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In a Rut - 4/3/2008 10:28:38 AM

littleone35

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I was talking to a g/f yesterday and she says that it seems that her and her Dom are in a rut. She said i love everything he does to me but he never wants to do anything different. I told her she should talk to him about it not me.

I am lucky my Master is very creatative.

Does anone know any sites other then sirkelly where she can get a list for her Dom?

Does anyone else ever fell like they are in a rut?

Matt's littleone

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RE: In a Rut - 4/3/2008 11:25:06 AM

Poetryinpain

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I haven't reached "rut" stage yet. I'm still in a learning curve, and I get a little something new each time, along with a promise that "someday I'm gonna get such-and-such." The apprehension and anticipation is what keeps me a little damp between sessions.

I would hope that when I find a 'permanent' Dom, he'll be one who likes to venture into new territory and push boundaries without pushing hard limits. I like going into new territory, but I also like repeating something I love once in a while for the sake of nostalgia.

pip, growing in masochism

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RE: In a Rut - 4/3/2008 12:24:21 PM

FRSguy

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I dont know of any sites but damn I would love to put one together for it. I have noticed a lot of people have this problem and its a problem... I just never have...LOL

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RE: In a Rut - 4/3/2008 12:37:05 PM

TwistedLeather

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We're not in a rut. We're content with where we're at. Sometimes things are the same, and other times it's a new experience. It's a matter of having variety, and also knowing that in our love, we're both satisfied with BDSM play just as much as the times when all we do is cuddle up together and watch a movie. It's a happy life.

In the beginning things are intense and exciting. As time passes, that grows into something different. Something strong and stable. Something safe and secure. The fire hasn't died out, it's simply changed the way it burns.

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RE: In a Rut - 4/3/2008 12:51:55 PM

toservez

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TwistedLeather

We're not in a rut. We're content with where we're at. Sometimes things are the same, and other times it's a new experience. It's a matter of having variety, and also knowing that in our love, we're both satisfied with BDSM play just as much as the times when all we do is cuddle up together and watch a movie. It's a happy life.

In the beginning things are intense and exciting. As time passes, that grows into something different. Something strong and stable. Something safe and secure. The fire hasn't died out, it's simply changed the way it burns.

I liked this very much. There is a difference between experiencing all the newness of things with another person and falling into routines based on what works best and what I often call newness fetish where the excitement and joy of things is more for the sake of them being new to a person then anything else.

If it is the latter then that is an issue over a long term relationship that will be tough to solve as I think the post I quoted shows a more successful and realistic way life goes. But if this is the way a person’s life is and it is all exactly the same and in the same routine then there can be things done and they should be done. I with others would I am always on the look out to see ideas of what can be done.

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RE: In a Rut - 4/3/2008 2:26:28 PM

metalmiss

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i was in a rut once.. its not a nice feeling.
In my case it was general incompatibility & a severe lack of desire for anyone BUT the girl that was sharing his bed..
Glad this sounds like a much simpler problem *smiles*
Hope it works out. x

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RE: In a Rut - 4/3/2008 2:28:45 PM

metalmiss

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TwistedLeather

We're not in a rut. We're content with where we're at. Sometimes things are the same, and other times it's a new experience. It's a matter of having variety, and also knowing that in our love, we're both satisfied with BDSM play just as much as the times when all we do is cuddle up together and watch a movie. It's a happy life.

In the beginning things are intense and exciting. As time passes, that grows into something different. Something strong and stable. Something safe and secure. The fire hasn't died out, it's simply changed the way it burns.

Now that is beautiful.. Its also exactly what my relationship is like with my Master (with the exception of the "L" word though). Certainly made me smile.

< Message edited by metalmiss -- 4/3/2008 2:30:44 PM >

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RE: In a Rut - 4/3/2008 4:12:45 PM

Lynnxz

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Awe :( Ruts suck.

Fortunately, with my dom that I play with currently, it's not a problem at all... If one of us gets bored, the other comes up with something completely off the wall to try. Case in point: Trying a shibari tie, then threading a fishhook thru the piercing holes in my tongue and tying it off somewhere... dunno where yet. Some times the stuff we come up with may flop, but hey, it's still lots of fun coming up with things.

Tell her to take him to a fetish club.. watch some D/s porn... get him a gift certificate to a site like ExtremeRestraints.com... invite a girlfriend over for a threesome.... all of these things would involve the dom being open to suggestion. If he's not, tough luck I guess. I couldn't handle that though.

< Message edited by Lynnxz -- 4/3/2008 4:13:16 PM >

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RE: In a Rut - 4/3/2008 4:29:01 PM

DesFIP

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Bondagedotcom has good checklists.

Beyond that, why shouldn't she be in charge of creativity? Let her find new stuff and gather what's necessary to do the scene, and ask him if he could please do x, and coincidently here's a box containing all the items.

She can write him an erotic story, send him a link, etc. They can each write down a fun thing they haven't yet done and put the papers in a big jar, and then pull one out at random.

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RE: In a Rut - 4/3/2008 7:01:43 PM

Missokyst

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I think anything could get into a rut. Relationships are work, and that means even work in keeping things fresh.
I think this is why I have so many issues with people's views on "topping from the bottom"
I think if an idea will spark some change, some freshness, some new sensation is a good place to explore. Too many people I see have problems asserting their needs, or accepting that someone might wish to try something new. For a lifestyle that is supposed to have advantages in sexual exploration, this one is too hung up on protocal for me. Why is the thought that someone might want something so threatening to their partner?
Topping from the bottom? Or is it really expressing a need to expand on the passion you already share?
Dull for me means someone is not doing their part.
Kyst

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RE: In a Rut - 4/3/2008 8:39:09 PM

azropedntied

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Best way i have to get outta a rut , take a break and recharge your creative juices .Recharge your personal battery too .Observation , reading ,attending a bdsm leather event ,seem to motivate me after i am recharged too . Buy a new something like flogger or whatever to expand the exchange , learn that new skill try that new thing you have been wanting to try .
Writting in a journal can also lend insight .

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RE: In a Rut - 4/3/2008 8:40:08 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Actually you'll find tons more resources in the vanilla world on this topic than here. It's the same problem, just different relationship dynamics.

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RE: In a Rut - 4/3/2008 9:25:25 PM

lubegirl

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..........Never in a rut, we are merely dancing diverse styles of tango,
and HE is always leading

lubegirl

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RE: In a Rut - 4/4/2008 5:44:28 PM

BBWnNC72

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i love my Dominant and He says He loves me too, but we are in a rut also. Not for the lack of ideas, desires and such, but for health reasons and schedules. He hasn't been feeling well at all and when He has one of those days, He just doesn't feel like playing or anything. And with me just discovering this whole new exciting world, well, i want to try it all right now!
It is just something that we have to deal with and hopefully when His insurance goes through and He goes and sees a Dr. things will get better.

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i am who i am, i am not ashamed. spank me, beat me, bite me, pull my hair, dominate me, control me, but always respect me for who i am.

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