quote:

ORIGINAL: TermsConditions



Very, very good points MsStarlett. There are real costs to any effort.

Professionally, I primarily vend my time so I'm very much in touch with tangible and time (opportunity) costs involved in any endevour. Domming" (verb, meaning to domme) seems like a huge investment in time and energy at the very least regardless of one's professional status.

It would seem that any successful relationship is a common effort requiring an equitable investment of all parties. Whether the currency is time, attention, emotional involvement, control, blood, sweat, toil and tears, or tangible benefits such as security, practical necessities, or even cash-credit-charge. 

Looking at such questions through the lens of "the lifestyle" seems to reveal and emphasise relational tensions to a high level of relief. Maybe this explains part of my fascination with the whole thing.

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha

The person who pursues is the person who pays -- figuratively, literally. In time, energy and effort.   Some subs imagine that a real domina or the domina of his dream pursues, and he's the prey.  Or at the very least, she's making the advances, and he's captured in her spell.  This is all fine and good, but if no one is interested in him, he's not going to be pursued, end of story. 

I enjoy being the predator.  That's my ideal role.  That said, I don't require personal partners to pay nor do I want gifts from them if I am seeking a purely kinky encounter.  But I have to be the one pursuing, and I have to be interested.  Simply saying, "I am available," does not interest me. If there is not some attraction, I won't be interestd in putting the time, effort, and money into the process.  Too many subs say, "Try me, you'll like me!" and don't realize they are the 100th guy to say that.  The process of "trying out"  a man - getting to know him, pursuing him, takes time, energy, effort and sometimes money.  Some femdoms believe that men should compensate for this "tire kicking" period. I don't subscribe to that - I simply don't pursue the men that don't immediately interest me.

I find MUCH better luck being the one to pursue, in real life or in places like this.  I feel it's more a position of power.

Akasha

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ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer

I want a tribute.  I want anyone who contacts me to take five minutes to READ MY FUCKING PROFILE and have intelligent, friendly, non-sleazy conversation about some of my vanilla interests to offer.  That's tribute, and it's what I want.  If I don't get it, we're done.  I'm picky that way.

Realistically, it ain't happening.  That is not what the typical man on an adult site wants to give a domme.  They honestly would rather pay money for instant fetish gratification than to take the time to make friends and get to know a dominant woman as a person before demanding "Do me." 

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ORIGINAL: Wheldrake
Wandering horribly off topic, threads about "tribute" always remind me of a fantasy in which I'm a citizen of a small country that has been defeated in war, or perhaps one that simply suffers under the hegemony of a larger and more powerful state. My small country sends annual tribute (see, there is a connection) to the larger and more powerful one, in the form of money, goods, and an agreed number of slaves. One year, I patriotically volunteer to help make up the quota of slaves, and find myself seized, stripped, and put in chains by soldiers from my own country. They march me across the border with the rest of the tribute to be delivered to the decadent and inventively cruel Empress of the larger nation, who of course is interesting on multiple levels. So I'd much prefer not to have to pay tribute, at least of the monetary variety, but I think it would be incredibly hot to be tribute.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer

I want a tribute.  I want anyone who contacts me to take five minutes to READ MY FUCKING PROFILE and have intelligent, friendly, non-sleazy conversation about some of my vanilla interests to offer.  That's tribute, and it's what I want.  If I don't get it, we're done.  I'm picky that way.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wheldrake
Wandering horribly off topic, threads about "tribute" always remind me of a fantasy in which I'm a citizen of a small country that has been defeated in war, or perhaps one that simply suffers under the hegemony of a larger and more powerful state. My small country sends annual tribute (see, there is a connection) to the larger and more powerful one, in the form of money, goods, and an agreed number of slaves. One year, I patriotically volunteer to help make up the quota of slaves, and find myself seized, stripped, and put in chains by soldiers from my own country. They march me across the border with the rest of the tribute to be delivered to the decadent and inventively cruel Empress of the larger nation, who of course is interesting on multiple levels. So I'd much prefer not to have to pay tribute, at least of the monetary variety, but I think it would be incredibly hot to be tribute.

Being a gamer geek and cosplay fetishist, that fantasy makes me hot.    Come to think of it, TermsCondition's description of the hunt and the kill does it too.  :)