RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders

RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders (Full Version)

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Domnslv4Pleasure -> RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders (8/27/2008 8:55:11 PM)
I define what "switch" means to me. You may define it for you. Some in the Lifestyle claim that one cannot be a "switch". Who are they to tell me what I can or cannot be? I am a "switch" as I define it for me. smiles wickedly

leadership527 -> RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders (8/28/2008 4:50:29 PM)
laughs well I'm dom, at least for now. But if pressed, I'd use the word switch because I'd like to believe that I'm flexible enough to find enjoyment in lots of things. I see no reason to think that either subbing or bottoming couldn't be enjoyable to me and I'm sure it would be with the right woman. Right now, however, I'm married to a pretty submissive woman so I'm dom. Conveniently, I'm fine with that also. Oh yes, and I almost forgot. I am Dom when it comes to authority transfer. But we routinely switch top and bottom in the bedroom... sometimes several times in one evening. In the end, what I've come to understand is that these labels are, at best, really really rough guides. If someone says thay are "dom" then in some fashion or another, at some or all points during their relationship, they like to be in some sort of control. Same with with subs except yielding control. If they say they're a slave, what they mean is "a lot of control". Switch means it's ambiguous. What any individual means when they say "control" is so varied that it definitely needs a detailed description. In all cases though, the definitions are so incredibly broad that they really only tell you enough to know what question to ask next.

xXLithiumXx -> RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders (9/3/2008 7:12:33 AM)
I define as a switch, as I think many more would if they really looked at life in general, because in any given situation I find that I may need to access certain skills that I may have as either roll. For example, dealing with snotty customer service for my cable company...Domme. Dealing with rabid cop from hell...submissive. In any given time in our lives we have to take on different persona's. It really just depends on what the moment calls for. In a life style setting, since we seem to be being specific, I find that a switch suits me best, because in reality, I, like many, am selfish. I want my cake and by hell I want to eat it too. The ability not to limit myself to one standard or ideal enforced on me by a group that may or may not understand me as a person is a plus if you ask me. It shows that I am adaptable to many different situations, people, places and ideas. It leaves me open to experience, be experienced and allows for growth as a person. Call me a fence rider, you have that right. Tell me I am undecided or unsure, I will argue that perhaps I know myself better than you know yourself in that I know I need more than just one side of the coin and I am willing to express that by action, thought, speech, or big flaming neon pink banner that says.."Hey! I'm a switch Damnit...and thats okay."

aravain -> RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders (9/3/2008 9:04:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kiyari Yanno, like in D&D: Good-neutral, Pure-neutral, Chaotic-neutral I often chose Druid grins <geekout moment> Which edition? If we're going to use the same type of scale it would make more sense to have Switch be the 'first' Neutral, wouldn't it? But then, what would take place for Law and Chaos? Pain and Mental? If so then I'd be Submissive Pain :D So effectively we'd have: Pain Dominant 'Neutral' Dominant Mental Dominant Pain Switch Neutral Switch Mental Switch Pain Submissive 'Neutral' Submissive Mental Submissive But that's also greatly flawed in reality, just like the DnD alignment system :D </geekout moment>

silkenfire -> RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders (9/4/2008 7:06:56 AM)
I consider myself a switch, but as I would prefer to be in a long term D/s relationship as a sub, I listed myself as a sub. I live mainly as a sub. And when I switch I am a vicious vicious sadist. I can top, and I enjoy it sometimes when I need a specific release, but I find little love in it. I distance myself from it as if it were professional -- meaning, I distance myself from the possibility of emotion toward them in a very strange way. I can't stand the person I am when I'm topping, and with limited exceptions I can't stand the person I top afterwards either. If I fully top someone, I have no respect for them afterwards. I can't. That isn't to say I can't respect many subs, slaves, etc -- it's just the quality of it having been towards me. So I identify as a sub... where I can have a long relationship with a dominant and grow into a relationship of love and respect. But I imagine that this perspective is not quite normal...

LotusSong -> RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders (9/4/2008 9:19:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Asherdelampyr it would be good if there was an option for "unsure" The term "do me" sub/dom is another moniker. If you are not interested in sharing/exchanging your energy and just want to play with a kink.

kiyari -> RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders (9/4/2008 10:47:44 AM)
Nifty! Another dungeoner :) Switch as Neutral is pretty much how I represent it. The three (mandated to choose from) choices are generally interpreted specifically as regards a power exchange dynamic. What if power exchange is not an interest? Perhaps CM could parse the BDSM and allow another category selection, along the lines of: BDSM BD Ds SM. Still broad, but a little more clarity as to whether one is interested in the D/s or M/s or other contextual power exchange (which IMO encompass the mental), or more in the sensation aspects. I also like the suggestion of qualifiers such as: Pain and Mental (physical, psychological). What version? AD&D, heh. Been so long... =(

chinatownmike -> RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders (9/4/2008 7:54:15 PM)
Far too much made of monikers and labels. Isn't this all supposed to be about having great psychological/physical experiences? I have found many of the so-called "enlighted" folks in the BDSM community far more uptight about protocol and dresscodes than a WASP Banker on Wall Street. I have an saying about the whole top/bottom/switch identity..."What does it matter as to who was driving the car if both people get to the destination in good spirits?" Be safe, have fun. -Chinatown Mike

kiyari -> RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders (9/4/2008 8:17:55 PM)
While I agree with the sense of your post, the issue here, has been one of the LABELS. CM gives us those 3 choices, and we MUST identify with one of them. It's more about the inherent confusion as regards INTERPRETATION of that 1-in-3 selection. Capiche?

aravain -> RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders (9/5/2008 2:22:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kiyari Nifty! Another dungeoner :) Switch as Neutral is pretty much how I represent it. The three (mandated to choose from) choices are generally interpreted specifically as regards a power exchange dynamic. What if power exchange is not an interest? Perhaps CM could parse the BDSM and allow another category selection, along the lines of: BDSM BD Ds SM. Still broad, but a little more clarity as to whether one is interested in the D/s or M/s or other contextual power exchange (which IMO encompass the mental), or more in the sensation aspects. I also like the suggestion of qualifiers such as: Pain and Mental (physical, psychological). What version? AD&D, heh. Been so long... =( 3.5 usually :) I tried to play an AD&D game once and it got cancelled right after character generation... I was unhappy to say the least! The problem with expanding upon a set number of labels (in this case, three) is that we then create exponentially more amount of combinations (and that's just if we require a secondary qualifier)! It's the same reason that, though flawed, the DnD alignment system is liable to never be 'fixed' Taking a look just at alignments, you really need two alignments... What the person THINKS they are, and what, in actuality, they are! And the same would probably apply here too... but I'm not sure how CM would be able to implement a system that would say what someone actually is, and I'd have a feeling a lot of people would find it insulting. The bottom line is that even these are still labels. Wouldn't it make more sense to just leave the main tags alone (in other words, get rid of Slave/Sub Dominant and Switch) and make them choose completely their interests from a check-box? Unfortunately that wouldn't work too well either... It might be slightly less misleading (especially for those who pick 'Switch' now because they are either too inexperienced to know where they fall or because they DO fall outside of the realm of power-exchanges) however how would a site like this, a dating site, work? It would be like going to 'match.com' and then telling the users "Oooook, you're no longer allowed to specify what gender you're looking for! Good luck!" Hilarity would ensue, but it would still not be the better alternative. Labels serve their purpose, sometimes... the people using them, and reading them, just have to remember that labels CAN be misleading.

blueskyboy -> RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders (9/5/2008 2:43:26 AM)
wait...wait you bind me and blind me push me down knees on cold and hard toes rolled back...pain balancing and use that heavy strap and hear only the distant sound of my heartbeat in my throat taste it use it at your own rhythm until i sweat because you know the curve of pain impact wait wait when? oh now...coming on hot hot oh my recede...move away smack skin sweat leather pull me tug me up and down tease me... bruise my lips more faster more then you let me up and expect that I'll play Barry white and make you tea w/vanilla milk no no that denies the jungle that is deep in me...dna somewhere only the strap can reach and i will sing the song of desire deep and hard primitive time and tide so far into the jungle that you will never be confused as you walk into that other world full of pencils and printers and little square keys my love your power

Sunnyfey -> RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders (9/5/2008 4:48:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kiyari quote: ORIGINAL: Asherdelampyr it would be good if there was an option for "unsure" I am thinking, that it might be useful, for 'Switch' to have sub-qualifiers, along the lines of ~ > Inclined towards: Sub/Bottom > Inclined towards: Top/Domly > Genuinely Libertine...err, Neutral. Yanno, like in D&D: Good-neutral, Pure-neutral, Chaotic-neutral I often chose Druid grins snickers so are us sadistic Switches the Chaotic neutral? Lets get out the D20's and do this the right way!!

chinatownmike -> RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders (9/5/2008 7:39:25 PM)
All the more reason labels suck. -Chinatown Mike

impishlilhellcat -> RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders (9/5/2008 8:41:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: underhisthumb I identify as a switch because well, I tend to want to submit to men and be dominant with women. In fact, I have a couple of men ask me to top them, and while I can lend myself tot he BDSM side of it and wield a flogger or tie up their cocks, I cannot really feel any true power over them. There is no true M/s or D/s element for me, even when they are licking my boots and Im telling them what pathetic little boys they are. For me it is all a perfomance. It just doesn't "mesh" with who I am, if you will. Someone once told me that would make me the perfect pro Domina, but I dont know. Women however, for some reason I almost always tend to find myself needing the power exchange and flow with me as the dominant being. Dont get me wrong, I can be topped by a woman, especially at Master's command. But I guess the more natural state for me is to want to be the one in control and not vice versa. I dont think that probablly helps any, but thats where I identify myself. I think that actually about pretty much sums it up for me too.

ShyAllison1919 -> RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders (10/17/2008 10:34:03 PM)
I'm new to this community and the concept of "switch" -- and I find this particular discussion fascinating. It reminds me of the frequent battles between crossdressers and transsexuals. The smartest resolution to those disputes, which may apply to this analogous situation, is simply to respect people's decision to identify as they choose, without external judgment. For others to claim to know who we are better than ourselves is arrogant and frequently inaccurate. Thanks for the education!

fearghus -> RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders (10/21/2008 10:33:49 AM)
I find that labels are useful and needed to give a person a basic sense of communication of comcepts - but far too often we get caught up in the labels, we let the labels wear us, rather than the other way around ;) "Switch" is practically a meaningless term around here because when a person uses it, there really is no communication about what that means - except perhaps "other" when compared to the conventional BDSM labels. At any rate, I don't want to play with a Domme or a Sub etc. I want to play with a person. I will take each person as just that - an individual with their own desires and idiosyncracies. I will respect their chosen label as a limitied comminuque regarding their basic likes, but I will also take the time to find out about the person - their complexities. And I will try to remember that any label is never meant to be all defining.

lunar7 -> RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders (10/27/2008 11:05:01 PM)
and that's the only problem with the "switch" category that doesn't apply to D/s categories - the catch-all for outsiders aspect of it. that's why new members should have option to select something like BDSM-curious for the first little while if they are getting into it first time. It's a whole other ball game than people who know they will be switches the rest of their lives, and they will never "drift" into becoming more dominant or submissive. Another valid sub-cat mentioned already is people who are dom to one sex and sub to the other - that will probably never change. but if i found myself in a group situation with both genders i would probably just as switch to either gender equally - it's really about profiling a person and getting into the really deep psychology to do them a favour - find out what they are going for and seeing if you can show them it can be taken further than they think it can. this always ends up playing out with you as the Dom (talkin to other full switches here), but then sometimes you can encourage people to apply your ideas with you as sub... i like to space it out though because it's not really genuine when you as a sub give someone an idea of what they can do to you that you would enjoy and then they do it right after. i'm sure you know what i mean

theobserver -> RE: 'Switch' as catch-all for outsiders (10/30/2008 5:23:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Asherdelampyr it would be good if there was an option for "unsure" I agree and totally cosign to this statement. On the other side of CM, I find it telling that you have to pick a "side" so to speak. What if you are unsure?

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