need to safeword, slut?' i have occasionally answered with 'I only know one safe word. Do you want me to use that one, Sir?' Just makes Him laugh.

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

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RE: the magic word - 4/2/2008 6:11:45 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Considering I generally think "red" is too vague and useless to be of any use in a scene, I certainly shudder to consider bringing in MORE code words and one which "specifically" means "something needs to change"

Why are people so scared of just saying what's wrong?  If you can speak, are willing to speak and willing to take the responsibility of communicating what's wrong (aka safeword) why not just SAY the issue?

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: the magic word - 4/2/2008 6:38:45 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Ohh, i love the puple idea!!!  It is certainly better than, "have you started yet?"  lol

I think your question about topping from the bottom is a good one.  I don't think it's topping from the bottom.  It's saying, hey, this is what I want... If you whine when the M type says no but the M type eventually gives in, THAT is topping form the bottom.  But I agree with LA about ... why not just say what you want... That's just giving information, nothing more or less. 

peace

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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RE: the magic word - 4/2/2008 6:46:17 PM   
Poetryinpain


Posts: 341
Joined: 3/20/2008
Status: offline 		I was told a long time ago that safewords were for when you are playing a scene where the sub is pretending to resist and saying "No!" and "Stop!" and "That hurts!" and other things that the Dom will ignore because they're part of the scene. The person giving the advice suggested something like lampshade as a safeword.(This was in connection with vanilla kinky sex, BTW.)

I have only had to safeword once - the paddles were new to me, and he was getting a little carried away. I merely said, "That's a little too hard." He stopped paddling and rubbed my nearly purple ass and said, "Yeah, I guess it was." Since then I've gotten more able to take the harder stuff, and I have not needed to say anything. I haven't gone into subspace yet, but we get closer each time.

pip, purple is not gonna be used here


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There is none so blind as he who will not see.

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RE: the magic word - 4/2/2008 6:54:29 PM   
lilacs


Posts: 46
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I've heard a story ... somewhere ... and I don't remember where it was.  The bottom was a bit more experienced than the top - and the top was a little bit nervous (it being one of their first scenes at all, let alone with that bottom) and was doing a lot of checking in (as is logical).  The bottom kept saying "green" over and over again and reassuring the top that everything was fine.  Finally the bottom turned, looked the top right in the eyes and said "Kelly-Fucking-Green!" ;) 

That sort of got the point across. ;)

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RE: the magic word - 4/2/2008 6:54:39 PM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		Thank you, LA. I know what you said was such a traditional 'good communication skill' that I find myself wondering if you are a proffesional (therepist, ect.)
But sometimes the 'traditional right thing to say' really is the right thing. You are right. feel them and let them go :)

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

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RE: the magic word - 4/2/2008 8:19:52 PM   
atursvcMaam


Posts: 1195
Joined: 5/10/2004
Status: offline 		imho, a prearranged, preagreed "purple" would be a bit more respectful than waiting for the midst of a session to make a SAM comment like "Gawd, You hit like a girl".  just a thought.

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live hard, die young and leave a good looking corpse when you die.
Love ya, but, when the zombies start chasing us, i am tripping you.
The glass is always full, the question is, "with what?"

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RE: the magic word - 4/2/2008 8:55:09 PM   
littlelostbunny


Posts: 141
Joined: 6/15/2006
Status: offline 		*snickers* Ohhh, I can just imagine the reaction I'd get out of that one... and it probably wouldn't be pleasant. I see it as SAM-ish, but not necessarily topping from the bottom, and would only use it in a joking way. Unless it's a predetermined safeword, he's going to do what he wants. And if I do use it after explaining it, I'll probably regret it -- there's a big difference between masochistic play and all-out punishment. I rather like being able to sit down, thanks.


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-- Bunny

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RE: the magic word - 4/2/2008 9:50:44 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I am eternally grateful to my partners that, saying "hurt me", is not considered manipulation.  I have always believed communicating ones needs, no matter what the phrase is not topping, it is pleading.  It is then up to them to push forward, or pull back, depending on what they feel is right.
That purple thing though... too cutsie for my taste.
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


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RE: the magic word - 4/3/2008 5:42:22 AM   
petdave


Posts: 2479
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam
Blue? THEN purple? What's blue?

Purple is sammy...which some may like, but I don't.


Heh, that was the exact same train of thought that i had. Maybe it's just the way purple was explained by the OP, but it sounded very SAMmy. Which, some people enjoy that dynamic, and that's great, but it seems like if you're going to go that route, you might as well have fun and be a real smart-ass about it "Oh, i'm sorry, did i have some lint on my butt?"

Brings to mind a story i read a while back where a bottom called "orange" during a scene, and they had to try to remember what the hell that particular color code meant... it seems like, by the time you get to five colors, it's just making things more complicated rather than less And this is coming from someone who has a *really* hard time forming coherent thoughts during play.

< Message edited by petdave -- 4/3/2008 5:43:40 AM >

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