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transition to 24/7 - 10/5/2005 6:29:46 AM

suraya

Posts: 22
Joined: 7/22/2005
Status: offline

i have a question for those that are 24/7. Master and i are headed towards 24/7 in the near future....how does one make that transition? from living as a single person, to now being owned 24/7? i have to admit i am scared half to death. Master can only give me so much advice, and He suggested that i ask my fellow sub/slaves. i am not sure what scares me more, totally and completely giving myself to Him, or disappointing Him. i know i fight that, totally 100% submitting to Him. has anyone else felt like this? or am i just nuts? thanks in advance for any advice.

respectfully,
suri

Post #: 1

RE: transition to 24/7 - 10/5/2005 6:57:36 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Well this fellow slave is going to tell you to go right back to him and ask exactly what expectations will be.

What of chores? What of bills? What of alone time? Are your life schedules compatible? Who will cook? Have either of you lived with someone before? What problems did you have? How often do you plan to play?

And I'm assuming you're already spending some time together, weekends or overnights so you can begin to move together.

Otherwise, simply take your time and expect that some expectations will have to be adjusted. Perhaps you aren't ready for this step yet? There's nothing to gain in rushing.

(in reply to suraya)

Post #: 2

RE: transition to 24/7 - 10/5/2005 8:53:27 AM

plantlady64

Posts: 755
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline

Hello There,
I just moved in with my Master in July. I too had all the fears it would change the dynamics of our relationship in a negative way.
I find we both still are making adjustments in how we want to live our daily lives under the same roof, but overall it's been a huge blessing to us.

If you love each other you can work things out.
I also agree with Emerald. If you feel rushed into things maybe it would be better to wait till you're more comfortable. If you don't want to wait the idea of discussing what to expect your duties to be would help you understand what you should be expecting from your new homelife.

Good Luck,
sub suzanne

(in reply to suraya)

Post #: 3

RE: transition to 24/7 - 10/5/2005 9:43:04 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: suraya

how does one make that transition?

By understanding that sometimes real life happens. Master and I live a life where D/s is a constant undertone, however we are not in D/s mode 24 hours a day.

Everybody needs some alone time every now and then where there are no demands, chores, etc. It recharges your battery and helps prevent burn out. I call them mental health days.

The advice that Em and Suzanne provided is sound.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to suraya)

Post #: 4

RE: transition to 24/7 - 10/5/2005 10:45:06 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

Master and i are headed towards 24/7 in the near future....how does one make that transition?

With LOADS of communication, especially before the transition occurs and continuing afterwards.

quote:

from living as a single person, to now being owned 24/7?

depending on the dynamic you and your Master have agreed upon, being owned 24/7 can be the exact opposite of living as a single person. for this slave, it helps to have Master's expectations of her spelled out out paper and read and meditated on each and every day. Master's pleasure is paramount.

(in reply to suraya)

Post #: 5

RE: transition to 24/7 - 10/5/2005 12:03:31 PM

maleah

Posts: 14
Joined: 10/2/2005
Status: offline

My Dom and I are planning to live together as 24/7 D/s in a few months. But, like OsideGirl I don't see us being in the D/s mode all the time. He will always be my Dom though.

We plan to have a very extensive contract our first year that we will review regularly to see how we are doing. Once the year is up and if we are both still happy I will get my permanent collar and be owned by him.

I think it takes a lot of talking before hand about all the issues you can think of. From the mundane paying bills and grocery shopping, to exactly how much “play time” will be expected.

We are madly in love and new to this lifestyle so we plan to take it slow and explore it all at a pace that won’t put “Us” in danger of failing. *Fingers crossed*

I do worry about disappointing him. I have never lived as a submissive and giving up my choices and changing things about myself like the way I dress, what I eat and how I behave in general will be a huge step for me. Fortunately, he knows me well and looks forward to the challenge.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 6

RE: transition to 24/7 - 10/5/2005 12:19:46 PM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Just accept it- every sub disappoints at some point or another. It's part of training and learning, it happens.

Learning how to learn is a great skill.

Yes it will suck, yes we are perfectionists (which is a type of control freak).

But we move on, we learn and we focus on doing it right, not dwell on doing it wrong.

(in reply to suraya)

Post #: 7

RE: transition to 24/7 - 10/5/2005 1:23:10 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

It is no different than living in any relationship with another. With the exception of some delectable perks added in.
Talk to him about it, he is the only one who can calm your fears. I think everyone everywhere is nervous when it comes to the unknown. Once you try it out you'll probably be in for the adventure of a lifetime.

(in reply to suraya)

Post #: 8

RE: transition to 24/7 - 10/5/2005 1:25:31 PM

ownedjulia

Posts: 218
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline

my tranistion to 24/7 was difficult at first, I had to get used to not having all of my old freedoms. It took time but slowly little problems where worked out (mostly by him say 'Fine. THIS is how it will work!') and now it's second nature.

It takes time but it' worth it.

Julia.

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 9

RE: transition to 24/7 - 10/5/2005 1:51:28 PM

lonewolf05

Posts: 830
Joined: 6/21/2005
Status: offline

ok ok ok i am NOT in the relationship thingy here so "I" am NOT a good one this...
but
transition? in MY eyes...moving from one to another for ME is no different than moving from single to having a wife.
ya just have to...make the best of it...daily. and talk---talk--talk--
MY Mistress and i,..this one AND my 1st.......there is a LOT of talking going on.
"I" have a LOT of issues with Her ideas. a lot of them are over my head. She lives in a white collar world i am from blue collar.....
AND
"I" am NOT one of the "norms" of this lifestyle so there is SOME small confusion there too.
since i only do domestics...no one is tied to no one...it is not as some would expect. i just take it one day at a time..one hour at a time.

good luck to ya.
woofie

_____________________________

"there is no gravity, life sucks!"

(in reply to suraya)

Post #: 10

RE: transition to 24/7 - 10/7/2005 2:01:13 AM

pandoravampire

Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline

If you think of a line from
here to---------------------------------------------------------------------------------here
one end is vanilla, the other is total power exchange slave.
start at the beginning, and slowly work along it together. You will find your place on the continuum that suits you both, and i bet it wont be where you thought it was either lol.

Learn to communicate with each other, THE number one skill you both have to learn at the beginning and continue to learn.

Like any other relationship, it will have good and bad days.
If in doubt, submit.

(in reply to lonewolf05)

Post #: 11

RE: transition to 24/7 - 10/7/2005 6:05:56 AM

sweetpettjenny

Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

one word is so important: Communication

(in reply to suraya)

Post #: 12

RE: transition to 24/7 - 10/7/2005 3:26:33 PM

suraya

Posts: 22
Joined: 7/22/2005
Status: offline

thanks all soooooooooo much for all the feedback. i know what He expects from me, W/we have mapped that out already. in my personal position, i know i cannot live a total 24/7 D/s life. i have my own little family that requires my attention also, and that prevents me from doing some things ALL the time. thankfully Master is very understanding to my other obligations. W/we try to spend as much time together as possible, which is never enough for me, lol. but, i am glad to see that i am not the only one that has had the same fears. Master told me that when i am in doubt just tell myself, WWJCD. that meaning, what would June Cleaver do? ok...so maybe they were not a D/s or M/s couple, but you have to admit, she was a pretty good sub, lol. anyhow, thanks again all for the advice, i do really appreciate it!

hugs to all,
suri

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)

Post #: 13

RE: transition to 24/7 - 10/7/2005 7:13:31 PM

pandoravampire

Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline

Suraya, please reconsider that having children and a family precludes a D/s dynamic.
I have 3, all they see is a mutually respectful loving relationship. One that nurtures the other, provides care and support when times are tough. They probably thought when they were younger, that 'He wears the trousers in our house'. Now older, they have asked questions, and i have been able to answer them, being proud of my relationship, i fed them the 'fairy tale' version. They accept it, as they can see how in love we are.
Is that such a bad example to set children?

My children have watched us disagree, seen how we communicate to solve our difficulties. They are all now really good communicators. They can express themselves assertively without aggression, even the 9 year old. This they learn at my feet, at my side and now for the older two, in life outside our home.

We do not have sex in front of the children. Thats about it. Same as vanilla. You do have to be a little more discreet, no leaving toys around and noise constraints etc, but the dynamic is there, always, it does not go away.

Now the eldest is sexually mature and active, she has questioned why i am able to be a submissive, when she perceives me as a Domme? And to her i have explained it is just BECAUSE i have to take control in most other areas of my life, that this is the most valued space for me to occupy when my time is for ME, not others.

The one thing i did find with having children in our relationship is this - because of the time constraint due to lack of privacy. It slowed the pace we grew at, we were able to really talk and talk and talk, coz we couldnt always play, a positive self fullfilling prophecy if ever there was one.

Just a flag waver for the mother subs amoungst us

(in reply to suraya)

Post #: 14

RE: transition to 24/7 - 10/8/2005 3:38:53 PM

suraya

Posts: 22
Joined: 7/22/2005
Status: offline

thanks pandora, i know its not impossible to have a family in a 24/7 relationship, just that it makes it a bit harder, for the reasons you stated. Master does not expect this to be all scening and me chained to every wall in the house, lol. He knows that i have 2 little Doms that need me also, and He does not take that time away from them. i have slipped a few times and called Him Master when they were around, but now its kind of a little inside joke with my youngest. i don't think its a bad way at all to raise kids, seeing Him be in charge, thats how i was raised, my dad wore the pants in the family, he still does, and my mom was at his beckon call, well, she still is. lol, a D/s relationship of sorts without the kink. i know i need to stop doubting myself so much, i never give myself enough credit. years of being beat down. hard to overcome, but Master and i are working on it, together as a couple and myself with professional help. i know that i will not always be wine and roses, just like any other relationship. i am looking forward to begining O/ur 24/7 life together. fear of the unknown i guess is what it is. its going to be a huge change for me, but, sometimes the most difficult changes are the best ones for us. thanks for the positive reinforcement.

Attachment (1)

_____________________________

~*~His suraya~*~

(in reply to pandoravampire)

Post #: 15

RE: transition to 24/7 - 10/8/2005 3:49:53 PM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

suraya... congratulations on finding your One... what a wonderful adventure to have!

(in reply to suraya)

Post #: 16

RE: transition to 24/7 - 10/8/2005 4:42:14 PM

Veritasluxmea

Posts: 19
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

How do you do it? What's involved? I'm a complete novice so please excuse the ignorance. Do you just give up all your rights? What does it entail? Are you not a submissive if you want some independence? I don't want to sound like a fool, but I'm really questioning the lifestyle and want to find out as much as I can. Thanks!

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 17

RE: transition to 24/7 - 10/8/2005 5:28:48 PM

theRose4U

Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

How do you do it? What's involved? I'm a complete novice so please excuse the ignorance. Do you just give up all your rights? What does it entail? Are you not a submissive if you want some independence? I

Every arrangement is unique. What the OP may find works in her relationship may not be what floats your boat. Welcome to the boards have a look around & take notes on what works for you.

Just an afterthought FYI if someone tells you that you aren't "real' because you think, feel or want ___...RUN don't walk away.

< Message edited by theRose4U -- 10/8/2005 5:30:24 PM >

(in reply to Veritasluxmea)

Post #: 18

RE: transition to 24/7 - 10/9/2005 6:32:54 AM

ownedjulia

Posts: 218
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

quote:

How do you do it? What's involved? I'm a complete novice so please excuse the ignorance. Do you just give up all your rights? What does it entail? Are you not a submissive if you want some independence? I

Every arrangement is unique. What the OP may find works in her relationship may not be what floats your boat. Welcome to the boards have a look around & take notes on what works for you.

Just an afterthought FYI if someone tells you that you aren't "real' because you think, feel or want ___...RUN don't walk away.

well said.

For me, It basically involves giving up MOST of my rights. I can no longer go off and do things on my own, I need permission.
I have my own job and thats mine - he has no say over what i do or how i do it. if i got promoted or there was some other change in my job he would not have a say in that. That is the only area of my life that is *mine* everything else belongs to him.

_____________________________

~julia
owned slave and proud of it!

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 19

RE: transition to 24/7 - 10/9/2005 1:53:12 PM

harmony3709

Posts: 292
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pandoravampire

Suraya, please reconsider that having children and a family precludes a D/s dynamic.
I have 3, all they see is a mutually respectful loving relationship. One that nurtures the other, provides care and support when times are tough. They probably thought when they were younger, that 'He wears the trousers in our house'. Now older, they have asked questions, and i have been able to answer them, being proud of my relationship, i fed them the 'fairy tale' version. They accept it, as they can see how in love we are.
Is that such a bad example to set children?

My children have watched us disagree, seen how we communicate to solve our difficulties. They are all now really good communicators. They can express themselves assertively without aggression, even the 9 year old. This they learn at my feet, at my side and now for the older two, in life outside our home.

We do not have sex in front of the children. Thats about it. Same as vanilla. You do have to be a little more discreet, no leaving toys around and noise constraints etc, but the dynamic is there, always, it does not go away.

Now the eldest is sexually mature and active, she has questioned why i am able to be a submissive, when she perceives me as a Domme? And to her i have explained it is just BECAUSE i have to take control in most other areas of my life, that this is the most valued space for me to occupy when my time is for ME, not others.

The one thing i did find with having children in our relationship is this - because of the time constraint due to lack of privacy. It slowed the pace we grew at, we were able to really talk and talk and talk, coz we couldnt always play, a positive self fullfilling prophecy if ever there was one.

Just a flag waver for the mother subs amoungst us

This was a bit of encouragement I needed right about now, so thanks for the success story of a D/s relationship and having a family in the house. I am in my first long-term relationship and while we are not 24/7 as in living together, we are 24/7 as in I am Master's slave 24/7. I have three teenagers and it has been.........interesting.........trying to manage maintaining the M/s dynamic of our relationship while having them in the house and around us so much. It goes without saying that any play is impacted, but other things are impacted as well.

We've only been together six months now, so still learning and going slowly in building our relationship, which as Master says, my children are part of as he owns all of me. I also like watching them getting to know him as well, which with teenagers of course, can be very dangerous territory! (LOL)

I wish CM would have a board devoted to having a BDSM relationship when families are involved. I was involved in a group that did and it was actively used and some really good topics came up.

Thanks again for the positive note, pandora!

Blessed be,
harmony

(in reply to pandoravampire)

Post #: 20

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